


The trip to you

by charlyflowers



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, And Of Course - Freeform, Art, Bipolar Disorder, Blow Jobs, Caretaking, Does that exist?, Don't care, Don't know, Even's mean, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Hate to Love, I mean it's Isak and Even what do you expect, Insomania, Isak hates Even so much, Love, M/M, Science, Sexual Content, Sports, Sweet, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Volleyball, but only in the beginning, caretaking in general, cinema, just like Isak, trip to Germany, uni trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-08 05:39:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 148,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12248100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlyflowers/pseuds/charlyflowers
Summary: Isak hates Even. He hates him with all his heart.What a pity the art class is also coming to the trip to Germany.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> So I had this idea for a bit but only started now because of time and stuff.
> 
> Hope you like it, I just wanted some friction between our boys, but the fluff is of course no question, it will just take it's time.
> 
> Enjoy!<3

Isak was angry.

The second the lecture was over he jumped up from his chair and rushed out of the room. With big furious steps he made his way through the other students, bumped in a few and finally stepped of the green building.

He took a deep breath and noticed that that made him even more furious.

“What?“, he hissed at a small looking student who stared at him curiously. He startled and walked away. Isak looked around for something to kick, found a bicycle leaning against the wall and kicked it out of the way. It fell to the ground with a shuttering noise.

Wasn't allowed to be there anyway.

Isak gritted his teeth and began to walk out of the area of the campus, following the river of the other people who wanted to get home.

When he arrived at his station he noticed he had forgotten his book. He groaned and ignored the looks from the other people because fuck them.

_Today everything is shit._

His phone rang and the noise was annoying in Isak's eyes. Why did he choose such a dumb song?

“What?“, he mumbled into the speaker while he stepped from one leg to the other. He needed to set his anger free, otherwise something would get destroyed very soon. Or someone.

“Woh, what has gotten into you, a studen?“ Jonas sounded as calm and chill as always and today even that was annoying.

Isak's answer was a deep breath.

“Okay, okay, what's wrong, dude?“

“I hate this uni. I hate all of this, I'm not doing this anymore!“

“Isak, you're doing it for half a year and you love it.“

“Well, not anymore.“

“Okay, tiger, spill it.“

Isak looked at his free hand. It was clenched to a fist and trembled a litte.

“Today was basketball again.“

There was along silence on the other side. Then: “Oh, Isak...“

“I know, it shouldn't make me that angry“, Isak said frustrated, “but you should have heard him, it was so... so...“ Isak couldn't find words to describe his feeling.

“Dude“, Jonas sighed, “you need to get over this. You don't know him and-“

“Exactly! Why would he do something like this if he doesn't know me, huh? I don't get it!“ Isak stamped on the ground. “I hate him!“

Now Jonas laughed. “You're sounding like a 4 years old. Just ignore him.“

“Just because _you_ are getting well along with him doesn't mean...“

“I barely know him, okay, we just met at a party and he is in the same technology class.“

“Yes, I know and you two get along so well“, Isak scoffed. Jonas sighed. “Isak. He's chill. And nothing more. I don't know why he don't like you but you should just drop it okay? Don't let him bring you down. I can talk to him if you want.“

“No! Jesus!“ The last thing he wanted was a babysitter who dealed with his stuff. Isak rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I just wish he would just... ignore me or something“, he said. He felt his anger disappearing. What was left was bitter frustration.

Jonas hummed sympathetically. “I know, man. Next time ask Julian if he protects you.“

Isak let out a laugh. “Please not“, he said.

“Poor guy. He should get over your ugly face and find himself a better one. You know, one, who isn't complaining 24/7.“

“Fuck you.“

“Love you, too. Oh, wait, I got to go. See you, okay?“

“Tomorrow?“

“Yes, we can hang out at mine?“

„Nice. Say hi to Eva.“

“Will do. You can make it, Issy K!“

With a headshake, Isak cancelled the connection and shoved his phone back into his pocket. It had helped a bit but he felt still a boiling feeling in his chest. It was just holding back for the moment.

The train arrived and he entered the overload vehicle. Shooting looks at everyone with a seat he made it to the middle and held onto the contaminated by bacteria pole.

He would be home in a few minutes. He sighed and shoved his hand in his pocket, fishing for his headphones.

 

.

 

“Baby gay, you are home?“

“Who else?“, Isak shouted back when he entered the appartment, throwing his shoes and his backpack in the corner.

“Oh,, someone's mad. As always.“

“I'm not mad always, what the fuck, Eskild!“

“Mmh. Whatever helps you to sleep at night.“

Isak just showed him the finnger and closed his bedroomdor loudly.

He let himself fall on the bed and burried his head in his blue pillow. Then he spent good ten minutes to hitting and kicking his bed while screaming into the sheets.

When he didn't have any air left, he rolled to the side and gasped for air. He felt exhausted and tired and it was not even four in the afternoon.

Great.

He needed to complete his assignment for tomorrow. He needed to visit his mum and to talk to his dad. And he needed to buy food.

But before he did that he did, what he did every time when it was some of these days. He got his phone and opened Instagram. He then scrolled down until he found the last post from Elias.

Isak liked Elias. He was the older brother of Sana, his best friend at uni. Who was friends with Eva as well, which was funny.

Isak went on Elias' profile and there it was.

Many photos of Elias and a few of Sana and of his girlfriend – and lots of him and his friends. Isak narrowed his eyes and glared at them.

Actually just at one of them, laughing while one of the other boys tried to climb his back.

“I hate you“, he mumbled to the picture.

The boy at the picture just looked at him, frozen in the moment, careless about Isak's harme.

He then sighed, got up into a sitting position and rubbed his feet against each other.

_Just one week. Just one week and I have two weeks off of all the problems._

That lightened his mood a little and a bit less grumpy he got up properly to finish his assignment.

 

.

 

Isak's dream had always been something with science. It was fascinating to him and he wanted to be like Marie Curie, Einstein, Heisenberg or Darwin.

Yes, high picked targets but Isak was only a little kid when he thought he was the best and could do anything he wanted.

Then his parents fought with each other every night and little Isak had to sleep under a pillow to muffle the swearing and crying that came up the stairs.

He ran away when he was sixteen and only returned under the condition that they would get divorced.

They did and it got a bit easier after that. Until the doctors found out what was going on in his mum's head and from now his dad had the perfect excuse for everything. Wasn't his fault, though, it was always his mother and her schizophrenic brain.

Isak hated his father and stayed at his mother's. He barely slept or had time for himself becaus he had to always keep an eye on her but he ignored the pleading of his dad to send her away.

When he came home one day to found her throwing things out of the window he cried and called Jonas. Together with Jonas' parents they managed to calm Marianne down and she got hospitalized for a few days.

Isak fell asleep on Jonas' lap and when he woke up he was in Jonas' room, wrapped up in a blanket.

He learned that appearently Jonas' dad and his dad had a long serious conversation about him and that, if nothing would change, Jonas's parents would do something.

Isak's dad agreed finally and then he talked to Isak, apoligized over and over again and Isak just nooded with an empty face.

Of course they took his mum after that. Three months she had to stay there until they allowed her to go home and get a daily nurse. For that time he lived with his dad.

Isak found himself a shared appartment. He wanted to escape his mother. He wanted to live his own life.

And Isak forced himself every moth to visit her in his childhood house. He hated it. Everything reminded him of the good times.

And he didn't look Marianne in the eyes because somehow there was still anger inside him, even on his own mother. Because he had to take care of her even it was supossed the other way around. Because of so many things. And she always looked at him with big sad eyes and he just. He couldn't bear it.

His father showed up every few months to look how his son was doing. Isak didn't care. He told him about his grades and Jonas and a bit about Eskild and Linn and that was it. Terje didn't know about Isak's sexuality and he didn't bother to tell him. It wasn't his business anymore.

He found an university in Oslo and he was glad, because he still wanted to be near his mother. Even if he was angry, even if he was mad.

It was a university for science, art and technology and Isak loved it. He loved it and enjoyed the hell ot of it. He hooked up a few times but nothing more. Every time someone asked about his family he stepped back and messed it up.

So he was still single and Jonas kept teasing him about it. Jonas studied technology even though Isak kept telling he should become a philosopher.

Isak was glad Jonas didn't changed the city. He said he liked his hometown. 

When they were at the revue party of the university they amost get caught if they wouldn't had hid in a bush outside. With them was a guy who was so stoned that he looked like a vampire. His name was Magnus. And after one hour in the bush and a mushed brain from smoking, they became best freinds, until today.

They went to their lectures and visited parties and hooked up until Jonas found Eva. Isak liked her a lot and was glad for his friend because he deserved a nice girlfriend after this horrible Emma.

In Isak's biology class he met Mahdi, a completely chill guy and they quickly became friends. In his class also was a intimidating girl with a strong look and wore almost every day black clothes. One day she sat next to Isak and he made a comment about the theory of evolution and they got into a heated debate which ended almost in a fight.

The next day the girl, Sana, came to him to apologize and he shrugged and said it was okay. She nodded and sat next to him and from this day they were friends.

So, Isak's life was chill. More chill than a few years before at least. And he was grateful for that.

Everything was good. Okay, not _good_. But on a better way.

There was just this damn boy who messed all of this up.

 

.

 

“Hey, man, you're looking like shit“, was Magnus comment as soon as Isak showed up at the corner of the campus.

“Thanks, Mags“, he yawned and ran a hair through his messy courls.

“What have you done?“, asked Mahdi. Jonas looked at his best friend but Isak just shook his head lightly. “Nothing“, he murmured, “just visited my mum.“

Magnus and Mahdi nodded in symphaty. Magnus' mum was bipolar. It was something different, of course, but it helped a lot when someone knew how it felt. By the way, Magnus' mum was probably the funniest person he knew. Every time they visited her she laughed around, mocked his son and made them pancakes.

“How's she?“, Jonas asked carefully. Isak shrugged. “It's okay“; he answered. Then he cleared his throat. “So, what's up today?“

“Football training.“

isak groaned. “No!“, he shouted, “no, please not.“

Jonas laughed and poked him in the side, “come on, he won't kill you.“

“Hopefully“, Isak mumbled.

The university had four sport clubs to offer. Basketball, football, cheerleading and swimming.

It wasn't some fancy athletic club, just for fun and a few times there were even competitions.

Isak had only agreed to one of them because he didn't have the time for gym anymore and wanted to do something to stay fit.

And also because almost everyone was in some social group. And because he was being forced by Magnus, Mahdi and Jonas.

“Okay, let's go then!“, cheered Jonas and clapped him on the back.

“The day is over“, Isak said dramatically.

“You could knock him out and pretend it was an accident“, Magnus suggested. “Even if I still don't get what you did to him.“

“ _He_ did, Mags, _he_! I did nothing at all!“

“Nobody knows, why, Magnus, it's the great campus-secret“, Mahdi laughed.

“Great that my suffering is a joy for you“, Isak mumbled.

“Aw, Isak, no, we will protect you“, said Magnus and put an arm around him, which Isak immediately shook annoyed off of him.

“But ey, maybe the cheerleaders are also there this time, I need to say hi to Vilde.“

“Dude, you will never reach that“, Jonas pointed out.

“Ugh, just watch me, Jonas, I'm so good at talking with girls.“

“Oh yeah, like the last time, when you told her about your sex dream with her?“ Mahdi started laughing loudly and Magnus shoved him into a bush. “That was a very interisting dream“, he insisted while Isak helped Mahdi out of the bush, “and she seemed so curious and...“

“Dude, you scared her away.“ Isak joined the mocking. “And if not I'm afraid.“

“Oh, you're one to talk“, Magnus scoffed, “when are you getting laid again, huh?“

“None of your damn business“, Isak grumbled and speeded up his steps.

 

.

 

The training was at two in the afternoon and Isak and his team arrived a bit before the other.

Someone (and Isak knew this someone was a cruel person who wanted Isak to suffer) had decided that it would be a lovely idea if the guys from the basketball- and the footballteam would do the warming up together.

Because of the social interactive crap.

Great.

Isak sat on the grass, chewing on a blade of grass and trying to be calm and nice, when the other players showed up.

Isak spottedYousef at first , talking with Adam while they came closer. They both greeted Isak and he greeted back.

Jonas looked around, stopped doing stretches and said: “He's not there. Your lucky day, Issy.“ He winked and Isak threw grass at him.

It wasn't Isak's lucky day.

When their teachers arrived and started splitting them up to pairs, a long skinny body slided around the corner and stopped at the field.

Isak suppressed a groan and looked away.

“Sorry I'm late, I had to do something“, he heard the boy say.

“Ugh, sorry, man“, Jonas whispered.

“Shut up“, hissed Isak.

He kept looking to the ground while doing the warm ups with Jonas. But then the teachers had the glorious idea to play the game dodgeball and Isak ended up being in his team.

And now it came. It came every time.

“Nice shorts, Valtersen“, he said and grinned at him. “Are you trying to hit on me?“

“Fuck you, Bech Næsheim“, Isak mumbled and ducked his head while the ball flew over him.

“Oh, was that an offer?“ Even grinned mischivously. Then he quickly threw his body to the ground to escape the ball.

“As I would ever fuck you“, scoffed Isak very quietly, while he watched Even getting up again and wiping the dirt from his knees.

The next second the ball amost hit his side.

“Attention, Valtersen“, his coach yelled. 

Isak cursed and ran to the other side of the field.

“At least try to play with us“, Even said when he ran past him. 

“It wasn't my fault, asshole, I-“

“Down, Isak!“

Isak let himself fall to the ground without thinking. And the ball hit his butt very accurate.

“What the...“

Furious with anger Isak got up and looked around.

Even was standing behind him. His blue eyes twinkled in amusement. “Whops“, he said.

“You...“

“You got hit, Valtersen, off the field!“

Isak considered his possibilities either to kill Even right here or just choking him until the most of the brain cells were dead. Weren't much anyway.

But in the end he just ran off the field and on the other side.

“Nice move, Valtersen“, grinned one of his mates.

“Fuck off“, he scoffed and sat down. He was shaking and his cheeks burned from embarassment. He didn't try to catch the ball and hit an opponent. He just sat in the grass and watched Even Bech Næsheim and imagined different ways of killing him.

It was always like this. Always Even found a way to hit a nerve in him. Isak could try as often as he wanted to ignore him. He simply couldn't. And he didn't even knew why he did it. He never had insulted Even, they didn't even speak to each other before that. Except that one party where they met for the first time but Isak didn't remember much of that because someone hit him accidently after that and he was knocked out pretty bad. He only remembered having a quite good time with Even. If he thought hard, he even believed that they had flirted pretty violently.

But when Isak went to uni the first day and looked for sulky blonde hair he didn't found the right one. And one week later, when he finally spotted Even in a corner all by himself and he greeted him with a big smile, all he got was a small nod before he stood up and walked away from him.

And that was the beginning. Even kept saying things to him every time they met. And Isak had absolutely no idea why. And that made him furious. But he would never ask him why because that would mean he would care about what Even Bech Næsheim thought about him.

The worst thing was not, that he teased and mocked and always wore this _stupid_ smile.

It was his appearence and his looking.

Isak could turn it over and over again, the facts were there. Bech Næsheim looked fucking georgeus. And because Isak was only human he was very susceptible for that.

He tried to ignore it, he really really tried, but he couldn't help but stare when Even changed in the locker room and wore nothing than a damn boxer. Wasn't Isak's fault his abs shined from sweat in the dazzling light of the room. Wasn't his fault his thighs looked pale and strong and fucking _sinewy_.

That alone he could handle maybe. There were plenty hot boys at his uni. But because the universe had chosen him to be the ultimative pathetic boy, it had given Bech Næsheim also a beautiful face, more beautiful than the half of the girls here. He had long lashes and a long straight nose and full lips. About his cheekbones and the jawline Isak didn't dare to think about when he was under people. And his eyes. Oh god. When he could just ignore all of his features he was so lost when it came to his eyes.

Because _have you seen that eyes_? The intensity of that look?

Yeah. Not the very best requirements to get over him like Jonas would say.

But Isak worked hard to get there. He stayed strong and didn't allow himself any of that thoughts. Was bad enough to hear half of the campus telling about him.

Yes, the girls and boys of the campus weren't blind. And Even Bech Næsheim for sure was one of the most coveted boys at the uni. And nobody seemed to know much about him or his squad. Well, the last one was rubbish, Isak knew Elias and Yousef and they were normal guys. But it seemed to be right that Even was like a mystery. As far as Isak knew Even didn't have a girfriend and also didn't try to get one. Which was quite dumb if you would ask him. Because if _he_ would be one of the hottest guys he would take what he could get.

But like he said, he wasn't interested in thinking about Bech Næsheim.

“And... out!“, his coach yelled. “green team wins!“

The one half cheered and clapped each other on the backs. Isak got up and trotted over to Jonas.

“Congrats, butty.“

“What?!“

Jonas laughed. “Come on, it looked funny.“

Isak was speechless. “Well, good for you that you can laugh about that“, he scoffed, turned around and walked away.

“Isak. Hey! Don't be a drama queen.“

The training was not better. Isak didn't manage to score and his trainer got more impatient with him.

“Now come on, what's going on today, Valtersen?“

“Oh, nothing“, Isak murmured, just in time when the basketball guys cheered from the other side of the field because Even had hit the basket.

As soon as the training was over, Isak was the first one who headed to the changing room.

“In one week I'm gone“, he muttered. “And then nobody can harme me.“

“Conducting self-talk?“ Isak didn't turn around at the deep voice. “Your room is not here, Bech Næsheim.“

“Oi, so rude today. But you only know that, right?“

“I learn from the best.“

“Oh.“ Even laughed. How could someone be so mean and still sounding like an angel? “And I can change here as well, Valtersen. But you have a point, I guess. How's your butt?“

“Bad.“

“I could check if you want.“

Now Isak turned around. He glared at Even. “What do yo want from me, asshole?“, he asked while he tried to ignore Even's shirtless body.

He got just a grin. “Why are you always so tensed?“, he asked and now he sounded curious. Isak's fists clenched. “Oh, I don't know, maybe because a freaking arrogant, stupid art student keeps mocking and insulting me?“

“i don't insult you“, Even said, “I have just a bit fun. You need to realx.“

“Oh yeah? I don't see anyone else you're having _fun_ with.“

“Isak, don't put yourself over others. That's not nice“, Even said with a wink. Isak wanted to kill him.

“And by the way...“ Even took a step closer. “Only because you are a science freak you don't need to get ugly. Speaking of being arrogant, you know.“ He smiled, turned around and made his way out.

Isak was speechless. He sat down and burried his head in his hands. He then felt a hand tapping his head softly.

“He will stop someday“, Jonas said.

“Yeah, when I'm dead.“

“Yeah, that could be.“

 

.

 

Isak was tired when he sat down in the library. He always got not much sleep when he visited his mother and together with the training he felt lightly knocked out. But he had to do some research and so he dragged his ass up the stairs.

He liked the library. He loved the quiet, concentrated atmosphere and that nobody was allowed to walk louder than necessarily.

He put down his backpack, got quickly the books he needed and sat down at a desk at the window.

He had worked ten minutes when Magnus showed up.

“Hey man“, he greeted and sat down. Isak didn't respond; he had finally found the right answer in the book and was busy reading it carefully.

“Everybody is talking about you and the hottie again.“

That got him attention. Isak let the book sink. “What?“

“Yeah, there are bets why he is like that and why you are like that.“

“Bets?“

“Mmh. What happened.“

Isak sighed. It wasn't something new; other people noticed how Even treated Isak and they began of course to ask questions. The campus was like the schoolyard: everybody wanted to hear gossip and, if possible, spreading gossip.

“Great“, he said and began to read again.

“Sorry, dude“, Magnus said, „but maybe he's nicer on our trip.“

“Mmh. Sure he will... wait.“ Isak dropped the book again. “What?“

Magnus had started to eat some grapes despite of the prohibition of it. He gave him a pitying look.

“Must suck for you. But hey, we're there and you won't get anything from him probably, they have different stuff...“

“Mags, what are you talking about?“

Magnus paused. He then laid the grapes down and watched Isak with a careful look. “You didn't hear it?“, he ask.

“No, Mags, what should I hear?“, isak said, his inner alarm staring to go off. Magnus grabbed his phone, tipped something and then shoved it over to Isak, who took it and read it with a horrified expression.

 

****

**To everybody who joins the trip to Germany!**

**Dear students,**

**as a result from the cancelled travel to Italy because of the weather, the art students of the second year will join the science and technology classes for the trip to Germany. That is a good practice to get together and make new friends and acquaintances and exchanging your knowlege and experiences.  
The trip starts at the following Monday and is two weeks long. A list with the things you need will get to you if you don't have it already.**

**See you soon.**

****

**Your journey-team**

Isak stared at the few lines, as if h´they would change when he would just stare enough.

“That's a joke“, he said. “That must be joke.“

Magnus looked contrite as if it was his fault the art students weren't in fucking Italy where they belong to. “I know, man, but look, maybe if you and Even would just talk...“

Isak stopped with with one look. He just grabbed his book and held it up so it created a wall between them.

Isak stared at the lines but didn't get one word.

Why the universe hated him that much?

Two weeks. Together with Bech Næsheim. 

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Slept well?“, asked Even and Isak rolled his eyes. “Great, thanks“, he huffed, which got lightly less effective than intended, because he had to yawn again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> That is a bit shorter. Next chapter will be finally Germany and some more interaction with our boys. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

“I'm not going.“

“Isak.“

“I'm not going.“

“You are like a baby.“

“Yes, your baby gay.“

“Isak...“

“No.“

“But think about all the great stuff you will visit in Germany, like-“

“Concentration camps?“

“Isak!“

“Yeah, I know. Ugh. Sorry.“

“Germany has a very interisting history and not only because of some cruel dictator who was nuts.“ Eskild put his mug of tea down and glared at Isak. “Like, the Octoberfest. Or the wall in Berlin.“

“I know, Eskild, I informed myself when I decided to go on this trip.“

He didn't need to know that he only wanted to go to Germany because they had one of the best established labs for science. There was one university which was always open for guests, so Isak really wanted to take a look.

Anything else was sounding not that great in Isak's ears. The only thing which was quite nice was maybe the ocean, but they had that also here. And they headed to late September, so it would be quite cold anyways.

And now an even more annoying factor had shown up. Isak gritted his teeth and sipped his tea.

But of course he would go. He only wanted to bitch a bit because it was really a shame. He wanted nothing more than a few days without caring about his mother and avoiding his father and being mad at Even and now the universe sent him right after him.

But maybe Magnus was right. Even was in the art group, he, Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi in the science and technology group.

(Magnus actually wanted to be a cook, but now he had this wild idea to invent something new and so he started to take the same classes as Jonas, but he kept doing his cooking training. That was quite exhausting for him but he didn't want to give that up.)

They would do different things.

The trip was planned to be fun, education and project in one. If they wanted to go they needed to make an own little project there. That could be anything, like doing research in a special topic and writing an essay about it, learning more about the technology at the schools in Germany. Or just filming the sunset or drawing the seagulls, Isak thought contemptuously.

Of course it was impressive what the students of the art classes were doing. And there were smart heads as well. Actually, very smart. Isak was just pissed.

He had been delighted about a funny trip with his friends, where he would see more of his dreamjob and maybe could relax a little.

And now Even Bech Næsheim would join him.

Okay, they would be a group of sixty people. More weren't allowed to go.

When Isak had confirmed he would join there had been around fourty places which were already taken. Maybe not all of the art students would go?

Isak thought and then shook his head. Of course not everyone could join anymore. The 'art class' was huge, it involved drawing, writing, media, film, music, theater and probably a hundred more Isak couldn't remember now.

There was the possibility Even wouldn't even get the chance to take the trip.

Yes, Isak thought satisfied. Why would he want to Germany? He will stay here.

“Isak?“

Isak looked up.

Eskild was standing in front of him and watched him concerned. “Do you need anything else, baby gay?“

Isak managed to smile. “No, Eskild. But thanks for the tea.“

Eskild smiled back. “Your welcome. It's with vanilla, you know, and lavender.“

He yawned and stretched himself. “I go to bed again. Goodnight, Issy.“ He pulled Isak in a bear-hug. “And you will go to this damn country.“ He let go and headed for the door. In the frame he turned around. “Sure I don't need to stay?“

“No, it's okay, I'm going to bed as well in a minute. Night, guru.“

„Good night.“

Eskild closed the kitchen door just in time when the clock showed him it was two in the morning.

He sighed, put his head into his arms on the table and listened to the ticking of that big ugly kitchen clock.

Jonas was right. It was a big kindergarten. He was an adult, Even was an adult – partly – and Isak had better things to do than bothering about him.

He sigehd again and turned his phone down to hide the notification with twenty six new messages from his mum.

 

.

 

The next days were becoming _these_ days. Days in which his sleep schedule lived like 'fuck it' and left him alone. And no matter what he tried, he didn't get more than three or four hours to sleep in the night.

He made his way to his classes, sat there, listened to his teachers and tried not to fall asleep. Sometimes he managed it. Sometimes he didn't.

Jonas kept asking him if he was okay and every time he nodded and said it was just the stress with the school and his mum and it woud pass. What should he say? He had trouble to sleep since he was a teenager. It had gotten better, but when he got more stress with uni or like mental stress because of his mum and the ignorance of his dad... then the thoughts didn't let him sleep. And sometimes their were periods in which it got very bad. Like now.

He did his homework and worked at his job at this damn coffeshop where nobody ever gave him tips, he payed rent, he dragged himself even to the training and didn't even look up when Even Bech Næsheim called something over the field. He just made his way to his spot with a dull expression and tried not to fall over his own limbs during the training.

When it was over he shuffled to the locker room and slowly started to pull his shirt over his head.

“Wow, compared to a sloth I would bet on the animal I guess.“

Isak looked up briefly. Even was standing in front of him.

He didn't answer, he just kept changing. Today he wasn't able to appreciate Even's features.

He thought he would just walk away - Even never stayed long - but somehow when he turned around with a fresh shirt, he was still there.

“Did you lost something?“ It should sounding mean, but even Isak's voice betrayed him and he managed only a hoarse one without any expression. Even looked him in the face and if it would be not him Isak had thought he had seen something like concern.

“Isak, are you even sleeping?“, he asked. Isak laughed briefly and tiredly. “As if you would care, asshole.“ He packed his stuff and made his way out of the room, bumping his shoulder into Even as he walked past him.

The days flew by and Isak became more and more desperate. When he didn't get to sleep properly how would he be able to go on the trip? He was walking around like a zombie.

He tried to work out, he didn't watch any thrilling things after nine, he ate nothing past six, he made himself a list of the best working sleeping positions, he even listened to a video which should calm him down.

Isak knew this times when sleep was his biggest enemy. It didn't happen that often anymore and he was glad that he was spared since the uni had started. But just now it was the worst timing and he wanted it to be over.

But how it was always with sensible things, he got only more and more tensed up. And when he lied in bed noticing that the sleep didn't want to come to him the thought 'I have to sleep' made everything worse.

On Thursday night he was so desperate that he got up and sneeked into Eskild's bedroom at four in the morning.

Eskild didn't comment on it, he just grunted a bit and made place for Isak. He loved it that Eskild never ask about it but just petted his hair and spooned him until Isak fell finally asleep.

Yeah, that was another thing. Body contact. It made it better Isak had learned. Sometimes he slept at Jonas' for the times he didn't get any sleep but now with Eva, it was quite difficult. What he needed was his personal cuddler. When Isak would be rich and famous he would invent something like this. But for now he had to be satisfied with Eskild. 

So he snuggled deeper into the sheets and tried to steady his breathing.

“Isak?“

“Mmh.“

“You need to change something.“

Isak didn't open his eyes but the tears came anyway. He swallowed them down and pressed his back against Eskild.

“I know“, he whispered. “But I don't know how.“

 

.

 

“...and it would be nice if...Isak, are you even listening?“

“Huh?“

Isak looked up, startled. He was sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for the boys. Five pairs of female eyes looked at him. He shook his head lightly. “Sorry, what did you say?“, he asked and cleared his throat.

Eva gave him a look. “Are you okay? You look horrible.“

“Takk“, he answered, lightly upset. Eva rolled his eyes. “You knwo what I mean, Isak“; she said impatiently, “are you sleeping enough?“

“Do I have to wear a label which says 'Isak Valtersen gets to sleep, stop asking and mind your own fucking business'?“

“Woh, okay okay, chill.“

“Just spill what you want.“

Eva exchanged looks with her friends. Isak didn't know them well, except for Sana, of course. There was Vilde which was the crush of Magnus. She had long blonde hair and a very high pitched voice. Isak was glad she didn't speak yet. Vilde took the theater class. Isak remembered that one of Bech Næsheim's friends also took that, Mutta or something. But nevermind.

Noora had silver hair to her shoulders and wore almost every time he saw her a red lipstick. She had wanted to become a lawyer, Isak knew from Sana, but somehow she changed her mind and now she did something like production but Isak was not quite sure.

And Chris... well, Chris had hit on him multiple times until she got the message that he liked dicks. She was a funny girl who also did theater.

Eva pulled a chair to her and sat down. “Okay, again, Isak“, she said slowly. “All you have to do is to make sure our rooms are in the same building as yours.“

Isak rolled his eyes. “I'm not playing this, what are you, six years old?“

“We need to be near our boys“, Chris cheered and winked at him. He rolled his eyes again.

Eva gave him a pleading look. “Please, Isak? As a surprise for Jonas? And Magnus would be delighted as well...“

“Eva!“

The high pitched voice had spoken. Isak wished someone would turn her down a few octaves.

“What? It's not a secret, Vilde, come on.“ Eva turned to him again. “Would you do that? We don't know if we are in the same area as you guys, the supervisor don't want to tell us anything.“

“And why would I have any influence of that?“ Isak yawned again. He still needed to write two pages about the glycolysis and citrate cylcus and the respiratory chain and had absolutely no energy left.

Eva bit his lip. “I don't know, just... try something, okay? You're good with words.“

Good with words. That was the most ironical thing he had heard today. But he didn't know how to explain that so he just nodded and sighed: “I will try something. Don't know what but I will.“

The girls cheered – wait: Chris and Vilde cheered, Sana and Noora looked almost as bored as Isak. Eva gave him a smile. “Thank you, Isak, that's nice“, she said and then she got up and made her way through the other tables in the cafeteria, the girls followed her.

Isak looked after them. Sometimes he tried to find something in what his friends were talking about all the time. But he failed every time. There was nothing what speeded up his heart, nothing what let his blood rushing to areas...

And suddenly there were two blue eyes staring at him. 

Isak had stared at the girls so he almost missed that Even had sat down at a table, his feet propped up on it. In one hand he held a pen, in the other a notebook. An oldschool, black notebook.

And he stared at Isak. He looked at him with undevided attention and it was different than the other times when he watched him with a smug expression or a grin in his face.

He looked sincere and concerned, the same look like in the locker room when he had ask if he slept properly.

And it seemed like he looked also a bit... sad?

Isak couldn't believe it. But he couldn't look away either. 

There was something fascinating about his eyes, something what didn't let go of him and wanted him to get lost in that eyes forever, despite he wanted to hate Even.

Even didn't look away and Isak wasn't able to look away. So they kept staring each other down. And he didn't know why but somehow Even's staring did something to him and Isak felt his knees going weak and his cheeks hot and then suddenly warm all over and he wanted to remember all the things why Even was an annoying little piece of shit but nothing came to his mind because he wasn't able to think anymore, he could just stare and stare and...

“I swear, if they don't have waffles in the menu soon, I quit.“

Mahdi let himself fall into the chair next to Isak and sighed. “I need it.“

“I could make you some“, Magnus offered and sat down. “I'm pretty good at it now. Hey Isak, you like waffles?“

“Mh? I... uhm... I uhm...“

“I swear you guys, this assignment is kicking my ass!“ Jonas threw himself on the last free chair. “You won't believe what this damn teacher want from us, it's so stupid, okay, listen...“

Isak took a deep breath and shook his head like a wet dog.

“Do you have fleas?“ Magnus watched him. “Don't throw them on me, though I need to be fit until Monday.“

Jonas snorted. “Of course he would shake his head when he got fleas, because that's how to lose them“, he said with an eyeroll. 

“I don't know, some of the guys from a party told me...“

Isak let the boys talking. He was busy enough to evict that weird feeling out of his body.

“Hey, Isak, we are sleeping in one room, right?“ Jonas smiled at him. Isak blinked a few times before he knew what his friend was talking about. “Yes, sure“, he said. On the internet page of the trip it was said that they would sleep in one room in twos or as a trio.  
Magnus sighed absently. “I can already see it, guys: me, on a nice german beach, lotion Vilde's back...“

“Okay, thank you“, Mahdi shouted while Jonas choked on his sandwich and Isak giggled. “Mags, give up already.“

“Never.“ Magnus swallowed his tomatos like a man on a mission. “I will get there, guys, watch me.“

“I believe in you bro.“ Jonas clapped his back. “Just try something more... chill next time.“

“Oh, sorry I didn't hit on her with the world piece, you hippie.“

Jonas grinned. “It worked, though“, he said and took sip from his cola. Isak snorted. “No, it did not. She was already head oveer heels on you, you could have said you like to cut the lawn naked and listen to Abba every Friday night while taking selfies with your skateboards, she wouldn't have cared.“

“What the fuck, Isak!“, yelled Jonas while Magnus and Mahdi broke out in laughter. “You are supposed to be on my side!“

“Too tired“, mumbled Isak, chewed on his sandwich and avoided prudently the look over to the other side of the room. when he did accidently, the chair was empty. 

 

.

 

On Saturday night Isak was laying on his bed with his laptop in his lap and tried to tire himself out with watching stupid youtube videos.

It didn't work. Of course not.

Isak suppressed a frustrated scream to don't let a wild Eskild ran to his room and scrolled through his facebook messages. There were plenty of people who were so excited about the trip to Germany, some other were complaining that they couldn't make it and so on. Isak scrolled further until he saw something.

**Mikael Boukhal has posted a video.**

Isak frowned. His finger hovered over the link. Then he withdrew his fingers and closed his laptop. No, he wouldn't do that. He would just got more upset and then he could forget sleeping altogether.

His phone binged. He groped through his sheets until he found it and saw a new message from Jonas.

.

**_Jonas:_ ** _hey man sorry you aren't here, the party is quite sick._

_thanks but I need to sleep a bit or I will be dead and not able to help you with good gay tips for your relationships_

_**Jonas:** Ey, I asked for that one time and you promised to not mention it ever again_

_Yeah well finally I got something to blackmail you_

_**Jonas:** I have a snake as a friend_

_< 3_

_**Jonas:** Hey man are you okay? And don't tell me shit, I know your ass too long_

.

Isak gulped. Jonas knew him since... he didn't know. Too long. He was the only one who knew the full story about him and his parents. He knew about Isak's fears and that sometimes he couldn't stop feeling like he was unworthy to be loved, unworthy to be seen. 

Isak knew that Jonas was the fucking best friend on the earth because he didn't get tired of listening to him and reassuring him. He didn't judge. He did't leave.

.

_Yeah. sorry it's just one of these times you know. Can't get much sleep_

_**Jonas:** Shit. is there anything I can do?_

_No it's okay. Will just watch some Simpsons I guess_

_**Jonas:** I could come and cuddle you if that would help_

_No don't want trouble with your girlfriend_

____

_**Jonas:** Isak... she's chill_

_I know, just kidding. But thanks, really I have Eskild you know, or Linn you don't need to come._

_**Jonas:** Okay man. But call or something if you need me_

_Yes, dad, will do. don't drink too much_

_Yes, mum, will do_

_< 3_

_**Jonas:** <3_

.

With a smile he laid his phone on his nightstand. If it weren't for Jonas, he would have had more than one breakdown. Or outburst.

But he still needed to sleep now. But how should he do it.

He sighed and roughed up his hair. He didn't want to check snapchat, too many drunk posts from his friends would frustrating him just more.

He could watch the new Game of Thrones episode. But nah. Was too exciting.

Isak let his lungs fill with air and blew it out briefly. He was so bored and grumpy he would kill for something what would just take his brain out.

That's what drugs are made for, he thought sarcastically while laying in bed and stretching his legs up in the air and trying to hold it.

He spent the next twenty minutes with some work out before he got bored again and let himself fall again on the bed.

His laptop was still on, the lights on the side blinked to him.

Isak gritted his teeth. He bit his lip. He scratched first his right ear, than his left. Then he shrugged, opened the laptop, which showed him still the facebook side and clicked on the link.

He just wanted to take a quick look; the videos of Mikael were always good. It was a shame that Bech Næsheim was all too often featured but well. He would have to live with that.

“Hey guyyys, so today is a very special day because we are visiting a special place.“

The video was not the good quality as Isak was used too (yes, he maybe watched some projects of the art students. (What? They are good, okay. Except for Bech Næsheim of course, Isak didn't bother to watch one second of it, even if his boys had called him out more than once for missing _great shit, man._ )

“So, I'm sorry today is not coming something with more effort“, Mikael smiled while opening the door to some building. He was standing in a floor and Isak recognized the floor of the third building, where the theater and film students had their classes.

“I had the great idea to just film stuff we're gonna do today, so it will be _awesome_."

It seemed to be a vlog. Isak made himself comfortable in his sheets and watched further.

“But first, say hi to the one and only and one of my best friends... Even!“

Applause was coming from the off and then Isak's screen was filled with Even's face.

He didn't want it to be there, though. But he didn't want to pause the video either, because then he would have to stare at him even more.

So he had no other choice than grunting and being annoyed and watching further.

“Are you seriously doing this? Nobody will watch this“, Even said while working on something what looked like pencil drawings. 

Mikael laughed. “Even doesn't like it when someone interrupts him with such _secular_ things“, he mocked and threw his brown locks around. 

Even didn't respond: He was busy drawing fine lines on the paper. Mikael zoomed in but the qualitiy didn't allow any details.

“We have to get closer, guys“, he whispered and then his footsteps walked over until he was looking over Even's shoulder, but just in this moment, Even put a hand on the cam. “Ey, don't let the competition see“, he joked and when the cam was free again, the drawing were turned over.

Mikael pouted into the camera. “Sorry, guys, Bech Næsheim here isn't willing to give anything.“ He clapped him on the back. “But anyway“, he continued and walked away from him again, “We wanted to see were we're working.“ He stepped outside and closed the door so now you could just make up Even's shape through the glass.

“Okay, we...“

But Mikael was interrupted because suddenly there were a lot of yelling and screaming and laughing and then the cam fell to the ground, someone yelled “Adam, you stupid son of a camel“, some other “Why are you insulting the camel?“ and a lot of rustling before the camera was picked up by Yousef. “Hey, guys“, he said, before frownign. “Is this still working?“

Then a cut, and then Isak watched Mikael again. “So, we are here in the holy place, actually“, he said while turning the cam around. To be seen were lots of drafts, scribblings and notebooks, an armada of crumpled paper and between this mess at least hundred of pens.

“Here are getting the directors their ideas“, Mikael's voice said from the off, “There have been so many famous directors from Norway guys who breathed the same air as I do now, who saw the same stains on the ceiling as we do, who...“

“You're talking so much crap, it's a wonder why you still know how to walk on two legs.“ The camera truned to the door. Even was leaning against it, with his arms crossed and grinning. “So, why you are in my room, huh?“

“It's not _your_ room, it's...“

Cut. The next scene showed Mikael, walking next to a guy with very short hair on the street, who was talking to another guy, Mutta.

“You are watching a wild Elias now“, Mikael explained, while the voice of that guy kept getting louder. Appearently he was upset about some teacher from his technology class. Isak remembered complaining from Jonas about the same teacher.

“Mik, your vlogs are so boring“, Mutta said while chewing an apple. “Do something more exciting, dude.“

“Excuse me, my vlogs are so freaking exciting, you have no idea! Even, stop laughing!“

Suddenly the camera went black but the tone stayed and then Even smiled into the cam. “So, guys, I will show you how to do vlogging“, he said.

Elias had stopped complaining and watched over Even's shoulder. Which looked quite funny because Even was a lot taller than him.

“Okay, guys, first question, have you seen this tree?“ The cam was turned and Isak had a view on a big tree with flutedcorrugated bark. “What kind is it? Write it down.“

“Wow, Even, so much entertaining.“

Even rolled his eyes. “We need to bring the nature back“, he said overdramatically while clapping one hand over his chest. Elias nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay guys, let's talk about something proper.“ Mikael grabbed the camera with an annoyed look. “What about something more current? The Germany trip, for example?“

“Oh hell yeah“, Mutta cheered from the background. “I heard the German girls are hot.“

“I heard they are pretty orderly“, Elias said and laughed. Mutta shoved him. “Were did you hear that?“

“Come on, all German's are _orderly_ and _on time_ “, Even said.

“And have a very dry humor. If it's present at all“, Elias pointed out.

Mutta's face fell a bit. “And why have I agreed to go with you guys? I wanted to stay here with Even.“

“Yes, but then Italy was cancelled and Even was a broken piece of shit because of the so _romantic_ atmosphere in Italy he won't get to see. Oh, but he was also very excited because of a certain someone who...“ Then he got interrupted because Even had attacked Mikael and tackled him to the ground.

“The cam, the cam!“, yelled Mikael, then someone took it out of his hands and filmed the two guys rolling on the street while laughing and teasing.

“Even, Even“, yelled Elias.

“Mik, come on!“, cheered Mutta.

Cut. Mikael was sitting outside with Yousef. On Mikael's left eye was a photoshopped blue eye.

“Okay, guys... the situation escalated quickly... Even, I am so sad and disappointed in you...“ Mikael sniffled in grief. “I won't talk to you on the whole Germany trip... it's all your fault.“

He wiped his invisible tears away. “Ah, so guys, that was it, sorry that it wasn't something more thrilling, but I promise to vlog when we are in Germany! Yousef, do you want to say something?“

Yousef just grinned. “That trip will be so nice“, he said while chewing on a carrot. “Good that Even gets to come with us.“

“Yeah, for sure.“ Mikael smiled. “We don't have to write him sappy postcards from _Warnemünde_.“

“Mmh. I hope the weather is nice.“ Yousef scratched the back of his head.

Mikael yawned. “Fuck, I have to pack so much“, he said.

“Mik, it's just Friday today. You have two days left.“

Mikael ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, guys, if you're going with us to Germany, go packing your stuff and we'll see us in two days!“

The camera went off, but one could still hear Yousef's voice. “What a dumb vlog, man, please delete that.“ Some laughing, then the video was over.

Isak shut his laptop and let himself fall onto his back.

So appearently these boys would also coming.

Isak was surprised feeling only slightly angry because of that. Maybe he was too tired or had just given up. When he had wished that Bech Næsheim would stay home a few days ago he now felt weird about it. The afternoon in the cafeteria came to his mind. He still had no clue for Even's acting. But he couldn't get off the feeling that Even was actually a nice boy. He had friends and were smart and laughed around and were damn good at what he did. No doubt.

So why he didn't like Isak?

And it wasn't like he did only that teasing stuff on the field or in the locker room. Sometimes he got very mean, not so far that he would really hurt Isak, but it was hard at the border. Sometimes he was close to being a bit nice to him. That was on his good days. And sometimes he didn't even talk to him at all, he just ignored him so constantly as he had never heard of an Isak Valtersen.

It was like Even didn't like Isak but kept forgetting it. And when he did he tried to compensate it by ignoring Isak extra hard.

And it drove him crazy, because deep down he knew that they could be friends. Isak didn't have that feeling with many people so it was a double shame. He couldn't even say what it was accurate. It was just a feeling when he heard Even laughing about something what Isak had also found funny, or when Even talked about one movie in the locker room when he didn't mocked Isak and Isak wanted to tease him or ask a question before he remembered just in time Even wasn't interested in hearing his opinion.

 _Fuck him_ , he thought and turned off his laptop and his lights. _It doesn't matter how good he's looking or how smart he seems to be. He will never be your friend, just starting to get over this shit._

He turned to his favorite side, closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. If he would get lucky he would get maybe seven hours in a row and as a result not looking like a zombie in the morning.

He needed to pack everything tomorrow. He had still to do some stuff but all in all he was good. Tomorrow the boys wanted to show up for a while and play Fifa. And then there would be Monday already. And the trip.

Isak could barley ignore his excited feeling. He didn't even know why he liked it so much. Maybe because it had the feeling of a school trip or the fact that he would be two weeks off all problems from home, just he and his friends.

Okay, and work, but that was okay.

He just needed to get out of Bech Næsheim's way though, he thought while yawning. Then it would all be good.

He snuggled into his sheets, patted his pillow until he had the right postition and imagined a trip full of adventures, dangers and all the nice things he would experience. Maybe he got lost in thinking a bit too enthusiastic, but at least it helped him to fall asleep before the clock turned three.

 

.

 

“Okay, would everybody please go to their bus.“

Isak dragged his suitcase with him, he had to make sure it wouldn't fall on his own toes.

“Dude, where's Mags?“, Jonas yelled to him over many heads, but Isak just shrugged and tried to drag the _damn_ suitcase with him. The rolls were broken. Of course.

“Just go inside and save a place, I'm coming in a minute“, he shouted and Jonas gave him the thumbs up before disappearing in the crowd.

Isak made his way with half dragging and half carrying his suitcase with him until he got in the line in front of the open bus.

He yawned and rubbed his eyes. He had gotten up at six a clock, with four hours of sleep. The night before it had been good and he had been convinced it would go on, but hah. Fuck you Isak, you don't get what you want.

He almost fell asleep while waiting. He was so tired he didn't notice the shadow falling over him.

“If you keep swaying like that you'll topple over soon“, a voice said behind him. Isak opened his eyes slowly.

Even Bech Næsheim was standing behind him, wearing a gray shirt and black jeans and on his collar were stucking sunglasses. He dragged a backpack with him and looked _good._

Isak wanted to answer but nothing came to his mind, so he just yawned at him. Even laughed. “Nice response. So quick-witted“, he teased and walked a step further. Isak dragged his suitcase a few more metres before he finally sank down on it. Just six guys in front of him, then it was his turn. That could he survive. Even with an Bech Næsheim in his neck.

“Slept well?“, asked Even and Isak rolled his eyes. “Great, thanks“, he huffed, which got lightly less effective than intended, because he had to yawn again.

Even laughed again and somehow it didn't feel too loud this early in the morning. He pointed at his suitcase. “You know, it might be news for you, but the rolls are supposed to work for you.“ He smiled at him and it wasn't a mean smile this time. Suddenly Isak thought about the moment in the cafeteria but quickly kicked that out of his mind. That had been one weird thing which didn't need to remember one more time.

“Oh, thanks, but you know, it's not working, asshole“, he said. He wished he had a coffe. “So I need to drag it all by myself.“

Even didn't respond on the insulting.

“Hm. Why you don't use a backpack?“

“Huh? Because I don't have one?“ Isak frowned. Why did he ask him things like that today?

Even raised an eyebrow. “You don't have a backpack?“ he sounded surprised. “Can't you just borrow from your parents or something?“

Wow. Even had made it to that special topic in less than three minutes. It was way too early for that kind of conversation. Isak just shrugged and turend around again.

 _Why am I talking to that fucker anyway_.

Suddenly his phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket and saw that it was Jonas.

“What's up, bro?“

“You need to come here, there are some guys who don't want to believe that these places are taken – hey, that's my seat, get off, jesus – can you come here?“

“Uhm... No sorry, I need to get rid off my case. I'll hurry.“

“Okay... but please hurry okay? Oh man, no, sit somewhere else!“ Then he was gone.

Isak shoved his phone back into his pocket. He started looking for Jonas at one of the windows but he didn't found him.

He stepped nervously from one leg to the other because a girl had made her way through the others and demanded now to get her packback back because she appearently needed something that was still in there. Isak groaned.

“Busy?“ The voice sounded amused. Isak started to be annoyed. He turned over. “Huh?“

Even shrugged his shoulders. “You look impatient.“

“I'm always impatient with you. I wait for your braincells to finally made their way out.“

Now Even laughed properly. “Wow“, he said and shook his head. “You never cease to impress. Okay, wait, maybe like this?“ He started shaking his head and in all directions, “or like that?“ He started pulling at his right earlobe like he wanted to draw something out.

Isak stared at him.

What the hell.

And the worst thing, Isak had to grin at the sight, because he looked so _redicilous_. “Yeah, something like that“, he murmured when he managed to drop his smile.

Even smiled at him mischievously. “I knew it“, he said.

Isak didn't get the chance to get accustomed to this situaton – Even Bech Næsheim, trying to make him laugh – because his phone made noise again, this time it only vibrated.

_**Jonas:** dude, HURRY!_

Isak looked to the load area. The girl was still arguing with the bus driver who got anooyed more and more. Then he watched the windows again and chewed on his lip nervously.

“I could keep an eye on it.“

Isak was so surprised, he only managed a dumb “huh?“. Even looked at him, offering hand outstrechted to take the case. “You need to be somewhere appearently and I'm standing here anyway, so you could give it to me and I will take care of it as long as you're gone.“

Isak broke out in laughter. “Yeah, right, and then you just hid it behind a bush and I didn't even have it in Germany, no thanks“, he said. Even looked offended. “I would never do something like that, Valtersen“, he said.

Isak still grinned. “oh yeah, because you're the one I'm trusting the most.“

For a second there was something like a hurt expression, nothing more than a shadow. But then it was gone and Even just looked at him like usually, smug and playfully. “You may be right“; he admitted, “but I would say in that situation you are, your possibilities are quite limited.“ He took a step closer, his hand still outstrechted to him.

Isak bit his lip. “Excuse me“, he said and tried to look Even dead in the eyes. “I have a little issues with trusting you with my stuff. It may be news for _you_ , but you are not my friend and your chances to become it very soon are quite... limited.“

Even raised his eyebrows. “Yeah“, he said, “that's right.“ And then he didn't say anything more. Isak had thought that he would explain himself maybe now, but no. He just stood still there, looking at Isak.

“But you still need to be somewhere.“

Now Isak had enough. “Have you forgotten our conversation a second ago?“, he barked at him, “And anyway, why would you care? You don't even like me, you made that clear more than once, so could you just... back off?“

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment and it was way different than in the cafeteria. Isak was angry and annoyed and tired and Even was here, talking shit, playing with him like he didn't have any feelings.

Even held his gaze for a while. Then he dropped it and said quietly: “Just because I don't like you doesn't mean you can't trust me.“

Isak let out a bitter laugh. “That makes no sense“, he huffed and tried to ignore the feeling in his chest because of Even's confirmation. To hear it out loud was still a bit different.

Before he could say something more, his phone rang again. He turned away and picked it up.

“Isak, really, come on!“

Isak sighed. He ran his hand through his curls. He had forgotten his snapback, dammit. “I'm coming in a sec“, he said. “And where the hell is Magnus?“

“Don't know, but hurry up, these fuckers here are trying to...“ Then the line was dead. Isak shook his head and shoved the phone back into his pocket. He then looked over the line and made a desicion.

“I need to leave“, he said with a pressed voice. “Just... don't hide it in the bush, okay?“ He didn't look at Even, he just turned on his heels and sprinted over to the doors of the bus.

 

.

 

It turned out the guys were some stupid dudes from the technology class who thought they could sit where ever they want.

Isak managed to convince them to take the seats downstairs – yes, the bus was quite big – and let himself fall into the seat with a big sigh.

“Too much excitement this early“, Jonas grumbled before he yawned and began to look for his headphones.

Mahdi, one row of seats behind, nodded in agreement. “Yes. Oh, guys, Mags is calling.“ He picked the call up. “He's there in a minute.“

“Wow, so on time“, Isak mumbled. “Hopefully he will learn from the German.“

“The busdriver was so annoyed, have you seen the look when he saw Vilde's suitcase...“

Isak startled and stood up so suddenly that he hit his head at the luggage rack. Jonas blinked at him. “What's wrong, dude?“

“My suitcase“, Isak rubbed his head, “I totally frogot it!“

He made his way through people and luggage, downstairs and out of the bus.

The line in front of the bus was gone, the busdriver just closed the door of the luggage space.

“Stop, I need to come with you!“

Isak tunred around and saw a running Magnus coming to them. He waved his arms while dragging his suitcase with him.

Isak rolled his eyes but grinned.

“Last second, boy“, the busdriver said sourly before taking Magnus' luggage. Mags just panted and propped his arms in his side. “Hell, how I was running“, he gasped. “My fucking alarm didn't go off!“

Isak patted his arm, slightly distracted. The busdriver had opened the door again to stow Magnus' suitcase and Isak could look inside.

There, between a white rucksack and Even's green-blue backpack, was standing his suitcase. Safe and whole.

“Isak, come on!“ Magnus dragged on his arm. “We are so fucking late, hurry.“

“You're one to talk“, Isak snapped offended and looked away from the luggage. He and Magnus entered the bus and the driver closed with a relieved sigh the door. “I hate these trips“, they could hear him mumbling.

“Mags, finally!“ The boys greeted him enthusiastically and Magnus told delighted his morning story again.

Isak didn't listen. He was busy scanning the rows of seats. But there was no blonde styled mob of hair. He problaby sat downstairs.

The boys around him started to cheer when the bus started it's engine. A voice resounded through the speaker to inform the students of their time of arrival and that they should behave and so on.

Isak let himself fell back into his seat and he closed his eyes.

He was on the trip. He was finally on the road.

But he couldn't shake off the feeling that something was different. He couldn't pinpoint it exactly. 

Only when they arrived at the ferry which should bring them to the harbour of Copenhagen and he jumped out of the bus, in a hurry to get to the railing and breathe in the salty air it came to his mind, that he had felt disappointed that Even had said he didn't like him. 

And there was absolutely no reason why he should feel like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. I am honestly very excited to write about all the things they gonna experience!:D
> 
> See you next time<3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ride on the ferry gets pretty interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired so I hope there's not that much mistakes. I will fix that later.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter. It is for Jessica, a good friend of mine who always helps me when I need it. Thank you so much! <3
> 
> And omg, what a response already on only two chapters?! You are so lovely. And the comments make may day, seriously.
> 
> <333

Isak was grateful when the electronic voice from the speaker announced the arrival at the harbour of Gedser in ten minutes. He made his way back to the bus. He was groggy and had no more desire to be on a ship longer than necessary.

If you want to get from Oslo to Copenhagen as fast as possible you can take a plane. If you don't want to do that you can still use a vehicle with four wheels what should bring you there in approximately eight or nine ours.

But well... if you are a poor student with an organisation team of douchebags you need to take the ferry and spent a whole day on it. Almost a whole day!

Isak was annoyed and tired again because if he had trouble to get sleep in his comfort zone, home and safe in his bed, than the chances to sleep good on this creaking and squeaking ship were... _limited_.

The ferry to Gedser had started at 13:30 p.m. and now it was about 7 a.m. Whoever was in a good mood this early had to get to the doctor, Isak thought while walking downstairs. He would meet the others in the bus, because according to Jonas ships were something what should be invented never ever, because if the human body rebelled against it then something has to be wrong. Magnus had said nothing, he just disappeared in one of the bathrooms and didn't return until late evening.Then he had laid himself down and didn't get up.

So Mahdi and Isak had made themself a funny time. Mahdi's dad had been a sailor and since Mahdi was little he was always on the sea with him, so a ship was like his second home.

And Isak... well, even if it says, scientists are no sailors and had to puke as soon as they set a foot on it, Isak was quite good. His stomach grumbled a bit, but nothing more. The two boys had a fun time, they explored the ferry as far as possible, took cool looking pictures in front of the propeller, played cards until at least the half of them flew over the railing when Isak didn't pay attention one time, ate burgers at the way too expensive restaurant inside, looked in a few shops but bought nothing because again, way too expensive, listened to music while watching the sunset and feeling cool. They even convinced Jonas to come outside for a moment, the air would fresh his mind. Jonas agreed but after half an hour he fed the fish and had to lay down again.

.

Isak and Mahdi got in the bus again. “The ferry to Warnemünde only needs about two hours or something“, Mahdi said. Isak just nodded. He and Mahdi had eaten breakfast together. Jonas and Magnus had just showed them the finger and said they would meet in the bus.

Just when he sat down and watched the other students going to the bus he saw blonde slicked back hair. He quickly focused on something inside the bus and shoved the curtain to the side so it would hide his face.

Mahdi looked at him but said nothing.

Isak took a deep breath and then shoved Mahd. “Ey, let's play hangman until the others show up.“

 

 _Flashback_.  
. . . 

 

“Hey, Valtersen, where are your friends?“

Isak closed his eyes for a moment before he answered, without taking his gaze away from the glittering surface of the ocean: “Not here. Why do you care?“

“Oh, I have waited for some alone-time with you.“ Isak felt a big body leaning next to him at the railing.

“Well, it's your lucky day then“, Isak said. He then looked up and to his right. He was met by a full Bech Næsheim laughter, bright and shiny. And warm. Isak didn't notice it before but when he laughed, proper laughed, his eyes were sparkling and he just radiated this _feeling_. Like  
he wanted to give his laugh every other person who was hit by it.

Isak didn't like that he noticed that. He wanted to get back on full rage-modus. It was not easy to be that anymore with that laugh.

Even leaned forward and then spat into the waves. Isak gave him a look and he laughed again. “I kind of have a thing for film parallels“, he explained after noticing his look. Isak let out a snore.

“What?“

“You're weird.“

“Yeah, I've been told.“ Even ran a hand throuhg his styled hair. A few strains were out of order and flew around his head.

Isak closed his eyes again and enjoyed the sun. Maybe Even would go away.

He didn't. Eventually he had to open his eyes again – and looked directly in Even's eyes. “What?“, he asked harsh to cover his startling.

Even shook his head. “Nothing“, he said, “I just look at you.“

“And I don't want that!“

“Oh, why? Is your face so special nobody else is allowed to look at it?“

“I just... _you_ aren't allowed to do that.“ Wow, Isak, such a great response.

Even chuckled. “Oi, why that?“

“You don't like me.“ Isak shrugged like it meant nothing. Dammit; it meant nothing, jesus!

Even gave him a long look. “So, only people who adore you are can looka t you?“

“Nobody can look at me“, said Isak annoyed, “let it be.“

“Never.“

Isak sighed.

“Am I annoying?“

Isak turned to him and glared at his grinning face. “You have way too much fun here. Go away.“

Even's smile got only wider. “Never“, he repeated. Isak groaned. “Where are your friends? Can't they occupy cou?“

“Excuse me, I'm not a dog.“ Even looked offended.

“No, unfortunately not.“

“Oi.“ Even raised his eyebrows. “So mean.“

“Again, I learn from the best.“ Isak tried his annoyed and cold look on him. He wasn't sure if it worked but for the shortest moment Even's smile dropped. “Yeah“, he said, “you do.“

They kept staring at each other a bit longer. Then Even looked away and stared at the waves instead. Isak took advange of the moment to breathe long in and out.

“Must suck for you“, Isak then suddenly said and was surprised of himself that he even spoke first to him. Even looked up. “What?“, he asked, curious.

“That you have to go to Germany and not Italy.“ Isak grinned. “Not that romantic for you, huh?“

Even looked a bit unsure for a moment. But then he began to grin even wider than before. “You're watching Mik's vlogs“, he said.

Fuck.

“Uhm.. no?“, he tried but Even laughed again. “Yes, you do“, he pointed out. “Don't deny it, Valtersen.“

“Well... I had to tired myself out, so...“, he tried to conter, but it was useless. Even looked like a child on Christmas. “Are you watching my videos too?“, he asked.

Isak gritted his teeth. “No“, he said. Even's face fell and now Isak had to laugh. “Are you seriously surprised, Bech Næsheim?“

Even looked still hurt. “No. Not really“, he said. “But they are really good. You're missing something great, Isak.“

“Oh, such a modest person, I'm impressed.“

“See. That's just me.“ Now the grinning was back again. “But seriously, Isak, do it.“

“Why would I do this, it's your videos“, Isak tried to argue but Even had turned away because someone had called his name.

“So important“, Isak mumbled.

Even waved at the person (Elias?) and turned to Isak again. “I'm so sorry, Isak, but I need to help my friend.“

“Don't be“, Isak said, “it's a favour.“

“Aah, you would have missed me if I stayed home“, Even said, winking. “See you.“ And with big steps he made his way over the planks to Elias.

“In your dreams“, Isak mumbled. He then turned to the waves again.

He shook his head. Then he looked into the water and bit his lip before peeking around.

It was a nice sunny day, only a bit windy. Nevertheless Isak was for a moment alone. The most peopple had gotten inside to eat something and only he was standing there.

So nobody saw when Isak leand forward and spat into the sea as well.

 

.

 

It was a windy night and Isak could not sleep. He turned from side to side but nothing helped.

The ship kept making noise, the sheets were not his own, Jonas under him snorted... no. Sleep was not an option.

But that was not the main reason. Nope. Thanks to his dad he would probably get no sleep for the rest of the trip, Isak thought with burning eyes and heated cheeks.

Okay, Isak's dad didn't really care about him. Or maybe he just had no flair for sensitiveness and wasn't even aware of what he did to Isak. Useless to think about it anyway. The fucking damage was done and now he was laying there, waiting for some sleep which would not come anymore because he felt like either or crying or screaming or jumping over board. His heart pounded in his chest. His throat felt dry. He was sweating and cold at the same time. He felt like a teenage boy again who was powerless.

Fuck.

Isak let out a shaky breath and gave up. He slipped out of his blanket and climbed as quietly as possible to the ground.

Damn bunk beds.

Jonas let out a particularly loud snore and Isak thought of taking a video for later blackmaling possibilities. But then he just walked to the door and closed it carefully.

He walked through the now empty floors of the ferry. There were a bar and a dance floor but they had closed at two in the morning so everybody had gone to sleep, except for a few drunk people or pairs who wanted to enjoy the romantic trip on a ship in the night.

He suddenly became aware of how strong his urge to get fresh air had been. Now that he was outside he greedy sucked in the coldness of the night. He stood there for a moment, just looking at the dark water under him where the stars were reflected and made up a second heaven for itself. For a moment he considered if the water was really that cold.

He just stood there. Until he became aware that silent tears were rolling down his face and disappeared inside his collar. That he was shaking. That he felt more lonely than the other nights when he couldn't get sleep. That he wished he wouldn't had looked on his phone before he turned off the lights. That he felt like breaking down any second if he didn't move.

And because Isak was Isak and couldn't allow himself to do that he stepped a step back from the railing and stated walking fast, while annoyed wiping his tears away.

Isak kept walking, past the drunk people, past one kissing pair, while speeding up his steps until he was running, running as fast as the ship aloowed him without getting too much attention, panting and desperate. His phone in his jacket seemed to weight too much for him, to much to carry and for a moment he thought about just throwing it into the sea.

He would had let out a scream but then someone would start looking for him for sure. So he ran silent.

He ran until he got, where he had been earlier with Mahdi. When his father didn't sent him this text yet and he had been excited and in a good mood.

The ship had an area outside where you could move like you wanted, but at the bow of the ship there was an area which was closed at night to prevent drunk people from getting near the less secured railing there. 'Closed' meaned they had put a metal grid there with the sign **do not enter**. Isak stopped.

He then looked for cameras. When he found the two who scanned the area he had to snorted, because please. Every dumbass could make it there without to be seen.

He shrugged. Just better for him. He started making his way until he was standing on the other side of the grid and rubbed his hands. It was colder than he expected. Now he was at the bow of the ship, the proper bow. Isak wiped over his face and looked around. His heart was still racing like crazy.

The area was studded with banks and really weird hemispheres. Isak guessed they were supposed to be some fancy design but he found it really ugly. They were sticking out of the ground and were made out of glass, so you coud look through it and stalk everyone who was sitting or walking beneath.

But they were really comfortable Isak had found out this afternoon. When you put your jacket on it and made yourself comfortable, sitting down, leaning against it, stretching the legs out and looking into the sky it was actually very cozy. Isak had almost dozen off.

So he made his way to his favorite hemisphere, the one who was ther nearest to the railing. He wanted to lay down, close his eyes and feel nothing but the cold and salty wind and hear the waves of the ocean which reminded him that he was alive.

He stepped around a bank - and stopped dead in his tracks when he first spotted a pair of shoes, then the blonde fucking hair and then the full sight of fucking Even Bech Næsheim, sitting on the ground on _his_ spot, smoking a joint and looking into the skye.

Isak suppressed a groan. It couldn't be true. What the hell.

He felt anger rise in his chest. Why couldn't this boy just let him alon? Was that too much to ask for? What the hell wanted the universe from him, or whoever was responsible for this crap? Huh? He didn't know, he couldn't anymore. He felt the tears again, hot furious tears.

Deep down he knew he was just mad at his dad, at his stupid father who knew nothing about his son, who didn't care, who didn't even knew he were on his way to Germany now, who sent him texts without thinking twice because his father never cared about him, never had and never would.

But his father wasn't hear so all his frustration and pent-up feelings transferred to the only person who was with him now, the person who kept mocking him and treated him like he wanted without looking back if it had any affect on him.

Isak had to close his eyes for a moment and take a deep calming breath. His fists were clenched.

_It would bring nothing if you start yelling at him. Nothing. It's not him. Just turn around and walk away._

So he sniffed a few times, cleaned his face and tried to breathe normal again.

He was lucky Even didn't hear him, in his ears stuck headphones and he moved his head a little to the beat.

If Isak turned around and walked now, he wouldn't notice that he had ever been here.

Yes, he should do that.

In a minute. Because if he was standing here he could at least looking at Even for a moment and remember himself of the feeling that he hated him. That Even was annoying, teasing, mean, stupid and arrogant.

Isak stared at him. He glared at him and put all of his hate in his thoughts and his look and his feels. He started until he became aware that it didn't feel right.

Even wasn't the one who was the real problem. He was just a silly boy. Isak's real anger wasn't on him.

That didn't make anything better, though and Isak tried to hold the gaze a few moments longer but he could literally feel the rage and hate vanish while staring, until he dropped it with a frustrated small groan.

Now not even Bech Næsheim was useleful to hate anymore.

Okay. He still needed to do something. Anything, didn't matter what. But he couldn't just crowl into bed again. He would explode.

Just when he desperately tried to find a spot where he could spent the night, Even shifted, adjusted his right earplug and dropped his gaze.

Isak froze.

Even looked around and then spotted him.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why didn't you go why didn't you go why didn't you go.

Isak saw Even's eyes widen in surprise and startling a little. It was too late to just walk away without any explanation – I mean come on, he couldn't just disappear when Even turned around and saw Isak standing literally three metres away from him – so he just stood there and looked back. Maybe a little challenging, if he would say anything to his red eyes and sad look. 

Even held his gaze for a moment. He then took his headphones out of his ears and shoved them into his blue jacket. He wore a red beanie and was sitting on a blanket. Smartass. Isak didn't get anything with him, just his jacket and it wasn't his warmest.

He watched any of Even's movements carefully. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to say something, something teasing maybe, like Even would do on every other day time.

Every other time.

But not today. Not now. Somehow it was different. There was no place for the usual repartee between them, like earlier this day, and Even seemed to feel the same.

Because he looked unsure for a moment – an expression Isak didn't see on him before – before he bit his lip, took a drag from the joint and then held it out to him.

Isak hesitated for a second. But when Even rolled his eyes and made an inviting gesture, he slowly closed the distance until he was standing next to the hemisphere. Carefully to avoid the skin contact he picked the joint from him and took two drags in a row. He had to cough a bit but felt a bit better afterwards.

He gave the joint back.

The wind had gotten stronger and Isak now, after the running, felt it in his bones. He stepped from one leg to the other to warming himself up.

Even seemded to noice his shivering because suddenly he clapped on the place next to him on the blanket.

Isak raised one eyebrow and had his answer already planned, but Even didn't say anything suggestive or challenging or teasing. He just looked him in the eyes and Isak saw the offering in it. Nothing else.

And because it was a weird moment and Isak was not himself tonight he felt himself moving and then he sat next to Even.

He sat indeed next to the person he complained about the most the last months and not because of someone had forced him. Isak was really not himself.

For a few moments it felt awkward because they never had shared this before. If Isak thought about, he never thought about what Even thought about him when he didn't mock him or said something to him in passing. And – the other way around – Isak himself didn't had the thought to proper think about Even without getting in his rage-hate-refusing-mode instantly.

Oh, wait. Even had said something serious. That he didn't like him.

Isak felt that it was something what bothers him. He was surprised that he felt so, but if he couldn't do something about his father or his family situation in general he could at least do something about this.

“Even?“

He had never called him by his name before.

Even, who has gotten back to watching the stars turned to him. Isak avoided his gaze, the coward that he was and instead gave the railing special attention.

“Why... uhm... why you don't like me?“

He felt his cheeks getting red. Only when he heard it said he became aware of how silly it must be sounding. But there was no turning back now. So he waited for his answer and felt stupid because his palmes started sweating and his heart picked up its earlier pace.

Even said nothing at first. Then Isak felt his knee nudging his and he startled because it was so unexpected.

Isak looked up. Even looked at him with something he couldn't pinpoint. It was a mix of very different feelings. Some of them surprised Isak.

When Even finally spoke Isak remembered that he hadn't said one word since his arriving.

“Isak“, he said. „Why is that important for you?“

Not fair.

“It's not!“, he immediately answered. Again, the answer of a five years old. Even seemd to think the same because he smiled amused.

“I just...“, Isak mumbled and tried to find the right words. “I just... don't understand it. I did nothing to you and you keep... treating me like this. I'm not saying I care or I can't bear it, I just... want to understand.“ Why did his voice sound _sad_ at the end?

While he spoke he had dropped his gaze again. He didn't want to get distracted by the blue eyes. He tried to concentra his focus on the railing again but unfortunately the wind had gotten even more stronger and he now shivered all over. He was such an idiot for not bringing his warm jacket and a scarf and a beanie, like Even. Maybe he should let it be and go inside again. Was useless anyway with fucking Bech Næsheim anyway...

When he felt Even getting up he thought at first he would walk away and panicked for a moment. But then Even just threw the stub into the ocean, turned to him and said: “Could you please get up for a second?“

“Uhm... sure.“ Isak was slightly confused but did what he said. He watched Even taking the blanket from the ground. He turned to Isak again. “You can sit again.“

Now Isak was confused properly. Did Even want to keep the blanket for himself so Isak sat on the ground?

But no. When Isak was sitting again, Even did the same and then handed him the blanket over.

He handed him the blanket over.

Isak blinked a few times because he was appearently in the wrong movie and didn't get the message. Because _Even gave him a blanket so he wouldn't egt cold_. What is this. Where was he.

He was so confused that he took the blanket without hesitating. But then he could only stare at it.

He had just gotten something from the enemy.

Okay okay Isak, don't exaggerate. But really.

Even had watched him and now he rolled his eyes again. “I'm not sitting here letting the cold getting to me through you“, he said, “just take it, Isak.“

“It's from you“, Isak said and he sounded so surprised, so bewildered that Even had to laugh.

It fitted well in the sounds around them. “Yeah“, he chuckled. “But it's not poisoned, I promise.“

“How can you poison a blanket“, mumbled Isak while clumsy unfolding the blanket and throwing it over him.

Even looked satisfied.

Isak wanted to deny it, but the blanket was pretty nice. Like, really really nice. And cozy. And fluffy. 

Even looked at his phone to check the time. 3:03 a.m. was the screen showing and reminded Isak suddenly of why he came here in the first place, why he felt sad and angry and helpless and tired.

Even seemed to notice his mood changing because he gave him along look which Isak refused to answer. And not because the tears wanted to come again, nope.

When Even spoke again, he leaned a bit forward so his body came a bit closer to Isak's.

“If you try“, he whispered through the wind, “you can see the polaris.“

Isak wanted to say him that he took the astro class and knew that, but he kept his mouth shut and watched the sky.

He sat there, erapped up in a blanket, next to Even out of all people and watched the stars.

If somebody had told him that a week, no, a day before he had laughed at him and walked away. But again: Tonight something was different. Tonight he was on a ship on it's way to Germany (to Gedser, in fact, but nevermind), sitting next to a person who was nice to him. The heaven knew why but it was fact. And Isak was sad and had so much things kept in his heart. And as he said: If he wouldn't do something about it, he would explode.

And Even was there.

Not the best choice but well.

So Isak said, from the same reason as why he sat next to him earlier, quietly and with a shaky voice:

“Sometimes I wish I could just say all the things I want to.“

He said it to the sky, to the polaris and to the boy beside him.

He heard him taking a deep breath before answering.

“Why can't you?“

Isak watched the route milky way. Yes. Why he couldn't say it?

“I don't know“, he answered. “I feel like they wouldn't understand.“

another moment of silence. Then...

“Sometimes I wish that, too.“

Isak turned his face to Even. He sat there, his hands folded over his stomach, the back against the hemisphere, the head dropped on it. He watched the stars like Isak and for a moment he got lost in the sight of his profile.

But then Isak became aware of the sad expression on his face, his fearing look, the vulnerable prensence.

Isak's mouth dropped because he had never seen him like this. It was even more intense than in the cafeteria, more intimidating. He felt like watching a part of Even that maybe didn't want to be seen. A part that wasn't shiny and good looking and exciting.

And he felt something like concern in him. He was always so wrapped up in his own feelings that he forget other people had problems as well.

“I feel like I'm going under“, Isak admitted because fuck it. If not here, today, with someone who didn't care anyway, then when?

“I can't make it to the surface. And every other person is rising up like it's the easiest thing in the world.“ He stopped. “It's not“, he continued. “For me it's not.“

Even said nothing for a moment.

“I'm not sure if it's easy for anybody“, he pointed out. Isak wanted to laugh, he wanted to argue that it's of course for someone like him. But the expression on his face let him be silent.

“I mean, if you say you're under the surface and people are over you... there are ones under you as well.“ Even ran a hand through his hair. “Deep shit“, he said then and Isak laughed at that, grateful for a joke.

“Are you saying I shouldn't complaining so much?“, he teased. Even smiled. “I'm just saying there are people who are suffering, like you. Nothing more.“

_And you?_

“That's not a help“, he said, smiling weakly. Even laughed again, it was a sad one, this time. Isak didn't like it. “No. But some people are feeling better when they hear they are people who have problems as well.“

“I'm not some people.“

“No. You're not.“

Suddenly Isak felt the urge to tell him about his family. To just let it out.

“Even, I... I don't know what to do“, he whispered. “I can't do anything, I can't make it better, I can't sleep, I... just can't“, he ended so quiet he wasn't sure if he got it.

And now the tears were back, fuck. Isak tried to hide it as good as he could and because he was a masochist he talked further.

“All I want is to sleep“, he said and didn't even care about his choked voice. “I just want to sleep.“

He was past the embarrassed feeling. Didn't matter that Even knew now, didn't matter that he cried in front of him and probably seemed like the biggest fucked up person. He was tired of all that crap.

He didn't ask for an answer and Even didn't give him one. He had avoided his gaze because of the tears and when he quickly wiped over his face and looked to his left, Even was watching the stars, not him. He still wore this sad look. But now Isak could pinpoint others.

Concern. Understanding. And... care?

Isak was sure his brain made something up because it needed sleep. But then Even turned to him and looked at him. And Isak felt like Even would see him properly for the first time now, without judging. He stared at him so intensive that Isak had to look away.

“I lied.“

The words were almost blown away by the wind but Isak's ears caught them. He then frowned because he didn't know what he was talking about. But he had no time to ask about that because Even spoke again.

“I'm sorry.“

Why did he sound so sad saying that? And why Isak's heart was like _that_ again?

He didn't know. He blamed his mixed up feelings and thoughts because it couldn't be that he felt relieved at something Even Bech Næsheim had said to him. He didn't know for what Even exactly was sorry. Maybe for his behaviour. For Isak's problems? For his dislike against him?

He didn't respond on that, like Even hadn't responded on his question why he didn't like him. Instead he said: “Thanks for taking care of my suitcase.“

Even looked at him, surprised. Isak held his gaze this time. Even's lips were a bit chapped from the wind. “Your welcome“, he then said and gave him a tiny, crooked up smile what did things to him, even if Isak knew it was just because Even was good looking, nothing more.

The ferry slipped through the waves and it would be a very nice night if the damn wind weren't so strong, Isak thought while snuggling deeper into his blanket. Surprisingly he felt his eyelids going heavy despite that.

“I hope that you will be feeling better“, Even said and surprised Isak one more time. What was up with this boy? Isak had thought he knew him. He had never been so wrong.

“Thanks“, he answered slowly. And then, he dared to say: “You too.“

He felt Even moving a bit, but kept his eyes on his fingers over the blanket. He didn't say anything more. And after a while Even's head turned away from him again.

“What would help you?“, he asked. Isak looked up. “Huh?“

Even smiled at him. Shyly. “What would help you to sleep?“

Isak snorted because he had to put something normal in this, something what would prevent him from crying again and then pouring his heart out to him. 

“Not being on a ship?“, he said sarcastically and Even flicked his tongue against his teeth. “Isak.“

“What? It's true. It's strange and moving and it's fucking _squeaking_.“

Even laughed at that. “Okay, you have a point. But that's something we can't change now.“

_We. We can't change now._

“Uhm...“ Isak rubbed his toes. “I don't know. Talking is good sometimes, but...“ He stopped, becoming red again.

“But I'm not the right person.“ It wasn't offended, it was just a statement. Isak shook his head. “No“, he said, “That's not the point. I can't talk to anybody about it.“

“Oh.“

“Yeah.“

They went silent again. Even let out a deep breathe but stayed quiet apart from that. Isak was confused but what Even had said had worked and he started thinking about what helped him sleep. He had only one thing in mind and he was glad Even couldn't read minds. Because for sure he would never tell him about cuddling as a solution.

“You know what helps me?“

Isak gave Even a look and shook his head. Even smiled and then fumbled a bit in his jacket until he got his phone and his headphones out again. “That“, he said while disentangling the two plugs.

Isak watched him with big eyes. When Even held out one plug for him he hesitated before taking it. He had to shift closer to Even so that the plug wouldn't fall out. He noticed it didn't bother him that much.

 _Tomorrow_ , he thought, _I won't believe this. I will think it's a dream. Who knows. Maybe it is one._

Even looked if he was ready and started to play a song.

It was **Secrets** by One Republic.

Isak liked that song, he often listened to him when he was on his way at home. It was calming but also had a bit melancholy in it.

It was nice. Isak got a bit more comfortable in the blanket, shifted a bit and watched the stars while the refrain sounded in his left ear. He felt strangely distant from himself right now. But in a good way. Like for now he was frozen in the moment and didn't need to concern about things. He could just let go.

He didn't know why the song was so fitting. Maybe something with guitar had been more fitting, but he liked it. He liked it so much that he began go relax and only then he felt how tired out his body was, from the day, from the runnng, from the crying, from his thoughts.

At one time he nearly had dropped his head to the side – ment, on Even's shoulder. He could jsut notice the movement his head wanted to make and sat straight again. If Even had noticed the twitch of his body he didn't comment on it.

They didn't speak. They got lost in the music and watched the sky. 

But Isak had really trouble to keep his eyes open. The music made him so sleepy and the body beside him was warm and inviting and the blanket felt safe and cozy...

The next second he startled again because he laid his head down almost again.

And then a hand tugged on his shoulder impatiently. “Dammit Isak, I won't kill you“, he heard Even mumble. “Just sleep already.“

Isak wanted to argue, to say that he was good, that he didn't need anything, but he was too exhausted to discuss. So he leaned to his left side and let his head sink against Even's shoulder.

He wanted to think that it was so weird, so strange, but nothin came to his mind. In fact, nothing except that Even smelled nice. He had smelled it often when Even came near to him or past him in the locker room, but here, now, it felt way more intimidating. He smelled like forest and rain and a bit oranges and something he couldn't pinpoint or describe.

He could prevent himself from burying his nose in his jacket because Even played the next song and he had to laugh despite his tiredness.

“Really, Even?“, he mubled, “ **My heart will go on?** That's so cheesy.“

“Sorry, I have to.“ Even's chest vibrated from laughter and Isak felt it in his bones.

Isak shook his head but spare the eyeroll. Even wouldn't see it, anyway.

Isak drifted to sleep more and more with every song. To Nas' **the Message** he listened with attention yet because he didn't knew that song, but when **7 years** by Lukas Graham was played he snuggled deeper into the blanket and slowed his breathing and from **Thunder** by Imagine Dragons he only got the first half before his body went pliant, his head found place in the crook of Even's neck and he fell asleep.

 

. . . 

 

_Now_

 

“Isak. Isak! Ey, earth to Isak, can you hear me?“

“Hm?“ Isak looked up, confused.

Jonas was standing in front of him, waving with his hand in front of his face. “Where are you?“, he laughed before abruptly stooping and taking a deep breath.

“I swear if you throw up in this...“

“I'm good, jesus. Just a moment.“ Jonas squinted his face. Isak cleared his throat and took a sip from his water. Magnus made his way to his seat, sat down and burried his head in his hands. “I wanna go home“, he whimpered, “I need stability under my ground. Quit Germany.“

“Ah Mags, just think about the ladies“, Mahdi tried while Isak snorted and truned away. Magnus just groaned. “I only want Vilde. Hey guys if I'm gonna to die would you say her that?“

“That your last thought was banging Vilde? Sure.“ Jonas closed his eyes. “but I have to agree, if we're not away from this ship I don't know what I'm gonna do.“

“You guys are all pussies.“ Mahdi chuckled. “Right, Isak?“

But Isak was distracted again. In this moment first the dark hair, then the rest from Yousef showed up, making his way through the people until he was staning in front of them.

“Hey, guys“, he said.

“Hey man, have you survived?“ Magnus didn't look up. Yousef laughed. “Oh yes, thanks“, he said. Then he rubbed his head. “Umhh... you don't have a few free seats here, do you?“

Jonas frowned. “No, everything's full here, sorry“, he said. “Why?“

“Oh, Adam ia constantly complaining about his seat.“ Yousef rolled his eyes. “And he likes to sit up.“

Isak stared at Yousef. He didn't blink a single time but he found nothing in his face.

“Yes, as I said... sorry.“ Jonas made a apologetic gesture. “but we'll see us around, man.“

“Oh yeah, we have to play against each other.“ Yousef grinned. “Okay, see you, guys.“ He turned around and walked downstairs again.

Isak fronwed. But he seemed to be the only one who found it a bit strange. Jonas had gone to sleep again, Magnus tried some breathe exercises to relax his stomach and Mahdi played something on his phone.  
So he shrugged and leaned deeper into his seat.

 

.

 

They had to wait again until they could get on the other ferry. But this one only drove about two hours, like Mahdi had said erlier.

Isak spent the whole ride on deck, outside.

He avoided the area up front. He stayed in the middle and stared in the water, thinking. He had called his dad back. It had been ugly and annoying for both of them but they had found an arrangement.

After that he had watched the clear heaven and wished for someone who could take him into a never ending embrace.

He stayed outside. And he defenitely didn't wait for someone walking casually by. Nope.

“Hey, man.“

Isak looked up. Jonas walked to him and leaned next to him against the railing. Isak smiled. “Feeling better?“

“It was all about the fucking wind“, he grumbled. “Now it's so beautiful weather, not a single blowing.“

“Mmh.“ Isak sighed. Jonas watched him carefully. “Dude, what's up?“, he asked.

Isak shrugged. “Not much, why?“

He could literally feel the judging in his eyes. “Issy, you have been out last night. I'm not stupid.“

“Oh, that...“ _Yeah Isak, what happened? Oh nothing, Jonas, I just fell asleep on Even Bech Næsheim's shoulder and well... any questions?_

“I needed fresh air“, he pressed out. “I... I couldn't sleep.“

Not a lie.

Jonas nodded. “Shit, man“, he said. “But there has to be something what can help you.“ He gave him a concerned look. Isak smiled weakly. “I don't know. Maybe I'm just fucked up“, he said with a bitter laugh. Jonas frowned. “Don't say that.“

Isak looked at his best friend. He saw nothing than pure concern and understanding.

It was true what he had told Even. Despite how much he loved Jonas as a friend and was grateful for their friendship, he still wasn't able to tell him everything. He didn't quite knew why. Maybe he was afraid of his reaction. Maybe not. He just didn't do it.

And because of that he never felt full satisfied, calmed down when he told Jonas one of hís family stories. He always let a detail out, his feeling in his chest, his anger of his dad, still, after all these years...

But he could told him what his father had sent him last night. Maybe he would feel better then.

Apart from that he felt strangely good today. An inner balance. Or something. He had something in the back of his head but he refused to think about that too much now.

“My dad again“, he murmured and laid his eyes again on the waves, which were much smaller today.

Jonas nodded again. “What happened?“, he asked.

Isak snorted. “He want to talk to me about getting her full hospitalized.“

“Oh.“

“Yeah. That's bullshit, though“, he said violently, “she's doing great, she just have had a bad episode, everyone has that, right? But he doesn't want to understand... _it's temporary, Isak..._ , yeah, my ass this is temporary. If she's in there she will never getting out.“

He didn't look at Jonas. He wanted to be strong.

“Isak, she's not going into some metal institution“, his friend said after a while, carefully.

“I don't know, my dad would be certainly glad about it.“ Isak kicked his shoe against the railing. “Hell, I don't want to think about this now, do you understand? I just wanted a nice trip with you guys and not...“ He stopped, sighed and lowered his head. “Some chill time“, he mumbled.

He felt a hand squeezing his shoulder. “Hey, just try not to overthinking it okay? I know you're the master of that-“ Isak snorted.

“But just try it. And later, when we're there in our nice rooms, you're gonna call him. All chill, okay? And I can sit beside you and hold your hand.“

“Ugh, fuck you“, Isak said but he had to laugh. He then looked at Jonas. “You would do that?“

“Only if you pay the first shots there.“ Jonas winked. Isak snorted. “Come on, you can pay for yourself.“

“Germany isn't _that_ cheap.“

“Jonas, a beer costs literally 45 cent, that's like 4 crones.“

“Still!“  
They kept bantering a while before Jonas convinced him t come in again and in slightly better mood, Isak stepped inside. Maybe it would be okay with his dad at the end of the day.

When they past the tables with eating people, he spotted a certain squad. He panicked for a moment and looked hectically around but it was the only way to go through. Don't be silly, Isak. Just forget last night.

He put on a (hopefully) chill face and made his way. When he was on the same level with the table he dared a look to the left.

Yousef just told a story and everybody else was laughing their asses off. Elias and Adam sat there with their legs on the chairs, Mikael had spread himself on all of their laps, Mutta ate a sandwich and Even sat on the side, doodling in his notebook and smiling about Yousef's words.

He wore a grey grey hoodie and blue jeans. His hair was slicked back as always. Suddenly the memories were very clear and very strong in his head.

Isak walked past him while constantly stalking him. He only became aware of what he did when he bumped into another table and spilled the juice of a old lady in her lap.

After he was done with excuses and being ambarrassed and red he made his way without looking back, with burning cheeks.

“Hey, Valtersen!“

He stopped and turned around.

Even grinned at him. “Watch your steps, Isak“, he said. Isak rolled his eyes and just gave a thumbs up sign because he didn't want to yell through the whole area.

Even held his gaze for a moment before his look suddenly became softer, his grinning turned into a warm smile and he gave him a nod.

It was just the tiniest gesture, to check if he was okay, and Isak didn't know what to feel first because he was hell of relieved that he appearently didn't imagine the situation yesterday, but on the other hand he was overhelmed with it.

He wasn't used to Even's new style of treating him. And something in him was afraid that it was only temporary before he would get to be his normal arrogant self-one.

But he decided that he would enjoy as much as he could from Nice-Even as long as he was around. He couldn't be mad at a Nice-Even, unfortunately, no matter how much he wanted to pay back him for his acting.

So he smiled back and nodded back and when he saw Even's eyes sparkle he had to look away because he smiled too wide. He quickly walked out of the room.

And stood in front of a raised-eyebrow Jonas.

“What was that?“, he asked. Isak opened his mouth and closed him again. Jonas looked too suspicious.

“I... uhm...“

“You just greeted Even Bech Næsheim“, Jonas said dryly. “No, wait, he greeted first and then you greeted back.“

“Uhm... yes?“ Isak wished his cheeks would calm down. “So?“

“So?“ Jonas laughed. “Isak, you are complained every minute about this guy! You didn't even want to come with us because of him and now...“

“I just decided it is... childish to behave like that.“

Very convincing Isak. Congrats.

Jonas started to laugh even louder. “Issy K, you are the worst liar in the universe.“ He gave him a big grin. “What is it? Did you finally became aware of his good looking?“

“What the fuck, Jonas, did Eva hear that? Eva, where are you? Eva!“ Isak yelled playfully for her and Jonas shoved him lightly. “What, only because I'm a guy I can't say he's good looking?“

“I didn't say that“, Isak tried to argue. “And – no, don't interrupt, Jonas – I was aware of that before, thank you very much.“

“Indeed.Thank you.“

Isak felt his blood running cold as ice. He had stood with his back to the door of the room where he just came out. Jonas' eyes were big and he hectically had tried to give him signs. But it was too late now.

Slowly, while cursing every cell of his body, Isak turned around. He didn't even want to know the colour of his cheeks by now.

Even was standing behind him. To say that he smiled had been the understatement of the year.

“Uhm... do you need something?“ His weak attempt to distract didn't reach Even, though. He just _beamed_ at him with all he had and Isak was so taken aback of that that he nad no words for a moment.

Only when Jonas cleared his throat and said: “Hey, man“, Even looked away from Isak.

“Hi, how's going?“ Even smiled at him. “I heard you had great advangers on the last ship.“

“Ugh, fuck you“, Jonas laughed. “I met Adam and Mutta, they were in the same mood as me, to put it like that.“

“Oh yeah, that could be.“ Even laughed. “But anyway, I have to go, we'll see us around, I guess.“

“Yeah, totally“, Jonas said easily. Isak stood there and felt awkward.

Even waved at them and then stared to walk away, in the direction of the stairs which lead to the upper floor.

Isak only felt Jonas stare on him after a few seconds. “What?“, he asked and hurried himself to look somewhere else than the disappearing person.

Jonas just shook his head. “I don't get you two“, he said. “He's chill to you now, what have you done?“

“I don't know.“ Isak wasn't lying. He had no clue why Even was nice to him, came to him more than twice to talk to him, letting him borrow his blanket, offered him a joint and oh yeah. Let him sleep on his shoulder.

Normal things.

Isak was frustrated because he didn't know how to calculate Even. He wasn't even sure if he wanted.

But he was still an annoying piece of shit. Yes.

“You look like you're thinking very hard. Should I leave you alone?“

“Ugh, I'm not.“ Isak shook his head. “Hey, let's go outside for the rest?“

Jonas gave him a look but then just left it with a deep sigh. “Okay.“

 

.

 

_“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Germany. Please stay in your cars and wait for further instructions.“_

“Woah, guys, finally. I'm dying.“

“You're standing on my foot.“

“Then move a bit. I need to see the german girls.“

“Mags, there is no one.“

Mahdi was right. The harbour of Warnemünde was quiet empty and not really the great imagine Magnus had told thhem over and over again.

“Ugh.“ Magnus looked disappointed. “Maybe when we're in proper Warnemünde, I mean it's just next to the city, it's gonna be great!“

Isak chuckled at the never ending enthusiasm of his friend. “Yeah, maybe“, he agreed.

 

.

 

They all needed to get out of the bus to get through some control („all because of the terrorism, damn, they even kill our time!“ “Mags!“ “What?!“), what took their time and when Isak was finally outside again he let out a relived noice. He looked around.

He harbour was indeed not that great looking. But Isak had seen pictures of Warnemünde itself and was not disappointed. The nice area was about to show up yet.

He was in a good mood. Yes, he had to call his dad later again. He did it already on the ferry even if Jonas had insisted that he shouldn't do it, and he had become pretty loud, probably the half of the ship had heard him, and had said a few things he didn't want to. But after he had calmed down he had apologized and his dad too and then they had agreed on talking later.

So it wasn't great, but for now he was in Germany, with his friends and so much things to plan and yeah. Life could be worse.

Unfortunately, Isak had to find that out only a few seconds later.

Because when he wanted to get in the bus again, he universe wanted that he bumped into Even who wanted to get inside as well.

Isak still didn't know if he should treat Even normal or like usual or better. So he decided against talking to him in expectation that he would something, like the last times they met.

But he didn't. Even just gave him a short look before turning his blonde head and making his way to the bus.

Isak frowned, a bit confused. But only seconds after that he shrugged. Why did he care about that. The attention from Even had been strange.

He followed him to the doors of the bus. When he wanted to step inside, he had to wait behind Even because everybody was making a jam inside. His gaze fell onto the doors of the bus whose were showing his reflection and Even's as well because of the time of the day. And he felt his mouth going dry and the sudden feeling like he would be falling in his stomach. Because Even looked at him through the reflection and if he had looked mirthful and amused earlier, his gaze now was the completely opposite of it.

He stared at him with his jaw clenched, his brows furrowed and his eyes – his eyes were burning holes into his soul. He looked at Isak so infuriated like he was carrying all the evil inside him. He looked angry, and desperate, and hurt. 

Isak was so startled, he almost fell over his own feet. He couldn't do anything, nothing. He just stared back, unable to understand.

Even held his gaze. He held it and he said a thousand things to him through his look. Things Isak didn't understand, didn't get except one message: accusation.

Isak was speechless by the desperation in his eyes. The hurt expression. The furious judging.

Even stared at him. Until something even more horrible happened.

All of his feelings seemed to drop from his face until the only thing what was left was just cold rejection. He looked reserved and unapproachable and just so far away from Isak.

Suddenly the thought of what happend just yesterday it seemed to him inconceivably, even laughable.

“Come on, move, Bech Næsheim.“

Even gave him a last look through the reflection. Then he turned his head and made his way inside the bus, to his seat.

Isak didn't move an inch. He couldn't. He was frozen to the ground.

Nothing made sense.

“Isak, what yore you doing, come on!“

Slowly, his feet seemed to drag him on their own accord inside the bus, up the stairs and to his seat.

“Only half an hour left!“, cheered Magnus.

Isak said nothing. He was perplext. Confused. For anger was no place yet. Appearently for disappointment there was.

He didn't involded himself into the conversation between the guys. He stayed silent and looked out of the window, watched the unfamiliar streets, the unfamiliar cars, the unfamiliar nature, while he tried to get that numb and icy feeling out of his body and the tears of frustration out of his eyes. 

 

 

. . . 

 

When Even woke him up gingerly by calling his name, Isak felt out of space for a minute. Too cozy the blanket felt, too warm the body was next to him, to safe felt the space he had cuddled into.

“No“, Isak groaned and snuggled deeper into the blanket. He heard Even's quiet laugh near by his ear.

“Isak, we have to go, there are guys who watching for dumb students, lying around and watching stars“, he whispered.

That made him move, though but Even had to help him getting up because he was still so dizzy and half asleep and was very refusing to take the blanket back.

He didn't even remember the way they were taking to get back to the floor where the students sleep, only that Even asked for his bedroomnumber and clinched to him the whole time. Because he didn't want to lose him to be lost in the process not becuase he felt good ad safe and _smellt_ good, no. And even if it was; all externalities. Inside he still was a piece of shit who didn't like Isak.

“Okay, you need to go inside, Isak.“ Even looked around. “Nobody's here.“

“Where's your room?“

“Down the floor. Now go.“

But Isak stood still there.

“Thanks, for... you know“, he said, “letting me sleep.“

Even gave him a soft look. “That's okay“, he said. “I'm glad I witnissed that at all. You sleeping.“

Isak was too tired to bark back so he just smiled. “Okay, then... see you tomorrow?“

“See you tomorrow.“ Isak ment to have seen Even's hand moving into his direction but then he withdrew it quickly. “Good night, Isak.“

“Night, Even.“

“Oh, and Isak?“

“Mmh?“

“I want something just like this.“

“Huh?“

“The song. Listen to it. I don't know, maybe it's calming for you as well.“

“Oh. Mmh, will do.“

“I hope you sleep well.“

“Even?“

“Yes?“

“... uhm... no, forget it. Nevermind.“

“Okay.“

“I just... you are... it is... sleep well.“

“Yeah. You too, Is.“

He then turned around and walked the way back they had come together. Isak looked after him for a moment, trying to think something what made sense. When he noticed that he failed and only got awake through that, he opened the door as quietly as he could and sneaked inside.

Jonas was still asleep, but had stopped snoring, thank god. Isak climbed the bed and layed himself down.

He still could smell the scent of the sea, mixed up with the scent of Even's blanket. That and the song Even had said him he found on Spotify put him to a good, firm sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know they are not there properly. But well... things had to be done first. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> That was quiet hard to write. I'm trying to upload as fast as I can, but I have so many exams right now... so sorry:/
> 
> See you! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first proper day in Germany!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry for the long break!
> 
> I try to write and update as fast as I can but please be patient if it needs its time and keeping inspired is quite hard sometimes.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this (and I know there's not much Evak yet but we're getting there;) )

“I am so tired. I will never get up again. See you guys in the next life.“ Jonas threw his backpack in the corner and then himself on one of the beds. “Holy shit, the beds are _insane_! Isak, try it out.“

“Where's our room?“ Magnus stared helpless on his piece of paper. Mahdi growned, then pointed on a certain spot. “Dude, can you read?“

“It's so nice, we are in Germany. In Warnemünde.“ Jonas' voice came out a bit muffled because he had shoved his head under a pillow.

“It's just another piece of the earth, jesus, calm down.“

“Calm down?“ Jonas looked up. “What's up with you, dude? You are pissed since we arrived. I told you not to call your dad...“

“I'm good. Leave me alone.“ Isak dropped his suitcase and headed straight for the door. “I'm gonna check out the area.“

“Isak...“

But Isak had closed the door and walked with furious steps down the hallway. Students made their way past him and he didn't bother to give space. He went downstairs and out of the main door.

“Hey, Isak!“

Sana was standing in front of him. “We're in the same building, I guess“, she said. Isak only nodded and tried to walk past her but she gave him one look and he stayed. “What do you want?“, he asked annoyed. “I'm on my way to the beach.“

“The beach is twenty minutes away“, she huffed. “And we have to be inside for the instructions.“

“What are you, a girl in middle school?“

“And what are you, a teenage boy with no respect?“

Isak sighed. “What do you want, Sana?“, he asked again.

She squinted her eyes at him.

Isak liked Sana a lot. They were both stubborn little shits and got along very well despite their sometimes not so friendly way of talking to each other. Isak liked her toughness (and was secretely a bit scared of it) and that she always said what she thought.

But right now he had absolutely no desire to deal with that.

“Well, Isak, I don't know what bothers you but I heard talking about it will help.“

Isak snorted. “Oh thanks.“

Sana watched him a moment. Then she bit her lip and said: “Do you have an empty room in your area?“

“Why, are your girls so horrible already?“

His grin dropped under her gaze.

“I need to pray, asshole“, she said. Isak looked to the ground. “Oh. Sorry.“

“Yeah.“

“I don't kow, everybody is organizing theirselves you know.... just ask one of our journey team members.“

She nodded absently while watching the building. “Mmh. It's quite nice, right?“

And it was. It really was.

Somehow the air was very nice and not too cold, the sun was full and bright up in the sky. And the hotel where they were supposed to spent the next days was not too bad. It was made out of old contains. That looked pretty cool, even Isak had to admit that. And down next to the foyer was a small hall were you could do bouldering (climbing without ropes or any harnesses), how cool was that?

But Isak couldn't bring himself to appreciate any of this. And that annoyed him even more, that some stupid asshole could ruin his day so _simply_.

“Hey Sana“, he said when something came to his mind, “do you know how we are splitted up?“

“You mean the whole group?“ Sana scratched her head. “I think the one half is here and the rest in a hotel somewhere else?“

“Why, the hotel here is big enough.“

Sana smirked at him. “Because there are maybe other guests, genius?“

Isak rolled his eyes. “Sorry that I asked.“

“I forgive you.“

“And the students? How are they splitted up?“

Sana gave him a look. “What do you mean?“

Isak cleared his throat. “Well, who's here and who's in the other building. Is it all coincedence or...“

Now Sana looked confused. “Umh, no?“, she said. “You had to choose.“

“I can't remember that.“

“No, because we added you douchebags to the list here“, Sana explained. Isak fronwed. “But... you came to me and asked about making clear that we are all in one building...“

“The list isn't carved in stone, Isak, there's still the possibility that it wouldn't work out.“ Sana took a step back to let a student walk through them. “We were lucky we are here with you. Or... some of us.“

“Oh come on, you love me.“ Isak shoved her slightly. Sana gave him a look. “I don't love you“, she said dryly. “I may like you but...“

“Aha.“ Isak grinned. “Knew it.“

Sana gave him a smirk. “But only because of your brain. The rest is useless.“

“Now I'm hurt.“

“That was the intention.“

“Everybody please come for a second? We need to organize everything...“

“This is the worst organization group in the world“, Isak muttered and turned to the building. Sana nodded. “The worst“, she said.

They made their way back inside and waited together with the rest of the people. Isak spotted Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus next to Eva and Vilde. Chris and Noora sat on the ground.

“So...“ A woman with long blonde hair stood on a chair so everybody could see her. “Hello, everybody. We are finally here!“

The group around her cheered in enthusiasm. Isak rolled his eyes.

“Before I go any further I noticed there were some confusion about the division. So here's the explanation: We... uhm... we lost the list.“

Sana grinned. “A wonder we didn't end up in Alaska on our way“, she said.

“So we had to make a new one but it's all not that bad: the list was only a draft, we couldn't fullfill every wish anyway. So the list who's in who's house now is here pinned on the wall if you want to look were your friends are.“

Isak had watched the people while the woman spoke. When he spotted Mutta, leaning against a wall, he cursed and dropped the gaze.

“Okay... what else... oh yeah! Today is Tuesday and you have the day off. Do whatever you want but be here at 8 a.m. please. Because tomorrow we are going to start the working. Everyone of you has to make a project and I hope you already have an idea what it is. The projects will be presented at the end of the semster. They will influence your notes so make sure to try your best.  
The beach is open for everyone. On Sundays most shops are closed. You got some money for the week but I hope you read your letter carefully, we are not able to pay everything for you. So watch your expenditures please.  
Whoever gets in trouble caused by theirselves will be send back but I hope we are not a kindergarten here.  
The rest you will hear tomorrow, we need to make a plan. Have a great day!“

“We need to make a plan?“ Isak snorted. “Organized.“

But Sana didn't hear him. “I have to go, Isak, see you“, she said and made her way through the people. Isak looked after her until she stopped – next to Yousef. He smiled when he noticed her and they started a smily conversation.

Isak blinked a few times. Then he broke out in a grin.

“Hey, you know how to smile, I was concerned for nothing, thank god!“

Jonas showed up and clapped him on the back. “Will you tell me what's wrong or...?“ He raised his brows. “I mean, it's okay, you only have to tell me to back off and I will...“

“It' okay, jesus“, Isak said, “I'm just...“ He stopped, thinking about a fitting word. Then he spotted Even, sitting there with Mikael and talking. A sharp _thing_ went throuhg his stomach.

“Done“, he finished. Jonas dropped one eyebrow. “Do you wanna check out the beach? You didn't go there already, did you?“

Isak shook his head.

“Then let's go!“

 

.

 

They way to the beach was not that nice. The hotel was a bit outside the beach area so you had to walk next to a big street until you finally came to the tourist area which told them it wasn't that far anymore.

When they arrived at the proper beach, Isak got something from his good mood back. It was really nice. The sand was soft under his fingers, the main tourist time was over so there were not that many people and the weather was also nice.

“Dude, a cocktail bar!“ Magnus hectially pointed at the bar next to a funny looking building. “Let's spent every night there.“

“I want to go to the city next to Warnemünde for sure“, Jonas said from where he was on the ground, drawing things in to the sand with a stick. “Ristock or someting.“

“Rostock.“ Mahdi built a drip castle. “But it's a small city.“

“So? Can be nice anyways. Oh guys, look at that, a Volleyball net.“

“Nooo“, Isak gronwed. “I hate Volleyball.“

“Ah, come on, it's not that bad, Issy.“ Jonas took a look on his watch. “I'm starving, guys, who wants to eat something?“

They couldn't agree what they wanted at first but finally they decided to go to a restaurant. Because it was their arrival and stuff.

Isak wished he could have boxed his idea through to just buy food fromt he supermaket and then going back when they entered the restaurant... and spotted six familiar heads.

“Hey, guys“, Magnus cheered before Isak could do anything.

Elias turned around. “Hey, what's up? Hey, have a seat, we are waiting for our food, wanna join us?“

Isak wanted to turn around and run. But he couldn't. So he put on a smile and sat next to Elias on the bench.

Mutta was talking with Mikael, appearently about the project they had in mind while sipping on their apple juices. Adam and Yousef scooted to one side to make space for Magnus and Jonas while Mahdi took place next to Even, who was occupied with his phone.

“So what's up?“, asked Elias. “How's our room?“

“Pretty nice, we have the view to the beach.“

“Nice. We are right under the attic“, Yousef grinned and sipped from his coke. „We have to check that out. Maybe we can go to the roof.“

“But we have no key“, Adam interjected. Mikael rolled his eyes. “We have other methods to do that“, he said mysteriously. He put down his glass of sprite or water and looked in the round. “So, did you guys have been to the beach? Pretty nice, isn't it?“

“Oh yeah, we have to play volleyball soon“, Jonas nodded.

The waiter came and they ordered drinks and food. Isak dared to look over the table.

Even was still looking at his phone, his brows furrowed, his forehead crinkled. Elias nudged him under the table so he would look up. Isak quickly dropped his gaze.

“Hey, Even, be social, okay?“

Even snorted. “Sorry, I had to check Mik's newest video“, he huffed. Mikael looked offended. “Hey, you wanted to see it all of the sudden, I just...“

They got interrupted when the drinks came. Isak took his banana juice, Magnus his coke light and Jonas and Mahdi had chosen spezi.

“Okay, guys...“ Elias held his glass up. “To a fucking awesome vacation.“

“It's not a vacation, dude.“

“Shut up, Adam.“

“Skål", they all said and clinked their glasses together.

“What are your projects, guys?“, Magnus asked when they all had taken a sip. Mikael exchanged a look with Even who had just taken a sip from his cherry juice. “That's a secret, man, sorry“, he said. Magnus pouted. “Damn art students“, he muttered.

Elias laughed. “Oh, you have no idea. When there's a secret project, these two are so awful, its not bearable.“

“Oh yeah?“, said Even, “Who is the one who brags about his grate notes because of his _brilliant_ plan for a building-“

“It was great, no question...“

“And then he bragged the whole... _month_ about it.“

“I didn't!“ Elias threw a napkin at Even.

“Anyway, I'm gonna design a more effective model of the _teepot_.“

Mahdi frowned. “The what?“

“That funny looking thing next to the beach bar“, Mikael explained and rolled his eyes. “Elias was so excited to finally see this thing.“

“Because it's so nice, I mean, if you think about the structure, it's...“

“Okay, someone else?“, Mutta cutted him off. “Isak, what are your plans?“

“Umh“, said Isak, overwhelmed. “Ugh, I don't know yet. Maybe doing some research on this university. They are quite good at this astrology-stuff you know.“

“Wow, a scientist.“ Adam nudged Yousef. “Arer you sure you want to-“

“Sshh!“ Mikael punched him in the arm. “Don't put your nose in other men's business.“

“Mmh, which university is that, Isak?“, Mutta asked.

“Umh, the one in Berlin. It's...“

“Uh, what a coincedence, Even also wants to visit an university there“, Adam blurted out. Elias rolled his eyes at him. “Dude, we all want to go there.“

“Yeah but still...“ But Adam stopped talking when he met Even's and Elias' gaze. The other guys looked curious between them.

“I don't think we want tot go to the same thing“, Even finally sid, looking at Adam, not Isak. “And I don't want to an uni, Adam.“

“Uh, right, whatever you say, dude“, Mutta said.

“Can you let me through?“, Isak mumbled to Elias.

“Sure.“ He scooted forward so he could climbed off the bench. He then walked as normal as he could straight to the bathroom. There he got inside one of the cabins and locked the door.

What was Even's fucking problem? First he stared at him like he would be responsible for the Second World War and now he completely ignored him? Didn't even watch him?

That was somehow even worse and suddenly he wished the usual teasing back. He had to sit through a whole lunch time with him. Great. So great.

Isak bit his lip. But it had to be. He didn't want to be the weak one anmd just go away or something. He had done nothing at all. And he couldn't do anything if he didn't knwo what Even's problem was. But yeah... to understand Even's acting... that was athing he had said goodbye a long time ago.

What made him even more angry was the night on the ship. Why he had been there? Why he had been so nice to him? If Isak weren't go outside he wouldn't have meet him and everything would be easier now.

If Even would hate him still if they hadn't met?

But he did nothing back then. Everything ended good. He even walked Isak to his door.

Isak sighed and ran ahand through his hair. It was useles. The more he thought about it the more he got confused. He had to deal with it. He could do it. He didn't need Even's goodwill. Nope.

 

.

 

When he came back to the table, he found a surprise.

Even was gone.

He couldn't stop himself from asking: “Where's Even?“

Jonas looked up. “He said he needed to call someone“, he answered. “He should be back in a few minutes.“

_No,he won't. For sure he won't._

Isak felt his stomach going cold. Now Even even had to leave to avoid him? What was this?

“Isak? Don't you wanna sit down?“

Isak stood there and felt the anger rising up in his body. And then a short circuit appearently cut in his brain because he said: “I'll be right back, guys“ and headed for the door.

He walked further and further away from the building, with no aim in particular. His steps got more and more hurried and his breath got heavily until he was full running. He ran along the promenade, past people with dogs and kids and no worries. He kept running until he found a small forest next to a café. In fact it was just a few trees but it was enough.

Isak slowed his pace and finally stood still. He propped his arms in his sides and tried to control his panting.

No one was here. Isak was alone for a moment.

The wind had gotten stronger but the trees protected him so he could sit comfortable on the ground.

He heard the seagulls screaming above him. He heard the ocean murmuring. People taling. Children laughing. Someone called for icecream.

Isak closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face.

Something inside him was mad that he ran away. It was weak. It showed himself that he cared about Even. But another part of him just needed this now. A bit peace and silence.

Isak could, if he leaned a bit to the right and forward, see the beach and the sea.

And there he sat. He sat there and watched the people passing by, the waves doing their dance, the birds riding the waves or flying above them.

He thought. He thought long and very hard. About a lot of things.

About his mother. His lovely, sick mother.

His dad. His stupid, careless, working dad.

His friends. 

His studying.

Himself. What he wanted.

Why he was so angry and tired and frustrated all the time.

And why he had felt different when he had this short time with Even. He felt similar things when he could confess some of his worries with Jonas or Mahdi or Magnus, but it was still somehow so much different.

That was the problem. Because why? Why it was enough Even was nice for a second and Isak was lost? And so down when he started to hate Isak again?

He didn't want that. He wished Even had stayed home. He wished he never had come outside on the ship. He wished he hadn't seen these cold eyes on him.

He wished so many things. 

 

Yes, Isak thought long and hard.

He sat there, between the trees, his hands around his knees and his chin on his kneecap.

He sat there until the sun started to go down slowly, but steady.

He sat there. And found one or two answers, which didn't please him.

He sat there.

And if he wiped about his face once or twice...well... nobody saw it anyway.

 

.

 

When Isak returned to the hotel, it was almost night. He walked slowly and with no energy.

He stepped inside the building and up the stairs. Then he walked to his door and opened it to go inside.

The next thing he heard was a gasp and then someone knocked the air right out of him.

“Jonas...“, he gasp, “let go!“

“You stupid fucker!“, Jonas yelled into his face after letting go of him. “You piece of shit!“

“Uhm...“ Isak looked around, confused. “What did I do?“

Jonas looked like he was about to explode every second. “What did you do?“, he snapped. “Oh, nothing, let me think for a second... umh... you just left and didn't come back??!“

“Oh“, Isak said slowly. “That. Yeah, uhm... I needed fresh air?“ He knew it was useless judging by the look Jonas gave him. 

“Dude, you were gone for hours! And you didn't even turn your phone on, what the fuck. We've been looking for you like crazy!“

“Oh.“ Isak blinked. “Really?“

“Yes, really, you stupid asshole.“ Jonas took a deep calming breath before he let himself fall on his bed.

Isak swallowed. “Jonas, sorry if you were worried...“

Jonas snorted loudly. 

„... but I'm fine, ok, I have the right to be alone sometimes-“

“Isak, you said to us you'll be back any second and guess what, you weren't, and we were there together to eat something and you disappeard. How should we react, huh?“

Isak bit his lip guilty. “Jonas... I'm really sorry, man.“

Jonas gave him a look. A long, blaming look. But then he just sighed and ran an hand through his dark curls. “Just glad you're back“, he mumbled. “It's night, Isak! It's dark outside...“

“Yeah, okay, mom, I got it.“ Isak sat on his own bed. It squeaked. “Sorry again. I apologize.“

Jonas' answer was just a deep breath from where he was lying on his bed. “I practically raised you and then this“, he mumbled. 

Isak broke out in laugh. “What the hell“, he said and threw a pillow on him.

“Ey!“ Jonas glared at him. “Way too soon, asshole.“ But he had to hide a grin, Isak could see it.

“Okay, for the last time, I'm sorry and I won't do it again“, he said while rolling his eyes.

“You swear?“

“Jesus... okay, I swear by... here, by this.“ Isak pointed to his welcome-cookie. “That I won't do it again. Good?“

“Good.“ With a sigh Jonas rolled to the side and grabbed his phone. He tipped a few seconds, then he shoved it into his pocket. “I just wrote that you're back to the others.“

“Are you that lazy? Mahdi and Magnus are in the next room.“

“They weren't the only ones.“

Isak frowned. “What... did you send a group out for me?“, he asked with a nervous laugh. Jonas looked up. “Uhm, no, but they wanted to help, so...“

“Who?“ Isak tried to sound normal but hsi voice betrayed him: Jonas gave him a look.

“You okay?“, he asked. 

Isak shook his head impatiently. “Yes, just... who searched for me?“

Jonas stared at him for like two seconds, then he said: “Okay, Iss, spill it.“

“What?“ Isak cursed his best friend. “There's nothing, what do you...“ But he stopped when he saw Jonas' look.

“Either you'll tell me what's eating you up or I won't give you anything.“

Isak growned. “Jonas, please...“

But his best freind, that fucker, just grinned at him and took his phone back in his hand. For a few moments it was silent in the room. Isak glared from his bed over to Jonas, who just tried to be occupied with his phone.

Isak could hardly suppress a frustrated noise. He couldn't tell him about this... could he? No, this was his thing, Jonas would just take pity on him and that was the last thing he wanted...

But on the other hand... if he wouldn't tell anyone soon his head would probably explode. And it was Jonas. He had always his back.

Even if Isak couldn't bring himself to tell him any frightening and sad thought inside him.

When Isak cleared his throat, Jonas looked up, eyebrows raised.

“...okay“, Isak said begrudgingly. Jonas face lightened up.

“But“, Isak held up a hand, “first you gonna tell me about today.“

Jonas shrugged. “Fine, okay. Even there's not much to tell.“ He put his phone away. “So, we were inside this restaurant and you didn't come back so I thought maybe you have called your dad or he has called or something. I went out but you weren't there. Then I tried to call you but no one picked up. Then I went back inside and told the others and then Even suggested that we should split up and search and...“

“Even?“ Isak couldn't help himself. “Even was there?“

Jonas frowned. “Yes, of course“, he said, “you saw him, Isak.“

“Yes, but he... he left?“

Now Jonas looked even more suspicious. “He came back, Isak“, he said slowly. “Like, a minute after you were gone.“

Suddenly Isak felt stupid. Very very stupid.

“Why?“ His friend looked curious. “What's going on, Iss?“

But Isak didn't answer. His thoughts started to run. But nothing made sense.

“Isak?“ Jonas now looked concerned. “Everything okay, buddy?“

Isak took a deep breath. “No“, he said, “don't think so.“

He cleared his throat. “Jonas, there's-“

“There he is, that little fucker!“

The yell came from the door and a moment later Mahdi and Magnus had burried Isak under him.

“One fucking message, dude“, Mahdi said while playfully boxing him.

“Yeah, we sought everywhere.“ Magnus sighed exhausted. Jonas clicked his tongue. “Apparently not, dude.“ He rolled his eyes.

Isak just smiled weakly. The boys then started to talk about the day and how they looked for him (seriously, Isak thought this all was way too exaggerating but he kept his mouth shut).

He listened and laughed and made a joke out of this.

He might have had a weak moment. But he could handle this on his own. He didn't want that Jonas worried more than necessary. So he instead listened to Magnus who wanted to tell every single details of his searching.He apparently had sought together with Even (“he's so nice, Isak, why you don't like him? It's such a shame, we could hang out sometimes!“) the whole afternoon and Isak was only able to show him a bitter smile.

Eventually Isak suggested they all should watch a movie together (after this _horrible_ experience) and they all had to snuggle together to fit in Jonas' bed. They watched **fast and furious** , even if Jonas had complained loudly about the lame story and flat characters.

Jonas had given him looks but when Isak whispered he was okay and had just overreacted he gave him a nod and a smile. Isak knew he didn't believe him but he was grateful that he let it drop for now.

So he shifted a bit under the sheets to escape the leg of Magnus that kept poking him and tried to concentrate on the movie.

 

.

_Wednesday, Day 1_

 

“Morning, sunshine.“

Isak growned and tried to escape the light from outside by hiding himself under his sheets. Everything was too fucking loud and too bright.

“Issy-K, get up! Breakfast is ready for your grumpy ass.“

Isak didn't move. Maybe Jonas would guess him for a dead person and leave him alone already.

“Isaaaaak.“

With a whine Isak sat up. “It's way too fucking early“, he mumbled. Jonas laughed. “I love not-morning-persons. It's always so much fun.“

As an answer, Isak just showed him the finger. “Is here a shower somehwere?“, he asked while getting up and down on his knees to pull his suitcase from under his bed.

“Yeah, down the floor“, he heard Jonas say. “But hurry, man, we have to share with Mahdi, Magnus and two other guys.“

Isak nodded absently, trying to find his pants. Jonas watched him while he did. “And I thought I was chaotic“, he mumbled and got prompt a sock in his face.

“See you“, Isak said while already walking out of the door.

 

When he had showered and brushed his teeth, he felt better. He was excited for the day and what he would got to explore.

He didn't waste a thought on Even or his dad. Or at least he tried not to.

He gave himself a nod in the mirror, ran a a hand through his curls and decided that for today, his snapback had to be enough for covering the mess on his head.

 

When he stepped into the breakfast room it was already filled with people. If Isak remembered right, there were like thirty people who were in this hotel. He quickly looked around and scanned the lines.

It seemed like there were the half of the science classes and technology classes, same year as himself and a year older.

Then there were a few theater guys which wondered Isak – but then he remembered the girls. Vilde and Chris also did theatre and no one minded it. And then, of course, most of the art students from the second year.

This trip was more unorganized than his suitcase, Isak thought grimly.

“Hey, Isak!“ Magnus waved at him and pointed on the table. It was covered in food.  
Isak felt himself smile; he didn't need to get in that horrible long line to get food. He waved back and made his way until he finally let himself fall next to Magnus.

“Morning“, he said. Magnus grinned. “I knew you only would be in a good mood with a coffee and scrumbled eggs“, he said and shoved both things over to him.

“Thanks. Can you explain something to me?“, Isak said while slurping on his cup. “Why there are Vilde and Chris and a bunch of other art students from the first year?“

Magnus shrugged and chewed on his baken-toast. “I think they asked to join“, he said. “And the grup leaders didn't have anything against it. As long as they pay what is needed.“ He swallowed and grabbed another toast.

Isak nodded slowly.

“Yo, guys, what should we gonnas do today?“ Jonas showed up. Isak looked at him in surprise. “Where have you been?“, he asked. “You were ready when I left to shower.“

Jonas didn't asnwer him, he just grinned and sat on the chair next to Mahdi, who was occupied with eating a sandwich.

“I swear, I need some dick“, Isak mumbled into his eggs. He then looked up and was met by three pairs of eyes. He rolled his own and added: “obviously not yours, guys.“

“Okay, I think we have to wait until we know what's up today“, Mahdi said and drank another sip from his orange juice.

Jonas nodded. “Yes, I agree. But it seems like they finally have a plan, doesn't it?“

Isak shoved the coffe can to the side and had full view on that woman with the blonde hair. She sat a few tables away from them and sipped from her cup of tea while she was talking to - 

Isak sighed and shoved the can back to its place but it was too late. Even for the few seconds he had his brain seemed to be on the mission to take in as much details as possible from _him_.

His hair was unstyled today. He wore a blue jacket and a scarf, already inside this room. And he looked almost as tired as Isak felt.

“Oh, now here we go“, Mahdi whispered, just in time when the woman stood up and turned to the students.

Isak saw Even taking a seat next to Elias, who immediately started talking into his ear.

“Good morning everyone“, the woman said. “My name's Maya and I'm gonna explain you the course of this trip.

As you might have noticed, there are a few students which are not joining the science classes but the art classes. I hope you welcomed them as warm as your own people.“

Isak let out a little snore.

“I hope it is not a problem for you all, but if I consider the plea of a few theatre members which also wanted to join, i don't see a probem.“

Isak saw Vilde smiling in his direction. He turned his head and saw Magnus winking back. Isak held back a grin and turned his head back to Maya.

“... the plan is, as I told you, quite simple and free. Today is Wednesday and today is gonna be the day on which you make clear what is gonna be your work here. You will give me your topics together with your wishes where you need to go and, if necessary, on which date in case you have an organized meeting.  
Apart from that, we have a few activities which are quite cool and if you're interested you can write your name on the list I hang up outside. It's a lot and I'm sure everyone will find something what pleases him.  
You are free to go wherever you want to but you have to be here for breakfast and if you don't make it, at least call me or text me. My number is also outside on the wall and I recommend you to only use it for an emergency. I don't care who sleeps with who but if anyone creates trouble they're out and on their way back home. And I don't want to get responsible if someone of you guys gets missing. Please spare me the worries. Thank you.  
You are not on a schooltrip here what means you can do whatever you want. Your project is your own concern, we're not here to babysitting you. But if someone needs help or some support, come to us, we'll help you.  
If you have any worries or wishes please come to me. I'll try my best. Oh and you had to write if you have any allergies or diseases. If some of that makes you uncomfortable or if you need help or medicine, please tell me as well.  
So... I think that was it. We, the leaders will be here or somewhere in Warnemünde. A note will be on the wall outside where we will be on which days so you can reach us.  
That's it. Have a great time.“ She smiled and sat down while everyone started cheering and clapping. Isak grinned against his will; the speech had lightened his mood and suddenly he finally felt like he was in a different country and would get to experience great shit.

 

.

 

“Guys, I don't know what I should do“, Magnus complained two hours later.

“I still don't get why you don't have one already. You had weeks, Mags.“

“Not helpful, dude.“ Magnus threw a pillow on Mahdi. 

“You could write about the fantastic technolgical progress of the oven over the last hundred years“, Isak laughed and escaped the second pillow. 

Jonas joined in. “Oh yea, and then you can write about the German coffee filter“, he snickered. Magnus looked up. “Huh?“

“Didn't you know? The Germans invented the coffee filter. You have to thank them every time you drink coffee.“ Jonas grinned at him. But Magnus' face lightened up. “Guys, that is it“, he said and bounced enthusiastically on his feet, “I'll write about this.“

Isak looked up at him in disbelief. “About German filters?“, he said doubtfully. “Jonas, what have you done!“

“No, no“, Magnus waved his comment away while he hectically started to write his topic on a piece of paper. “About the importance of technical things in the cooking world“, he said dramatically.

Jonas and Isak exchanged a look. Mahdi only sighed and wrote his own topic down, a history research about Carl Friedrich Gauß, a famous German mathematician. He added a city to his topic, Braunschweig and then folded his paper. “Everyone ready?“, he asked.

Isak gave him his own paper. His own topic was about the existence of black holes and for that he wanted to go to the university of technology, centre for astrophysics and astronomy.

“Wait a second, I'm almost done.“ Jonas handed him his paper.

“What's your topic?“, Magnus asked. Jonas smiled. “About the dangers of technolgy in the 21. century.“

Isak groaned. “Dude, you're studying this, why are you working aganinst yourself?“

“I'm not“, Jonas said simply. “I just want to remind everyone that using a smartphone can have massiv damage on your body and in sixty years...“

“Okay, okay“, Isak interrupted. “We'll all gonna die.“

“Not everyone wants to study the skye, Isak“, Jonas snapped but grinned while he did. Isak's eyes sparkled. “Is that so?“, he asked.

“Guys, no fighting please.“ Mahdi grabbed Magnus' paper and rolled his eyes. “Please let the pillows on their beds. I'll go get Maya the papers.“

“So, let's explore Warnemünde, guys“, Isak cheered when Mahdi came back. He was met by certain looks. “What?“

“Dude, we were like, exploring the city yesterday“, Magnus said and narrowed his eyes at him, “a bit... unintentionally.“

Isak looked to the ground. “Ugh, guys, I'm sorry“, he said, “I was just...“ But then he catched the mischieving grin from his friend and rolled his eyes. “Wow, Mags.“

“What? Ouch!“

Isak had thrown the pillow back at him.

 

.

 

They ended up exploring the city nevertheless. They went to the _teepot_ Elias had talked about (not that much interesting, Isak thought. But well...) and visited the souvenir shop inside and drank a cup of hot chocolate outside on the terrace.

“You know, guys“, Magnus said, leaned back in his chair, humming comfortable, “when I have kids later I'm gonna totally live at the sea.“

“Have you spoken to Vilde about that?“

“Shut up, Issy.“

“I get what you mean.“ Jonas looked around. “It's awesome.“

Isak looked around. He felt the breeze on his cheeks, the fresh air around him, the ocean in the background...

“Me too“, he said. “The sea's nice. When I'm rich and famous I'm gonna buy a house near by the sea and every vacation I'll go there.“

“And we're gonna visit you there, then.“ Jonas smiled. “When we're old and ugly and have white beards.“

Isak laughed at that. “Yeah, that sounds nice“, he said. “And Mags can cook for us.“

“Oh hell yes“, Magnus beamed. “I'll make the best tomato soup ever, even you will like it.“ He pointed at Isak who cringed. “Not gonna happen“, he said convinced. Jonas shook his head. “Your war with tomatoes is still weird , dude.“

“It's not a _war_ “, Isak defended himself. “Tomatoes are just really really disgusting and I will not let myself persuade that they can ever be something else than that.“

Jonas just shook his head at this. “That's ridiculous“, he mumbled when suddenly Mahdi said: “hey, they are the girls, right?“

Isak looked up. Mahdi was right: Sana, Noora and Vilde were coming along the beach, followed by Chris and Eva. They went in their direction and as soon as Noora could see that the boys were aware of their presence she waved at them.

When the girls arrived Eva headed straight to Jonas and kissed him. “Hey“, she said and smiled around. “Enjoying the day?“

“Yes, we don't actually know what to do“, Jonas said while he pulled her into his lap. Magnus scooted to the side so Vilde and Chris could sit next to him and Sana took the seat beside Isak. Mahdi made room for Noora.

“We wanted to go swimming but it's too cold today“, Noora said while fumbling in her pocket. “Okay, girls, give me money, I'll order hot chocolate.“

“Hey, we could go to Rostock“, Chris said, “that will be fun!“

“Yea, but we wanted to go tomorrow“, Mahdi said, “in the afternoon there's a volleyball game we wanted to watch.“

“Uh, with audience and everything?“ Eva grinned. “Cool. Hey, let's join?“ She asked around. Chris and Vilde nodded, Sana said: “is here some basketball game as well?“ and Isak had to hide his grin in his empty cup.

 

Noora returned with the drinks and she was also up to it.

They sat and talked and laughed along and Isak felt good. He liked the girls and felt comfortable with them. Even if it was annoying as fuck that Eva and Jonas kept kissing and touching each other. “Ugh, guys, get a room“, he mumbled when he saw Eva's tongue disappearing inside Jonas' mouth. Noora nodded. “He's right“, she said bored.

“You all are sexually frustated“, Jonas blamed them when he came up for air. Isak snorted. “Rather that than dry humping in public.“

“Be careful what you say, Isak Valtersen“, Jonas pointed with a finger on him as if he wanted to put a spell on him. “If one day a person will cross your way that changes your entire life you will be damn careful mocking about dry humping.“

“Alright“, Sana said dryly. “I think that's enough. Let's go to the beach, guys.“

So they did.

They made a long walk along the sea, ignored Magnus complaining (“What are we, sixty years old? Walks are so boring, guys!“) and had actually a lot of fun.

After a while, Magnus and Vilde walked behind the group, talking and laughing and from time to time Magnus lowered himself to gave her one of those heart- shells.

“They're cute“, Sana said. She had walked next to Isak for the past few minutes but they both had been silent.

Now Isak looked behind him. “Yeah“, he said, watching Vilde trying to escape Magnus who wanted to carry her on his back. “He's quite into her, I fear.“

Sana nodded. “I hope he's good for her“, she said with a frown. Isak raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?“, he asked. She bit his lip. "Nothing“, she said and stared him down.

“Come one, Sana, why would you say this and then nothing more? Please?“

but she shook her head. “You'll have to find out on your own, Valtersen“, she said. And that was the only answer he could get out of her, no matter how hard he tried the next hour.

When it was three in the afternoon they headed back to their hotel to change clothes and then visiting the volleyball game.

It seemed like they weren't the only ones with that idea. When they met again in the hall downstairs to go together they bumped into Even and the others. Isak gritted his teeth but had no choice. He had to bear the teasing from the others about his disappearing yesterday and he apologized once again for it. But the guys said it was alright and clapped him on the back. Oh wait – Elias, Mutta and Adam clapped him on the back. Mikael and Yousef gave him a hug and a grin and Even looked away.

_Asshole._

“Okay, guys, let's go!“, Mikael cheered and they all started to go, chattering wild with each other. Isak find himself next to Elias and he let the other boy talk about sports and girls and Germany while he was busy not staring at a certain head in front of him.

When they arrived the beach was way fuller than last time. Apparently a lot of people cared about this game and they were even hotdog stands.

“Wow“, Jonas said. “Impressive.“

They found themselves a spot for them and spreaded their blankets out so everybody could sit on it and not on the sand.

“Does anybody want hotdogs?“

Isak startled a bit when he heard Even speak directly beside him. He hadn't notice him. Almost everybody wanted to eat and so Even went together with Elias and Mahdi to get them food. When they returned Isak couldn't look Even into the eye when he gave him his hotdog. He couldn't even say thank you.

When Even sat down again, it was as far away from him as possible.

The game was pretty thrilling. Everybody was in a good mood and despite the lack of a warm summer feeling the small breeze was very pleasant and no sun meant also no distraction at playing. Soon Isak found himself in cheering along with the crowd when someone made a point or sighing loudly when someone missed the ball.

Then it came to the final game and Isak was as nervous as everybody else. Vilde hid his face in Magnus shoulder, she couldn't bear the tension. Eva stared at the field, her fingers in her mouth. Mahdi had clenched his hands to fists. Isak hoped his team would win; he had dared with Sana. He would lose five euro if it would lose! So he stared to his players and prayed that they should win already, his tongue between his teeth and his whole body under tension.

And then they won. They won and the audience exploded.

Eva cheered and hugged Jonas, Vilde kissed a completely stunned Magnus on the cheek, Sana leaned his head on Yousef's shoulder and Even laughed along with Mikael. And for a moment Isak allowed himself this sight. Because it was so beautiful and made his heart ache.

Even laughed warm and loud and his eyes were sparkling. He made a few ridiculous gestures at Mikael who started to laugh as well and Isak couldn't look away.

_Why do you hate me? What did I do?_

And then Even catched his look. And his joy dropped from his face. And that was something Isak couldn't bear. It looked so awful.

So Isak looked quickly away and seconds later a cheering Mahdi nearly tackled him to the ground.

 

.

 

They all were in the mood to celebrate, which was funny because no one knew this volleyball team or cared about them. But still, everybody wanted to dance and drink.

Well, everybody except Isak. He wasn't in the mood for anything but his own bed. He said goodnight to them all and started his way back.

“Isak... hey, dude!“

Isak turned around. Jonas came running to him. Isak saw Eva wating for him on the street.

“Hey, you're.. you're okay?“, he asked and watched him carefully. Isak smiled. “Yes, dude, no worries“, he said quickly, “I'm just tired, you know.“

“Hey, about yesterday...“ Jonas started but Isak cut him off, “it's okay, dude. Really.“

Jonas looked a bit hurt. But then he nodded. “Okay, if you're sure...“ He smiled at him. “But please don't call your dad again without me, okay?“

 

Isak smiled again and this time it was real. “Promise“, he said. Jonas gave him one last look and a nod. Then he turned around and sprinted back to Eva.

Isak made his way home alone. He didn't mind. He was most of the time alone in his life. And most of the time he was comfortable with it. Or at least he thought he was.

His gaze wandered around and then up to the skye. Even if he was in a city, he was at the sea and could watch the amazing view with the stars blinking down at him. He was even able to make out the milky way... and suddenly there was Even again, talking to him, saying nice things, letting him sleep.

What was this?! It needed to stop. Now.

Isak slapped his own head which had to be a funny view. And it didn't help, he just got his ear aching. He sighed and rubbed his face. Stop with that. Please.

He increased his walking until he was standing in front of the hotel. The lights were on. It was not even midnight.

A drunk couple stumbled out of the building, Isak didn't know them. When they crossed him, he heard her say: “oh no, I've forgotten my tissues.“

“Don't worry, I got them“, the guy replied and the woman laughed happily and kissed him.

Isak made his way past them, walking inside and up the stairs to his room.

It ewas empty. Of course.

Isak sighed, let himself fall onto his bed and closed his eyes. He was tired. Maybe the sleep would come sooner. He fished inside his nightstand for his headphones and plugged them in. When he started to look through his music his thumb slipped accidently to his youtube app which opened itself. Isak just wanted to close it when he saw the message, that _Mikaelartsybartsy_ had uploaded another video. 

Isak didn't know why he did it. Maybe he wanted to hurt himself a bit more. But he clicked on it and waited with a ridiculously fast beating heart for the loading.

“Heyyyy guys, today is the great day and we all have packed everyting... and by the way, we need to hurry, if we want to catch our ferry in time.“

Mikael was talking while he sat inside the bus. People walked past him. Next to him sat Adam, looking tired.

“We have to wait for the others“, Mikael explained. “They're too late.“

“You're too early.“

The camera was shoved around and then Even's face was filling the screen. “Again?“, he asked with a little sigh.

“Leave me alone, loverboy“, Isak heard Mikael's offended voice from the off. “And what happened to you, you look like you have seen an angel.“

Even just smiled. “You have no idea“, he said and indeed, his eyes were sparkling.

“What? Did you finally...“ Then there was a cut and the next scene was an very dramatically looking Elias, standing at the railing, looking out at the ocean.

“Jack“, he sniffed, “I can't do this. Please help me because even if I'm able to run a few miles on that fucking ship, to make one single step on that pole is too difficult for me.“

There was laughter and Isak heard Yousef say: “no one will udnerstand this, dude, no one but Mik and Ev“, and then Elias started to whistle the main theme of **titanic**. While Elias was whistling, the camera made a 360°turning and Isak could see the other guys, leaning at the railing or sitting on the ground.

Cut. The next scene was inside the room of Mikael, sitting there together with Adam, Yousef and Mutta but no Even.

“Sadly guys I must say that Even is leaving us tonight.“ Mikael looked sad in the camera.

“He's ditching us for the beautiful view outside.“ Adam sighed. “That poor sappy fucker.“

“Leave him alone, the view is really awesome“, Yousef argued. “Anyway, let's play werewolf, guys.“

Cut. The next morning. Mikael sat inside the bus, next to Even.

“So, we are finally here!“, he cheered. “Sorry I didn't film more but honestly guys, I sort of forgot it. But I promise you it will be more. Hey Even, any words?“

But Even didn't respond. He had headphones inside his ears and stared out of the window.

“Hm, okay, sorry guys, Even's having not a good day. See you later.“

Cut. Isak saw a room, quite similar to his own.

“Aaand we are finally there.“ Mikael let himself fall onto his bed. “Okay, I'm too tired but also too excited to film anymore so thank you guys for watching and see you next time... wait, Even, do we have a door to the attic?“

Then the screen went black and the video was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was it. Any thoughts? And don't worry, next chapter is more interaction with the two boys.
> 
> <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Jonas:** Hey dude, did you and Even fight?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> So this chapter is a bit angst, but don't worry, we all know who the endgame is.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! And for all who commented, a big thank you!! It makes me smile and it means so much.
> 
> <3

_Thursday, Day 2_

 

When Jonas woke up he found an empty bed with crumpled sheets. His first thought was that Isak was just in the bathroom and would return any second but a little voice in his head told him to get up.

He groaned and swung his legs out of the cozy bed. He checked the time on his watch. 4:55 a.m. He cursed quietly and threw a sweater over his shirt before he went out of the door.

Despite the early morning there were already women and men who prepared the tables in the rooms for breakfast. He smiled and nodded to all of them, his gaze roaming around.

The rooms were all downstairs between a long floor. Along the floor were standing chairs and small tables in niches and a long old couch. And there he found what he was looking for: a sleepy looking Isak lying on the really ugly couch with the grandma-motive, playing something on his phone.

Jonas sighed and stepped to him. Isak didn't notice him; he had his headphones on and only when Jonas carefully touched his shoulder he nearly jumped.

“God, you scared the hell out of me!“, he said. Jonas grinned. “That was the intention. Move, I wanna sit.“

Isak gave him a look. “Why are you up this early?“ He rolled his headphones up and shoved them into his pockets.

He looked almost guity as if he knew Jonas was only up because of him. Jonas smiled. “I saw empty sheets and wanted to make sure you don't fuck some hot volleyball guy from yesterday.“

Isak snorted but he had to grin. “Not my type“, he mumbled and ran a hand through his mess of curls. He looked tired and exhausted, the bags under his eyes were so dark you could think Isak had paint it himself and there was this tiny fold over his nose that told Jonas something was beating him up.

Jonas knew this. He was Isak's best friend for so long and every time it was like this it was awful, not only because of the bad things Isak had to deal with but also because Jonas couldn't do a damn thing about it. And he also knew that Isak didn't tell him everything. That was okay, he deserved to have his privacy but sometimes Jonas wished he could do more. That Isak would let him in so he could help him.

Jonas could tell the same case was now. Isak had the exact same expression when he thought about something very hard and couldn't find a solution. The first thing what came to Jonas' mind was of course his parenty. But something told him that that wasn't the only reason.

“Since when you're here?“, Jonas asked and watched his friend carefully. Isak shrugged. “Don't know“, he mumbled. “Came here when it was clear I wouldn't get any sleep.“

Jonas heart clenched. “Why didn't you tell me? You could have woken me up.“

“And then?“ Isak laughed short and bitterly, “you can't fix this, Jonas.“

Jonas was silent for a moment.

“No“, he said and watched the big breakfast room getting cleaned. “But I can try. If you let me.“ He turned his head to Isak again and looked him in the eye. Like a silent promise. An offer.

Isak held his gaze for moment before he bit his lip and looked away. Jonas thought he wouldn't get an answer when he heard him say: “There's... someone.“

Jonas felt himself breaking out in a big grin, beyond releaved that Isak decided to talk to him. “Hey, dude that's amazing!“, he said and nudged his shoulder sympathically. But Isak didn't grin. “No, it's actually not.“ He sighed and leaned back until his head hit the wall behind him. “It's way more... complicated.“

Jonas frowned. “But by saying ' there's someone' you mean... someone you.... like?“

“What? No. No no no.“ Isak shook his head violently. “No way.“

Jonas raised his eyebrows. “Okay“, he said slowly. “Interesting.“

Isak narrowed his eyes at him. “You don't believe me“, he said. Jonas looked playfully offended. “Of course I do“, he insisted, “I'm your best friend, why would I give you any opportunity to make you believe that-“

“Jonas.“

“What?“

Isak sighed and shook his head. “You're unbelievable“, he murmured.

“So“, Jonas said while clapping his hands together, “what's the matter with him?“

Isak didn't answer right away. He seemed to consider his answer before he spoke. When he did, his voice came out slowly as if he was afraid to do a wrong step.

“I don't know“, he said. “Uhm... let's say he's acting a bit odd lately? Like, first he was, you know, all kind and nice and stuff and then in the next second he's totally backed off. And not only that, he seems to hate me! And I don't know what that all means because I did nothing to him at all.“ He burried his face in his hands. “It's so frustrating“; he muttered.

Jonas propped one leg up to lay his chin on it. “Hmmm“, he said while he tried not to think as hard as he could about who that person could be. “Maybe he's not interested?“

Isak looked up so he could give him a look. “We're friends, Jonas“, he huffed. Jonas nodded. “Yeah, sure“, he said, “but even _friendship_ is a construct not everybody wants to join.“

“Wow.“ Isak rolled his eyes. “So you're basically saying he doesn't want to be my friend.“

Jonas shrugged. “I don't know. Did he say anything or...“

“No!“, Isak said upset and hit the couchrest, “I have no idea why he's like this!“

“Did you ask him?“

Jonas had to laugh at the face his friend was making. “Oh, Issy, you're amazing“, he said while he laughed loudly, “you're such a drama queen.“

“I'm not!“, Isak hissed and threw a look to the rooms in case anyone had heard them. “Stop laughing.“

Jonas stopped but still snickered a bit.

“I won't ask him anything“, Isak pouted. “I don't need this. I don't need such strange behaviour, first he's mean, than nice, then mean again...“

“Wait, wait“, Jonas intterupted, “you said first he was being nice.“

Isak froze. “Uhm... what?“

“You said that he was nice and than turned into an asshole.“ Now Jonas leaned forward. “Issy...“, he said warningly.

“Yeah okay.“ Isak held up his hands as a sign for giving up. “His normal behaviour is to tease me a bit. That's what makes the whole thing even more weird.“

“Wait.“ Jonas sat straight suddenly, excitment on his face. “Are we talking about-“

“We're not talking about anyone“, Isak cut him off. “I won't say names.“

“Mmh.“

“Seriously, I mean it.“

“Mmh.“

“Stop grinning.“

“I'm as serious as Black.“

“Your Harry Potter references are annoying.“

“Okay, Issy-K.“ Jonas clicked his tongue and put a hand on Isak's shoulder. “If I may summarize, there's a boy who normally is not so nice to you and then he is suddenly nice and kind and then he is coldhearted again.“

“He _hates_ me“, Isak improved. “More than before. I don't even know if he hated me before.“

“Okay“, Jonas shook his head, “whatever. And you are upset because... what? He's mean? Or because he was nice in the first place? Do you even want his friendship?“

“I don't know!“ Isak groaned again. “Sometimes I wished he would never have acted like this. Then I wouldn't be in the situation to deal with it.“

jonas watched him attentively. “...but?“, he asked and hid a grin when he saw the treacherous blushing on Isak's face.

“But... when I talked to him... and he was being cool and stuff... I don't know I felt... kind of safe? Like I trusted him despite his past behaviour.“ He sighed and closed his eyes in frustration. “It's odd, isn't it?“, he asked quietly.

Jonas shook his head. “No“, he said, “not at all.“

“But it's against all logical thinking“, Isak said loudly. “It's not... rational.“

Jonas laughed softly. “Issy, you cannot put everything on that side of the scale“, he said. “Even if you wish to. You have to let your feelings through, that's okay.“

“I don't need that.“ Now Isak looked angry at him. “I am good with my feelings, thank you very much.“ He made a weak attempt to get up from the couch but Jonas pulled him back easily.

“Isak, I know you since forever. And I know that your way with dealing with your parents is very rational“, he said. Isak didn't aswer him but his body stiffed beside him. When Jonas reached out to touch him, he first pulled away but then he leaned into it so Jonas could pull his body to him to gave him a proper hug.

“You have to let your feelings be feelings“, he whispered. “It's okay to do that.“

They both hugged each other for a few moments and Jonas felt Isak eventually relax against his shoulder. When they seperated, Isak's eyes were shiny. Jonas pretended to see nothing.

“So“, Jonas said and looked him deep in the eyes. “Does that boy mean something to you?“

Isak sniffed a bit and wiped his eyes quickly. “I don't know“, he said hoarsly.

Jonas smiled at him warmly. “Then you'll have to find that out, I suggest.“

 

.

 

Magnus and Mahdi went to the breakfast only to find an already empty table with dirty dishes and a note on it.

 **are at the beach, come to the climbing frame**.

“Morning, guys.“ Mahdi waved at them and pushed the two coffee mugs into Magnus' hands. “Wait, I'm comming!“ He began to climb up to the top of the climbing frame where Jonas was sitting. 

“Thanks, guys and what am I supposed to do?“ Magnus looked offended with the two mugs in his hands.

“Staying there, looking good.“ Isak crossed his legs on top of the chute which was connected to the climbing frame.

“What did Maya say today?“, Jonas asked and climbed a few metres down to take one mug from Magnus. He held it up to Mahdi who reached out and took it carefully.

“Today is some museum visit.“ Magnus yawned. “About navigation and stuff.“

“In Rostock, right?“

“Yes.“ Mahdi took a sip coffee.

“Okay, let's go then?“ Jonas fished for the second mug. Magnus looked not very pleased. “Oh, come on guys, a museum?“, he nagged. Mahdi laughed. “Just because you're not interested in this you don't have to block the others, man.“

“Not everybody is a pirate, Mahdi“, Magnus muttered and started to climb as well.

“But we can visit the city afterwards“, Isak pointed out. “You wanted to go there anyway, right, Mags?“

“Yes, but...“ Magnus looked doubtfully in the sky. Today was a good day, the sun was shining, it was warm and nice. Not even a breeze was to feel. He then sighed “Okay, I give up“, he said and took place next to Jonas who had to held the mug obove his head to prevend the liquid from spilling, “we can go there.“

“Thanks, Mags.“ Isak closed his eyes and held his chin up to the sun.

He felt good telling Jonas what bothered him. Okay, technically he didn't say _exactly_ who it was but it still took some pressure. Jonas was right; he had to make clear what was the problem. And if Even was a bitch and didn't gave him a proper reason, well... as he said, he didn't need this. Even if he maybe, a little bit- no, not even that- if an atomic nucleus inside him cared about this person it didn't mean he would run after him. Nope.

He was in Germany, for fuck's sake. And he wouldn't let neither Even nor his dad destroy this.

He opened his eyes. “So, guys, let's go?“ He gave himself a push so he slided down the chute. “I have to get my bag and stuff.“

“Oh, Isak we came here like a second ago, chill.“ Mahdi streched himself like a cat. Which was very dangerous if you considered that he was sitting on top of a not very stable climbing frame.

Isak shrugged. “Yes, but we need to leave soon, right? What time is it?“

Jonas looked a his watch. “Half past eleven.“

Isak raised his eyebrows. “Okay, I'll go. Anyone join me?“

Nobody moved. Isak rolled his eyes. “Lazy assholes“, he mumbled and walked back to the hotel.

When he stepped inside the building, he saw a few students still sitting on the tables, talking to Maya and two other group leaders. He headed towards her and asked for the time when they would leave.

“Please be at eleven downstairs“, she smiled. He nodded and fished for his phone to write the message to the boys.

He stood still there between the tables, preoccupied with his phone so he didn't notice anything around him. When he finished tiping he put his phone back and wanted to go upstairs to grab his stuff.

“Isak!“

He looked up, confused to hear his name until he recognized Elias, standing in the door frame waving at him. He quickly looked around but Elias seemed to be alone. He walked towards him. “Hi, man“, he greeted him. Elias offered him a smile. “Also on boat?“, he asked and winked so Isak would get this fantastic joke because they were going to a ship museum. Isak rolled his eyes and grinned. “Fabulous“, he said, “worked long on it?“

“The whole night.“

Isak laughed. “I thought you've been pretty busy with some German girls?“

Elias scratched the back of his head. “Oi, who said that?“, he asked back. “I just talked to them. They seem to like our accent you know.“

“Aah.“ Isak snorted. “Good luck.“

“Anyway.“ Elias rubbed his hands then beamed at him, “we wanna do a little volleyball game, would you like to join?“

Isak gritted his teeth. “Sorry man, I hate volleyball“, he said and looked apologetical to him. “But if you wanna play football I'm all in.“

“Oh come on“, Elias tried, “Magnus and Mahdi are in, I asked them this morning, come on, Isak.“

Isak sighed and shook his head. “Sorry, dude.“

“Okay.“ Elias looked playfully hurt. “It's okay, dude.“ He wiped over his face. “Then we'll have to play with an odd number and one of us has to pause and then everything will be messed up...“

“Yeah yeah.“ Isak shook his head while he laughed. “Nice try.“

“Well. Okay.“ Elias grinned. “But hey, see you today?“

“Sure“, Isak answered and waved at him before he started walking back to the stairs. He walked them up and wanted to go to his room. He suddenly felt very tired. The night started to get to his head as if he had celebrate the whole time. Maybe he should take a nap today or otherwise he would fall asleep in this museum.

He shook his head lightly to chase off the tired feeling and had to realize that he had forgot his key. 

Oh no.

He let out a groan and kicked against the door. He had given Jonas the key this morning so he could lock it.

He sighed and leaned his forehead against the wood.

“Do you need help?“

Isak turned around so fast that he hit his head at the door. He cursed and rubbed the back of his head before he could face Even.

Because of course it was Even who was standing there at the end of the stairs, looking gorgeous and beautiful and questioning while he held up a key.

“I have a spare key“, he said slowly, “I forgot mine this morning so... I asked Maya.“

Isak stared at him. He couldn't help himself.

Because Even was talking to him again. Normal.

“I think it would fit into yours as well?“

Even wore his blue jacket and a beanie. His long legs were covered hin his black pants. Over his shoulder was a small backpack and he turned the spare key between his fingers. He didn't smile at him, let alone _beaming_ but at least his eyes weren't full of hatred and rejection.

Isak took a deep breath. “Uhm...“, he said not very smart, “Uhm...“

Even raised his eyebrows. The gesture was so familiar to him that Isak wamted to cry.

“Do you need help or...?“

Oh right. He didn't answer him.

Isak just opened his mouth when his look catched the sight of Even's headphones looking out of his pocket.

That brought him back. Because it reminded him of all reasons why he didn't want him here now, why he was angry at him and confused and certainly not some maid in need.

And finally Isak felt the anger rise in his chest together with the urge to yell in Even's pretty face that was suddenly so _normal_ again.

So Isak stayed silent. First of all, he didn't want to make the whole building panic by yelling his brains out and maybe starting a fight, but also because he didn't have a word to say to him. Now he was proper relieved that he hadn't answer him. He didn't deserve an answer. 

So he just stood there, staring mad at Even who still held his key out and had still his eyebrows raised. A few seconds went by in which the two boys stared at each other and Isak harshly reminded his stupid brain of how mad he was actually so it would get over these stupid blue eyes that stared him down and told him a story of their own he didn't understand.

While they looked at each other Isak believed to see a shift in Even's expression. But he couldn't pinpoint it.

The seconds drew longer and longer and eventually Isak started to think that he maybe didn't think this through well. But before the situation got even more awkward Even drew his hand back and shoved the key in his pocket. 

“Okay“, he said quietly and his eyelids twitched.

And then he gave Isak a last distanced look before he turned around and rushed the stairs down.

And Isak stood there and had to lean his body against the door for support while tried not to freak out.

Later, when he had made it into his room with a spare key from another group leader (not Maya) had grabbed his stuff in a hurry, he still allowed himself a minute to sit on his bed and think about this awkward situation before.

He tried to make his mind clear and focus on the main things. He came to three main thoughts:

First: He still needed answers from Even. Now even more than before. 

Second: Even if he was mad at him, he felt like he didn't _want to_ be mad at him. What that meant... he tried not to overthink it. But it was a fact he couldn't deny.

But it made the third statement even more important and that was, that he was mad at him. And nothing would change that before he didn't got proper answers and explanations.

Not even the almost sad expression Isak believed to have seen on Even's face when he went downstairs.

 

.

 

The museum was pretty boring. Even Mahdi who tried to cheer the group up a bit lost the interest after one hour.

“See? You never listen to me, guys“, Magnus triumphed when they sneaked out of the museum without getting Maya's attention.

“Shut up and run“, told him Jonas and they sprinted to the small bus station which brought them here.

“Okay, we have to be back at eight, and it's not even lunch time.“ Isak scratched his nose. “What should we-“

“Hey guys!“

“Oh, no“, he mumbled before he turned around.

“Are you guys stalking us or what?“, Magnus laughed and clapped Even on the back.

“Excuse me you were the ones yesterday who crushed our place for dinner.“ Elias stopped right before Isak's feet and panted a bit. “Guess we had the same idea?“

Jonas grinned and shook his head. “I don't know what you're talking about“, he said, “we were just about to make a small... break. Getting fresh air, you know.“ He gave him a look which was answered with a serious nod.

“Mind if we join your little break?“ Mikael smirked at them, shaking his curls in all directions. Mahdi laughed. “Of course not, fesh air is important to everyone.“

“Good.“ Yousef yawned. “I'm still tired, guys.“

“You're always tired.“ Mikael rolled his eyes.

“Except when he's with Sana“, Mutta interjected mischievously and dodged from Yousef's grip.

“Not nice“, Yousef pouted but Mutta just laughed. “Aw, come on, Yousa, we all love you. And maybe Isak here can pull some strings or something...?“ He gave him a knowing look. “You two are hanging out, right?“

“Uhm“, said Isak who had problems to follow because why would Mutta know with which person he would spent his free time but he didn't get to answer because the one and only bus stopped to bring them back into the centre and they all stormed inside to get the seats in the back.

They all were laughing and being noisy and Isak had to fight with Mutta to get the seat at the window. When he finally sat down he sticked his tongue out at Mutta and watched smugly how he sat next to Adam in the middle, glaring at Isak fro revenge.

Isak snickered and leaned back in his seat. He started to get hungry and he thought about what they should eat today. Of course they couldn't go to some fancy restaurant everyday, so they had to buy food sooner or later. He turned in his seat to ask Jonas beside him for advice when he catched the sight of Even staring at him.

Or at least he thought he would. When Isak properly turned and leaned forward, Even was in a deep conversation with Mikael, waving his hands through the air while he talked. Isak frowned. Then he just shrugged and nudged Jonas in the side to get his attention.

 

.

 

They all decided to spent the day together. And Isak found himself not finding it that bad as he had thought he would find it. When he stayed away from Even and avoided his gaze he could almost relax.

Sure, he had a million thoughts in his head and was confused as fuck, more than ever after Even's strange move this morning but he decided to confront himself later. For now it had to be enough to hold enough distance and walking always next to someone else.

And surprisingly, Isak had a lot of fun today.

They all didn't know Rostock so they made a game out of it: every time they saw a stranger someone of them had to ask them about the cool things in Rostock and what a tourist have to visit.

They all had to laugh when someone said the museum of nautic was very interesting.

The other hints were quite useful though. So they spent the day with walking around in the – apparently one and only – big shopping street, chilling at a fountain which was called unofficially the 'porno fountain' because of the naked statuary around it. Magnus giggled for good ten minutes.

They figured out the system of the tram and then a big debate was starting because Adam, Magnus, Yousef, Mahdi and Mutta wanted to go to the zoo while Even, Jonas, Elias and Mikael yelled at them for support this horrible way of exhibition of animals. Isak was the only one who said nothing because he didn't want to get involved and maybe talk to Even.

In the end they decided to split up. The zoo group headed for the tram to the zoo and the rest was standing there, unsure what to do.

Don't ask, but somehow Isak managed to be in Even's group. He simply couldn't decide what he wanted and then the otheres were already on their way and Isak didn't want to run after them. So he stuck with him. And he also wasn't a zoo friend.

After a long discussion about what to do now they decided to buy some food and then chill at the harbour.

The area at the harbour was pretty nice, they could sit right by the water without so many people around them. Isak felt calmed and with a small smile he took another bite from his kebab. He sat next to Mikael and Jonas, the sun was shining on his face and in this moment, many things were good.

“Hey, Isak“, Elias interrupted the peaceful silence at some point and pointed with his fork at him. “You have to be in our team when we're playing volleyball, dude.“

Isak laughed. “Don't you accept a 'no', Elias?“, he asked and chewed. Mikael next to him laughed with him. He laughed often and brightly Isak had figured out. He liked that about him, he felt like Mikael was a type who enjoys the life and always has a grin on his lips. And he seemed to have an incredible amount of energy. If he was a dog he would be on of those little ones who are always excited and need to run thousand miles before they tire out.

“You have to know about Elias that he's the biggest stubborn piece of shit“, Mikael explained and threw his grapeseeds into the sea. “If you say 'no' you have to say it every minute into his face so he would get it.“

“Oi!“ Elias shoved him playfully. “That's not true! Even's the one who is the stubborn one.“

“Oh yeah?“ Jonas looked up from his kebab. Elias nodded seriously. “When Even has a project he's like 'don't you dare talking to me bitch I'm working'.“

The whole group started to laugh, including Even who nudged his friend in the side. “That's necessary for guys like you who always want to interrupt me“, he chuckled. “And for some others“, he pointed his finger to Mikael who made an offended noise. “Who always want to film my stuff.“

“Pff.“ Mikael grinned. “No excuse for that. The world needs to know about your projects, Even. You never show them to anyone. And one day you'll be dead and we won't get rich from your works because no one will ever know who you are and the whole effort is for nothing.“

“Oh, that's the only reason why?“, Even laughed.

“Of course. I put all my trust in you.“ Mikael shook his curls and gave Even a warm smile. Isak suddenly felt something in his chest. A sharp pain. Because he wouldn't get to give Even that smile. One second later he shook his head trying to shake off the weird ideas out of his brain.

They stayed there and shared funny stories to each other. They talked and laughed and ate and Jonas almost fell into the water.

Isak had a lot of fun. And he hadn't spoken to Even a single word. And he didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

When it became darker they decided to meet the others again. They stood up, packed their stuff and left the place. Isak made a mental note to come back here. It was a nice place.

They met the others at the porno fountain where Magnus immediately started to talk about this stupid monkey who _bit_ him. Jonas and Isak only laughed at him (it was only a small scratch and barely visible) and all together they made their way back to the central station.

This time Isak didn't watch out when they waited on the platform for the tram and suddenly he found himself standing next to Even.

His body immediately stiffened. He stood pretty close to him and although Even had turned the back to him he felt incredible nervous. He tried to act as normal as possible. He really did.

But then Jonas called his name and he had to turn closer to Even to understand what his fucking best friend wanted from him and because he was a normal human being he needed to breathe in. Unfortunately he had to do that in the exact moment when he was at Even's side. And of course in this moment a breeze had to blow the scents of the main hall and Even's body right into Isak's nose. And he almost stumbled and fell because fuck, he had forgotten how good he smelled. How could he forget that?

Isak was mesmerized. He could hardly prevent himself from breathing in again because every cell in his body screamed to take all that scent and save it forever inside him.

“Isak?“

“Huh?“ Isak shook his head. “Uhm, yes, what did you want?“ He stepped away from Even and looked properly at Jonas who stood there and looked at him with a frown.

“I was saying that I need money, I have no coins anymore.“

“Oh, yeah. Uhm, sure, dude“, Isak mumbled and grabbed in his pocket to fish some coins out of it.

“You okay?“, Jonas asked with a lowered voice. In the same moment Even rushed past him, his elbow brushing his waist as he said: “That's our tram, come on, boys.“

Isak swallowed hard. It seemed like Even wouldn't be nice to him any more. Secretely that has been Isak's hope for today. But no. Even ignored him as constantly as before.

He sighed. Long and deep.

“I'm fine“, he murmured to Jonas, turned around and followed Even to their tram.

 

.

 

It was pretty late when they got home to theit hotel, past seven and all of the guys were tired and didn't want to use their energy into speaking. They waved a lazy goodbye at each other before the two groups seperated, Even and his squad to the left side, Isak and the others straight upstairs.

“Magnus, I swear to god, if you ever take the word 'monkey' in your mouth again...“

“What?!“ Magnus looked offended at Jonas.

“I love you Mags, but I really don't need to hear the monkey story for the tenth time“, Jonas growled and sat on his bed. “Anyway. I think the guys are pretty cool.“ He looked at Isak. “Sorry, dude, but I hope you and Even make it up someday.“

Isak startled. “What do you mean?“, he said and quickly turned to the closet to shove some of his things around.

“Well, you and him don't share the best memories, do you?“

“Oh. That. Yeah.“

Thank god. Isak had feared Jonas had figured it out already. But he kept his head inside of the closet, just in case. He didn't know how much the blush on his face would give him away.

“You know, maybe you should talk to him“, Mahdi suddenly said.

Isak withdrew his head so fast that he hit it at the door.

“Ouh! What, why should we talk to each other?“, he asked angry and glared at Mahdi. He just shrugged. “Just a suggestion, chill dude“, he said calmly and shoved a pillow behind his head from where he sat on the bed. “I mean, he's pretty cool to everyone, I'm sure if you would just start talking...“

“There's no talking“, Isak said simply.

Something in his voice made Jonas look up and stare at him for a moment. For a moment Isak was afraid he would ask him someting. But then he just clicked his tongue against his teeth and styed silent.

“I just... I don't want to hang out with him all the time.“ Isak took a deep breath. “But sorry guys, of course we can hang out with the others. They're quite cool.“

“We don't have to if it bothers you that much.“

Slightly surpised, Isakk turned to Magnus who looked at him with a reassuring smile.

“Yes“, Mahdi jumped in. “I mean, we want to have a nice time, all together and if you can't because of Even...“

Isak stood there and was sure his mouth was hanging open a bit, he knew they were his friends, he knew that was a thing friends did but he was overhelmed of the sincerity about it and the care of the boys. He looked at Jonas and he gave him a serious nod.

This fuckers. Isak loved them.

He cleared his throat. “That's... thanks guys but you don't have to. I can't forbit you to hang out with them and I really don't want to.“ He thought for a moment. “And the others are cool, I like them. So no pressure.“

“If it gets too much just say it“, Jonas said. “If we need to punch him or something like that.“

Isak laughed and swallowed the lump down. “No, I don't think you have to do that“, he said hoarsly. For a moment they all went silent and Isak thought about admitting how much he apprecciated them and that he would be probably lost without them. But then Magnus decided to kill the mood by saying: “Hey, Isak do you wanna look at my arm? I think it's gotten a bit red, maybe it is inflamed...“

Then Jonas attacked him with pillows and blankets and he didn't get to say anything further.

By the time it knocked on the door nobody heard it, because Isak and Mahdi were quite occupied with cheering on Jonas and Magnus rolling around on the floor, covered in blankets and pillows. Isak's body hurt from all the laughing and when he looked up with tears in his eyes he almost choked on his own spit.

“Uhm... I don't want to interrupt but Maya wants something from you, guys.“ Even bit his lip and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “So... just show up for a short moment.“ He looked at Jonas on the ground, legs tangled around Magnus' body. “I mean, if you're ready.“ His lips formed a crooked smile.

“Wait a second“, Jonas panted, still not letting go of Magnus.

“Fuck, Jonas, you're choking me!“ 

“You swear you will stop braggin about your _damn_ monkey adventure?“

Even chuckled amused. “Oh, that's what this is about?“, he asked.

Isak tried not to stare at him. He really did.

And _damn_ , Even had no right to be in such a good mood, he shouldn't be so shiny and smiling and beautiful laughing and just... be _Even_!

Not to metion that he didn't look in Isak's direction. Not even once.

“Man, if you know Mags as well as we do...“, Mahdi started but got interrupted when suddenly Mikael came stormed into their room. He was out of breath and his camera was hanging loosely in his right hand.

“Even“, he shouted, “here are you!“ He stopped when he saw the two boys wrestling on the ground. “Uhm, what's that about?“

Even waved off. “Nevermind“, he said, “what's up?“

“It's time now“, Mikael said enthusiastically, bouncing forward like a four years old. Even frowned. But then he stepped carefully over Jonas and Magnus, past a frozen Isak and looked out of the window. Slowly, a smile spread across his face. “You're right“, he said. “So let's not waste time I guess?“

“That's why I came running across the whole building, dude.“ Mikael rolled his eyes but Even wasn't listening anymore. He rushed past him and the others, demanding his friend to hurry and saying a quick goodbye to the others.

Mikael sighed. “He's so pretentious“, he said before he turned his camera around and only now Isak became aware of the blinking at the front. Mikael was filming.

“Do you guys mind? I need cool stuff for my next video.“ He laughed and held the lens onto the two guys on the ground. Mahdi shrugged. “Do whatever you need man but we should probably go downstairs.“ The last part he said a bit louder to get the guys' attention.

Mikael nodded. “Sure“, he said. Isak thought for a moment why he was still here when he was suddenly face to face with the lins.

“Hey man, do you have anything you want to say to your fanbase?“

Isak couldn't help but feeling embarrassed about the sudden attention. “Uhm“, he said, trying to hide his blushing. “Stay tuned for tomorrow's volleyball game?“

Wow Isak. So _cool_. But he had nothing smart on his lips right now. His mind was occupied with something bigger. And more blonde.

But Mikale only laughed and agreed enthusiastically. “You heard my man Isak, we are going to destroy the German beach so... get ready.“ He made a few funny looking moves with his hand before he turned the camera off. “I should ask if I can use the vlogs as my project“, he mumbled while flipping through the parts of his recording on the screen of the camera, “pretty exhausting to cut it. But what should I do? I love it.“ He turned the camera off and looked at Isak. “With your statement you're in, so that you know“, he said and smirked at him. Isak frowned. “What do you mean?“

Mikael's face lit up. “The volleyball game of course“, he laughed, “you're so in, Isak Valtersen.“

“Ugh“, Isak growled. “No!“

Mikale pattted his shoulder. “You're going to survive it“, he said reassuring. Then he waved off and followed Even out of the room.

“Nice, man, it's going to be fun.“ Magnus grinned at him while standing up. “Okay guys, let's go to Maya!“

“Fy faen, did you _bite _me, Mags?“__

__But Isak wasn't listening anymore. His mind drifted off and he could barely hear when his friends started to argue again._ _

__There was this one fucking thing that was written in his brain and he couldn't get rid of it despite how much he tried to reassure himself that he didn't care._ _

__What had he done to Even? It wasn't the first time he asked that, sure, but slowly the frustrated anger about it grew more and more. Isak was helpless. He didn't know what to do._ _

__Jonas had said he needed to find out if he meant something to him._ _

__Did Even mean something to him?_ _

__Isak didn't knew. He usually despised this kind of people who got clingy after one evening together. He didn't believe in this soulmate-crap. And Even didn't give him a good reason to like him, not a single one. He had mocked him, said mean things to him, hated him and now _ignored_ him. _ _

__Except for that thing, what Isak called silently the 'ship-thing'. That had changed something._ _

__And if Isak was honest – like, awake-in-bed-at-three-in-the-morning-honest – there had been something earlier, back in university. He just hadn't allowed himself to think about it because he had been occupied complaining about the existence of Even._ _

__And still... despite this whole rollercoaster of feelings of negative origin, now Isak was so wrapped up that he couldn't get him out of his head. And he couldn't stop feeling things when he heard Even laugh. When he saw him smile. When he breathed in his scent. When he didn't talk to him and avoided his gaze._ _

__Fy faen, had it been that bad when they were in university on the football field?_ _

__“Isak?“_ _

__“Hm?“ Isak looked up, confused. “Yeah, what?“, he asked and looked to his friends who were standing at the door._ _

__Jonas waved to him. “We wanna go to Maya? Do you remember maybe?“ His eyebrow raised and he stared at Isak with a slightly too knowing look._ _

__Isak cursed himself silently for telling him this much this morning. But it had to come out and in this moment it felt right to tell him, Isak would have burst otherwise._ _

__Still. Having a friend who seems to know everything started to get annoying._ _

__“Chill, I'm coming“, Isak said easily, running his hands threw his curls a few times and walked over to them. “Let's go!“_ _

__

__._ _

__

__It turned out Maya had wondered – with a sweet voice and the most disappointed look on her face – where they had been the day. The boys turned red because no one wanted to take the first step and tell her how boring it had been, but then Maya herself helped by saying she heard something about a monkey attack. Magnus literally starts glowing and began to told her his wild and dangerous adventure so they came away with it._ _

__When they wanted to go upstairs again and considering what to do now they heard loud voices in the floor. They frowned at each other and looked curious around the corner to spy in the floor._ _

__Elias was standing there, his face was a bit red and he looked angry at his sister, who was standing in front of him, hands on the hips and an intimidating look on her face._ _

__“I don't care, Elias, just let me do my stuff, okay?“_ _

__“No, Sana, for the last time, don't get in other people's business, okay? It's hard enough for him already, you'll only make it worse.“_ _

__“He doesn't know how he can get, that isn't his actual thinking about this, Elias.“_ _

__“I know he's a difficult character in this topic.“ Elias sighed and rubbed the back of his head before he went on. “But I respect it. He has his reasons for backing off, Sana.“_ _

__It was hard to see but it seemed like Sana bit his lip and shook her head._ _

__“Sana.“ Elias again. “You can't help every soul on this earth. Just respect it. They'll figure it out, I'm sure.“_ _

__Isak saw Sana nodding slowly but begrudgingly. “Yeah I just... I don't want him to get hurt again.“ The last part was so quiet that Isak almost didn't get it. Something raw was in her words, something vulnerable. As if she wanted to protect the person she was talking about._ _

__Elias stepped to her and squeezed her shoulder sympathetically. “Yeah“, he said. “Me neither.“ He then cleared his throat and let go of her. “But I think it will be fine. And yes, I will watch out for him, don't give me that mom-look, Sana. His room is next to mine, so I can run into his every hour to see if he's fine.“_ _

__“Ha ha.“ Sana's dry response came immediately. She nugded him in the shoulder. “But thanks, Elias.“_ _

__“No need to. It's my job.“_ _

__When they seperated, Isak drew his head back out of instinct, pulling Magnus and Mahdi's heads with him in the process._ _

__“Ey, dude, what the-“_ _

__“Upstairs“, he mumbled and rushed already in the dircetion to their rooms._ _

__“Okay, what was that?“, Isak asked twenty minutes later for the fifth time while laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling._ _

__“Again, Isak.“ Jonas sighed from where he was sitting on the ground, back leaned against the wall. “No one knows.“_ _

__“But who were there talking about?“ isak couldn't help himself. What had been the matter? He had rarely seen Sana so protective about someone. But Elias had been a bit more chill, so maybe Sana was overacting? But Sana wasn't the type for that, she was the rational thinking one..._ _

__“Issy, stop thinking about it, you can't change that you hear it.“ Jonas scratched his nose. “Just forget it.“_ _

__Isak's response was just a snort before turning his back to his best friend._ _

__They had agreed to meet later by the entrance to go to the water. It was almost nine and at eleven they wanted to be ready. Isak wanted to take advantage of the opportunity and get some sleep before he was forced to walk around in the night. But every time he closed his eyes, Sana and Elias came to his mind._ _

__He would give very much money right know if he could know who was the reason for Sana's concern. Maybe he should ask her. No. Not a good idea. Sana would take the secret to her grave. And he didn't want to ask Elias. Maybe he would tell Even that he had ask something about it and discovered he was an eavesdropper._ _

__“Isak.“_ _

__“What?“_ _

__“I know that silence.“_ _

__“There is no silence!“ Annoyed and frustrated Isak wrapped himself up in his blankets. “Good night. Wake me at eleven.“_ _

__Isak got his phone and his headphones and scrolling to his list._ _

__He then closed his eyes and slowed his breathing. To his surpise he felt the sleep spreading himself out in his body. It was a long day and an almost not existent night. He wanted to turn off his phone but he was already too far away._ _

__

__._ _

__

__Later he blamed Jonas for everything._ _

__He was so convinced that, if his so-called best friend had put more effort in waking him up, the whole situation wouldn't be what it was now._ _

__The thing was, if Isak slept, he usually didn't had a solid sleep. He wasn't used to a regular basis of it and his insomania did the rest. So usually waking him up should be an easy thing._ _

__Usually._ _

__Because somehow Jonas didn't manage it and went to the beach without him. When a groggy and dizzy Isak woke up he only found a note on his nightstand._ _

__**Hey dude, couldn't wake you, just join when you're awake. I'll keep you updated of our location.** _ _

__Isak managed to let out a snore and a pout because he was left alone, then he turned to the other side and fall asleep again._ _

__When he woke up next time, someone touched his shoulder gently and whispered words to him, but Isak was too sleepy yet to understand them._ _

__“Noo“, he whined and tried to disappear under the sheets. “leave me alone.“_ _

__He heard a soft laugh at that and then-_ _

__“Isak.“_ _

__For a moment Isak thought he had died and gone to heaven because this _voice_._ _

__Then the hand tugged on his shoulder, more forcefully this time. “Isak, wake up.“_ _

__Now Isak was annoyed. Whoever it was, he disturbed his peacefully, well deserved sleep! So Isak threw the sheets off himself – fucking cold, he thought – and turned around to bark at the stupid human being for being so unsensible._ _

__“Finally“, said the voice._ _

__“What the fuck“, was Isak's response. And then, because he was so smart and quick-witted he repeated it. “What the fuck?“_ _

__As fast as he could he slided back from Even who was squatting in front of his bed and looked at him, his hear disheveled from the wind outside and a bit rosy cheeks from the weather._ _

__Isak's mind tried to catch up with this sudden appearence while simultaneously waking Isak's body up so Isak ended up squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head violently, trying to get his thoughts together._ _

__“You okay? I-“_ _

__“What are you doing here?“ Isak opened his eyes and looked, no, glared at Even, _fucking_ Even, who had the audacity to talk to him, who had the guts to look him in the eyes and _smile_ like the last two days never happened. Okay, it looked like it hurt him to put that smile on but still._ _

__“Where is Jonas?“ Isak tried to get up but froze when he became aware of how less he was wearing. Like, boxershorts and a shirt (thank god for the shirt). He then realized he had put his sheets away already so his long legs were on full display. He could feel how his blood rushed to his head and he suddenly couldn't look Even in the eyes._ _

__“He's out with the others.“ Even's voice sounded a bit strained. “We need one more person for flunky ball.“_ _

__Isak stared at him. “What?“_ _

__Even looked usure. “Uhm, we need one more person for-“_ _

__“I heard it, goddamm jesus!“ Isak's anger was awake, too, now._ _

__How nice._ _

__“What I don't get is why you have to break into my room to wake me up for this.“ Yes. Finally. Finally he could take all the anger and frustration and throw it onto Even. “Why didn't you let me sleep?“, he hissed at him._ _

__He knew he was in an embarrassing position: sitting on his bed, acting like a pouting young kid who didn't get his favorite toy and was now taking revenge for it. His hair was a mess, he had probably an imprint of the pillow on his cheek and was wearing... well, _that_ , while Even was fully clothed, his hair looked like he had organized every strain of it like he wanted and was now getting up from his sitting position and towering over him._ _

__“Jonas said, I should come and get you.“_ _

__Isak's mouth fell open. “He did what?“_ _

__Even shrugged and took his jacket off._ _

__A move Isak watched with big eyes and an unsettling premonition._ _

__“He was a bit occupied with Eva“, he said and sat on Jonas' bed._ _

__Isak took a deep breath. Don't freak out, don't freak out, don't..._ _

__Okay, fuck it._ _

__“What the fuck do you think you're doing?“_ _

__The words were more loud than he had intended but who cared. Isak had enough. “What is your fucking problem?“_ _

__“You're swearing very much, Isak, I don't think, that-“_ _

__“I don't care what you think, you son of a bitch!“, Isak yelled and suddenly he was up on his feet. “I don't care about your opinion, I don't care about what you think, I don't care about you!“_ _

__He was standing there, breathing hard and looking in Even's face._ _

__Even didn't look like he didn't give a fuck about the whole situation anymore. He looked resigned and tired._ _

__Isak didn't like that. Even should be upset and angry, like him._ _

__“Isak, listen...“, Even started but Isak interrupted him._ _

__“Oh no, I won't listen right now. In fact I don't want to listen to you ever again.“_ _

__“Why are you angry at me, Isak?“_ _

__“Why am I...“ Isak barked out a laugh. “Oh, I don't know, Even, maybe you start looking in your little brain for some answers. Or are your braincells already packed with treating people like shit?“_ _

__Even's mouth opened a bit. “Isak...“_ _

__“No, I'm done with that.“ Suddenly Isak felt tears in his eyes and there was no fucking reason why they should be there. It only made him angrier and spured on his rage._ _

__“What is your fucking problem, man? Just say it so I know it and can die in peace. Why do you treat me like that in uni? What did I do to you? Because it's not feeling very nice if you're getting mocked every fucking day without knowing why. And don't tell me it's nothing, you know it's not like that. And then... then you're nice and... stuff... and then you're cold as ice and stares at me like I'm the _devil_ and I don't know what to do and-“_ _

__“I never give you a reason for liking me, okay?“ Now Even was on his feet as well, standing a few metres away from Isak, his jaw clenched. “And sorry but where's the rule that everybody needs to love Isak Valtersen?“_ _

__“You shouldn't love me, you just...“ Isak suppressed a frustarted grown. “I don't know! Don't hate me maybe!“_ _

__“Isak, I don't hate you, okay?“_ _

__“Yes, you do!“_ _

__“No I don't, I just can't... I can't with you, okay? There are people who are good for you and then there are people who aren't.“_ _

__“Oh and I am a person who is not good, yeah?“ It felt like knife in his stomach but Isak kept going. “How do you know that, huh? You don't know me, Even. You know nothing about me.“_ _

__Even stared at him. Sheer rage glimmed in his eyes. “I'm not committed to you“, he said. “Stop acting like I owe you something.“_ _

__“I...“ Isak was speechless. His head was probably as red as a tomato. He was so angry his whole body was shaking. “You didn't answer my fucking question“, he hissed, his finger pointed to Even's chest. “Stop playing around. Say what your problem is.“_ _

__Now Even was the one groaning. “For fuck's sake Isak, can't you just let it be?“_ _

__“No“, Isak said stubborny._ _

__“Fucking hell.“ Now Even stepped a bit closer. The two boys seperated only a metre now. “Would it help if I say it's better for you to just... I don't know, back off?“_ _

__“No“, Isak repeated, “you still owe me an-“_ _

__“I owe you shit, Isak!“, Even yelled, waving his hands through the air, “why this thing bothers you so much?“_ _

__“It doesn't!“, Isak yelled back, “I just have the right to know why. And don't tell me it's nothing, don't say that because you know it better!“_ _

__“No I don't!“ Now he was standing in front of Isak and his blue eyes pierced through him. “And I don't know why you think you're special.“_ _

__Isak's face fell a bit but he managed to keep his look on and let Even push his knife deeper. “I don't get why you think I give you special treatment or something. I don't. You are not special, Isak. Sorry if I gave you the intention to think that.“_ _

__Wow._ _

__That hurt. That hurt pretty much. Isak struggled to keep the tears out of his eyes. But he didn't want to be the whiny boy so he forced himself to keep his voice steady._ _

__“Well“, he said quietly and stared into Even's eyes, no weakness showing. “That was clear enough.“_ _

__“Yeah?“ Even was speaking quietly now as well. He looked like he wanted to read Isak's soul. His face was impossible to read._ _

__“Yeah“, Isak said, trying to sound contemptuous. “Think my brain catched it.“_ _

__For the shortest moment, Even looked like he wanted to say something. But he then only nodded. “Good“, he said cold._ _

__They were standing there, facing each other and breathing hard._ _

__Isak felt like if Even didn't get out any second he would start to scream. Even's eyes didn't let him go. They pierced him, nailed him down. Told him again the awful words which were ringing in Isak's ears._ _

__And then one tear escaped his left eye, rolled down his cheek and disappeared somwhere under his chin._ _

__Fuck._ _

__Isak quickly wiped over his face but of course Even had seen it. His face twitched and he made a weird move – like he wanted to stretch his hand out but almost at the same time drawing it back – before he just looked away and took a step back._ _

__Isak didn't know if this was better or even worse._ _

__“I... I should go.“ Even stood there for a moment but Isak didn't answer him. His body felt frozen. Even gave him another look then he started moving to towards the door._ _

__„At least I was fucking right.“_ _

__Isak didn't know why he said it. He just knew he didn't want Even to go just like this, without a payback. Without a sign that he was strong._ _

__He turned to Even to find him standing in hte doorframe. His jaw was clenched again. “Oh yeah? About what?“_ _

__“You're just a pretty face with nothing more. Probably a rich kid who gets everything he want, had a great childhood with all he ever wished for and no problems at all. I don't know why I wasted my time thinking about you because apparently it is useless trying to talk with you. You're just fucked up.“_ _

__Even stared at him. He stared so long without moving that Isak thought he would punch him. But then he just said, with a flat voice:_ _

__“You don't know anything about my problems, Valtersen.“_ _

__He then turned around and walked out of the door, closing the door with a bang._ _

__He left behind a boy who was standing in the middle of his room in shock._ _

__Isak didn't know why Even's last word felt almost as bad as the others. He didn't want to know though. He didn't want to know anything._ _

__He stood there a few more minutes, thinking and breathing._ _

__The tears only came later when he crawled back to bed and burried himself deep into his sheets. He didn't try to stop them._ _

__They were angry tears at first. He was mad at Even, so mad that he didn't know where to put all of his rage. So he hit the wall and screamed into his pillow until he was hoarse and his knuckles hurt. Then there was no anger left and the other feelings came to the surface. It was pathetic how much so less words could hurt someone so much. And Isak was a bit mad at himself for caring so much. He didn't even know why he was crying. It wasn't like he and Even had a great past full of friendship moments or, even worse, were a couple or something. There was nothing. Just a few times talking, then the mocking. Then the ship. Then the ignorance. Then this._ _

__So Even was right in some way. There was no reason why he should be something special. And Isak could say it as often as he wanted, in his heart he knew that he had thought he meant something to Even. Something more than teasing in uni._ _

__He knew it was pathetic and stupid and silly. And now he was paying the price for it._ _

__Eventually his phone rang and it was such a loud noise in the silent building Isak startled. When he looked on the screen he swallowed._ _

__Jonas was calling._ _

__He hesitated, but then he just waited until Jonas gave up. Instead a message plopped up._ _

___**Jonas:** Hey dude, did you and Even fight?_ _ _

__

__Isak stared at the message. Coldness creeped up his body and spread itself out._ _

__

__He didn't answer. He turned his phone off and threw it in a corner. Then he turned with his face to the wall, closing his burning eyes and tried to stop asking himself how the fuck did they get this far._ _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor boys. So much miscommunication. But next chapter is gonna be more sweet, promise:)
> 
> Have a great day!
> 
> Oh and I'm really sorry for the irregular updates. I hope I am able to write more around Christmas. But I try to update as soon as I can of course.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The volleyball game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oookay, here we go. I had way too much fun writing that. Hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Warnings: there might be a bit blood, but it's not too bad.
> 
> Oh, and thank you all so much for leaving these lovely comments. It means so much to me and if you have the time, I would be so glad if you would leave a comment! It is really a motivation<3
> 
> And of course thanks to all who left a kudo or just follows the story.<33
> 
> So, now enjoy it!
> 
> Ps: I wrote on this the whole time and now it's very late and I'm gonna write an exam tomorrow so I hope there are not too many mistakes. Sorry if there are still some.

_Friday, Day 3_

 

Isak felt like a big boulder had rolled over him in the night and had temporary put his muscles out of action. Apparently the sleepless nights gave him payback as hard as they could now.

So Isak was basically fucked.

He groaned when his alarm went off for the sixth time and groped over his nightstand. In the other bed Jonas growled and shoved his head under his pillow.

“Turn that freakin' thing off, dude“, came his muffled voice out of the pillow.

“I'm trying“, Isak answered, desperately fishing for his phone and wincing when the way too light screen beamed at him. Finally the loud noise was gone.

“Thank chuck“, Jonas said.

Isak sighed and put his phone away. The action had at least done his job: even though he was tired as fuck and barely could hold open his eyes he knew he couldn't go back to sleep. He rolled onto his back and put his arm over his head. He had some precious minutes left in which his brain was wonderful free of all thoughts and sorrows.

But then it hit him like a bolt of lightling.

Even. He and Even had a fight yesterday. No... more like this morning. He didn't quite know when Even had woken him up.

Things had been said. Ugly things.

Isak sighed again and rubbed his face as if he could rub the memories away with it. It had been so fucking _dumb_ though. Why did he started this? What had gotten into him?

He had been so furious. He had wanted answers. Finally, real, satisfying answers from Even. And what did he get? Nothing. Just some really mean comments and a jacket.

Yup. Even forgot his jacket on Jonas bed and now it was hanging at his closet door. Isak glared at it as if it was all the fault of the clothing what happened yesterday.

He shouldn't have yelled at him. But he had been so angry. He still was.

And what he said... Isak felt instantly a knot in his stomach when he remembered how cold and rejected his look had been. 

_You are not special, Isak. Sorry if I gave you the intention to think that._

Isak wanted to snore, but it came out as a pretty pathetic wounded sounding noise he tried to cover with his sheets.

_It doesn't matter, you don't care about him_ , he tried to reassure himself but he knew it was useless work. He knew it meant something, and even if Even was the biggest asshole on the earth – which he had confirmed he was, now, no doubts left – Isak couldn't stop to care. 

Why, for fuck's sake? What was special about this stupid, mean boy?

His brain needed a reboot. He had to stop thinking about him. He had insulted him, said things which really hurt him and he had played him.

Somehow. At least Isak wanted to believe it was like that so he could hate Even even more.

For a moment he remembered how he had felt on the ship. How good he had felt and how he had thought that he would know Even so much better than it could be possible. How he was convinced they could be friends.

Then he took all the thouhgts and stuffed them somewhere deep inside his brain, soul, whatever. He didn't need this.

He needed someone who was nice. Who didn't say those things to him. Who didn't act weird as fuck. Isak was done with that. Should someone else try to understand this boy.

Goodbye, Bech Næsheim. And fuck you.

 

.

 

“Isak, I'm sorry“, Jonas repeated when they got dressed in silence. Isak tried to shove his anger away; it wasn't his friend's fault, he knew that.

“ It's okay, Jonas, leave it, okay? I'm fine.“ Where was his fresh shirt? He was convinced it was in his suitcase.

“I thought... I thought maybe you two could work your issues out together.“ Jonas' face was looking like a sad dog, Isak knew this without looking at him. “I'm sorry. It was the alc...“

“It's _okay_ , jesus!“, Isak said loudly while shutting his suitcase with a loud bang.

Silence followed after that. Isak shook his head lightly. He could feel how a headache was going to creep up into his temple.

Great.

“I'm going to breakfast“, he muttered and walked past Jonas and out of the room.

When he came into the breakfast room he was immediately shoved to the side.

“Hey, what the –“

“It's the great day, Isak!“ Elias was standing in front of him, beaming like an ididot and waving his hands around.

Isak blinked tiredly. “Huh?“

“The game!“, Elias said, slightly disappointed because of the non-existant enthusiasm from the boy in front of him.

“Oh.“

That stupid game. Isak had totally forgotten about it. He wasn't even sure if he was able to hold the ball without toppling over. He was so tired and done with everything.

“Uhm, Elias, sorry but I think...“

“No excuses, man.“ He got shot by a furious glare. “You're in. You said it. On record.“

“Fean, Elias, chill okay? I'm feeling like shit today, don't know if I'm gonna make it. So sorry if that interrupts your great plan for today.“

Isak didn't mean to hiss at Elias like that but in this moment he couldn't bring himself to care. So he just shot a glare at him, ignored the guilty feeling in his chest and made his way to his table where they had been sitting the other days as well.

When he sat down he noticed the girls staring at him from a table across the room and when he gave them an annoyed frown they quickly looked away.

All of them, except for Sana. She squinted her eyes and let her gaze roaming between him and her big brother who had sat down again next to Adam.

Isak made a silent 'what'- gesture and she shook her head and turned her head finally back to her bread.

God. Not even five minutes in this room and he had literally everyone who tried to communicate with him scared off. But seriously. They all needed to leave him alone. He didn't need that attention, he was perfectly fine on his own, thanks.

Angrily he chewed his bread, swallowed and took a big sip from his orange juice.

“Woah, why so aggressive, bro?“ Magnus let himself fall into the chair next to him, let out a big yawn and fished instantly for the coffee can.

Isak wished in this moment nothing more than to have Magnus Fossbakken's problems.

“None of your business“, Isak hissed. Magnus gave him a suspicious look. “Oh, do we have an Issy day?“, he asked and turned his head to the side.

“We have nothing“, was the grumbled answer, “leave me alone.“

“Has it something to do with Even?“

Isak swallowed and let out an annoyed groan. “For fuck's sake, Magnus. First of all, don't yell that around so everybody can hear it, second, leave me alone, third, no, it has nothing to do with him, okay?“

Magnus watched him carefully and when Isak was done talking he let out a long sigh. “Oh Issy“, he said softly and touched his arm. “It's okay.“

“What the fuck.“ Isak withdrew his arm as fast as he could. “What is this conversation. I'm fine, okay?“

“Isak, why are you so upset?“ Now Magnus frowned, he even shoved his coffee mug to the side.

“It's nothing, I told you“, Isak mumbled but his tone came out a bit less aggressive. He shrugged. “Just didn't sleep much. Don't know. Had a bunch of stuff going on in my head.“

“Hmm.“ Magnus nodded along. “But you know we will always listen to your crap, right? I mean, we do all the time but –“

“Oi!“ Isak smacked Mganus' arm but the other boy only grinned at him. “What? It's true. No one is such a big drama queen than you, Is. You're the master of the drama.“

“I'm not!“, Isak insisted offended, “I'm so fucking chill okay.“

“Mmmh. Right.“

Isak looked at Magnus who had returned to his eggs with bacon. What he appreciated about this guy was his way to deal with things. He didn't put too much thought in one thing and nevertheless he managed to deal with every situation without freaking out. Isak adored him for that. He never had this kind of chill. He was a guy who always overthought everything. He couldn't help it. That was what kept him awake at night and he didn't know how to turn it off and he hated that.

“Uhm... Mags?“, he asked quietly and was met by a questioning hum because of Magnus' full mouth of bacon.

“Last night... Even came to me and tried to wake me up... and we kind of... had a fight?“ Isak scratched his nose akwardly. “Like we yelled at each other and then he left... and this morning Jonas said he was sorry because he was the one who sent Even in the first place... and I got a bit angry at him even though I know that he meant well...“ Isak stopped, looking at the ground of his empty coffee mug. “This whole situation annoys me“, he admitted finally with a strained voice, “I don't want this, Mags. It stresses the shit out of me and every day it's getting worse.“

Magnus had listened to him and now he looked at his friend with understanding eyes and a smile. “Isak, have you tried to figure this shit out between you and Even?“

“Yes“, Isak answered violently, “I did. And his answer was just ' because you're not good for me.' Who says that, Mags? Like a fucking quote from some sappy love movie.“

Magnus frowned. “He said that? Hm. I don't know. But he has probably his reasons for that I think?“

“Reasons I will never get to know“, Isak grumbled and put his head on the table.

“Issy.“ Isak felt a comforting hand ruffling his curls. “I get that it's hard. And you have all right to be upset. I don't understand his acting, either. I can talk to him if you want?“

“No, thanks, Mags.“ Isak's voice was muffled by the wood of the table. “But I need to figure this out on my own.“

He raised his head and saw Magnus grinning at him. “What?“, he asked.

Magnus shook his head. “You know that you just quoted like every second hero from an adventure movie right?“

 

.

 

When the guys were ready with the breakfast Isak spotted Jonas and Mahdi at the door. His talk with Magnus had oddly calmed him down and so he felt instantly guilty when he became aware of the stressed look on Jonas' face.

“Hey guys“, they greeted and Jonas gave Isak a look. “Uhm, Isak? I...“

“It's okay, man“, Isak interrupted. “For real this time.“ And it was true. It wasn't Jonas' fault what happened. He only meant well. And okay, it wasn't great he thought he could intervene on his own but he learned from it.

“Yeah?“ Jonas face light up and Isak rolled his eyes. _Yeah._. But don't hug me right now, okay?“

“Yes, Jonas, don't hug him, we're men, we don't show feelings. As we all know, Isak 's the master of not showing feelings.“

“Shut up, Mags.“

Jonas gave Isak a relieved smile and sat down.

“You know“, Jonas said after a while when they were about to get up from the table – they were the last ones today – “maybe if you weren't such a pretentious piece of arrogance and shit, you two could have figured it out and I would be the hero though.“

Jonas ducked his head to escape the napkin Isak was throwing at him. “Asshole“, he mumbled while he suppressed a grin.

Jonas ran a hand through his hair and clapped his hands. “So guys, are you up to destroy the German beach?“

Magnus and Mahdi cheered along while Isak rolled his eye and waved off. “I'll just lay on my bed, bye guys...“

“Don't you dare, Isak Valtersen.“ Mahdi trapped Isak by tugging at his sleeve and pulling him backwards.

“Hey!“

“Morning guys.“ Suddenly Elias was standing in front of them. “You still in for today?“ His gaze lingered a moment on Isak's face before he opened his mouth and said quickly: “Isak, I'm sorry, of course you don't have to play with us, I mean...“

“It's okay“, Isak interrupted in the same moment when Magnus said: “He's all in, bro.“

They shared a look. Isak raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I'm all in now?“, he asked. Jonas shoved him playfully. “Come on, Issy, we need you. A bit drama is good for the soul.“

“I'm _not_ a drama queen“, Isak muttered. But then he sighed and nodded to Elias. “Sorry for snapping at you“, he said, “I'm still in. But I'm not any good.“

“Nice.“ Elias grinned. “Cool, Isak, we'll see you all later then okay. I'll text you guys.“ He waved at them, turned around and ran the stairs up, probably to his room to tell the others.

Isak looked after him.

They were all right. It was useless to act all bitchy now despite all the crap which happened in the last twenty four hours. And he didn't even counted his mom-dad-problem in that. (He still needed to call his dad after that horrible conversation on the boat where they both had eneded up yelling at each other.) Sure, his situation sucked, but right now there was nothing he could do about it. Neither Even nor his parents. So he banned them out of his mind for the moment, like he had this morning. Maybe it would help.

“So, what' up losers?“ Jonas looked at each of them, an exited fire in his eyes. “Are you ready?“ He looked at Isak and raised his eyebrow in a question, an reassuring smile on his lips. “Ready to play?“

Isak allowed himself to send a sappy smile back before he cleared his throat and hufffed: “I'm way better than you all anyway.“ He looked around before he smirked and suddely yelled: “who's first at the beach, huh?“, and started running, the three other boys quickly following under cursing, laughing and cheering.

 

.

 

“Team Seagulls, are you ready? Team Octopus, are you ready?“

Isak took a deep breath and concentrated his mind on the game which was about to start. The sun was shining, that was a little bit bad but not an obstacle to beat them yet.

They had spent the morning with preparing themselves for the game and now Isak felt a bit more ready than before. It was two in the afternoon and holy fuck, he didn't expect so many people watching them. He had never agreed to play if he had known this.

At least most of them were from their group so no worries, except for one big group who had settled down at the edge of the field, a few girls and boys, in their twenties, like Isak.

And okay... the boys were all damn good looking, even if they weren't all Isak's taste. A bit too broad shoulders, a bit too brown skin from just the sun, a bit too arrogant faces. Isak didn't like it when boys were showing around that they're hot.

But one of them kept looking at Isak and one time when Isak looked in his direction, he actually _waved_ at him. And oh my god, had he _winked_?

Isak felt himself blushing under his snapback. The guy was hella attractive, no questions. He had brown short hair, a pretty face with thin lips with a constant smirk on it and big brown eyes surrounded by long lashes. The only thing he was wearing were swim trunks and Isak had a good look on his abs which were shining in the sun from the bodylotion.

Isak swallowed and tried to ignore the tingly feeling in his neck.

“We're ready!“, Elias yelled excitedly and everyone from his team started cheering.

They were six people on each team. For Elias team – the Seagulls – played Even, Mutta, Mahdi, Sana, Chris and Elias himself. Their substitute were Adam and Noora.

In Yousef's team – team Octopus – competed Isak, Jonas, Magnus, Eva, Mikael and Yousef. They only had Vilde as a substitute, but that wasn't too bad. Vilde had played for a long time in a volleyball team and was their secret jackpot.

“Ready to lose, you mean?“, Mikael yelled back and everybody from the Octopus cheered at that.

“Watch out Mikael, you might get hurt your pretty face in the sun.“ That was Even. He was standing at the edge of the field, behind the others, to cover the last spot. He was wearing dark blue trunks with red stripes on it and a small leather band was knotted around his ankle. His hair was down today and shined bright in the sun. On his lips stuck his mischievous grin.

He looked like the old, teasing Even. And Isak didn't know if he liked it.

But one second later he remembered that it didn't matter what he looked like, so he tried to ignore the thought in the back of his head that he would have to look at Even's lean but muscular body for a couple of hours.

“Oi, are you speaking for yourself, sweetie?“ Mikael grinned. “Watch your hair, it might get burned today.“

“Enough“, Noora said finally. She was standing at the edge of the field and was about to start the game. “Okay, so here are the rules again: In every team have to be six people, unfortunately we don't have six substitutes but if anyone of the crowd wants to volunteer he's free to join. We'll play about five rounds, every round will be played until one group has twenty five points, except for the final and last round, which will be played to fifteen points. Every team has the chance to take a break for thirty seconds during one round. Every break between the rounds will be three minutes and each team has to switch the sides. Okay?“ She looked around and when everybody nodded in understanding she went on: “Okay, now to the rules everybody should know a bit: you aren't allowed to hold or throw the ball. The ball is allowed to pass three times before he has to go over the net. You can't hit the ball two times in a row. If the ball ends up in the net it is allowed to pass it three times.  
So. I think that was it. Let's begin.“ Noora walked to the end of the field, then she turned around and yelled: “team Octopus and team Seagulls, fair play! You'll start in three... two... one... go!“ She put a whistle in her mouth and made a shrill noise.

The crowd started clapping and yelling almost instantly and Isak had to suppress a huge grin. He felt the adrenaline pulsating through his veins. For a moment he closed his eyes.

_Let's go_ , he thought before he opened his eyes again. And then the game started.

 

.

 

The game was really thrilling. Everybody was hyped and determined to win this game and the loud audience did their job.

Isak had very much fun after the first round, even though his body hurt from all the falling-to-the-ground stuff and he was a bit dehydrated from the burning sun. But they had won the first round and Isak joined laughing his teammates who burried Mikael under their bodies when he made the final hit.

Now there was the first three minutes break before it went on and Isak was standing at the side to drink at least five bottles of water.

“Hi“, he heard suddenly say someone behind him. He dropped the bottle and wiped his mouth before he turned around.

It was the pretty boy from the group, the one who winked at him earlier. He was now standing in front of him and now Isak could admire his body from a way better angle. The only blemish was his height; he was a bit smaller than Isak.

That didn't stop him from beaming at him, showing him all of his white teeth. “I saw you playing. You're hella good.“

That was a big lie. Isak wasn't good in volleyball, not at all.

“Oh, uhm... thanks“, he muttered and felt himself blush again. What the fuck, where was his game?

“If anyone of your mates need a break I could play for them you know“, pretty-boy said and stared at Isak's lips. “Or, you know... if you need a break.“ He licked his lips.

Isak stared at him. He probably looked like a sheep right now but he didn't know what to say to such an obvious attempt to flirt.

“I... I'm good, thanks“, he finally managed to say and suddenly felt very hot under his skin.

Teeth-boy laughed. “A bit shy? You don't need to be. Oh, I'm Marcus, by the way.“ He held out his hand and Isak took it. “Isak.“

“Isak. Pretty name. Fits you.“

“Uhm...“

“Where are you from?“, Marcus asked and looked at him curiously. “Sweden?“

“Norway“, Isak answered and managed a small smile. “And you?“

_I have game. I have game._

“I'm from Hamburg, enjoying the sun here.“

“Oh, cool“, Isak said.

Suddenly teeth-boy came a step closer. Isak could smell bodylotion. Cherry?

“Hey, do you want to...“ But pretty-boy didn't get to say something further because the volleyball hit his leg. The two boys startled and looked around.

“Can we introduce a rule that forbits hitting on someone until the game's over, please?“ Even was standing behind them, an annoyed look on his face.

“Isak, come on!“ That was Jonas from the other side of the field. Right. They were supposed to change sides.

Isak felt himself go red when he became aware that he was the only one still here. He cleared his throat, mumbled a 'sorry' in each direction and quickly joined the other side.

“Your head is red like a tomato“, Eva grinned at him.

“Shut up.“

Isak rubbed the back of his neck. Nothing to feel awkward for, everything was good.

He tried to ignore the weird feeling in his chest when he saw Even sprinting over the field to get the volleyball back. Had he thrown it?

Isak had no time left to think about that, Noora already whistled and the second match began.

This time it wasn't as good as before. Isak's mood had dropped a bit, and the other team played with no mercy. Especially Even showed new agressive moves. One time he hit the ball so hard that he hit Yousef.

“Sorry bro“, he said but Yousef waved it off and gave him a thumbs up.

Isak didn't play well. He and Jonas crashed together when they both jumped for the ball. Isak stumbled over his own feet and fell before the ball hit the ground. And one time he didn't even see it coming because the sun poked him in the eye.

By the time the game was over Isak was relieved, despite their defeat.

“Man, what's up with you?“ Jonas clapped him on the back. “You can think about your crush later.“ He grinned and Isak rolled his eyes. “He's not my crush.“

“Mmh. And why is your crush coming over in this second?“

Isak looked up. Jonas was right. Marcus made his way over to them. Before it could get awkward, he said: “Guys, can I play for a round?“

Jonas frowned and looked at Isak. “Uhm, I don't know... but we're good for now, thanks.“

“Oh“, Marcus said and looked disappointed. “Okay. Later then, maybe.“

In this exact moment Magnus came stumbled to them. “Seriously guys, I need a break“, he panted. “I didn't know volleyball was this exhausting.“ He looked in the round. “Oh, hey man, who are you?“

“Marcus, your substitute.“ They shook hands. “Oh, cool“, Magnus said delighted. “I'm gonna sit down then, guys...“

“Wait, what about Vilde?“, Jonas asked. “She's the best and she waits.“

Oh right. Isak had forgotten about her. She sat with Noora at the edge of the field, watching the scenario.

“Uhm, guys... I think Vilde also needs a break you know...“ Magnus said. “I mean, obviously, she's our best and the best only gets to play at the end... I mean... I will... just go to her and sit down“, he ended and walked past them.

Jonas shook his head. “Oh man“, he sighed and exchanged a grin with Isak

“Hey, can we play?“ Mikael came walking to them. “Oh, who're you?“, he asked Marcus.

“I'm playing for this guy“, Marcus pointed at Magnus. Mikael frowned. “And what about Vilde? We...“

“I think he's happy that she's not gonna play, dude“, Marcus said and winked at him. Then his gaze roamed to Isak again and he felt like the boy was scanning him.

Mikael turned around. “Oh“, he said after a while. “Yeah, you're right. Okay then“, he clapped his hands, “You're playing on Magnus' position.“

“Okay.“ Marcus saluted. “I'm good at positions.“ His eyes bored into Isak's as he said that before he turned around and made his way to his place.

Isak's jaw dropped. 

“Stop laughing“, he finally managed to say to Mikael and Jonas in a weak voice.

“Okay, ready?“ Noora whistled again and Isak made the first serve.

On the other side Even managed to hit the ball and pass it over to Mahdi who passed it to Sana who hit it over the net.

Jonas prepared for the ball and then...

“Hey, what are you doing?“

Marcus had left his position to get the ball, as a result they had hit their heads together and the ball dropped to the ground.

“That's not your position, man“, Jonas said angrily while rubbing his head.

“You okay?“, Isak asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine.“

“Sorry, sorry“, Marcus said, “but you wouldn't have catched the ball anyway, so...“

“Excuse me?“, Jonas huffed but they had no time to argue anymore. Mutta got in position to make the serve.

It happened again. When Eva tried to get the ball Marcus jumped in front of her with the argument 'but she's the girl?'. Yousef pulled Jonas back at his sleeve to prevent him from doing anything stupid.

“if you can't do teamplay you're out“, Isak said to Marcus finally after asking for the thirty seconds break. “Sorry but it's no fun at all.“

“We play this game a bit different than you“, Marcus said, but Isak thought he saw something like guilt in his eyes. But in the next second it was gone and he beamed at Isak. “You know what? Go on a date with me and I'll play so good you don't know what to say.“

Isak stared at him. “What?“

“You heard me.“ Marcus gave him a mischievous grin.

Everybody from Isak's team looked at him, silent.

“Uhm...“ Isak became red again. “But if I don't want to?“

Marcus smiled. “Then it's me blackmailing you. But a date sounds way better. What do you think?“

Isak looked at Marcus. His muscular, brown body, his brown puppy eyes, his white teeth, his pretty face.

Then he grinned. “Okay, fine“, he said. From the corner of his eye he saw Jonas' head turning at him. “But you have to play really good.“

“Oh, Isak“, Marcus said with sparkles in his eyes. “I'll play so good. You have no idea.“

The last sentence he said a bit lower and Isak gulped a few times.

“Okay, we're ready!“, Mikael yelled over the field.

“Hey, you're sure?“ Jonas appeared by his side. Isak frowned. “Why?“, he asked amused, “jealous?“

Jonas held onto his arm. “Isak, I don't like him“, he said quiety.

Isak said nothing. He had to agree with Jonas silently. Despite his looking Marcus annoyed him and he had a weird charisma.

But somehow he had the feeling he had to prove himself in front of everyone, after they all heard about his 'date'. And what Even had said... no, he couldn't say no.

“Get in your postions... and... go!“

One thing Isak had to admit. Marcus was a good player. If he made an effort, he played well together with his teammates and already in the first two minutes they had way more hits than the other team.

“Ha, team Seagulls, what do you say now?“, Mikael said gloatingly.

“At least we don't pay anyone to play with us“, Even said while giving the ball a particulary strong punch. His eyes weren't on the ball though. He looked at Isak.

Isak felt his guts warming up. _How dare you_. Was he implying Isak would pay Marcus by going on a date with him?

Isak was so angry that he didn't notice the ball in front of him and stretched out too late his arms to catch him. 

“Isak, do you need a break?“

“I'm good“, he said to Mikael. “Sorry.“

But it wasn't good. Suddenly the memories from last night came up to him again.

_You are not special. I owe you shit. I just... I can't with you, okay?_

Isak blinked the memories away.

They won this game, thanks to Marcus. But Isak didn't feel joy about it. His bad mood was back and when Marcus started to talk to him he just went away to sit next to Vilde.

He let his gaze roaming over the crowd. Most of them sat on blankets or just in the sand, eating and laughing. The two teams drank water or rested a few moments. Isak rubbed his forehead. He was about to think about how he could prevent the date with Marcus without noticed by someone when he spotted a skinny girl made her way over to the other team.

He yawned and wanted to close his eyes again but then he saw her touching Even by the shoulder. He turned around, saw her and smiled warmly.

Isak sat straight to have a better view. The girl said something to him, and he laughed at that, he could hear it from where he was sitting.

The girl was pretty, long black hair and a dark green bikini. She had a nice looking face and her body wasn't too bad either. She had definitely something to offer by the way she arched her back into his direction.

Isak bit his lip. Even wouldn't be so stupid to fall for that, would he...

But then his jar dropped and he squinted his eyes to get a better look. Yes, there was no doubt. She scribbled something on a napkin and put it in Even's bag in his trunks. And then she stood up on her tiptoes and _kissed_ him on the cheek before she turned around and made her way back.

Isak watched Even's expression. He looked after her. Okay, that was okay, totally fine, Isak had no idea why his stomach decided to make _this_ move again, no, absolutely not.

“Hey, you okay?“ Marcus was hovering over him, blocking the sun and the sight. Suddenly Isak was very annoyed.

“Yes, thanks“, he said, stood up and patted the sand from his shorts. “Just a bad night.“

Marcus watched him with a huge grin on his lips. “That's because I wasn't there, cutie“, he said cockily and then he just gave Isak a light slap on his ass.

That came so unexpected that Isak nearly fell over and when he had recovered from his shock Marcus was already walking away, smiling at him.

Isak tried to play it cool and smiled back, he even managed to lick his lips while in his head a small but steady voice demanded him to get away from this guy. Somehow he didn't feel good with him anymore. Scratch that, he didn't feel good with him in the first place.

Isak took a deep breath. Wow, Isak, great. You have someone hitting on your ugly face and the first thing you're thinking is to get away. Get yourself together. Do it like Even and give him your number. Not that difficult, huh?

Isak was angry at himself for overthinking. _Again._ But he couldn't help himself; his feeling dragged him in the opposite direction from _Marcus_.

Fun fact: Even was standing there. In that opposite direction. He was mirroring Marcus' position on the fiel and was doing some stretches to get warm again. He looked good while doing that. His pale body didn't look too bad in the sun and he was a bit sweating from the game. A few strains clinged to his forehead and he was laughing at something Mutta said to him.

Isak had a lot of anger surplus in his body. And because he couldn't use the whole rage against himself alone he started to use it against the only other person on the field who had hurt him.

Isak didn't quite know why he became this mad all of the sudden. Maybe it was because of this girl, maybe because of Marcus and that he couldn't bring himself to interact with him and he didn't know if it was because of Even or just because he didn't want to. Maybe it was just the sun, burning it's way into his brain. It didn't matter though.

What in fact mattered, was the volleyball in Isak's hands. Big and round and heavy. And the game was about to start again. And Noora was just about to put her whistle on her lips.

And Even didn't pay attention to the game, he was still talking to Mutta. And that was the final straw.

Isak didn't notice anything around him, he just held the ball high over his head and gave him a particular strong hit.

He didn't mean to hit anyone. He just wanted to set his frustration free. He didn't even want to hit Even.

But it was like in your driving lessons: The car drives where you're looking at.

The next thing Isak knew was that Even's face twisted in pain and he covered it with both of his hands.

Then someone started to yell something Isak didn't understand. It didn't matter. He couldn't take his eyes off Even, who was standing there in the sun and tried to stop the stream of blood coming from both of his nostrils.

Then Mutta was by his side and forced him to take his hands away and Isak winced at the sight as if he was the one in pain.

He heard Mahdi say a lowered “what the fuck“, and that was somehow the thing what took Iinto action.

He shook his head to let the shock behind him and started sprinting towarsd the other side of the field. By the time he was there, a bunch of people were already surrounding Even, trying to help.

Isak could still hear Even's voice and he was so releaved he sounded normal, even a bit bunged up. “I'm fine, it's okay, no, seriously Adam, I just need to sit down okay.“

Then Sana stepped to the side and Isak had full view on the boy. Guilt started to eat it's way up his body until he felt like he was on fire. He could feel the looks on him, in shock, blaming, angry.

Then finally, Elias said: “What the fuck, man?“

Isak shook his head, not able to meet the furious look from Elias.

“What was that, Isak?“, Sana asked with a frown and a worried expression.

“Are you nuts?“, Marcus asked. It sounded almost curious.

“Okay, you“, Yousef said shortly, “away.“

Marcus looked offended. “I still have...“

“Get the hell away from here.“ Mikael looked almost dangerous. Which was a very impressive piece according to Mikaels' features.

Marcus opened his mouth but didn't say anything. He searched for Isak's look but Isak only shook his head. Marcus snorted, turned around and made his way back to his group, mumbling something about the stupid Scandinavians.

Isak didn't look after him. His eyes were glued to Even's face.

He did this. That was his fault.

“He needs to see a doctor“, Sana insisted despite Even's headshaking. Elias nodded. “Okay, then let's just...“

“Hey, I'm still here, okay?“ Even tried to sound normal but Isak could hear the pain in his voice and tears were falling down his face because a nose is a bitch and you just need to tear up if something hits it. “Let me just sit down, I feel a bit dizzy...“

“Maybe you have a concussion“, Chris guessed. Even rolled his eyes. “I don't.“

“You can't know that“, Elias said sharply. “You're going to the hospital, if you want or not, mister.“

“Ugh.“ Even rolled his eyes again. “If you insist, mum.“

“Yes, I do.“

"Fine."

“Good.“ Elias thought for a moment. “Mikael, could you bring Even to the hospital? Or I could come with you and...“

“Seriously, Elias, stop being overdramatic!“, Even said loudly and then stopped talking for a moment, closing his eyes.

“Is he going to throw up?“, Magnus asked curiously.

Even opened his eyes annoyed. “No, I'm not. It just hurts to talk a bit. But I don't need an escort.“

“But... Okay, fine.“ Elias sighed. “But one of us gets to come with you.“

“I do it.“ Mikael already took his side next to Even and wrapped one arm of Even around his waist. “Come on, grandpa, let's take you to the hospital.“ He grinned while he said that.

“Can I have someone else than him, please?“

“Now I'm hurt.“

“Good.“

“Just saying: It looked funny when the ball hit you. No doubts.“

Elias and Adam tried to hide their grin but Even had already seen it. “Great“, he said and rolled his eyes. “At least I'm the new beach sensation and-ouch.“ He pressed his hand again against his nose.

“Hurry up“, Elias said and then Mikael dragged the slightly demolished Even up to the main street.

Isak stood there and felt cold. Now that Even was gone, everybody focused on him now.

“Okay, Isak, what was that?“ Jonas looked almost as worried as Sana. “What has gotten into you?“

Isak tried to answer but nothing came out. He cleared his voice a few times and said hoarsly: “I don't know I just... I got angry and wanted to hit the ball...“

“At Even?“ Eva looked in shock.

“No, of course not at Even!“, Isak said violently. “I didn't look where I threw and then...“ His voice faded away and he became aware of his shaking hands. “I... I'm sorry“, he whispered to his shoes.

For a moment no one said something. Then Vilde surprised them all by dragging Isak into a hug. She didn't say anything, she just held him and patted his head. He could smell her perfume and feel her warmth and her heartbeat and it calmed him down a bit.

“I think we can all agree that Isak didn't mean to hurt Even“, Vilde said and Isak could hear in her voice that she glared at everybody. “It was a stupid thing to do and I don't know what's going on in Isak's mind but... please don't be mad.“

“Vilde, no one blamed him for that“, Elias said and surprised Isak with that. He lifted his head from Vilde's shoulders and turned to him. “You're not mad?“, he asked hoarsly. Elias gave him a weak smile. “I mean, Even didn't pay attention“, he said, “and you have a very strong arm. I'm still a bit mad because you threw so hard and it could hurt anyone very bad. That's not cool, man.“

“Yes, I know.“ Isak nodded. “I'm sorry. Really.“

“So.“ Sana looked at him with a strange expression. “I suggest you need to apologize.“

“Yeah sure, I will.“ Isak still felt a bit strange in his bones. Maybe he needed a visit at the hospital, too.

“No, I mean right now.“

Isak looked up. “Huh?“, he asked. He was not the only one; Jonas frowned and Elias clicked his tongue against his teeth.

“Don't think it's a good idea“, Mutta said and Eva and Noora nodded along. “Maybe Even will be mad at you. Don't want to talk to you. Need a bit time to calm down I mean.“

“But Isak needs to tell him it wasn't his intention to hit him“, Sana insisted. Jonas took a step forward. “That's not a good idea“, he said and laid a hand on Isak's shoulder.

He was grateful for the silent support.

“Why not?“

“Uhm, because he just hit a ball in Even's face? I'm sorry but would you like to talk to the one after that?“

“If he apologizes...“

“But we don't know what Even want, we...“

“Guys, we need to do something now, the audience is leaving-“

“Fuck the audience, Mags.“

“You don't need to become rude-“

“Guys, can we play to the end or do we wanna stop?“

“Has somebody the adress of the hospital?“

“I think Isak should go.“

“We've been there, that's not an opt –“

“Okay“, Isak finally yelled over the talking boys and girls. “I'll go after him, okay?“ He felt hot and guilty and very embarrassed and he felt like if he wouldn't get away from the people here he would start screaming.

“You sure?“ Jonas squeezed his shoulder. Isak swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, I just will... apologize and let him punch me in the face or something.“ He let out a harsh laugh. “See you guys. Play to the end, okay?“

“Isak...“, Vilde began but he ignored her.

“Dude...“ He also ignored Mahdi. He quickly made his way past his friends and walked towards the main street, like Mikael and Even earlier did. When he was sure the others couldn't see him anymore he started running.

It was a good feeling. He finally felt like his shock was no longer in his bones and he managed to think clearer again.

He really didn't mean to hit Even. He was sure of that. Despite their conflict he would never want to hurt him. At least physically. And he wanted him to know that.

Isak didn't know how Even would react. Would he slap him? Would he yell at him? Would he be disappointed? Even sad? Or just like usual, being smug and quick-witted. Concealing the feelings.

Isak felt his heartbeat ridiculously fast in his throat and not only from running.

Then he spotted two figures on the side of the main street and his heart almost stopped. Okay. Okay okay. He got this. There was no turning back now.

He swallowed a few times and asked himself why he felt like a son who got caught at stealing sweets and now had to apologize.

He slowed his pace and ran a hand through his curls. He bit his lip so hard he could taste blood.

There was no other way. Do it, Isak. Be brave. For once in your life.

When he almost reached them, he cleared his throat to announce his appearence and Mikael and Even turned around.

Even looked even worse than five minutes before. The spot between his eyes where his nose began showed him even through Even's hand a big bruise starting to swell.

For a moment no one of the boys said something. Then Isak took a deep breath and started talking while he tried to focus on his words and not being a stuttering mess. But with the sight of the bruised Even in front of him and the look in his eyes – oh god, they looked so confused and asking and hurt – it wasn't that easy.

“I'm sorry“, Isak finally whispered. Staring into Even's eyes was bad. But looking away was even worse. So he held his gaze and kept going.

“I'm sorry for hitting you, I swear it wasn't my intention, I swear it! I just was angry and wanted to hit the ball somewhere and then...“

“I was standing there“, Even finished, “yeah.“

Isak bit his lip. “I understand if you hate me even more now“, he said and wished himself so far away. “I don't know what was going on. But I didn't mean to hurt you, Even. I don't.“

_Doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are._

Even said nothing but he looked surpised. Even a bit taken aback. And Isak had nothing more to say so he just stood there and occupied himself with biting his lip and fidgeting with his fingers.

Then Even surprised him by letting out a small laugh. Isak raised his head and stared at him.

_Okay, now he's completely out of it. I have destroyed his brain._

“I'm right, Even, you have a concussion.“ Mikael shook his head a bit. “Next second you're gonna throw up.“

Even stopped laughing at that. “I'm _fine_ , I told you“, he said peeved. “I'm just...“ he then looked at Isak and there was a little bit of sparkling, “Isak Valtersen, you are a complete enigma, do you know that?“

Isak didn't know what to say to that statement, so he just shrugged. Did that mean Even wasn't that upset about him? He was so overwhelmed with this situation but he dared to give Even a small, crooked smile. Almost shy.

Even looked at him for a second. Then he let out a deep sigh. “Mik, I think I forgot my phone at the beach. Would you go get it for me?“

Mikael gave him a look. “Dude, why would you...“ Then he stopped talking. He was silent for almost ten seconds. Then – 

“Are you sure?“

“I think I am.“ Even nodded. “In my bag. The blue one.“

“Do you think you're okay with... waiting for me?“ Mikael gave him a look and the two boys seemed to communicate on a complete mute level.

Finally, Mikael sighed and let go of Even's shoulder he had helt in fear of Even toppling over. “Okay, man. But don't... hurt yourself more okay? By saying it's not that bad I mean.“ He gave Isak a strange look when he said that.

Even only nodded again. “Yeah“, he said quietly.

“Okay.“ Mikale squeezed Even's shoulder and waved at Isak. “Watch out for him, okay?“ He looked him deep in the eyes and Isak was glad he didn't find any anger or anything. Just frustration and worry.

Isak nodded, asking himself why Even would Mikael send away... but then Mikael already turned around and walked the way back.

And Isak was standing there alone with Even, blinking away his surprise.

“So.“ Even's voice didn't sound upset. “Should we go?“

“What?“ Isak looked up at Even. He looked really awful. The tissues, soaked with blood, made the sight even worse. Without thinking, Isak put out his own tissues, took two of them and replaced them on his nose. The dirty ones he threw away in a trashcan.

“Better now“, Isak said, a bit out of breath.

Even looked even more confused. “Thanks“, he finally said. And then, he smiled at Isak. A real, sincere smile. It was probably the smallest Even-smile in the world but in this moment Isak was so grateful that he could have sing.

“Even, I'm really sorry“, he said and hoped Even would get that he meant it. “I didn't mean to... I don't know... break your nose and stuff.“

Even laughed at that, but in the next second his face twisted in pain. “Ouch. Not a good idea.“ He gave Isak a look. “I really hope it's not broken“, he said and bang. There was the guilt stabbing at Isak again.

“Me too“, he whispered. He couldn't help it. He couldn't act normal with Even. It was like someone had taken all his rational braincells and throw them into the trashcan to join the tissues. He could say as often as he want he hated Even and he was mean and he didn't deserve a single thought. Even mattered to him. In a way he didn't want to admit yet. Because that would hurt him, way more than the teasing or the yelling yesterday.

But right now he wanted to see Even's smile, wanted to hear his voice. Wanted to make sure he didn' hate him after what he said yesterday.

“Hey Isak?“

Isak looked up. Even bit his lip and looked like he thought about something really hard. But then he only said: “Let's go to the hospital?“

 

.

 

It was probably the weirdest day in Germany so far.

Isak was walking beside Even, a hand on his shoulder to prevent him from falling (Even had rolled his eyes and Isak had put on his stubborn look) and demanding him to talk to him to check if he was still normal or about to faint or something.

Even was clearly not happy to oblige but he did what Isak said.

And so they talked. A thing Isak didn't think in his dreams would ever happen. Okay, maybe it also was because Even was a bit out of it, or in shock or something. But he still was so fucking releaved.

“Maybe that was a, you know, stroke of fate“, Even said when they was standing at a traffic light.

“Please don't make jokes, Even.“

“Why not?“

“Not funny.“

“Okay.“

The light turned green and they walked across the street.

“I think we need to go this way“, Isak pointed in one direction.

“Okay.“ Even nodded.

Isak felt nervous. What should he say?

“Uhm, does Mikael know we are going without him?“, Isak dared to ask when they were almost there.

“Yes.“ He didn't say anything further and Isak didn't ask.

When they were finally in the hospital Isak immediately started looking for a doctor, demanding him to check Even.

After a little time a doctor came and lead Even into his room. Isak went with him without asking.

It turned out Even had a little bruised nose and a very very little concussion. Isak was on the one hand so releaved that it wasn't anything worse – but on the other hand, a bruised nose wasn't too nice either.

“Who did that to you?“, the doctor asked while smearing something on Even's nose. “A douchbag, huh?“

“It was an accident“, Even mumbled and from the corner of his eye he grinned at Isak. “but yeah, he's an absolute douchebag, doc.“

“He needs to stay in bed this day and over the night. He shouldn't be alone either. I don't think the concussion is that bad but if he shows any symptomes please contact us, we don't want to risk any damage.“

Isak nodded.

“And maybe it would be good if you're taking a cab back. He has taken a few painkillers so he is going to be a bit out of it.“

Isak nodded again. “Uhm, how long will his nose... be bruised?“, he asked carefully. The doctor smiled. “Not that long. A few weeks to the full regeneration but I think in a week it should be way better. I know it looks frightning with all the swelling but if he rests enough, uses enough cold packs and take his salve it should be alright soon.“

“Okay. Thanks doctor.“ Isakk shook his hand then he turned to Even. “Okay, Even, should we go?“

Even nodded and they went out of the doctor's room. When they were standing outside Isak called a cab.

“It should be here in five minutes“, he said. Even nodded and closed his eyes.

“You're okay? Do you wanna sit down or...“

“I'm fine“, Even mumbled and simply sat on the ground. “I'm just in pain because some asshole hit me with a fucking volleyball to set free his anger.“

Isak bit his lip. “At least it wasn't a basketball“, he tried to joke. It worked. Even let out a laugh. “Yeah, that's probably ture“, he said. “But I can tell you, it hurts enough though.“

“Even... I'm really...“

“I know you're sorry Isak. Stop repeating that. I get it, okay? And I probably deserved it, anyway.“ The last sentence came out a bit more quiet.

Isak looked at him. “What do you mean?“, he asked.

Even shrugged. “For being mean to you“, he said and looked back at him. “Saying these things from yesterday I didn't mean at all. Treating you like that.“ He slowly blinked at him. “Enough reasons?“

A strange feeling made his way to Isak's chest. A mixture of anticipation and fear. “I said mean things, too“, he said slowly. “I just don't get why you did this...“

Maybe drugged Even would give him the answers. But that wasn't fair, not at all.

“Yeah. You're saying that to me all the time.“ Suddenly Even sounded a bit sad. He also looked a bit sad, sitting there on the cold ground, with his bruised nose and nothing but his trunks on.  
Isak hesitated but then he sat down next to the boy. “You know“, he said and didn't quite understand why he started talking, “there was a time when I wanted to be your friend. When I thought we could be friends and just... be normal with each other.“

_I still want that. I want to be near you. What the fuck Isak, what are you thinking?_

Even let out a sad laugh. “Yeah. I wanted that, too“, he said, looking at Isak, pupils blown and with an almost... _longing_ expression?

The cab arrived and prevented Isak from asking why the hell they weren't friends then.

In the car the drugs started to kick in for real.

“You know what, Isak?“

“Mmh?“

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings.“

Isak blinked.

Even was sitting on the other side of the car, but he had leaned his body over so he was face to face with Isak who was overwhelmed to be so close with these eyes all of the sudden.

“And sorry I need to be drugged for saying that.“ His expression changed and he looked so sad, so small, and so _cute_. Isak's fingers itched to run them through his hair.

“It's okay, Even...“, Isak started to answer but Even interrupted him, “no, it's not. I'm such an asshole to you, you know. And it's so freakin _hard_ to be that, when you're constant so... _cute_.“ He looked at Isak in serious concern. “Isak, have you tried to be mad at someone who's that cute?“

Isak was so sure his mouth was hanging open. “Uhm... uhm...“

“It's _soo hard_ , I'm telling you.“ Even nodded eagerly. “Especially if you're also so _hot_ , Isak. It's really not easy.“

Isak let out a weak noise.

“And then there's more. You're smart and pretty and your laugh is so _angelic_...“ His eyes drift off and his face showed a dopey smile.

Isak's heart didn't know what to do. For a moment it skipped at least two beats and then, as if to make up for it, it started beating way too fast.

“But“, Even said and suddenly he was sad again, “I can't have that. Do you have an idea how hard that is? How much _pain_?“

His face was close to Isak's again. For the shortest moment Isak was sure Even was making a joke of all this. But the look on his face – drugged or not – reassured him. There was no way someone could act that good.

So Isak let out a shaky breath. “And why... why you can't have that?“, he asked. He didn't say it loud; it was only a whisper, barely to hear (and hopefully not to hear by the cabdriver who probably enjoyed the show going on in the background).

Even wrinkled his nose as if he considered before he startled because that action hurt him, and went for biting his lip thoughtfully.

“You know I said you are not good for me?“, he finally mumbled, his eyes glued to Isak's.

Isak only managed to nod weakly.

“I lied“, Even said remorseful. “I'm the one who's bad for you, Isak. That's all I'll ever do. Hurting people.“ Tears started to form into Even's beautiful eyes and he looked miserable. His gaze dropped to his lap.

Isak knew that painkillers, especially strong ones, had an affect on someone and the person who took them felt more free to talk. In the most cases they were happy and rambled some cute stuff. But this.

This was something Isak didn't know to handle. He didn't know if Even meant everything he said – Isak would scream like crazy if he did – but to see Even in this state went straight to Isak's chest.

Without thinking he reached for his hand and took it. “I don't think you're a bad person, Even“, he whispered. When Even didn't answer but just kept staring to the ground, he squeezed his fingers lightly. “Even.“

Slowly, very slowly Even raised his head. He was so beautiful, it almost hurt looking at him. Isak was in the meantime convinced to be in another dimension. Maybe he had a very long, very realistic dream in which Even said what he wanted to hear. Isak was completly out of reality.

Not in the way Even was but still. It was enough to make him reach out with one shaky hand and caress his cheek. Only a featherlight touch because Isak didn't want to cause any more pain on his face.

Even looked like he was hit by a bus. His eyes went big and his mouth opened a bit. Carefully Isak wiped away the tears on Even's cheeks. It felt good.

So fucking good.

And then, after hesitating a bit, Even leaned into his touch.

Isak's mind screamed in success.

“We're there.“ The loud voice of the cabdriver resounded through the car.

Both of the boys startled and Isak withdrew his hand so fast he almost hit it on the window. He quickly looked out and right – they were standing outside of their hotel.

Isak shook his head to became clear again. “Uhm... just wait here and I'll go get the money, okay?“ He said it to Even and the cabin driver. He then stumbled out ot the cabin and walked to the entrance. His mind wasn't connected with his body though. He did it automatically while his thought were far, far away.

He was in shock. Numb. Nothing made sense. Everything was upside down.

So he wasn't too surprised when he ran straight into Maya.

“There you are“, she said, worry in her face. “Your friends called me and told me about that accident. Where is Even?“

“He's... in the car“, Isak said.

“Thank god“, she sighed. “But he's okay? When I heard that some asshole from Germany hit him in the face with a ball...“

“We need cash for the cabin driver“, Isak said weakly.

Maya nodded. “Oh, yes, of couse, darling. You look also a bit out of it, do you need a tea? Scotch?“

Isak shook his head. There was a storm inside his heart, ready to break free.

“Okay, I'm gonna pay him then, would you bring Even inside?“

He nodded. “Yeah“, he croaked. “I can do that.“

When they arrived at the cabin, Even sat still inside. While Maya paid the man Isak opened the door and looked inside.

“Even, you need to get out now, okay?“

Even turned his head to him. His reaction was a bit slwoly but he nodded. “Okay“, he said and started climbing out of the car.

Suddenly Isak felt the urge to cry.

He was really so done with his nerves for today.

“Okay, darling, I'm here now.“ Maya came to Even after the car had disappeared. “We'll take you inside and comfort you okay?“

“I'm not four years old“, Even said and frowned at her. “Isak, tell her I'm not four yearls old.“

Isak tried to organize his thoughts. He failed.

Maya smiled at them. “Oh, he's on pain killers. Good stuff, I hope.“ She winked at him. “Okay, but somone needs to bring you up. Isak, would you...“

“There they are!“

When Isak turned around he spotted a group of young people coming the way to him. Isak recognized Jonas, Magnus, Mikael, Elias and all the others.

“Oh, good.“ Maya rushed past them to greeted them and for a moment Isak and Even were alone again.

“Even, listen“, Isak started, without knowing what to say. Suddenly he felt himself going to panic. Every second the boys and girls would be there and then their moment would be over, drugged or not.

But Even had stopped looking sad. He just stood there and smiled at Isak. And then he just said: “You know, the sun makes your hair shining like fire.“

Then the group arrived and everybody wanted to know what was about Even, what happened at the hospital and so on.

And Isak stood there, in the middle of the crowd, completely lost in his thoughts and feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay, the fluff is about to start. And please don't worry, Even is a strong boy, he'll be fine<3
> 
> Poor Isak, so much confronting today... but he will be fine as well.
> 
> What do you think? Are you still so confused by Even's behaviour?^^
> 
> I'm honestly very excited what you think. And god, finally they start to talk about things. 
> 
> (Oh, and Marcus... well some of you wanted a bit jealousy... there you go. Oh and don't worry, the topic is about to come again if you're disappointed because of the shortness.) ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A theatre, a friend and a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait.
> 
> And thank you guys for all the lovely comments! It is always a motivation kick.<333

_Sunday, Day 4_

 

When Jonas woke up Isak was already sitting in his bed, his opened laptop in front of him, a concentrated expression in his face.

“Dude“, Jonas mumbled with a sleepy voice, “what're doin'?“

“Research“, was the short answer, “I need to work on my project.“

Jonas rubbed his eyes and sat up properly. “What?“ He furrowed his eyebrows. “Isak, it's Sunday. Nobody is working today.“

Isak didn't answer, he continued tiping on his keybord.

Jonas shook his curls and let out a sigh. “Dude... Is this about Even?“

“No.“ The quick answer was enough confirmation and Jonas had to hide a grin. “Isak, it's gonna be fine“, he said, “you said it's just a bruise.“

“Mmh.“

Jonas furrowed his brows even more. “You're okay, man?“, he asked, trying to read in Isak's face. A thing what became harder and harder. Jonas didn't want Isak to became one of those guys. That kind of guy who bottled their feelings up because they were too afraid of it. He didn't want his best friend to be afraid.

But right now it didn't seem like he could do something about it, because Isak just nodded absentmindly before attacking the keybord once more.

Jonas bit his lip. Fine, if he didn't want to... He climbed out of his bed, grabbing for his sponge bag and towel. “I'm going to the bathroom“, he mumbled, walking to the door.

Isak didn't even answer. With a resigned sigh Jonas stepped out of the room and closed the door.

 

When Isak heard the door closing he immediately stopped pretending writing on his project. For a second he just stared into nothing, his body haunched above the laptop, his chin resting on his knees.

He didn't know what to think. The whole night his thoughts had been haunting him, didn't let him rest and now he was tired and confused.

Okay, nothing new so far. Almost like every day. Oh wait, except for one thing... _Even fucking Bech Næsheim had said he was hot and cute and smart._ Yeah.

He hadn't tell anyone about the words which had been said in the car. He wasn't even sure if he had just dreamt the whole thing. It was simply so ridiciulous that Even, _Even_ , would say something like that.

Okay, _technically_ Even had said it a few times; when they were on the footballfield or when they met in the cafeteria... but it had always been sassy and playfully and teasing. Nothing Isak would take seriously.

Until now.

Every time the memories came up Isak tried to shove them deep inside his head somewhere, anywhere where they couldn't get to him. Because every time they did he felt like a fucking bus had hit him and his thoughts didn't make sense anymore and he had this strangely warm feeling in his chest...

And there was his other voice in his head, the mean little voice, which whispered it was only the pain killers made him say this and he didn't mean it at all. Probably he wouldn't even remember if Isak asked him. His stomach did a funny thing at that thought.

Isak groaned and buried his head in his hands. He wished so much someone would bring light in the whole situation. He was so lost he could cry.

Not that he hadn't already. It had been even worse yesterday, after Mikael and Elias had dragged a doopy smiling Even up to his room, demanding he would need rest. Then he had to tell the story at least three times to Sana and the girls, then Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi and then Elias, who came down again to ask how Isak was holding up.

Elias had thanked Isak for taking care of Even – which was ridiciulous because just because of him Even was in that situation in the first place – and Mikael had given him a very strange look without saying anything.

Then the poor Maya had asked everybody to come inside and telling her the story please so Isak had to tell the story again. After that he had excused himself and had locked himself in the bathroom upstairs.

He had been hiding there for almost twenty minutes, trying to calm down. And then he had to cry which was very pathetic and stupid. But in that moment he had felt so raw and vulnerable, he didn't care anymore.

Eventually he had to come out again, so he wiped over his red face and returned to his room. Jonas had been waiting for him on his bed and just asked him if he wanted a joint or a beer and didn't comment on Isak's red eyes or the whole beach-thing.

He was the best fucking friend in the world.

And now, after a horrible night full of tossing and turning around there was not really a progress of anything. Just a headache and the urge to jump out of the window.

Isak sighed and shut his laptop, shoved it under his bed and lay down again, face smushed in the pillow. 

If the whole situation wasn't so fucked up, he would've probably laughed very loud about it. He had hit Even with a volleyball. Even had confessed something in the process. (Under the influence of drugs but nevermind okay.) And the look in his eyes – that sad, _longing_ look. That was just. Something he couldn't forget. No way.

And this memory was stronger than his doubts that Even had just messed around with him or had just weird thoughts caused by the painkillers.

Isak didn't want to think about it, though. Every time his mind returned to the conclusion that Even had maybe said the truth, he felt hot all over, his hands started sweating and his heart made this stupid _things_.

He didn't know what it meant. He was fucking terrified what they could meant.

Because hadn't he promised himself just yesterday that this was it? That he was done with that annoying, arrogant, stupid, good looking individual?

Yeah, nailed that one, Isak.

The door swung open and Jonas came back, in nothing but a towel around his waist and his sponge bag.

It was too late to change his position now so Isak just kept laying there with his face in the pillow.

“Can you even breathe?“ Jonas amused voice came from the other side of the room. He probably changed now, judging by the noises he made.

“That's the point“, Isak said, voice muffled. “I'm going to choke here so I'll be free from all my duties and sorrows.“

Jonas laughed at that. “You know that you come to hell then, right?“, he answered, “for comitting suicide.“

Isak huffed. “I'll go there anyways“, he countered. “Y'know. For being out and proud.“

For a moment Jonas was silent. Then his soft voice was carried to Isak. “I don't think that you're going to hell for that.“

Isak lifted his head (what probably looked ridiciulous but nevermind) and looked over to his friend. Jonas smiled at him, his wet curls still dripping with water.

Isak swallowed and managed a crooked smile.

“But“, Jonas continued and a mischivious grin spread across his face, “that doesn't matter anyway, because you get at least threehundred years in purgatory.“ He winked at his best friend. “You know, for hitting innocent people.“

“Excuse me?!“, Isak shrieked and got into a slightly more graceful position by sitting up and crossing his legs. “Even? Innocent?“

“You're such a bad person“, Jonas sighed loudly, “just... _hurting_ other humans. That's so disrespectful...“

“If I'm getting threehundred years for that, Even will never come back then“, Isak pouted and glared at Jonas. “For hurting my feelings like, everyday.“

Jonas, who had begun drying his hair with his other towel, snorted. “You can snuggle together with him then, there“, he said. “I'm pretty sure for being extra grumpy since forever you will get at least thousand years more.“

Isak made a hurt noise. “If you know how I feel, why would you say that?“, he said, pointing at Jonas.

Jonas rubbed his head with his towel unimpressed before he shook his curls around. “Stop manipulate me with memes“, he said, then he walked over to their closet and hung his towel over one door.

Isak grinned. “Never.“

“So.“ Jonas sat down, his legs swinging. “Want to come out from your bed and get something in your stomach?“

 

.

 

Isak felt better after two mugs of coffe and he even managed to smile at Magnus and Mahdi. “Isak, just for the record, I just talked to the others, and no one is mad at you“, Magnus smiled at him while beheading an egg.

Isak gave him a look. “What did you say to them?“, he asked, brows frowned. Please let him be decent. Magnus shrugged. “That you're a poor guy with daddy issues and a bit unstable personality. But you would take appointments with your therapist.“

“You did NOT say that, Mags“, Isak yelled and hit the back of Magnus' head with his spoon.

“Ouch! No, of course not, ididot.“ Magnus rubbed his head pouting. “Even if you could use some appointments though...“

Relieved Isak leaned back in his chair. Even if he was tired, he slowly started to feel better. Today would be a chill day and in the evening they would maybe go into the club and he would just dance his worries away. And maybe talk to his dad.

He nibbled on his toast and dared to look over to the other boy's table. Elias, Mikael and Adam were in a deep conversation while Mutta and Yousef just ate silently. Even wasn't there, of course not. Isak tried to swallow down the new wave of guilt.

“Okay, so what should we do today?“, Mahdi asked and took a sip from his orange juice. Joans shrugged. “Don't know, man. Is something planned?“

“Yeah, I think some people wanted to drive to the city. There's a play at the theatre“, Mahdi said.

“Oh, nice. Should we join?“

“I think it's full already, but let's try?“ Mahdi looked excited in the round before he stopped at Isak. “Isak? Is that good?“

Isak gave him a look. “Uhm, yeah?“, he huffed. “You don't have to walk on eggshells because of yesterday, guys. I'm fine.“ He bit his lip.

For a moment there was silence at their table.

“Okay“, Mahdi said, grinning, “grumpy Isak strikes again. I'll go ask Maya if we can still join.“ He stood up and made his way over to her.

“So guys, I talked to Elias, as I said“, Magnus started again, “and he assured me that Even's okay. He's just a bit tired and, you know, knocked out.“ Magnus didn't say it but Isak knew it was directed at him and he was silently grateful for the news. “He even wanted to come to breakfast but Mikael wouldn't let him.“

“Guys.“ Mahdi came back, a big smile in his face. “We can still join but I need money from you like, right now.“

“Nice.“ Jonas cheered at his words and also Isak grinned. He was grateful for anything to disctract him.

“Okay, let's get the money“, Isak said and they were all but running up the stairs to get the cash.

 

.

 

The ride to the city was rather unspectacular. Isak slept through the hour in his seat in the tram and was not pleased when Jonas nudged him gently when it came to their stop.

They were a small group; only ten people or something and Isak wondered why this was the case, until Maya announced they would have to wait ten minutes for the rest because they didn't make it in time.

“They're some douchebags“, Isak muttered, grumpy about the ten minutes he didn't get to sleep. “I'll give them angry looks the whole time, prepare!“

Jonas next to him let out a snore.

“What?“ Isak looked at him quite offended. Jonas only shook his head and pointed at something behind Isak.

When Isak turned around he was _convinced_ the devil himself watched upon him.

Even was walking out of the tram, two stripes of tape over his still damaged looking nose. Next to him was walking Mikael, talking continuously while Even grinned and nodded along.

Isak felt the by now familiar pain of guilt spreading in his stomach, followed by the thought why does he look so good even with a bruised nose?, followed by _fuck, I'm not supposed to think this_.

“Here you are already“, Maya exclaimed. “Hurry up, we are already late. Even, how're you feeling?“

Even mumbled something and gave her the thumbs up. Maya pressed her lips together but didn't commend on that, but just said: “Okay, good“ and give him a warm smile before she shooed the whole group out of the train station.

Isak could hear Magnus' laughing next to him and could just prevend himself from kicking him in his shin. He had hurt enough people for one trip, probably.

“The universe hates me!“, Isak whined ten minutes later in front of the theatre. Mahdi next to him snickered. “Come on, it's just a theatre play and you don't have to sit next to him“, he assured his friend. Isak rolled his eyes. “Still“, he hissed but he couldn't get too loud, the others where in line behind them.

After everybody had gotten their ticket Maya hurried to the entrance. “We're already late“, she whispered, shooting the other boys a glare. “So, okay, let's go.“

They sneaked into the dark room full of people where the play alreday had started. Isak scanned the room for a few free seats and spotted two rows. He pointed towards them and Maya nodded. Slowly they made their way through seats and legs while apologizing and smiling awkwardly until they all found themselves a seat.

Well, except for Isak. He was the last one and so every other seat was already taken.

Everyone but the one next to Even. He was sitting next to Elias, whispering something in his ear. Isak gulped. No. Why, god, why.

“Isak, sit down“, Maya hissed from somewhere. Isak shot a glare at Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus, who were sitting the row in front of Even, Elias and the others and slowly sat down.

Why did he say it was a good idea to watch a stupid play? Now he would have to sit next to Even until... oh god. Isak didn't even know how long the play would take. He didn't even know what it was about. And now, with Even next to him, it was impossible to concentrate on the plot when he was feeling that tensed and tried to avoid every skin contact.

Isak put a – hopefully – blank but slightly interested expression on his face and leaned forward so he wouldn't have to be side to side with Even. He couldn't help but bounce his right leg nervously.

In this moment he cursed everything. The trip, Even, himself, the volleyball, the theatre, the ship...

“You sure this position is comfortable?“

Isak stiffened. “Yeah“, he said quickly without looking at Even. If he just could bring his _damn_ heart under control. But everytime Even spoke it seemed to have a new job: pounding like crazy.

He heard Even breathing heavily through his nose. It had to hurt. Isak bit his lip and forced his concentration to the stage.

Then suddenly Even shifted in his position. Isak couldn't see what he was doing but he held his gaze stubbornly to the play. For a few minutes there was silence. Then –

“Nah. This is an awful position.“

Isak finally looked to his left side. Even had positioned himself exactly like Isak did. He gave him a small smile and nodded to the back of Isak's seat. “I won't bite you“, he said quietly.

Isak blinked. He thought quickly in his mind what that meant but came to no satisfying conclusion. Well, it was Even. Even never did something he could explain.

But this here, now... somehow he had the feeling that something had shifted between them. In a way he didn't know what it meant.

Isak looked back to the play. But then, slowly, he let himself lean backwards until he hit the back of the seat and made himself more comfortable.

Didn't change anything about his drumming heart and sweaty hands.

He didn't look to the side but he catched the small smile which spread over Even's face nonetheless.

“How's your nose?“ Isak didn't know why he asked. Maybe because he saw Even finally, _finally_ smiling properly at him.

The older boy let out a chuckle. “Okay“, he answered. “Even though I am supposed to be in bed. Maya is not amused.“

“And why are you here, then? You have a concussion.“ Isak banned the worry out of his voice. “If you are feeling bad and have to throw up, I am the one who needs to clean that up, I'm sitting right next to you.“

Even actually laughed at that. “Don't worry, I'm fine“, he reassured him. “I feel good, except for the bruise but that will pass so...“ He shrugged. Isak snorted. “So you're the bad guy who doesn't feel any pain, right?“

“No.“ Even leaned a bit more in his direction. Isak could smell his scent and wanted to take a deep breath. “You have a strong arm, Valtersen. I'm impressed.“

Isak swallowed. “Even“, he began but Even looked at him an cut him off. “Isak, I told you it's fine“, he said, looking him into the eyes. Isak was lost in them for a moment, absorbing his blue, intense eyes for a moment before he remembered where he was and shook his head. “No“, he insisted, “I hurt you. I threw a fucking volleyball in your face, I don't think that's fine.“ His voice got louder than intended and a few people turned around, making 'shhh' noises.

Even waited until the people looked at the stage again before he whispered back. “As I said I probably deserved it.“ Even's expression became slightly amused. “I mean... of course it was fucked up and not very mature and so all over the place...“

Isak snorted and rolled his eyes, but Even ignored him. “...but I'm not mad at you.“

Isak stared at him. “No?“

“No.“

“Oh.“ A weight fell from his shoulders he didn't know it existed. Sure, Even had said it was okay yesterday, but Isak didn't believe it that time.

Clearing his throat, he returned to watch the play.

“What are we watching, actually?“, he asked after a while because he was a stupid, pathetic mess and wanted to hear Even talking to him _normal_ , not angry nor drugged.

He heard Even gasp next to him and turned to him. “What?“

“Are you being serious?“ Even's mouth hang slightly open in indignation. When Isak only shrugged, his eyebrows raised as well. “You are watching, Isak Valtersen, the probably most famous tragedy the good Will Shakespeare has written in his early times.“

“We're watching _Romeo and Juliet?_ “

“Okay, you have some general knoledge. For a moment I was seriously concerned.“ Even gave him a smirk to which Isak replied with a small huff and a mumbled “you are the one who has no general knoledge“. Even let out a small chuckle. It sounded through Isak's entire body.

“It is a modern interpretation. Such a shame we were late.“

“Oh yeah, I forgot.“ Isak hurried to get his old bite back. “You are an artstudent and so you just need to talk about it while we're watching the play. You just _can't_ help yourself.“ He allowed himself to grin at Even what was not a good idea. He wasn't prepared for the bright smile Even gave him. “Sorry you are annoyed with my... _artsy_ behavior“, he said, “I guess you're right: I just can't help myself.“ He thought for a moment. “But if I can give you a really good artsy advice: watch the Baz Luhrmann version of _Romeo and Juliet_. It's awesome.“

Isak licked his lips. “Baz Luhrmann?“ He furrowed his brows. “Who's that?“

He wouldn't say that he, in fact, knew exactly who Baz Luhrmann was. Or that he knew the movie. And it had absolutely nothing to do with Even's likes on facebook a few weeks ago.

But it was so worth it considering the hurt expression on Even's face. “How can you-“ He stopped, one hand over his heart. “Valtersen, you break my heart.“

“Sorry.“ Isak laughed at the ridiculous sad look in Even's eyes. “You're a nerd.“

“Yes and in this moment, a very hurt one, thank you“, Even fired back. Isak only shook his head and turned his attention back to the play. _Romeo and Juliet_.

“It is nothing like the original“, he said after some time and now it was on Even to let out a snore. “It is a modern interpretation, Isak“, he pointed out. Isak rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know, thank you very much“, he snapped. “But I mean... isn't the play supposed to use some lines? Don't the people come here to hear the famous words?“

“Not necessary. I think most of them want to see the plot and that's always the same. If you keep the plot you can play around with the other things like words or costume design or something.“

Isak thought a moment about what he had said. “But I mean... Shakespeare had written all the stuff for a reason, right? Imagine you would write such a famous and succesful play and in hundred years or something someone decides to just throw away your version and make an own.“

Even fell silent for a moment. When he spoke again, Isak turned towards him. “I think I get what you mean“, he whispered. “But the main idea will always be the same. There will never be a play like that again, there will never be a new _Romeo and Juliet_. The characters stay and nobody can change them, otherwise it wouldn't be _Romeo and Juliet_ anymore. I think that's important for an author, that he has one brilliant idea. That can be his characters, the storyline or a speciall setting. And In Will's case it is the lost love, I guess.“ He bit his lip. “That they can never be together, that they're destined to die. No way around.“ For a moment he looked so lost in his own thoughts Isak wanted to shake him.

“And“, Even suddenly added and smiled again, “it can be freakin' awesom if you have an idea which is so good and new, people will remember and recreate it even hundred of years later. Maybe that's what plays and movies and books are for. That you create something what's so good other people make own versions of that. And I mean, I know that _I_ would be fucking honered if I would create a movie which stays in the people's mind.“ He let out a laugh. Then he looked at Isak and his face fell. “Oh, sorry, that's me rambling about the art“, he said, quirking his lips in sorry. “You need to interrupt me next time.“

“No, it was... interesting.“ Isak smiled at him. “Well said, I guess.“

Even looked flustered. _Flustered_. “Thanks“, he said quietly, and if it wasn't for the dark room Isak could have sworn a blush was creeping up his face.

After that they both returned to the play and Isak felt a bit sorry for the actors who were surely good in what they did, and he couldn't pay any attention to them. His thoughts were spinning around. Somehow the anger at him was gone. It was covered by other feelings. Unfortunately they were not less confusing, though.

Isak and Even stayed silent until the play had its break but it was a more comfortable silence. Isak knew that they were – in what way whatsover – past the earlier disputes. Or at least he hoped so.

. 

“And, how do you like it?“

Isak was standing together with Magnus and Jonas next to the exit, Mahdi was on the toilet. There was a break of fifteen minutes and Isak had been gone as fast as he could. Not because he was angry but scared of the situation.

“Yeah“, he said slowly and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “It was... good.“

Jonas gave him an odd look. “How are you holding up?“, he asked. “There's a seat next to Mahdi, the old lady needed to go home or something.“

“Yeah, if you want, Isak?“ Magnus bit in his apple. The woman behind the counter of food shot him an offended look.

“Oh.“ From the corner of his eye Isak could see Even standing in the corner. He was talking to no one, just leaning there. Every so often he glared at his phone but except for that he did nothing.

Isak suddenly became aware that Even's jacket was still hanging in his room – he had just forgotten about it and then Jonas had hung it into the closet.

Even was wearing a black jacket Isak didn't know. But why would he anyways, it wasn't like he would steal glances to look what he was wearing.

Suddenly Even scrunched his face in pain and put a hand on his nose. Isak flinched at that and looked away, biting his lip.

“Isak?“

But he barely heard what Jonas asked him. He stared to the ground a few moments, fighting the urge which had overcome him.

He failed though. Great, Isak.

“Uhm, guys, I'll be right back“, he mumbled and shoved his body past Jonas.

_What are you doing, what are you doing what are you doing._

It seemed like Isak had litteraly no self-control. Or dignity.

When Isak reached Even he was just looking at his phone so he didn't see him coming. Only when Isak let out an awkward cough his head snapped up. “Oh“, he said, eyes staring. “Hi.“

Isak had prepared himself for saying something what made sense but as soon as the blue eyes hit him, his brain went mushy. “Ugh“, he stuttered.

Even still looked at him in disbelief as if he couldn't believe that Isak would just walking to him. “You look like you could use this“, Isak finally came up with and held his waterbottle iin front of Even.

He gave the bottle a short look, then his gaze wandered up until he reached his eyes again. “What?“

Isak felt himself blushing. _Fuck_. “You know, for your...“ He cleared his throat. “Uhm, for your nose.“ He bit his lip and cursed his brain and its stupid ideas. “You could... hold it up to cool it down.“

He took a deep breath. This is the worst day. Screw everything before that, he thought grimly. He was just about to say 'forget it' and walk away to die caused by patheticness when Even took the bottle from him. He still looked a bit suspicious but held it up to his nose, urging a bit pressure to the cold bottle.

For a moment he just stood there, but then his eyes closed and he let out a content sigh.

So he couldn't see the big shy grin spreading out in the younger boy's face. “Better?“

“Mm-hm.“ Even nodded, eyes still closed. “Much.“

Isak grinned, watching him, his heart was searing in his chest. Even looked so content, so cute, with the bottle pressed in his face. It should be looking ridiculous but it didn't.

A loud gong let Even open his eyes again. “Break's up“, he said, smiling at him and Isak gave a small smile back because let him, okay? “Yeah“, he answered. “We should go back inside.“ He felt very weird, but in a good way.

“Keep it“, he told Even when he wanted to give back the bottle. “I'm not thirsty, anyway.“

Even gave him a look. “You just bought it here for three euro.“

“I know but...“ Isak squirmed under the piercing look. “It's okay, I can still drink it when it's a bit warmer.“

Even's gaze lingered on him for a heartbeat before he gave him a quiet “okay“ together with a look Isak couldn't describe. Then Even turned around and made his way though the people back into the room.

 

When Isak returned to his seat he looked quickly to the row in front of him only to be met by three staring pairs of eyes. He suppressed a laugh at the sight and waved off when Jonas pointed at the seat to Mahdi's left. Then he sank down in his seat next to Even, not daring to throw another glare over to his friends. He knew he would have to answer Jonas a lot of questions this night but for now he wanted to stay where he was. He didn't even know why he did it. It just _felt_ right.

And Even still had his waterbottle.

When Isak made himself comfortable and the curtains of the stage opened again, he dared a look to his left side.

Even didn't look at him, he kept staring at the stage and when he became aware of Isak's look he quickly turned his head a bit to hide the small, happy smile on his face but Isak had already seen it. With a warm feeling in his chest he gave his attention back to the stage where Romeo was currently busy sulking over his abandoned fate.

Even was nice today. Nice and gentle. That was clear, he hadn't given him an angry look once. He still owned him an explanation – a fucking big one, that was for sure. A part of him was also afraid, afraid that Even would get all cold and rejecting on him again.

The words from the cabin rose to his mind.

_But I can't have that. Do you have any idea how hard that is? How much pain?_

What had he meant? Why couldn't he have what he wanted? His answer had been _because I'm hurting people. That's all I'll ever do._ Nothing of that made sense.

And then this other thing... Even had complimented him. Had said things to him like he would be... interested in him. He had said _I can't have that_. What? Did he mean... Isak?

Did he want Isak? And couldn't have him because of... whatever it was?

This thought had come to him also earlier, yesterday, when he lied in bed and couldn't get any sleep. He had shook his head about it. It was just ridiculous. Even had been drugged, had said some silly things... maybe he had had a thing for Isak once and that had come up in the car. And seriously... if you want someone you treat him different than Even did, right?

Almost instantly the thought of Even and how Isak treated _him_ came to his mind and he shook his head violently to shove it deep inside his brain. That was different. If Even wouldn't treat him like he did... maybe things were different.

But Even had made clear he didn't want him, hadn't he.

Hadn't he?

God, Isak lost the train of his thoughts. They were stuck inside his head and stopped him from thinking straight.

“You alright?“

Isak startled and looked to the side. “Why?“

Even had his eyebrows raised and gave him a look. “Uhm, nothing“, he mumbled, “you just.. you shook your head funny a few seconds ago...“

Oh. Great. Apparently Isak had forgotten he was not alone in here.

“I have...fleas“, he said lamely.

“Oh.“ Even frowned. “Well, then you should probably –“

“For fuck's sake, Even, I don't have fleas.“ Isak didn't mean to hiss at Even. He had just found a way to communicate normal with him. But his thoughts riled him up, he was frustrated and annoyed. And he had _still_ no answers and here he was, laughing and talking around with Even, like nothing ever happened.

“Why aren't you angry?“

Even looked up at him. “Huh?“

Isak became red in his face, he could feel it, and a part from him screamed at him to fucking stop his tongue but he ignored it. It was too late now. “Why aren't you angry at me for hitting you? You are always angry at me, why should this time be different?“

There was no smile anymore on Even's face. He looked confused and a bit like he was on guard. Like he would prepare himself for whatever was going to come out of Isak's mouth next.

“I“, Even began. “I already told you, it's not that bad and-“

“Bullshit“, Isak said hard. “Why aren't you angry?“

Even looked him in the eyes. He seemed to feel Isak's tension and agitated feelings. “I was, for a moment“, he finally admitted. Isak's mouth twitched but he said nothing.

“But then I wasn't anymore because...“ Even ran a hand through his hair. “I don't know. Apparently I can never be mad at you for too long.“ His voice sounded frustrated, as if this was a very disturbing issue to have.

Isak held his gaze for a moment. He tried to figure out what it meant, what was going on behind these eyes, which avoided him the one, and pierced through him the other second, but he found nothing what was satisfying. But he had the feeling that Even was taking his defence _finally_ a few inches down to let him peek through.

“Okay“, Isak said, trying to sound a bit playful, “that's not that bad, isn't it?“

Even took a deep breath. “I don't know“, he said, almost inaudible and suddenly Isak felt shivers all over his body. “I don't know what to do.“

Isak was frozen. Even spoke hesitantly, as if he wanted to stop himself from talking, but couldn't.

There was a lot Isak could answer right now. He could make a joke of all this, he could make a snappy comment or just say nothing. He could point out how ridiculous those words sounded to him, after everything Even had said and done.

But what he had said... it woke the little hope inside him up. Made the wish to know what was going on here so much stronger.

So instead he cleared his throat and decided to went all the way down.

“Honestly? Me neither. I have no fucking idea what I should think when it comes to you.“ Isak didn't look at Even when he said it. He was afraid his voice would fail him if he did. He felt Even stiffen beside him, but he said nothing. And Isak just thought _fuck it_. He would say it. Nothing to lose here.

“I mean“, he began hesitantly. “I thought a lot of things, since yesterday. And then the thing in the car...“ His voice trailed off.

He did it. He said it out loud.

With his heart thrumming in his ears Isak kept staring at the stage, without catching one word which was said there. His mind was currently busy fighing an epic battle between the little voice which yelled at him for showing vulnerability, for caring about the situation and showing it to Even, against the little ball of hope inside him, which waited full of anticipation and fear. Isak new that it was dumb to bring this up. He had said he wouldn't care, he wouldn't think about this. But he needed answers, he needed to know if Even had meant what he said in the cabin. He had no idea what to do if he _did_ mean it but hat wasn't important. He could think about that later.

And well... if it was all some sick game or just _fun_... He would survive it.

Even hadn't answered him yet and Isak didn't dare to look at him. Too scared was his pathetic heart of what he would met.

He heard Even clearing his throat, swallowing a few times. But he stayed silent.

“I mean“, Isak said very quiet. “You were pretty out of it. Uhm... I don't know if you even remember.“ He couldn't avoid that his voice got a bit shaky at the end. Here he was, sitting in a theatre to watch _Romeo and Juliet_ while offering Even a loophole. Why did he say this? He was so stupid, now Even would of course say he doesn't remember, it was embarrassing, he just said it because of the drugs and now he was too embarrassed to admit it, he would just-

“I'm sorry.“

Isak's train of thoughts stopped all of the sudden. With wide eyes he turned towards Even who was sitting in his chair, chewing his lip. “I'm sorry“, he repeated. “I had no right to say this. I mean...“ His voice was so quiet, and a bit shaky, Isak almost didn't catch what he said next. “You were taking care of me, nothing more and I... I don't know. The pain killers gave me the courage to say some things and then I couldn't stop myself, the pills were fucking strong, you know, and I know it's stupid and you don't need to do something okay, I know it's fucked up enough, but, I don't know, I just had to say this and I don't wanna be mad at you anymore, I'm _tired_ of it and I just want... I want...“

His voice travelled of. Suddenly Isak became aware of how close Even's face was to Isak's. For a moment he seemed lost in Isak's green, shy eyes and his mouth opened slightly. Isak could feel his breath ghost over his lips.

“Even?“ He almost didn't recognized his own voice, it was hoarse and cracky. Everything was spinning around him, nothing was there anymore except for this person next to him.

And then the audience broke out into wild and enthusiactically applause and the spell was broken. Even blinked a few times like he would just wake up, his eyes widen like a deer caught in the spotlight. Then his gaze disappeard from Isak's face and went back to the stage, his fingers running through his hair messily.

Isak was positive his heart had stopped beating. Even hadn't avoid it. He had admit the situation in the car. Sweat was starting to spread over Isak's body and he breathed very hard but he couldn't stop now, not now, he needed to know, he just...

If Even would just go back to look at him, but he didn't, that fucker. Instead his gaze was fixed on the stage but with an odd expression on it and with a bit too much intensity. As if he would just look through it.

But Isak needed his eyes on him now, his gaze locked with his, to make sure, to...

“Yo, Isak?“

Isak could barely hold himself from letting out a frustrated scream. His eyes closed for a second and he wished fervently for a miracle.

You wish, Valtersen.

“Isak?“

Isak clenched his eyes shut again. _By, sweet chance._

He turned around and away from Even - very reluctantly – to snap at Magnus: “What?“

Magnus just kept grinning at him. “We want to grab some food on our way home, wanna join?“

The last thing Isak wanted was to box his way through a bunch of buying manic people. But if he would say no he would probably have to go with Even back to theit hotel.

“Yes, I'm coming“, he said and quickly stood up from his chair. Magnus beamed. “Cool. Oh, is it okay if Vilde and Sana join us?“

“They're here?“ Isak frowned and started looking around. Magnus let out a laugh. “No, Isak, they're joining us outside. They wanted to do some shopping I guess.“

“Oh, okay, then I'll just...“

“Don't forget your bottle, Isak.“

Isak's heart made a jump.

(Just for the record, _when did that shit happen exactly? And when would it stop? That his heart and mind did these things on him. It was _annoying_ , okay?)_

Even was standing in front of him, in his one hand his – Isak's – waterbottle. He held it out to him like he would like to get rid of this thing as fast as possible.

Isak nodded. “Uhm, sure, yeah... thanks.“

Even gave him the tiniest half crooked smile. “No need to thank me“, he replied, before he passed the bottle to him.

Their fingers touched for the shortest moment and Isak felt a tingle going down his spine. For a moment he even thought Even would take a bit pressure on his fingers, just a slight squeeze.

But then it was over, Even let go of him, turned around and walked away to the exit doors.

“Come on, Issy, you're blocking the door.“

Jonas was right; Isak was standing in front of the seats and Elias and the other guys needed to get out.

With a pang in his chest Isak thought about the possibility that Elias, who had sat right next to them, had heard _a lot_ about their talking. How much did he hear?

But when Elias past him, he just clapped him on the back and gave him a “see you, Isak“. So Isak had no choice than to hope for the best.

 

.

 

When they were outside finally, Isak took deep breaths of air. Jonas watched him with a smirk in his face. “What's going on, Issy?“

“Just... the air in that room was... tensed. Sticky, I mean.“ Isak ran a hand through his hair. He tried to cover his flattering nerves and his confused heart – now more than ever – but he wasn't so sure if Jonas bought it.

But then diversion came from the other side, because Sana and Vilde came up to them, smiling wildly.

“Hi“, they said and Vilde gave Magnus a kiss on the cheek. Isak looked at them slightly startled; when did that happen?

“Hey, where did you hide Eva?“ Jonas asked hopefully and Sana rolled her eyes. “She's with Noora and Chris downton“, she replied. “We can meet them, if you want?“

They all started to make plans but Isak wasn't listening. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he would either have to run a few miles to calm down or hit on something. He pulled himself together and tried to listen to the conversation.

Apparently they wanted to the harbour again. But Isak didn't want to. Last time he was there with Even and... no. Just not now.

But he didn't want to say anything because everybody else was up to it and so the group moved forwards towards the sea. They would meet the other girls at the water.

Isak walked alone, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to held a proper conversation. He felt Sana's look on him one or two times but couldn't bring the effort to speak with her.

When they almost arrived at the traffic lights he couldn't hold it any longer, otherwise he would combust.

“Jonas?“, he asked very quietly. Jonas, who was in a light conversation with Sana, turned around. “Yeah, bro?“

“Uhm...“ Isak squirmed but knew there was no way talking around it. “Can I talk to you for a second? Please?“

Somethin in his voice had to be very certain about it because Jonas immediately gave him his full concentrated look. “Yeah, sure“, he said casually. “Uhm, guys, Isak and I want to go in this shop again, we'll meet you later, okay?“

They got nods and a reassuring smile from Sana, before the group started walking further, leaving Jonas and Isak behind.

If Isak had felt like panicking only a few seconds ago, he now felt a bit calmer about it. He could do this.

“So“, Isak started and looked into Jonas honest green eyes, waiting patiently. “I guess... I need to tell you something.“

 

.

 

„ ... And then he just looked away again and then the audience started to applause and we had to leave and now I don't know what to think anymore“, Isak ended his very, very long speech and buried his head in his arms with a heavy sigh.

Jonas had said nothing for a good while, just stirring in his coffe and asking one or two questions in between but apart from that, he kept quiet.

Now he didn't say anything either, Isak could hear him slurping on his coffe. Then, after several moments of silence-

“Oh, Isak.“

Isak's head snapped up from his arms and he nearly kicked his own mug from the table.

Jonas looked at him with a bit amusement in his eyes. “You two have made it as complicated as it can get, right?“

Isak opened his mouth to let out a protesting stumbling but Jonas raised his hand. “No, wait“, he pleaded and, begrudgingly, Isak shut his mouth again.

“Okay, let me summarize this again, okay? Even didn't treat you like the best friend in the past, right... but he didn't hate you either, did he? He just was very weird about you. So, then we go on a trip all together and he's nice to you – what would speak for itself, maybe he thought you were not a nice person or something and decided to try it again. But then the next day he suddenly is mad at you for – from your sight – no reason. And that's his behavior since yesterday, right?“

“You forgot the time when he offered me his spare key“, Isak mumbled.

“Yeah right. And when he woke you up, he wasn't mad or angry or something, right?“

Isak propped his chin up on his right hand and thought about it. No. Even had sounded... normal... almost... as he was in a good mood. As if he enjoyed the fact he got to wake Isak up.

“No“, he admit with a weird feeling in his stomach. “He wasn't. Not at the beginning, though.“

Jonas nodded. “Okay. So the only time he was really mad where before the bus and when you two fought.“

“And in between he treated me like... I don't know, he had been so _angry_ , Jonas. And cold and rejecting and... I don't know.“

“Okay. And after the volleyball game he got drugged and said some things.“

Isak blushed; he hadn't got into any detail, but he was sure Jonas could draw his own conclusions about it. “Yes“, Isak said sheepishly, “and from that he was different.“

“Normal again.“

“Yeah... no... fuck, I don't know.“ Isak let out another frustrated sigh. “It's like he tries to say something to me but doesn't know how. Like he... he is so careful all of the sudden. He's nothing like the person back in university.“

Jonas looked at him and hummed in understanding. “Maybe I should've taken you with me when I went to that party“, he chuckled, “I talked with Even there for a long time, I thought he was a cool dude.“

“I'm sure he is“, Isak rolled his eyes. “to anyone but me.“

“Yes.“ Suddenly Jonas sounded very factual, “I'm going to say something now and you probably don't wanna hear it. But I'm your best friend so it's basically my job.“ He drank the last few sips from his coffe, dropped the mug to the table, looked Isak in the eyes and said: “I think you have an huge crush on this guy.“ He leaned back in his chair, smirking at Isak.

Isak could feel his cheeks redden from their own accord, just as his ears. “I'm _not_ “, he began, “I just want an answer to all this, nothing more, okay, I don't... there's no need to assume that I... just because he's hot doesn't mean I would anything...“ He stopped by the face Jonas was making. “What?“

“Oh, nothing.“ Jonas' grin was spread all over his face. “Go on.“

“Right – so I don't... want this, okay? He's annoying and stubborn and he's mean and he talks in riddles and treats me like shit and the few times he was nice to me you can count on one hand and only because he was nice to me and I maybe enjoyed his proximity and like how he talks and smells and laughs and rambles about this play and...“ He interrupted himself, in shock what he just said out loud when he had barely allowed himself to let the thoughts come to him in his deepest sleep.

And became aware that he couldn't push them away any longer.

“Oh“, he whispers and stared in Jonas' soft smile, “ _fuck.“_

Jonas let out a happy laugh before he reached over to squeeze his arm gently. “Hey, Is, it's all god, okay? Nothing new. You are here with me and we're going to figure this out, okay?“

Isak nodded weakly. “I can't believe myself“, he said, still very quiet. “That's just... I mean... _why_?“

“I'm not the least surprised“, Jonas said dryly. “There's so much tension between you two. You could inflame a match if you would put it between you two. And also...“ He gave him this knowing look, “if you wouldn't care so much why would you think about it 24/7 ?“

“How could you... you can't have an opinion on that, you weren't _there_ “, Isak hissed, but Jonas waved him off. “Come on, Isak, I noticed how you looked at Even on the field sometimes. You're good at hiding, but not that good. I'm your bro I know everything, don't forget that.“

Isak snorted. “Sorry, mister omniscient.“

“You're forgiven.“ Jonas tilted his head. “And Isak, I was there this morning on the ship when Even came up to you. And when I talked about him with you on the couch a few days ago I thought maybe you two had a thing or something-“

“Huh?“, Isak looked at him in shock. Jonas just shrugged. “I didn't get any details, though“, he pointed out, “so I needed to make my own suspections.“

“Very good“, Isak answered sarcastically but Jonas shushed him. “ _Also_ “, he said a bit louder and cleaning his throat, “I notice how _he_ looks at you.“

There was silence on the table for a moment, while Isak tried to wrap his head around all the new stuff. Only that it wasn't new though, not at all. It was all there in front of him. The whole time.

“What do you mean?“, he dared to ask weakly after a while and was relieved when Jonas didn't make a joke but just smiled at him. “I noticed how he looked at you during breakfast. Do you know he almost every time stares at you at a certain point?“

Isak felt the blush rising again.

“And I noticed how he got jealous the other day when these dude came up to you. He was totally jealous, I'm telling you.“ Jonas nodded. “You should've seen his face.“

Isak swallowed. That was all a mistake, Jonas was wrong, it couldn't be like that, there was no way Even would ever...

But then he remembered the things he had said in the car. Even's eyes. And then today in the theatre. Their bickering had felt playfully, light. Isak had enjoyed this. It was like they did that all day, like they would know each other for a long time.

But what, for god's sake, was Even's intention to block that? If it was like Jonas said and Even liked Isak – everything inside him semed to turn into jelly at that thought – why would Even back out so many times? What was it what made him think he didn't deserve some things in life?

He asked that to Jonas who only shrugged helplessly. “I have no idea why he acts like he does“, he said apologizing.

“But he can talk to me!“, Isak said violently, “he can talk to me! Why isn't he talking like a normal person? And he certainly doesn't need to treat me like that.“

“No, of course not.“ Jonas shook his head. “I'm gonna tell him some serious notes after you two... well after you two have figured that stuff out. But until then, I suggest you ask him.“

“I _did_ ask him already, Jonas.“ Isak rubbed his face tiredly. “There's no answer. He won't give me one.“

“Hm.“ Jonas furrowed his brows. “Maybe... he's afraid of you?“

“Afraid?“ Isak had to actually laugh at that. “Even? Of me?“

Jonas only held up his hands in despair. “I don't know. Maybe. Why would he back off otherwise? Maybe he can't tell you something because he thinks you would think differently about him. Oh man, I have no fucking idea.“ With a exhausted sigh he shoved his mug to the side.

“If that's what he's afraid of I can reassure him; I think different about him every minute“, Isak grumbled, then looked over to his friend. “But... you actually think that he... you know.“ He stopped and cursed for the hundredth time his red cheeks.

Jonas grinned at him. “That's hilarious“, he laughed while shaking his head, “you're acting like a fourteen years old with his first real crush.“

“Fuck off.“ Isak hid his face behind his fingers.

“But yes, I do think he has a thing for you, Isak“, Jonas answered to his unspoken question. “I really do.“

Isak took his hands from his face. He didn't allow the little bunches of joy or excitment to break free inside him. Too deep was his fear of disappointment yet. But he couldn't suppress a tiny little, sincere smile spreading on his lips.

Jonas mirrored his expression, then he grabbed Isak by the arm. “Just for the record, he's a dumbass if he would ditch you. Ask him why he acts so weird. Oh, and Isak: Please, do it already." 

Isak looked at him, his face scrunched up in suspicion. “What?“

Jonas shoved his coffee mug over to Isak. With a cling they touched. “Get that boy“, he said.

 

.

 

Rostock was small, smaller than Oslo but it had its charme Isak had to realize when he walked next to Jonas to catch up with the rest of their group. Eva sent a message to Jonas to tell him they're hanging out beside the main river here, the Warnow.

Isak took a deep breath when they walked down a hill to get there. The sun was shining today and even if it wouldn't Isak would be smiling anyway. He wore the heart of ones who had confessed something very big and now felt like everything was floating and shining brighter than usual. When they passed a woman with a cat on her shoulder Isak let out a full hearted laugh which caused Jonas to gave him a pleased smile. “Wow, that was totally overdue“, he laughed and Isak thought he same.

 

.

 

“I can't.“

“Isak, don't back off now, you're so close.“

“I am afraid. What if this whole thing isn't like we thought?“

“Isak, please, just get into these pants.“

“I look like a slut.“

“That is an insult for a woman, dude.“

“Shut up, Jonas.“

“Come on, Issy K, follow your dreams or something.“

“I hate you.“

“Isak, we're late, now hurry up.“

“Jonas, I'm serious, I can't do this. I will just embarrass myself and-“

A knock at the door interrupted the argument between the two boys and they both turned their heads towards the door.

“Are you ready?“, Magnus called through the door.

“No, Issy K here wants to go naked and I need to convince him to at least put pants on“, Jonas called back and escaped the attempt of Isak to hit him.

“What?“ Magnus' voice came out way too excited. “Issy, you want to show everything you have, Even's a lucky guy...“

With a horrified expression Isak opened the door and pulled Magnus inside. Mahdi followed, a grin on his face which caused his teeth to beam.

“I swear to god, Mags, yell Even's name one more time over the floor...“

“Dude, almost everybody is gone already, you're the only one who's still not ready.“ Magnus rolled his eyes, then he let his gaze roam up and down Isak's body. “Damn, Issy, when did you get those looks?“

Isak tried to act annoyed but he couldn't help but blush at the compliment. “Isn't it a bit... too much?“, he asked.

Jonas had forced him to threw his best outfits on the bed and then had looked at every piece with a critical frown before he finally had tossed a white long sleeved shirt and _very_ tight pants over to him.

“My pants are eating my ass“, Isak whined and looked at himself for the hundred time in the mirrow. Jonas only clicked his tongue against his teeth and waved him off. “Stop complaining, if Eskild was here it would be way worse.“

“I think it's hot“, Magnus said. “And Even won't care.“

Isak narrowed his eyes at him through the mirror. “I still can't believe you talked about me and him behind my back.“

Mahdi shrugged. “It was kinda... necessary“, he pointed out and leaned at the doorframe. “We weren't sure if you two just really hate each other or crazy about each other.“

“I'm still not sure“, Isak said dryly.

Jonas had confessed him, when they sat at the river a bit away from the others that he had discussed this with Mahdi and Magnus because he wanted to help and didn't know how if he wouldn't talk to him. Isak had been very embarrassed about it but in the end he had found it cute. His friends were just worried. He even smiled and thanked Jonas for caring and Jonas only shoved him in the grass and told him to shut up.

After some time Jonas had excused the boys and himself to held a 'secret meeting'. Isak had rolled his eyes and whined that it wasn't that big deal but Jonas had shushed him. So, after they said their goodbyes to the girls they walked back to the harbour to grab a kebab and then Isak told the other two in a bit summarized version the story. He wasn't sure in the beginning if he wanted them to know – hell, he hadn't known if he wanted to tell Jonas – but in the end it was very relieving to see the understanding expressions and promises to have his back no matter what. Apart from their excited yelling, tough

And then Magnus had the great idea to make a mission out of this, so he quickly wrote a text to Elias, asking him to join for a party with the guys. Isak had yelled and hunted him across the harbour but it was too late. Elias agreed and now Isak was lost.

He didn't know if it was a good thing that everything went so straight forward or not. His body switched temporary between feeling cold as ice and so hot he wanted to pull off his skin.

Isak was so. Nervous. 

But the boys didn't give him time to think about it or to choose the safety of his bed, they kept making jokes and talked him through the procedure of taking his hair done, putting on his jacket and shoes and making his way downstairs. Isak was too concentrated to breathe right to thank them for their silent support but they seemed to get it anway.

And then Isak was standing outside, Even's jacket clenched in his fist like a lifebelt. Yes, he still had Even's jacket from their fight and Mahdi had pointed out that it would be a good opportunity and excuse to start a talk with him.

Isak still had no idea what to say. His mind was like big goldfishbowl with fishes inside who swam around, looking at him with dull expressions. What should he say to him? Nothing had worked until now to get him out of his cover and Isak didn't believe that a bit flirting or tight jeans would do it. But here he was, waiting for a boy who did every day something different to upset him.

(Hell, was it just four days they were here? And six since they started that journey?)

“There they are“, Mahdi's voice got him back to reality.

Elias had said they would meet downstairs near the entrance so the boys waited for them there.

First Isak spotted Elias, Adam and Mikael, talking wildly, behind them Mutta who read something on his phone – and Even came in last.

Isak gulped. _Breathe, just breathe. Just a boy, just a boy._

Isak had feared how he would feel when he would see him again. Now, that he had confessed his stupid crush he was afraid that everything would be too intense now, too much to bear with Even near him. Hell, he was still in pocessing how this could happen. And first of all, _when_. I mean come on. No way he fell for him just because he shared a blanket with him on a fucking windy ship.

Of course there was this feeling. The knowing deep inside him, that he liked Even way longer than he would ever admit to anyone. Because who fell for their biggest enemy at uni, huh? He had tried to convince himself that it was just the looking, the appearence, the glow, before the little spot inside his heart, filled with, well, _Even_ , started to grow, until it reached areas even Isak couldn't avoid.

And now, when he saw him walking downstairs, his hair in that _stupid_ quiff James Dean style and a small smile on his lips, the spot threaten to overflow Isak with feelings and he had to take a bunch of deep breaths to calm his nerves.

Even wore dark blue pants and a black shirt, his denim jacket completed it. In his right hand stuck his phone which he however put away as soon as he became aware of the waiting squad downstairs. For the shortest moment his gaze met Isak's. Then Isak's inner nerves betrayed him again and he looked away.

_Come on._

“Hey, guys.“ Adam smiled at them. “Ready to go?“

“Yes, for sure.“ Jonas looked around. “You guys have found a party?“

“Yup“, Mutta answered, his eyes glued to his screen, “wait a second.“ He read something, furrowed his eyebrows, read it again, then smiled. “Okay, guys, there's a club at the beach, next to the _teepot_...“

“Uh ja, the cocktailbar, right?“, Magnus asked excited. Mutta nodded. “Yes, exactly.“

“Then let's go.“ Mahdi clapped his hands together in excitment and everybody laughed and cheered at that.

“Oh – don't the girls come with us?“, Yousef asked with a small disappointed look. Jonas smiled at him. “Yes, they wanted but we were a bit late“, he threw a certain look at Isak who just gave him his best death glare, “so they're already there.“

“Okay, nice.“ Yousef smiled again and the group began to walk, laughing and chattering along towards the street which would lead them into the tourist area and then to the beach.

“Isak, come on, that's your clue“, Jonas whispered as soon as they had formed pairs or trios to walk cushy and Isak still walked next to Jonas even though Even was walking alone, not with some of the others.

“I can't“, Isak hissed, “that's a stupid idea, that's...“

“Isak, sometimes you need someone to kick your ass in the right direction, dude.“ Jonas sighed and ruffled Isak's hard work of hair, Isak in return let out a protestantly noise and ducked his head away from Jonas' hand.

“One last chance, Isak, or I will do something.“

“No, I can't, seriously, Jonas, I...“

“Hey, Elias“, Jonas called over the other heads, “wait a second, I need to show you that thing I told you about.“

Isak's eyes widen. “No, Jonas, stay here, please, where do you...“

But Jonas had already abandoned him to sprint to the head of the group to start a casual talk with Elias about _whatever_.

Isak closed his eyes and cursed every single atom of which Jonas existed. When he opened it again, Even was still walking alone.

Isak clenched his jaw and hated himself for getting in this situation. He would gladly accept now a gladiator battle or a hunt for a big scary tiger – everything seemed to be less frightening than this.

But he had to do it.

So he just made a silent grimace, clenched his fingers even tighter around the jacket and speeded up his steps until he was walking beside _Even_.

Step one accomplished

“Hi“, Isak said and was really proud of his voice right now for sounding not hoarse or squeaky as fuck. Only a bit though.

Even, who had looked at something in front of him turned to him, his eyes widen in surprise before he quickly said: “Hey, Isak.“ And then he smiled at him and Isak felt really dumb inside because this fucking smile made his knees going so weak and his insides mushy and his thoughts spinning and...

He cleared his throat. “Uhm, sorry“, he said and then held Even's jacket out to his owner. “I think you forgot that in my room. Our room, I mean, but not yours and mine that woud be weird, but, you know, Jonas and mine and...“ He stopped. _Oh god please let me disappear._

But Even let out a small grin. “Thank you“, was his reply and he grabbed the jacket only to swing it casually over his shoulder. “I thought you had bunkered it or something.“

Isak let out a snore. “Yeah, for sure“, he said. Proud raised up in his chest for responding so quickly. _You can do this, Isak. Good job so far._

But now he didn't know what to say further. They was like, a billion options to go with. _Hey, Even did you want to kiss me in the theatre? Hey dude, why are you so weird to me? Just a question: Do you have a crush on me?_

“What's up?“ Even looked at him slightly amused. “You're looking like you just ate something really disgusting.“

“I just... thought about cringy thoughts“, Isak said before he mentally punched himself. Even laughed at that. “Oh, okay“, he said, his eyes shining bright in the night.

They walked in silence next to each other for a while and Isak thought the whole time about a topic he could mention without embarrassing himself again. But honestly... weren't they already after this point?

“You see the milky way again this night?“, Even suddenly asked, causing Isak to stumble because he just touched his arm. “Uhm, what?“, he asked confused, trying to get his beating heart under control.

Even pointed towards the sky. “There“, he said quietly and stopped in his tracks. Isak threw a quick look to the others in front of him before he followed. Even stood in the middle of the street – it was almost midnight and no car was to be seen, so don't worry – and had put his head back and looked to the full of stars shining sky. There were no clouds today, you could see everything perfectly fine.

Isak swallowed when he watched him. It reminded him of a certain scene. On a ship. Only a few days ago.

Isak bit his lip and forced his thoughts to calm down. Slowly he stepped beside the older boy and looked into the sky as well.

After some time he got an ache in his neck but it was worth it. The sky was really beautiful that night and he blurted out without thinking “it's so fascinating, right?“

Even said nothing for several minutes and when he did his voice has gotten soft. “Yeah“, he said. “It is.“

Isak dared to give him a quick look and was met by blue piercing eyes. Even looked at him intensively, like he did on that morning on the ship after the night on deck. And also this time Isak had to look away because it was too much. He just hoped the night was dark enough to hide his redden cheeks.

They didn't say anything more. In silent aggreement they started walking again, side by side but with a good distance between them, the taller one his jacket over his shoulder, the smaller his heart in his throat.

 

.

 

When they finally arrived at the beach and the cocktailbar Isak felt oddly at ease. They hadn't exchanged a single word after that but Even's presence was enough to give him piece. What a ironic thing to think about.

But then, when they stood in front of the door and looked at each other, the unspoken words suddenly appeared between them again and created a wall, so high and stable Isak felt he would never disturb it. His gaze dropped to his shoes, all courage left him and he felt like the dumbest dude on eart. Why didn't he ask Even on their way? Now it was too late.

“So... should we go inside?“

Isak begrudgingly raised his head to look at Even. The red and purple light string outside emphasized his sharp jaw his cheekbones even more and for a second Isak was angry that he was so beautiful.

“Mmh.“ Isak nodded. “Sure.“ He knew that his face had to show his feelings but he didn't have the strength to cover it right now. He needed beer. Like, now.

So he walked past Even to opene the door but was stopped by Even's hand curling around his arm. “Isak, wait“, he said. Isak looked up at him in surprise.

Even had a strange expression on his face. Like he wanted to do something very badly but it would put him in physical pain at the same time. And there... in his blue, blue eyes Isak could see the same which he didn't believe to see back in the cabin. The longing.

Because Isak's tongue had gotten temporary numb he could only manage to look at him dumbly and wait for Even to speak.

Even ran a hand through his hair. Only now Isak became aware of how shaky his fingers seemed to be, how he had to gulp a few times and how he breathed hardly.

“Okay“, he began, while ranning his hands through his hair again and again until Isak reached for it like a robot and lead Even's hand down to his side, before he quickly let go of his fingers. Now Even must see his blush, there was no way he could hide it anymore.

Even seemed to be taken aback as well. He stared at Isak like he couldn't believe what he saw. His teeth chewed on his bottom lip and for a moment his gaze was lost somewhere between Isak's eyes and lips.

“Can we... talk? Like, not now or something, it's totally fine but... I don't know, tomorrow or something?“

Isak was sure he had just made this up in his head. Finally, _finally_ Even was offering him what he wanted since an eternity.

Trying to hide his joy he smiled shyly at him. “Yeah, sure“, he said. “We can talk.“

The concerned look gave way to an unbelieveing smile. “Yeah? For real? That's great, that's... I mean... that's... that's cool“, Even rambled before he fell silent and tried to cover his sheepish smile and Isak heart _ached_.

“Yeah“, he breathed out.“Cool.“

They looked at each other for another second and before Isak could break out into a silly giggle the door swung open, nearly hit Even at the head.

“Wooo, careful, dude“, said a very drunk Eva before she recognized them. Her eyes went big and round like balls. “ _Even_ “, she squealed before she hugged him fiercely. “How are you?“

Isak had no time for self-pity because they got always interrupted, because a quite sober looking Jonas followed his girlfriend with a mix of amusement and resignation on his face. “Eva, babe, please stop running outside, you'll get lost and we'll never find you again. This isn't Oslo.“

“Pfff.“ Eva huffed but turned around from Even to speak to him. “I'm so fine. Sooo fine. Right, Even?“ She looked up at him while swaying a bit back and forth. Even suppressed his urge to break out in laughter and answered “I think you should listen to your boyfriend, Eva.“

Eva shoot him a look. “You betraying me?“, she said before she blinked and then practically pressed all lungs out of Isak's lungs when she recognized him. “Issyyyy“, she squealed, “hi!“

“Hi, Eva.“ Isak shoved her tentively away from himself and she threw back her long hair. “You need to get drunk with me“, she said matter fo factly. “Last time is sooo long ago. Right, Isak?“

“Right.“ Isak shook his head and smiled at her. “But let's listen to Even and Jonas, okay? We just arrived and if you want to drink with me...“ He stopped, holding up his hands in offering. Eva stood there for a moment while the information slowly got to her through her drunk brain. _Ooooh_ , yes, then“, she giggled and she turned around again. “Let's get drunk, boys“, she yelled to the door and then she was inside again.

Jonas sighed. “I should've gotten here sooner“, he mumbled, then smiling to them. “Are you coming? I fear if you don't, she will escape again so...“

Isak didn't answer right away. He suddenly felt like everything would break down if he opened that door. Like he would lost Even when they stepped inside.

But he had no choice so...

He sighed, a small, disappointed sigh and said “yeah, we're coming.“ He then gave Even a look to see his reaction on all this and saw his own thoughts quite mirrored in Even's. He actually held his gaze for a moment before he stepped closer to him to whisper in his ear. “But we'll talk, okay? Promise me we will talk.“

Isak's breathing hitched when he felt Evem's lips tickling his ear and in lack of words he just nodded. Even gave him a small smile, then he cleared his throat to step away from him to gave Jonas a wave and make his way inside.

Isak felt the urge to run after him.

When he looked up, Jonas was standing in front of him, grinning like an idiot. “So?“, he asked. “How is it?“

“Stop grinning“, Isak mumbled and shoved his body past Jonas and through the door.

“Don't worry dude, just let it come naturally to you“, Jonas followed him inside the room where the loud music was blasting in Isak's ear and body was pressed to body and Isak remembered why he liked to stay home sometimes.

“What?“ He had to yell because of the music but Jonas waved it off. “Just do what you think is right", he said in his ear. “Oh – fuck, I need to find Eva, see you, I got you, pal.“ He squeezed his arm and then made his way directly into the crowd where he was gone within seconds.

Isak took a deep breath. Okay, he could do this. He just needed to find the beer and then everything would be okay.

 

.

 

Isak was drunk. Very drunk.

He didn't want it to get that far but his nerves had killed him and he wanted to relax for once so he ended up quite wasted. He hadn't seen Even the whole time and he kept asking himself where he was but on the other hand he was grateful for that because that meant he didn't have to ask him about their problems/ things/ whatever.

And now he was sitting there between a german girl and a stoned Mahdi, trying to get his spinning head under control.

“You know“, the german girl said, “there are so many sheeps in the world. How would you count them all when you can't sleep, that's stupid, the night would be over before you're finished.“

“That's right“, Mahdi said from the other side. Isak took another sip from his beer. He wanted to go home. His mood was the worst right now. Sometimes he got like this when he wanted to forget all of his problems but then the alcohol didn't make it better but worse. He ended up most of the time either hooking up with some stranger or Eskild dragged him home while he cried about his life.

Right now there was no Eskild and he had absolutely no desire to hook up with anyone ( with anyone but... well... nevermind) so his drunk brain was overwhelmed which what it shoud decide.

Then his choice was being taken from him when a certain someone dropped to the place next to him.

“Oh, look who it is. Knock-out boy.“

Isak slightly winced at the voice because it was so loud. He hadn't even noticed Mahdi and the german girl bailing and now in the girl's seat was sitting - 

“I was a bit hurt after yesterday, Isak“, Marcus said and grinned at him. His white teeth glistened at Isak a bit too much and he smelled like beer. Well, Isak probably smelled worse but he couldn't help but think of how Even smelled so much better.

“You were acting a bit rude, yesterday“, Marcus said and scooted a bit closer to him. Isak blinked. _That had been only yesterday?_

“Oh. Uhm“, he slurred. “Yeah, sorry, I was... it w'sn't a good time, y'know.“ He pulled out a loose string of his pants and started to play with it. He wished Marcus would go away already.

But sadly he had clearly other plans judging by the way he leaned forward in his seat to let a hand resting on Isak's shoulder. Automatically his whole body tensed and he shrank back, spilling a bit of his beer in the process.

Marcus held up his hands in defense. “Woa, sorry, babe, didn't notice you were so _sensitive_.“ He scooted closer until his knee bumped into Isak's. Isak looked around for help but he couldn't see any of his friends.

“How 'bout that, cutie“, Marcus' breath ghosted over Isak's skin like Even's before but more harsh, as if he would be breathing heavily. “Let's dance a bit...“ His left hand came up to squeeze Isak's thigh, “and then... I don't know...“ His left hand left his leg and started to grab around him, his crude fingers seeking for Isak's spine to find his lower back.

But he didn't get too far because Isak shoved him with a strength he wouldn't have believe himself away and stood up, putting his beer bottle away. He swayed a bit but managed to hold his ground. “I'm sorry“, he babbled to Marcus who grumpily tried to get up from the sofa, “I don't wanna do this right now. 'kay. With you. This“, he made a few uncoordinated movements with his hand between himself and Marcus. He then turned around, a vague attempt in his mind to find Jonas or Sana or _anyone_ , but before he could stumble away far enough, a strong arm was wrapped around his waist.

“Where'd you wanna go, sweetheart?“ Marcus held him close by his side and Isak had to give him credit for reaction so fast with so much alcohol in his blood. “Y' owe me a dance.“

“I owe you shit“, Isak hissed and tried to loosen his body from Marcus' grip but it was hopeless.

“Aww, come on“, Marcus interrupted himself to let out a hiccup.

“I don't wan't to“, Isak said, trying to make his statement clear. “Don't like you. Go away.“

Marcus' answer was only a laugh, “wait until we're home, cutie, we'll have so much fun...“

Isak felt like he was going to throw up any second. He desperately tried to remember something of the self-defense course but the alcohol made his brain lazy and useless.

But then –

“Are you deaf? Let him go.“

Isak's head turned around so fast that he heard something crack. Marcus seemed to be as surprised as Isak because he loosend his grip a bit and Isak, quick-witted and drunk, took advange of it and wriggled his body out of his grip. He wanted to get as much distance as possible between him and Marcus but he overestimated his coordination skills so he stumbled a few steps before two strong arms came around his waist to steady him.

He blinked. Then he looked up to look into Even's face. “Hi“, he said and couldn't help but give him a wide smile, feeling instantly more at ease. (He was drunk okay. Very drunk.)

Even smiled back but the fold on his forehead stayed. “Hey“, he answered. “You okay?“

“Uhm, excuse me“, Marcus' voice sounded to them. “What are doing here?“

Even didn't bother to look at him. His gaze roamed over Isak's body. “Isak?“

“ I'm fine“, Isak mumbled, now happily. “He wanted to dance with me but I didn't.“ His hand moved from its own accord to brush the stubborn strain of Even's hair out of his face.

Even looked at him bewildered. “Isak, how drunk are you?“, he laughed while squeezing his waist slightly. That felt nice.

“Mm... not much“, Isak mumbled before making another wobbly step only to be catched by Even again. “Okay“, he chuckled, “easy, tiger.“

Isak wanted to protest, but instead his body betrayed him again by going all pliant and fitting himself perfectly into Even's embrace.

“What the fuck“, he could hear Marcus mumble. “You rile me all up only to fuck with this guy, huh. Slut.“

Isak could feel Even tensing under him so he instinctly grabbed for his hands to hold them in place. “No“, he whined and begrudgingly stepped a bit away to look at Even properly. “Don't, please.“

Even had a furious expression in his face and his eyes glowed.

“Well, we had fun before you showed up“, Marcus hissed, arms crossed. Even snorted. “Oh yeah? I don't think that his words were sounding like an invitation.“ He made a step towards Marcus but Isak pressed his body against him, trying to shove him back. “Even, it's okay, let's go, okay?“, he pleaded. Marcus let out a bitter laugh. “Oh yeah, _Even_ , take your bitch home. Even though I don't know why Isak would go with you after he hit you with a volleyball. But I don't know“, he winked at him, “maybe it's your kink?“

Now Isak was the one who felt anger rising in his chest. “You know what“, he slurred, “fuck you. I never wanted something with you, and you are mean and arrogant and you will _never_ reach Even, so fuck off, please.“ He gave Marcus the angriest look he could think of and even wanted to go towards him but this time it was Even who prevented him from doing that. “Okay, Isak, let's get you some water okay?“, he asked.

Marcus seemed finally to get that he had lost this battle. He growled at the two boys. “You know what, I don't want to fuck him anymore, you can have him“, he shrugged, “but be careful, the way he throws himself at others... just clean yourself properly afterwards, who knows what lives down there.“ With that, he turned around and disappeard in the crowd before Even or Isak could do something.

Even had murderous look in his face. Isak didn't like that. He wanted that look to go away. Fucking Marcus.

But a tiny voice had managed to get through his foggy brain and he felt a sting in his stomach. Did Even think he fucked around, like Marcus said?

Isak didn't get to think about that further. Even seemed to calm down a bit and he turned his attention back to Isak. “Did he hurt you?“, he asked, hands roaming back and down Isak's arms. It felt so nice, Isak almost purred. He shook his head. “No. Just said stupid things“, he mumbled. Suddenly his head was very heavy. “Didn't want to let go of me.“ His head dropped to Even's chest and he buried his nose in the fabric of Even's shirt. “You smell nice“, he muttered.

He could feel Even's breathing hitch but he didn't comment on it, he just mumbled “I'll kill this fucker.“

Isak shook his head violently. “No“, he said into Even's shirt, “he'sn't worth it. 's ma fault anyway.“ He let out a sad laugh. “He was an asshole.“ He said it so surprised Even had to laugh. “Yes, he was“, he said. “But you're safe now.“

Isak hummed happily. “Mmh.“

For a moment they just stood there, Isak in Even's arms, Even holding him close, his fingers stroking his spine carefully. Isak was so relaxed he could fall asleep any second.

“Hey Isak“, Even mumbled after some time. Isak didn't open his eyes. “Mmh?“

“Let's go get you water, okay?“

Isak forced his eyes open. He blinked up at Even. “No“, he whined, “wanna stay here.“ With that, he snuggled closer to him again.

Something inside him knew that he would hate himself for doing that, but right now he couldn't care less.

He felt Even's laughter under him and it was the best feeling. “We can... continue this later, if you want, okay? You don't wanna get a headache tomorrow, do you.“ With that, he slowly, but steadily pulled Isak out of his arms. Isak made a protesting noise but felt too weak to do anything. Grumpy, he stood in front of Even. “Happy now?“, he growled but Even waved him off. “Come on, Issy, let's get water.“

He dragged Isak through the crowd and further until they reached another floor. At the end, there was a door with the sign _Bitte nicht betreten_. Isak didn't know what it meant but it seemed to be very official.

“Even“, he whispered, “we can't go inside. The Germans don't want us to.“ He pointed at the sign. Even laughed. “Nobody cares, Isak.“

Only now Isak became aware that Even was holding his hand to lead him through the people. He thanked all gods he could think of for being so drunk that he didn't care at the moment.

When they entered the room – a kitchen, apparently – Even closed the door. Isak asked himself why a fucking kitchen was part of a club but then Even shoved a glass of water inside his hand and he forgot about it. “Drink“, he said. “It'll help.“

Isak grumbled, but obeyed and drank. While he did, Even leant against the counter on the other side of him, watching him carefully.

If he would be sober, he would blush so hard right now. But luckily, alcohol loosend the tongue and increased the courage, so Isak said, after dropping the empty glass to the counter “I'm not fucking around.“

Even's eyebrows raied. “Huh?“

“I'm a nice person“, Isak tried to explain. It was very important to him. “Marcus said I am a whore or something but I'm not, okay, Even, please, you have to believe me.“ His voice became desperate because what if Even believed Marcus? What if he thought Isak was a slut who only wanted Even's dick?

“Isak. I don't think that.“ When Isak dared to look at him again, Even was smiling at him while simultaneously shaking his head as if it would be the silliest thing he had ever heard of. His heart felt hope. “No?“

Even shook his head. “No.“

“Oh.“ Isak let out a breath. “Good.“ He went silent for a moment. Things came to him, things he knew he shouldn't say in his state of mind. Getting so drunk wasn't part of the plan. But Isak was helpless against the drunk will of his mind to finally talk about it to Even. And the way he looked at him with those blue eyes, and caring expression... Isak couldn't stand it.

“I don't want you to hate me“, Isak said all of the sudden. Even's eyes went wide. “What? Isak, I don't –“

“I don't know what you think, and it drives me crazy.“ Isak stumbled a step towards Even, who stood there like he was hit by a bus. “I don't understand you, and it is so fucking frustrating, because the only thing I want is you but I can't because you're acting like an asshole but then you're nice again and I'm _so_ confused, you have no idea.“ Isak took a deep breath. Even didn't say a word.

“And then“, Isak said while taking another step, “in the car you said I... I am pretty or something and I was more confused than ever, and I don't know when it even started this because back in uni you were so mean to mean and even there I probably liked you and it's all so frustrating.“ He ran a shaky hand through his hair.

“Isak“, Even began but Isak cut him off fiercly, “no, I'm talking now.“ He could hear his voice getting louder again, he could feel his emoitions coming up, but he just couldn't stop himself. “ _What have I done to you?_ “, he asked. “All I wanted was getting to know you but you wouldn't let me. I needed to hit you with a ball to get you to speak with me again.“ He gave him his best glare he had. “And I'm so tired of it, Even, I don't want that. If you weren't so _beautiful_ and nice and hot and tall and... your _laugh_...“ His voice traveled off and he looked sadly to the ground. “Is this... is this some sort of game, Even?“ His voice got shaky but he forced himself to speak further. “Because if it is, then –“

“What?“

When Isak looked at Even, he stared at him with unbelieving, shiny eyes. “You...“ He stopped, his mouth gaping open, like he couldn't believe what Isak had just said. “You think it's a _game_?“

“Well“, Isak said with a hiccup, “I don't know what I'm supposed to think.“ He thought for a moment. “Maybe I'm just not good enough or you think I'm like Marcus said and –“

He didn't get to speak further because Even had left his positon at the counter and the next second Isak's face was between his hands.

“This“, Even said, eyes burning holes in Isak's soul, “is no game. Do you hear me?“ He looked at him in desperation, in fear. “This is no game“, he repeated, whispering. “Isak.“

Isak looked at him with big eyes. Then, slowly, he nodded. He couldn't say anything. He was afraid his voice would break if he tried.

Even's expression changed, he looked a bit calmer now and with a tenderness which let Isak's insides _scream_ he carressed his face with his index finger.

Isak feared his knees would refuse the service. His lips parted and he could see that Even's eyes followed this movement. Isak tried desperately to think of something he wanted to say, something to argue, he didn't go through all the stress to came out with nothing, but here, so close to Even, his brain couldn't fucking work. Not with Even's eyes looking at him like this, not with his fingers on his face, not with his scent giving him peace and arousing at the same time.

He was so beautiful. How could a person be so beautiful. Isak had thought of that so many times but he had never felt like it was more real than now. Even with his bruise on his nose. And suddenly he got the urge to tell him that. And because he was drunk, he did.

“You are beautiful“, he whispered, looking deep in Even's eyes to make sure he got it.

He had said it before, but it felt more intimate now and way more better because he could see the change in Even's face now properly, could see the stunning look and the unbelieving question.

“Isak“, Even said hoarsly and Isak felt the _longing_ , he loved when he said his name like this, he needed it to hear, he needed him, now.

He saw the question mirrored in Even's eyes. He couldn't answer with words, so instead he did with his own eyes, hoping Even would see it.

“Fuck“, Even mumbled, before his lips were finally, _finally_ on Isak's and everything around them disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger! :D
> 
> Sorry, but the chapter got too long, I hope you're not mad.
> 
> And I just wanted to say Even has his reasons for his behavior so please be patient. (but if you read this story you are a professional at patience I guess)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took a deep breath and tried to remember Jonas' words. _Also, I notice how he looks at you. He was totally jealous. I think he has a thing for you. Go get that boy._
> 
> His thought got interrupted when Even opened his mouth hesitantly to say in a deep, slightly hoarse morning voice that had Isak's inside melting:“Hey.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know. It's ridiculously long, I know that. I hope that's okay!!!
> 
> What should I say... kisses and cuddling and lots of feelings are involved.
> 
> As always, enjoy<3

_Sunday, Day 5_

 

Isak had kissed boys before. He also had kissed girls, but he didn't count that because that had been when he was still in his closet-time and tried to efface any thoughts of a guy by shoving his tongue as deep as he could down some poor girl's throat.

He had kissed before. Even if his friends kept teasing him about his lacking in relationships he actualy had had a lot of hookups – sometimes they had ended in bed, sometimes not. And most of the time Isak clearly didn't seek the _one_ , the one and only hero who would come to save his messed up life. No. Isak wasn't that kind of guy who believed in this. He didn't want someone to come and save him, he just wanted someone to come. And the few proper relationships he had... some where good, some not so good, but nothing what would have convinced Isak to think: that is the thing everybody is talking about. And sometimes, when he was really drunk and his defence was down, he thought about how he would probably end up lonely. Eskild callled him embittered sometimes – only playfully, but it had nagged on him. Maybe he was right and Isak had become an embittered, grumpy man, hating his life and everything around him while secretly just craving love. With twenty years. Eskild had just laughed when Isak had confessed this – under drunk tears –, had pulled him into a hug and said that he was a great, sweet guy with just a big defense wall around him. And anyone who cared would break that wall down soon enough.

Anyway, Isak had experience with guys. And he certainly didn't come to Germany with the expectation to get the best kiss he ever had. But damn, boy. Damn.

When Even pressed his lips on Isak's, everything around them went quiet and in the first moment Isak got so overwhelmed he couldn't kiss back. Too strong the emotions came over him, too fast was his head spinning, not from alcohol but the boy in front of him, holding his face between his fingertips so carefully as if he was afraid he would break him, his soft lips on Isak's and in this moment Isak knew he never wanted to be seperated from those lips again.

Even kissed him not gently. Such a contrast to his careful fingers. He pressed his lips desperately on Isak's like he was afraid he woudn't get to do this ever again. Isak wished he could see his face but his eyes were closed and he couldn't open them yet, he just could stand there and let it happen.

When Even suddenly removed, Isak parted his lips in surprise and disappointment, his eyes opening, his lips still searching for the softness of Even's.

Then he got his eyes open properly and he was staring into the blue of Even's eyes, panting hard. His face was so cose, he could count all of his lashes if he wanted to or analyze the bow of his eyebrow. Even's hand felt so nice on his skin. Everything felt perfect. Isak's heart was pounding in his chest.

Even stared at him with so much emotions it was hard to tell which was the strongest. Desire, fear, affection, admiration.

Their bodies were so close Isak could feel the heat from the other boy's body and suddenly it was unbearable not to be near him, not to feel him on his skin.

“Even“, Isak whimpered. The only thing he was capable to think of, the only name in his head right now, the only thing that mattered.

Even's grip around his cheeks tighten a bit and he closed his eyes as if he needed to focus again.

Why didn't he kiss him again?

“Isak...“ Even's voice seemed to get lower, more than it even was already and it did things to Isak. But as much as he wanted to listen to his voice, the urge to feel his lips again was stronger.

With all coordination he had left in his head, he brought up his right hand to put it on Even's cheek, forcing him gently to look at him. When he did, his eyes were dark and he looked almost as desperate as Isak felt.

“Baby“, he whispered and that did it for Isak.

With a quiet moan he pushed his body to Even and crashed their mouths together again. He had never felt anything like that ever and he wanted to keep it as long as he could, wanted to chase those lips as long as Even would let him.

Even seemed to feel the same, he kept pulling Isak closer while simultaneously pushing him back against the kitchen counter until Isak's back hit it, his lips never leaving him. Even's hand left his face to pull slightly at Isak's hair, eliciting a moan out of the other boy. Even's lips were a sin, they moved on Isak's in perfection, drawing him in and when his tongue licked over Isak's lip, demanding entry, he was sure he was going to faint. Isak's own shaky hands, which had found place around Even's shoulders, tighten their grip to ground himself somehow but it was useless because in the next second Even's tongue entered his mouth, playing and swirling with Isak's and it felt so fucking _good_ Isak thought he was dreaming.

Even's hands came down again to squeeze his waist, his upper body moving forward, causing Isak's back to arch a bit over the counter while he kissed him hard and Isak breathed into Even's mouth, his heart was pounding so hard he was afraid it would just being ripped out of his chest and he couldn't stop kissing Even, couldn't stop shaking a bit at the thought that this was really happening right now, couldn't stop pulling him closer because it was never near enough, Even wasn't near enough and he put everything he had into the kiss, letting his tongue explore Even's mouth, causing the older boy to let out a small groan.

Then Even's hands wandered down. Isak expected him to find his ass, he wouldn't mind that, oh hell no, but somehow they made their way past it only to land on his thighs.

“Up“, Even managed to mumble before Isak's lips attacked him again, “need you up there.“

For a second Isak was confused but then he felt Even's hands gripping under his thighs and he followed out of instinct and the next thing he knew was that he was sitting on top of the kitchen counter with Even between his legs.

He let out a surprised noise but didn't come further because Even kissed him again and holy shit, okay, this position was way better than before, Isak could wrap his legs around Even, trapping him and holding him in place. The action pushed Even even more to Isak, who let out a happy groan. Even couldn't reach his ass that well in that postion but that was okay, Isak was totally fine with Even's hands on his lower back and around his waist. His own hands found their way into Even's hair, messing it up, wanting to destroy that fucking perfect hair, his nails scratching slightly over Even's scalp. The sensation made Even shiver and he let out an almost _desperate_ noise while he trapped Isak's lower lip between his teeth and bit. Isak whined, it was too much, it was so fucking good, he couldn't believe he was here, that Even was here. He was very glad about his temporary abandoned thoughts. In this moment he only wanted to be near Even, kissing him, wrecking him.

They were way past just kissing, what they did was heavily making out at this point and Isak lived for it.

“Fuck“, Even panted as soon as he got a bit air in his lungs but Isak pulled him closer again. “Kiss me“, he whimpered and Even let out a groan before diving in again.

Isak didn't know how long they kissed. Maybe a few seconds. Maybe an hour. Maybe for days. But eventually, their movements got a bit less hectical and their lips not so urgent anymore and then they just stood there – well, Even was the one standing – looking into each others eyes while breathing hard and their eyes told each other everything they couldn't say in this moment.

Isak couldn't wrap his head around what had just happened. He was too caught up in the moment yet, refused to let reality come to him. He wanted to stay right were he was, right here, with Even close to him. Nothing had ever felt more right than this.

Even stared at Isak in awe, with so much admiration. His pupils were blown and he was still breathing hard, his lips parted. For a moment they stared at each other, Isak tried to shove the urge down which wanted him to get Even's lips on his again.

And then Even let out a tiny happy laugh which pulled at Isak's heart so much he couldn't bear it, he _had to_ lean forward to find his lips again, to catch that smile from his lips and then the best thing in the world happend and Even _laughed_ into his mouth. 

For a second, they seperated again to just look at each other again and Isak couldn't help but smile at him, the probably sloppiest and drunkest smile this night but who cared. Even just laughed fondly, then leaned forward to kiss him. A sweet kiss this time, no rush, no heat, full of fondness and care. Somehow this was just as intense as the passionate making out for Isak. A kiss you gave someone you cared about. A kiss who said _I'm here with you now_.

When Even pulled back, he didn't laugh anymore. Instead he had a small smile on his face and soon enough Isak recognized it as _his_ Even smile. Just a bit brighter and happier.

“I love this.“ Isak was surprised to find any words left in him. But now, after the first shock that Even, _Even_ , had kissed him (which was a thing Isak needed to realize later, he was too drunk now to freak out but even now something inside him screamed _he kissed me oh my fucking god he did kiss me!_ ) Isak slowly came back to reality. And so he said the first thing he could think of.

Even looked at him, his crooked smile looked so _good_ in this face. Isak considered the possibilities of paying him for wearing this smile all day. “What?“, Even asked, still a bit out of breath. He looked flushed and his eyes were sparkling.

Isak smiled at him, then pointed at his mouth with his index finger. “That“, he mumbled, gaze fixed on Even's lips.

“The kissing?“ Even laughed again, his left hand came up to run through Isak's hair gently.

“Na“, Isak shook his head while he tried to ignore the tingling feeling at Even's hand. “I mean, yes, yes! Of course, but I meant... this.“ He draw a line along Even's lips. “That smile. 's nice.“ Something told him that he must sound stupid but he couldn't focus on that at the moment. He wanted to bath in the stunned expression Even showed him at his words. “Isak“, he said and again, Isak reveled in the way he took his name between his teeth, so carefully, and gave it back with so much sinerity, with so much feelings. He loved his own name when Even said it, his low voice caressing every letter.

He considered if he should tell him his interesting train of thoughts or just go back to kissing him senseless when the door to the kitchen opened.

The both boys turned their heads, too dazed to do something about their positions.

“Oh“, said a girl who came in, her long blonde hair swinging. She turned around to say something to the dark haired boy behind her in German, pointing inside the kitchen as she did.

“Rude“, Isak mumbled. He then turned his body a bit into the direction of the two troublemakers. “Kitchen'sss taken“, he said to them in English. “Please go away.“ He then showed them his nicest smile and pointed to a point in the crowd which was visible above the heads of the girls and the boy.

The girl said something in German and then laughed at him, before she dragged the boy with her to where they had come from and closed the door, leaving the boys alone.

Even let out a chuckle. Isak squinted his eyes. “What? 's our place.“ He grinned, very pleased with himself.

Even just shook his head. “You're so cute“, he said, nudging Isak's nose with his own (very gently though. His nose was still a bit bruised.) Isak felt his insides melt and he knew he had the _most dopey_ smile on his face but who cared.

Even stroked his cheek. “There's just one thing“, he said and he looked a bit sad. Immediately all of Isak's alarms went off and he dropped the smile. Something bothered Even. It had to be something with him, right? Oh god, what if he didn't like the kissing? Had it been bad for him? Had _Isak_ been bad?

Even seemed to sense his train of thoughts because he rolled his eyes before he added: “Isak, I didn't mean it like that.“ His right hand rubbed his back soothingly and Isak couldn't help but feel pathetically good. How did Even do that every time? How could Isak ever think of him as an asshole, that insulted other people? He just hadn't known how affectionate Even was, how sweet and kind and endearing.

“It's just a shame that you're drunk, that's what I meant“, Even stated and broke out into laughter right away when he saw Isak's sulky face. “Huh?“, he said offended, “is that an issue to you?“

“No.“ Even didn't stop laughing, even when Isak tried to get out of his grip and demonstratively looked in a different direction. “Issy, hey.“ Isak didn't respond except for a peeved “pfff“, so Even had to resort to harder means. He grabbed both of Isak's hands and pulled his body towards him again, effectively drawing his attention back to him. “Is“, he mumbled, “I just hoped our first kiss wouldn't be with you wasted as fuck.“

Isak knew Even had meant it as a joke, had said it in a playful way, but something in his voice made him look to check Even's blue oceans. And yes. There was more. Even looked kinda unsure, like he wanted to say something more but didn't dare to. Isak heart clenched; he didn't want that, he wanted Even to laugh again.

So he clumsily grabbed for Even's chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “What is it, baby?“, he asked, ignoring the way Even's breath hitched when he used the name. He also carefully ignored the spot in his brain which asked him from where the hell _that_ came from, and focused on the boy in front of him instead. “'m sorry that I'm so drunk“, Isak said sincerely. “And that it bothers you so much. Bu' honestly, if you have a problem with that, than I'm afraid we gonna have some real issues, considerin' the amount of alcohol, which...“

“Isak, I don't have a problem with you and alc“, Even interrupted. His eyes were still wide from Isak's words but he seemed calmer than before. “You know what? Forget it, it's stupid, considering the condition in which you are. We can talk about it later.“

“No!“, Isak exclaimed, his hands finding Even's shoulders. “Now.“ He probably sounded like a four years old but he didn't care. He didn't want Even's weird allusions anymore. He looked at the older boy with pleading eyes. “Even?“

Even bit his lip but Isak had sawn the little smile. “You're evil“, Even said, before letting out a sigh. Isak just giggled. “Mmh I know“, he mumbled. Suddenly his eyelids went very heavy and he had to concentrate not to fall against Even's chest.

But of course, Even, the dick, saw right through him. He laughed and then just pulled the younger boy into his chest. “Time for bed“, he said fondly and Isak absolutely _hated_ what an effect that had on him. He laboriously searched for the last remaining restence in his body to fight the sleep. “What did you mean?“, he murmured in Even's shirt. “I won't be mad, I promise.“

He heard Even snorting at that. “As if.“ But he was actually silent for a moment, his hands incessantly running up and down Isak's spine. When he spoke again, his voice came out very quiet. “I was just wondering if you would still kiss me when you're sober, that's all.“

Oh. _Oh_. So Even was wondering if Isak had just kissed him because he was drunk. For a moment he wanted to laugh because seriously? Kissing Even was now on his to do list on the first place. Forever. Irreplaceable. And even though he had been drunk, he just knew it was a different drunkness with Even's lips on his, with his scent surrounding him, his hair between his fingertips... The alcohol had just lowered the inhibitions, had encouraged his willpower.

“Told you it's stupid“, he heard Even mumble when he realized he still didn't answer him. “You don't need to say something, you're drunk anyway so it's clearly unfair-“

“I would“, Isak interrupted him. He looked Even deep into the eyes as he said it. He knew Even wouldn't believe him now, considering how drunk he was, but he had to say it nontheless. “I so would.“

Even smiled at that, and yes. He thought the alcohol was speaking. “Okay“, he said, caressing Isak's cheek. “But for now, let's get you a bed, okay?“

Isak wanted to argue, wanted to yell at him that it was true, that he meant what he said, but he was too tired, his brain couldn't function anymore. So he let Even pull him into his chest again.

“I would kiss you when I'm sober“, Isak mumbled, giving up to control what his mouth wanted to say. “I'll do it, watch me.“

He felt Even's laughter vibrating through his entire body. “Can't wait“, he whispered in Isak's ear beofore dropping a kiss there.

Isak smiled. “You know, in another universssse I maybe already did that.“

“Huh?“ Even sounded confused. Isak cleared his throat. “Y'know. Kiss you while I'm sober.“ He made a few weak gestures with his hands.

“Another universe?“

“Yeah, sure“, Isak mumbled, rubbing his face at Even's shirt like a cat. “There're sooo many universes, Even, and they're happening all at the same time and we're just in one of 'em right now.“

“So... In another universe, there's still us, but without you being drunk?“

“Mm-hm.“ Isak closed his eyes again. “That's why I _have_ to be drunk here, you know.“

Isak felt Even laughing again. “Oi, nice try“, he said, pulling Isak closer.

 

.

 

Isak didn't remeber much of how he got back to the hotel in the end.

He remembered Even calling a cab before dragging Isak out of the kitchen and through the crowd. He even remembered Jonas showing up with an even more drunk Eva to ask how he was doing. He and Even talked for a moment and then Even dragged him out of the building. 

He must have fallen asleep during the ride home because suddenly he was inside the hotel and Even walked him up the stairs. The next second he was tucked in his wonderful warm and smooth sheets, almost drifting off to sleep when he felt lips kissing his forehead.

“Even, _stay_!“, he whined, arms wildly searching for the other boy's body. “Please, stay.“

“Isak, I don't know if that's a good idea...“

“I don't care“, Isak said stubbornly, “come on.“ He stopped. “Or... if you don't want to...“ A horrible image.

But then Even laughed and he felt a hand ruffling his hair. “Of course I want to, stupid“, he stated before taking off his jacket and crawling under the sheets with him. “I just fear Jonas won't be amused about that when he comes back.“

“He's with Eva, anyway“, Isak mumbled before rolling over and snuggling instantly to Even. In this moment he was so, so grateful for his drunken mind. Otherwise he would so freak out that Even was lying in a bed next to him. But in his currently blissfully drunken careless mind, he just hummed contently when he felt two strong arms surrounding him, pulling him closer, keeping him warm and safe. When Even began to run his fingers through Isak's hair he felt his whole body going pliant and he shuddered at how good it felt.

“I can't believe this“, he heard Even whisper when he was on the edge of sleep and everything was just a blurry mess. “Mmh?“, he asked, not bothering opening his mouth.

“That I'm here. With you in my arms. It's like a dream.“ Even sounded so in awe, so affectionately, so genuine it let Isak's heart swell. But there was an undertone in that words. A sadness Isak didn't understand. But he was too tired to ask about it. So he just buried himself further into Even's chest. “I'm here now“, he whispered sleepily, “'m here. An' you're here.“

He heard Even chuckle. “Yeah“, he agreed, “you and me are here. I like that.“

Isak hummed again, glad about the lightness in Even's voice again. “Let's sleep, okay?“, he asked, his mind already half drifted off, but he still recognized Even's lips brushing over his temple and his low voice ghosting over his skin.

“Yeah. Let's do this.“

 

.

 

 

When Isak woke up, his head was spinning so fast and the light was so bright he hastily closed them again. For a few seconds he tried desperately to chase his precious sleep, to sink back again in the clouds of blissfully unawareness... but well. His body didn't play along.

Slowly but steady Isak woke up properly, so he stopped fighting it and let it happen with a deep sigh. He felt exhausted, but in a different way than the lack-of-sleep exhausted. More the I-got-wasted feeling.

Isak waited for his body to give him the bathroom-signal – he usually needed to throw up at least in the morning, if it had not been happening already in the night - but nothing came up. He didn't even feel that bad as usual.

Isak frowned, confused about it. Okay, he had made sure not to mix up too many drinks. He had wanted to stay at least a bit focused for that night because he couldn't allow himself to embarrass himself even more in front of –

The realization hit Isak like a train. He sat up jerkily. His heart was hammering in his chest.

_Jesus Christ._

For a moment he closed his eyes. Maybe all of this was just made up in his head and it was still two days ago, the day right after he had hit Even with a volleyball... oh god, did that happen such a short time ago? It felt like ages.

But no. The feeling of his still recovering body felt too real to ignore. Oh yeah, and the person next to him who had their arms loosely around his waist did their part as well.

With every second he was sitting there, the more memories came in his mind, mixed up and without warning.

Even and Isak, watching the stars. Isak, talking to Jonas. Magnus, telling him he looked hot in that jeans. The kitchen counter. Even's scent. Marcus' grabby disgusting hands. Even's tongue in his mouth. Even's hair between his fingers. Even's body against his. Lots of beer. A cabin. Isak telling Even he would kiss him when he was sober. Even believing Isak only kissed him because he was drunk. Isak, slurring. Isak, asking for Even to stay.

Isak gulped. Their was no way around. He would have to face the truth. The truth that he, Isak Valtersen, had kissed Even Bech Næsheim. No, that they had _made out_. Like crazy. For ages. In a German kitchen.

Because Isak didn't dare to look at Even, he went for Jonas' bed instead. But the sheets were empty.

Traitor.

Isak didn't know if he was grateful or sulky that he left them alone. But well... he would have done the same. Wasn't Jonas' fault if Isak freaked out about a bit kissing.

Isak sighed. Then he run a hand through his hair and turned around when he decided to just bite the bullet.

Even was lying next to him. The bed was pretty small so Isak wondered why he became aware of him so late. Probably the rest of alcohol in his blood. Another thing Isak didn't know if he was grateful for it's existence or not.

Even still wore his black shirt, Isak didn't even know if he had gotten rid of his pants. Hectically he started searching for it but he only found Even's jacket and shoes with socks inside. Isak ignored the little part of him who was disappointed, (Even had already seen him in boxers, okay? Where's the fairness?)and went back to looking at Even.

Even's face looked peaceful. He had tucked himself behind Isak to act like the big spoon, Isak could literally see the spot he should be lying in. His hair was dishevelled in a delicious way that made Isak want to dig his fingers in it and of course the morning sun had to shine on that perfect face and let Isak's insides melt. Even more.

He was so beautiful. And in his sleep he looked so peaceful and cute and _young_ , Isak wanted to wrap him up in a hug to protect him from the world. But a second later he shook his head. Stop. Too tempting.

But he could risk to stroke through that hair, right? Just a bit, and so softly, he wouldn't notice. Isak bit his lip and tried to fight that urge. Because he didn't know what he would do if Even's actually going to wake up.

Here's the thing: Even had kissed Isak first. Even hadn't been drunk probably. At least not so much that he couldn't coordinate anything. And Isak had kissed him back. Fiercly. To say the least. And now he was in _Isak's_ bed. And that was causing two problems. Number one, if Even thought Isak had just kissed him because he was drunk, what would he do when he woke up? Would he leave? And two, what if he also just laid down with him because he thought Isak had been drunk? An even worse scenario because that implied Even didn't really want to be here and was just being polite.

And besides all that, Isak just didn't know what to say when Even would wake up. He was too embarrassed to say something because he thought the whole time about the stupid sentences he had said to him. He hadn't wanted to let go of Even, he had snuggled closer to him. He had basically showed Even all of his feelings for him. And he didn't know if he could just blame the alcohol or say he didn't remember. Something in Even's eyes made him always want to tell tell the truth, to tell him how he was feeling. But he couldn't admit that, he just couldn't. Too high was the risk Even didn't feel that way. He was too afraid.

Lost in his thoughts, Isak didn't notice himself staring at the other boy the whole time. Only when Even made a small sound and moved a bit he startled back to reality.

Okay. What should he do? Isak scrunched his nose up, his desire to snuggle back beside Even fighting the urge to escape out of that bad to avoid the probably most embarrassing conversation in Isak's life.

Isak sat there, several minutes, just thinking very hard. But then his rational thinking won and he began as slowly as he could to untangle the sheets and get out of the bed. It was for the better anyway; he did Even a favour so he wouldn't have to deal with that situation. The chances he had kissed Isak because of his drunken mind were pretty much high compared to the image he did it because he wanted to. And to be honest?Everyone hooked up at parties without wanting something more; why would it be different with him?

Isak shook his head once more to get rid of the thoughts. Whatever Even's deal was, even if he actually had wanted to kiss him, he couldn't mean it the way Isak hoped.

Could he?

When Isak had finally unwrapped the sheets form his foot and he turned over to get out of bed, Even suddenly moved again. He groaned a bit and rolled over so that he was sleeping on his side, facing Isak. His hands were in front of him, like infants would sleep.

Isak, who was about to finally escape the bed, froze in the movement. He didn't make a sound until Even was lying completely still again. Then he let out a breath of relief; that was close.

But then he hesitated. His thoughts flew back to yesterday.

_This is not a game for me._

_You're so cute._

_Would you still kiss me when you're sober?_

_You in my arms. It's like a dream._

_Baby._

 

Fuck.

Isak pressed his lips together. His heart speeded up again. If he didn't get out of that freakin' bed in the next few seconds, he would miss the gap in his brain which allowed him to think rationally, so he really should go.

The seconds came and went. And Isak still sat there, on the edge of the bed, the sheets thrown away from his body.

Fuck this. Isak rubbed the back of his head. He would just enjoy the moment as long as he could. As long as he could keep up the little bubble he and Even were currently in, nothing bad could happen. He didn't know when that bubble would finally burst – his heart was aching at that thought – but until then... all in.

Isak slowly shuffled back until he was in his earlier spot again. He grabbed for the sheets and pulled them over his body.

It felt good. Better than trying to get out of the bed. Isak couldn't help but smile a bit. Then he turned around so he could face the sleeping Even.

From this close it was almost unbelievable. Even was here. With him.

If it was too much if Isak...?

Before he could overthink it, Isak carefully reached up to caress Even's hair. It felt as smooth and nice as last night.

Now that he had started, he couldn't stop touching Even. He ran his fingers through the strains, tucked them behind Even's ear, played with the curls there. Then his hand wandered; it followed the line of his jaw, stroked over Even's cheekbone with his thumb and touched his lips with his fingertips very slightly. At that Even scrunched his face up for a second at the tickling feeling before it smoothed out again.

Isak smiled at that.

And then, because he was in a temporary brave state and didn’t want to think, he reached for Even's hand and slid his fingers between Even's, his heart stuttering at that brave act. It fitted perfectly.

Isak had to swallow a lot of emotions down in this moment. No thinking now. He could think later. So he shuffled even closer and buried his head in the crook of Even’s neck, his fingers not letting go of the older boy's.

_He smells so good. How can a person smell that good?_

With Even's scent around him and their fingers resting together he drifted off to sleep again.

 

.

 

When Isak woke up again, gentle fingers were running through his hair. They scratched slightly on his scalp and Isak felt so relaxed he almost dozed off immediately again. He was so comfortable in his sheets, surrounded by a warm body giving him warmth and safety and everything was so cozy and soft and just _amazing_.

Isak needed a few seconds to come down from his drowsy thoughts before the realization set in and slowly, very slowly, the memories from the last twelve hours began to build up in Isak's head again.

Even. He was lying in bed with Even. Even had kissed him. Even had fucking kissed him.

Isak tried to focus on other things that happened but found it very difficult because his mind was currently hosting a wild party where everything inside him freaked out.

Isak had feared Even would be gone by the time he woke up again. He didn't know how he would have reacted but he knew that he was beyond relieved that he was still there.

When he shifted his body a bit, he felt Even stilling his movements and then he withdrew his hand very quickly. Isak felt cold at the loss.

He slowly, very slowly turned his body ( it was a small bed okay?) so he could look Even in the face. His heart was pounding so hard he was afraid it would just fly out of his chest and find himself a new home somewhere in Even's body.

Even was lying next to him. His hair was still dishevelled and he looked soft and sleepy because of the early hour. At least Isak thought so. He had no idea what time it was.

Even looked at him a bit unsure, like he didn't know what to say or how Isak would react that Even was in his bed. His beautiful eyes showed guard. Isak hated that. He wanted it to disappear, wanted to say that he had meant everything what his drunken mind had slurred out yesterday. But he was still afraid of rejection, he feared that Even didn't feel what Isak felt or that it was actually just in Isak's head. That he was just a boy to make out with. 

He took a deep breath and tried to remember Jonas' words. _Also, I notice how _he_ looks at you_. He was totally jealous. I think he has a thing for you. Go get that boy.

His thought got interrupted when Even opened his mouth hesitantly to say in a deep, slightly hoarse morning voice that had Isak's inside melting: “Hey.“ He gave him a shy smile and Isak could cry.

“Hi“, Isak said back. He whispered the word, not wanting to disturb the peaceful silence in the room.

Even swallowed and seemed to think very hard about something. Isak was mesmerized looking at him, being actually able to look at him without in the stress that he could get caught or something. It was something Isak would love to get used to.

Even bit his lip before he spoke again. 

“I should... probably leave?“ He pronounced it like a question. It sounded carefully. Like he wanted to be prepared for every answer Isak could give him.

Isak felt his heart stutter. Even wanted to leave? Isak felt his stomach doing a funny thing. So he _was <\em> just a make out opportunity after all._

__

But slowly Even seemed to become aware of Isak's inner struggle and he opened his mouth slightly, like Isak's reaction took him by surprise and he frowned a bit. 

__

“Or I could... stay?“ A different question with the same insecure undertone in it, but this time Even gave him the tiniest smile and Isak‘s stomach die another thing, in a good way though. 

__

Because if that meant...

__

Isak could literally feel the blush rising up his cheeks when he nodded and said in a rasping voice “I mean... if you want to..?“.<\p>

__

Wow Isak. You're playing so cool.

__

But then Even let out a tiny laugh, quiet and private and _beautiful_ , Isak couldn't bear it. He felt his mouth quirkling up to a smile by its own accord at that. He lived for that laugh, he wanted to hear it everyday.

__

Even stopped laughing but kept a fond smile on his face. “How's your head?“, he asked and ah, right, there had been something.

__

Isak shrugged his shoulders because he had really no idea. “Good, I guess.“ He wobbled his head from side to side. “Yeah. I'm fine.“

__

Even laughed at the sight. “Good“, he chuckled. “Don't want you to be dehydrated.“

__

“You made sure I drank water, as far as I remember“, Isak dared to say. His throat felt dry and his hands were sweaty, but he had to say it, he needed to kow what Even thought, what his point of view actually was.

__

He hadn't expected to see Even's face fall at that. He seemed to tense up a bit and Isak frowned; had he said something wrong?

__

“Uhm, yeah, about that“, Even began and avoided eyecontact. “I won't make you stick to what you've said, that's obvious.“

__

Now Isak was completely confused. “What do you mean?“, he asked, nose scrunched up in question.

__

“Well...“ Even swallowed and then he talked really fast, like he wanted this to be over already. “You were drunk, obviously, and I... I didn't know what I thought, I just... I couldn't help it.“ He blinked. “I mean I hoped that there were signs, you know, like back in the car or in the theatre but I wasn't sure and I just had no idea what to do and you...“ His voice travelled off, his eyes finally searching for Isak's. “I'm so sorry, Isak“, he whispered and Isak' heart _ached_. “I'm sorry I kissed you while you were drunk, I took advange of that and-“

__

“Even, stop“, Isak interrupted, voice a bit shaky, “please stop.“

__

He looked at Even with wide eyes.

__

Was that the reason Even looked so unsure? He didn't know if Isak actually wanted to be here or something, that the kiss had just been fun for him? Because he had been drunk?

__

Isak could laugh. It was so ironical because he had been at least as scared at Even that he didn't want to be here.

__

Isak searched for Even's look, trying to find a confirmation for what he sheepishly hoped. “You... you don't have to be sorry“, Isak's voice was almost inaudible. “Not at all.“

__

He wasn't confident enough to say more, god, that he had spoken out this sentence was a miracle, but he hoped he didn't have to say anything more. And he was also hangover and exhausted as fuck okay.

__

Even seemed to get what Isak didn't say out loud because he started to smile again, and this time it wasn't shy or sheepishly or anything. He was beaming at Isak like this was the best thing he ever heard and Isak didn't know what to do.

__

It was so surreal, so surprising, so _much_. He didn't quite know how to handle it.

__

But when he dared to look in Even's sparkling eyes again, he found himself calming down a bit and he knew that he – they – would figure it out. Whatever this was.

__

Even kept smiling at him and Isak felt suddenly all giddily inside. “Stop that“, he grumbled and hid his face behind his hands.

__

The answer was just a laugh. “What?“

__

“Looking at me like that.“ 

__

“Never.“

__

Isak peeked through his fingertips and yes, Even grinned at him knowingly. Isak only shook his head at his reference to their talk on the ship but took the hands away. “You're... stupid“, he said weakly and now Even was laughing properly. “Oh, thanks“, he said, nudging Isak's shoulder in the process and Isak felt that tingling feeling again. “That's such a nice thing to say to your knight.“

__

Isak crooked his head in question. “My what?“

__

“Your shiny knight.“ Even put a hand over his heart, playfully offended. “Who came and saved you last night. From getting too drunk to stand straight.“

__

“Ah. Okay.“ Isak blushed at the memory. “Sorry for bothering you with that.“ He cleared his throat, his mind cringing at all the stuff he had said to Even. That he was still here, with him, without feeling the urge to leave as fast as possible, was a miracle for itself. God, he had been so clingy. Isak wanted to die the death of shame.

__

But his train of thoughts got interrupted by Even, who shook his head. “It wasn't exactly a hardship“, he answered quietly and something in his voice made Isak look up again to find Even staring at him with something so fond he almost couldn't bear it. Like last night in the kitchen.

__

“You're cute when you're drunk“, Even whispered and okay, now Isak was fully blushing because fuck, Even couldn't just say something like that. He felt his heart stutter in his chest.

__

“Even“, he said hoarsly, fingers clinging to the sheets and he had to swallow first before he could speak further. “Thank you. For... taking care of me.“

__

For a moment Even looked like he wanted to reach out and caress Isak's face.

__

_Please._

__

But in the end he stayed where he was. “You're welcome.“ His voice was so soft, so tender and fetching. “I'm glad I was there.“ For a moment his eyes got darker, probably at the thought of Marcus and for a second his fingers clenched to a fist.

__

“He was an asshole, Even.“ Isak tried to calm him. “Just some stupid guy with no manners.“ His lips quirked up in a smile. “But I was glad that you were there, too.“ He swallowed but forced himself to look at Even so he could see how serious he was.

__

Even smiled a bit before he got serious as well and this time he actually reached for Isak and slowly, so slowly, as if he asked for silent permission, his fingers touched his skin.

__

Isak had to close his eyes at the contact. He felt Even's finger first caressing his chin and his lower lip before they wandered to trace along his jawline and finally settled on his cheek.

__

Isak was in heaven. It felt so _good_ he had no words to describe it, he just knew that he wanted Even to touch him forever. When he eventually let go of him Isak suppressed a whine.

__

“You are so beautiful, Isak.“

__

Isak's breath hitched and for a moment he was convinced his mind had just made up the words he just heard. It just couldn't be that Even would say something like this, this had to be a bad joke or the best dream ever or something.

__

When he opened his eyes he stared into two blue oceans, drawing him in, making him feel lost and grounded simultaneously. He could drown in this eyes.

__

“Isak...“ Even's voice was quiet, but there was a question in the word he spoke out so tenderly and gingerly.<\p>

__

Even's face was suddenly very much closer to his. Isak felt Even's breath over his skin. He felt the heat from the other body.

__

There was no turning back now. Something shifted between them and Isak was sure Even felt it as well. His gaze dropped to Isak's lips and Isak felt a shudder going down his spine and he knew what Even was about to ask a heartbeat before he actually did.

__

“Can I kiss you?“

__

His eyes were shiny and he swallowed a few times, like he was afraid that Isak was actually going to say no.

__

Never, never in a million years Isak would say no.

__

Sadly he was so out of reality right now, so wrapped up in the moment and so full of feelings for the boy in front of him that he only managed a weak nod but Even seemed to be satisfied with that. He slowly scooted closer, until Isak felt how their legs tangled under the blanket. Then he leaned in and he was so _close oh my fucking god!_

__

Even cupped his cheek again gently. For a moment his gaze roamed all over Isak's face like he wanted to memorize every detail. Then, with a hint of a smile, he leaned in and kissed Isak.

__

It was a very, _very_ sweet kiss, full of care and tenderness and affection. Isak felt Even's lips moving against his own and was positive he was going to faint, right here. For a second he was angry that he had been drunk last night, because if kissing Even was fucking amazing when he was drunk than he had definitively no words for it when he was sober.

__

Isak's hand came up on its own accord to bury itself in Even's hair who made a small noise at that and Isak grinned a bit into the kiss. Then Even's hand travelled down until it found Isak's waist and squeezed a bit and okay, that was nice, that was very nice. Isak's other hand grabbed Even's shirt to have something to hold onto.

__

Their lips moved in sync. It was better than anything Isak had ever experienced and when Even laughed in his mouth a wave of happiness rushed through his body.

__

Isak didn't know what was going on. He knew there was still a whole bunch of questions he had and that he originally had been very angry at Even, that kissing was probably not a improvement of the complicaed situation and he should know better. But right now, there was nothing better than Even's hand on his face, his body pressed up against his and his lips on his own.

__

Everything else could wait for the moment.

__

After some time their kiss became a bit more heated. Not as hot as back in the kitchen, but enough that both of the boys let out a small groan or noise every other second.

__

Eventually Even seemed to have enough of this position because he gently nudged Isak's shoulder so he would roll onto his back so he could follow, hovering now over Isak's face and pressing him down with his weight and well, Isak loved this position. Even could deepen the kiss so much more now, could press his body into his just in the right way and it was useless to say that Isak was aroused as fuck now.

__

But Even, the cruel bastard, had other plans because after some time he abruptly broke the kiss and withdrew himself a bit, looking down at a surprised and pouty looking Isak.

__

“Sorry“, Even panted, eyes dark and tongue heavy, “we need to stop this here or otherwise I can't guarantee for anything.“

__

And okay, maybe Even had a point in taking this slow and everything, but right now Isak was a bit hurt that Even could d break the kiss so easily. He considered the posibillities of being pissed or not, when Even gave him an eyeroll and a fond look before he lowered his head for another short peck Isak tried to drag out as long as he could. Even laughed and gave him some more pecks, on the corner of his mouth, on his forehead, on his nose (ridicilously many on his nose) and his cheek, before he brought some distance between their faces. “You're dangerous, Valtersen“, he said a bit out of breath.

__

Isak smiled, a ridiculous happy and dopey smile. “Enter at your own risk“, he shot back and Even let out a full body laugh at that. “Yeah, I guess so.“ He then rolled over to his orignal position. Isak turned his body so he could face him and then they just looked at each other.

__

Isak lost himself in Even's eyes, but also in the bow of his brows, the line of his jaw, his pale skin and the shadows his eyelashes left on his cheek.

__

Isak was so gone. He had to give up the act that he wasn't.

__

It was a peaceful silence around them, it was enough to look at each other and let a silent communication pass between them.

__

Isak thought about all the times Even had been nice to him. Every time Isak had thought that this behaviour fit him better than the cold, scornful attitude he used to spread on the footballfield or the locker or basically all the time when he was around Isak. It simply never came to Isak's mind that Even could be different. He had been so busy hating Even for treating him like he used to, had kept telling himself that Even was nothing than a pretty face with some artskills.

__

But maybe... maybe he had felt something for him despite that. Maybe his mind had known that this couldn't be everything Even had to offer. 

__

And now he was here. Lying in bed after Even had taken care of him, had put him to bed and fondled his head, after he had said so many striking things to him and told him he was _cute_ and _beautiful_.

__

Isak knew they had to talk. It couldn't stay like it was.

__

But when he allowed himself one more look into Even's blue eyes he couldn't bring himself to ask. He was afraid that everything they had – whatever that was – would get destroyed. And he wasn't ready to let that happen yet.

__

Somewhere in the room a phone began to ring and both of them startled at that before Even cleared his throat. “That's mine, I guess.“ With a apologizing expression he climbed over Isak's body before he got out of the bed and fished his phone from the ground. His eyebrows raised when he saw who was calling, then he wiped to the side before giving Isak a silent “sorry“.

__

Isak didn't mind, in this position he could gloriously admire Even's body. Yes, he still wore cloths, but a man had to take what he could get.

__

“No, Mik, I'm still alive.“ Even sounded annoyed. Isak grinned.

__

“Yes, I have... oh god, please not . I'm.. yes. Yes exactly. So shut up.“

__

Even's voice was still a bit lower.

__

“Yes, if you insists... of course I haven't forgotten, who do you think I am? Yea. Yea see you.“ With a sigh he threw the phone on Jonas' bed before he turned to Isak. “Mikael wanted to know if I'm still alive or already kidnapped by German people traders.“

__

“Oh.“ Isak barked out a laugh. “A truely worried friend.“

__

“Mmh.“ Suddenly Even seemed to be nervous. He tapped his fingertips against his thigh and bit his lip. “Uhm... so... are you hungry?“

__

Isak gaped at him in a dumb expression. “Huh?“

__

“I mean“, Even hurried to say. “You wanna probably shower first and get ready but, uhm... do you wanna eat breakfast?“

__

Isak sat up in bed a bit more dignified. “Breakfast?“, he repeated, like a parrot. He frowned at the agitated expression Even had in his face before it clicked. “Oh. _Oh_ “, he said. “Uhm, yes, I'm starving, actually.“

__

He gave Even a look. “So... do you wanna go downstairs or...?“

__

“Hm? Oh no.“ Even shook his head and Isak believed to see a blsuh creeping up Even's cheeks. “I thought we could eat somewhere else? There is a small café down the street, they have good coffee and... yeah.“ He stopped, rubbing the back of his head. “But if you want to eat just downstairs, that's fine of course, it’s probably better anyway, I...“

__

Isak didn't know his heart was cabaple of holding in another wave of fondness for this boy. Thought wrong.

__

“I would love to see this café“, he answered, letting out a laugh at the unbelieving face Even made at his words. “Yeah?“<\p>

__

And who could say no to that?

__

“Yeah.“<\p>

__

 

__

.

__

 

__

They decided to meet again at ten downstairs so that both of them had enough time to shower and getting dressed and stuff.

__

Isak tried not to think too hard about how effectively they could help the environment if Even just showered with him – but in the end it was probably for the best. Isak didn't want to rush anything. Hell, he didn't even know what to think of this whole situation, damn.

__

But he would get his answers. Kissing or not, he deserved to know. Every time his thoughts lingered on that questions too long his stomach would conctract and his heart would pound faster. And not in the good way.

__

But he needed to give Even a chance to explain himself as well. He was just so fucking afraid that he wouldn't like the answers.

__

He just... he hoped so much that Even wanted this as much as Isak did. It scared him how much he already missed Even, his scent, his soothing and calming touches, his deep voice.

__

It had to be something. It couldn't be that Isak was the only affected one.

__

_This is not a game for me._

__

Isak wished. He wished desperately.

__

 

__

.

__

 

__

“Hi.“ Even greeted him at the end of the stairs. He wore a jeans and a blue sweater who made him, together with his still damp and undone hair, look all soft. Isak barely saw something of the hair, though, it was hidden behind a red beanie and over his shoulder Even had swung his jacket Isak gave him back yesterday.

__

“Hi.“ Isak smiled shyly at him. He had tried to find a crossover between casual and tastefulness but in the end he got desperate and tried to convince himself with the argument that Even had kissed him already when he had been disgusting and drunk, and then again, when he probably had morning breath. So he wore black pants with a green hoodie and his blue jacket. His snapback completed his outfit to hide his curls which just wouldn't stay in line.

__

“Let's go?“

__

Isak nodded and Even turned around to walk away out of the building. Isak followed him.

__

He had sent a text to Jonas earlier so the boys wouldn't get concerned. Jonas' answer was just a suggestive smiley and “get it bro! Have fun“, to which Isak only rolled his eyes about.

__

They had to walk for a good ten minutes before Even stopped and spread his arms. “Voilá“, he grinned.

__

It was a cute little café with a few guests. Isak and Even occupied a table outside because the weather was pretty nice today.

__

When Isak looked at the menu, he suddenly felt very self conscious. What should he talk about with Even? That had never been a problem beofre, considering the circumstances in which they had spent time together, but now... Isak had no idea. He didn't even know Even properly. Somehow that thought made him sad.

__

“Do you think it is possible to swim today?“, Isak asked eventually when he couldn't bear the silence anymore. Even shrugged. “I don't know. But I think the weather is deceptive, the sea is probably not warm enough yet. Maybe in a few days when the water has warmed up.“

__

Isak nodded.

__

The weather. He was talking about the _weather_.

__

Fortunately, the waiter showed up and Isak could calm himself down again. They ordered scrambled eggs, rolls, fruits, green tea for Even and black coffee for Isak. Isak couldn't help but grin at the fact of Even's choice of drink. Even looked at him in silent question, lips quirked up in a bemused smile. “What?“

__

“Nothing.“ Isak leaned back in his chair, stealing a strawberry from the plate in front of him. “You don't drink coffee?“

__

Even shook his head while grabbing a roll and beginning to cut it in two halfs. “Nah. Messes up with my system.“ He reached for the butter.

__

Isak made a surprised sound at that. “Oh. Okay.“ He chewed on his fruit awkwardly. “I just thought you were going all hipster on me.“

__

“Huh?“ Now Even looked really confused and Isak let out a chuckle. “You know, next you're going to tell me you only eat things without sugar and things which are healthy and buy organic food and that actually you are a vegan and only wear second hand things and...“ He stopped. “Yeah. I would have to leave this table after that, sorry.“ He took a sip from his coffee and made a face before he looked up only to find Even stare at him in a horrified expression.

__

His insides immediately froze to ice. _Shit. Shit shit shit, Isak you fucking idiot._

__

“Uhm, I didn't mean it like that“, he said hastily, “I'm totally fine with that, I just...“

__

Oh god, if Even now thought he was a petty, cynical dumbass, who...

__

But then he became aware of the quivering lips of Even, as if he tried to hide something. Something like a grin.

__

“You are joking?“

__

At that, Even cracked. He laughed so loud a few guests turned their heads at them and Isak felt very stupid. “You... why would you do this?“

__

“Your face.“ Even was still having the time of his life. “You looked so scared, oh my god.“

__

Isak felt himself becoming red. Again. “Asshole“, he muttered, face hiding behind his coffee mug.

__

“Oh, come on, it was funny.“ Isak felt Even nudging his foot with his own under the table.

__

“No.“ His reply came out way less stubbornly and annoyed than he had intended. And when Even actually said “hey, I'm sorry, okay?“ and looked at him with that look he couldn't be mad. “So, you aren't like that?“, he asked after a few seconds of silence.

__

Even shook his head. “I wouldn't say I'm very extreme or something. I mean, I try to buy organic and live environmentally conscious...“

__

“Knew it“, Isak mumbled into his mug.

__

“Where that hate for these extreme guys come from, though?“, Even asked.

__

Isak winced. “Uhm... nothing it's jsut... I had a boyfriend... now ex, obviously. And he was like that all the time and, like, totally all over the place.“

__

Even hummed at that in understanding but Isak didn't miss the look he had in his face. Then he explained some more.

__

“I'm not vegan or something. I love meat.“ Even grinned and took some eggs on his plate. “And I love chocolate, no matter what kind. And chips. But only the potato chips with salt. I hate the one with paprica.“

__

Isak laughed. “Really?“

__

“Really.“ Even bit in his roll.

__

Isak felt a weird excitement inside his chest for getting to know something about Even. He wanted to return the favour. “I hate tomatoes“, he admitted and reveled in the face Even made at that. “But, Isak, they're... tomatoes!“, he almost yelled.

__

“So? It's disgusting.“

__

“It's not!“

__

“They're smooth and squashy and _spongy <\em>. No“, Isak shook his body. “No tomatoes, thanks.“_

____

Even leaned back in his chair. A determined expression appeared on his face. “I'll make you dinner with tomatoes, and you'll love it“, he said. “How dare you. To underestimate the importance of a tomato in your life, Valtersen.“

____

Isak couldn't give him a smug answer because his mind stuck at his other words. 

____

It felt oddly normal. To sit here, in a German café, eating rolls and eggs and fruits while they talked. Like they did that everyday.

____

Isak wanted them to do that everyday.

____

But he still felt sad at the thought that he basically knew nothing about Even. Okay, he knew a few things now, okay. But, like the small things, like the things he told him about his food... that was something he had no idea of.

____

_Yeah well, you're not his friend. Or boyfriend. In fact, you're nothing._

____

“You okay?“

____

Isak raised his head. Even seemed to get his mood, he had his chin propped up on his hand and he gave him an encouraging smile.

____

“Yeah.“ Isak cleared his throat, confused at his train of thoughts. He needed to get some answers, the rest could come later.

____

But somehow he wanted to tell Even what he thought. He was tired of hiding his thoughts.

____

But he wasn't Even's boyfriend, right. They had just kissed a bit. And got breakfast together. Suddenly Isak imagined the both of them, sitting in bed together, a plate of fruit between them, their laughing faces...

____

Stop. It wasn't probable that that situation would come true. But Isak wanted to. He wanted so badly.

____

“I know nothing about you.“

____

The words were out before he could stop himself. The next second he wanted to bang his head against the wood of the table.

____

_Great Isak, what a way to start this._

____

by the way Even gaped at him he probably thought the same. “Sorry“, Isak hurried to say, “just forget it.“ he took another sip of his coffee and made a face again. Then he grabbed a roll and bit inside.

____

“It's just... you know, I want to know stuff about you and I... don't know anything. I mean I get it, originally you hated me and so the possibility for us getting to know each other were limited, but... yeah I don't know, and maybe you are a serial killer or a freak who likes to hear musicals or...“

____

_Just stop talking, dude._

____

When Isak was finished with his rambling, he quickly took three bites from his bread, as a result he had to caugh and almost choked on it. When he was finally able to breath again, Even was looking at him with a unreadable expression. For a few seconds he said nothing and Isak was already convinced he had scared him finally off when Even spoke again, with a quiet voice, like he told a secret to a friend.

____

“I like laying in the grass in the sun. I like watching the rain while I draw something. I like artsy French movies which I always have to watch alone because no one wants to watch it with me, not even Mikael. I like when I have a routine, something to orientate on. I love the rain, I find it very romantic even though it's the biggest cliche. I love being with my friends. I love talking to my parents. I love when I draw and everything gets quiet around me. I love when other people laugh. I love tea, but no black one. I love a good wine and I'm not a fan of big parties. I'm a calm person but when I get excited, it can get very annoying with me.“ He smiled a bit at that, a sad smile. “When I can't do something I want to, I can get very upset. I think life is kind of a movie and you can decide what happens in it.“ He got quiet for a moment. “I like that“, he added then, “that I'm able to do what I want. To make my own decisions. Most of the time, at least.“

____

He went quiet. Isak didn't say anything, either. He was fascinated by Even's words, he wanted him to talk more. But more than that he was awestruck, touched that Even actually shared something like this with him. And some thins didn't sound very casual, like he would say that to any random person. When he looked up Even watched him with a vulnerable expression.

____

“I love talking with other people about movies“, Even whispered and Isak felt a lump rising in his throat.

____

“And I love getting a good breakfast with them in the morning.“

____

Isak smiled at that, a choked smile. His mind almost didn't catch up with all that information. “I hope you don't talk with too many persons about movies“, he managed to whisper and Even laughed fondly at that. “No“, he said. “No, I don't.“

____

Isak nodded, his insides felt very mushy right now. He felt incredibly honered, to get to know something about Even. Even though some things sounded a bit... dark?

____

The mood got a bit lighter after that. They didn't talk about much, but Isak also didn't feel the urge to force a talk out of them. 

____

When the waiter came to ask if he could bring them anything else, Isak felt a bit down. Now they had to walk back to the hotel and who knew what would be when they were under people again? They still hadn't talked and Isak felt the weight of the unspoken questions hovering over them like the sword of Damocles.

____

Even looked at him in silent question if he wanted anything else, but when Isak shook his head he smiled at the waiter and asked for the bill.

____

“No, it's my treat“, he insisted when Isak reached for his wallet. Isak's mouth gaped open. “But“, he started but Even brushed him off. “No, please let me do this“, he said. “I sort of forced you to come here, didn't I?“ He gave him a grin and Isak gave up.

____

This isn't a date, this isn't a date.

____

After they had paid, they stood up and began to walk back. Suddenly the mood had shifted between them; Isak felt sad and upset about everything and he didn't want to leave Even so soon. He was also oddly mad about the fact that he felt like this about Even.

____

When they stood in front of the hotel again Isak's mood was in the basement. He probably also looked like it, because Even had kept giving him looks.

____

“So...“ Isak rubbed the back of his head. “Should we go... back inside?“

____

Even bit his lip. “Yeah, that would probably be good.“ He didn't look like he meant it.

____

“Okay.“ Isak didn't want to. He really didn't want to. But he had to, right. Go back inside and then everything would be like always.

____

Everything inside Isak turned into ice at that thought.

____

So he kept standing in front of Even, looking at the dusty ground and not knowing what to say. He just should go back inside. Come on Isak.

____

With a sigh he mumbled “bye Even“ and then turned around to leave. What should he say? He didn't know it.<\p>

____

He had made a few steps when he heard it.

____

“Isak, wait!“

____

Isak had barely time to turn around before Even reached him, almost crashing into him. He had fire in his eyes and a almost desperate expression on his face.

____

“Isak, I know I still have to explain so much to you“, he said and fuck, he looked so sad and desperate, it pulled at Isak's heart. “I know that, okay. I just...“ He stopped, his gaze dropping.

____

Isak stood there, stiff as a poker. When Even looked up again, his gaze got a bit calmer. He stepped closer until their noses almost touched, then he brought his hand up to caress Isak's cheek. “I love spending time with you“, he whispered. “And I don't wanna mess this up. I just... I need time, okay.“ His voice ghosted over Isak's skin, and the fingers on his cheek felt nice, so nice.

____

“I need time. I swear I will explain it, but until then... can you trust me?“

____

Isak didn't know what to say. His first instinct yelled 'yes, of course'. The past hours had been so fucking good and had only revealed how deeply he cared for Even.

____

But on the other hand there was the uncertainty. The feeling when Even had looked at him with so much hate and rejection. The frustration when Even did something he couldn't explain, over and over again.

____

But when he saw the expression in Even's face, the sincerity, the longing, the wish for understanding, he couldn't deny it. So he nodded, a small, quick nod. “Okay“, he whispered back. “I trust you.“

____

A relieved smile spread out in Even's face and Isak wished he could kiss him. Or hug him. He badly wanted to hug him.

____

“Okay“, Even said hoarsly. “Thank you.“

____

Isak wanted to say more, but nothing came out. So he just smiled at Even, hoping he looked normal and not like someone who would die for some answers.

____

Apparently he did not because Even smiled back before he carefully leaned in and gave Isak a kiss. Isak was positive Even could do this as often as he wanted, he would never get used to this.

____

Even kissed him shortly and sweet this time, fingers playing with Isak's curls behind his ear before he let go of him.

____

He gave him one last smile, then he stepped around Isak to walk towards the hoteldoors.

____

 

____

.

____

 

____

“What do you mean you have no idea?“

____

“Isak, you need to give us more details, bruh!“

____

“You spent the whole _morning_ with this guy. And you have no idea if you two are dating or not?“

____

“Doesn't matter, Isak got his boy, I'm so excited, guys.“

____

“He doesn't exactly know if he got him, Magnus, that’s the whole point dude.“

____

“He took care of him and bought him breakfast and shit, he's in love with our grumpy boy.“

____

Isak groaned. “Seriously, guys.“

____

After Even had left, Isak had returned slowly back to his room. When he entered the room there had been a lot of yelling and then someone hugged him fiercly and another voice said “our boy's back and he goooot laid!“

____

He then had to explain the disappointed boys that he in fact, didn't get laid, that they had just kissed and now he had no idea what they were.

____

The boys of course didn’t let up and so Isak had to tell them the night and the morning in detail – so far he wanted to do it. The parts of the kissing he always described as 'and we kissed'. Deep inside he was a bit touched at how excited the boys were for him. When he told them about the kitchen scene Magnus had yelled in joy and Jonas had grinned like an idiot.

____

“I'm team Even“, Magnus said. “I think he's a good guy and in love with Issy K and that he has his reasons.“

____

“Mags, you told us for the third time, dude“, Jonas groaned. “And we are also team Even, we just don't know what's up with him.“

____

“Maybe he is a serial killer“, Isak mumbled. “And he waits until he has hooked me and then I won't be able to escape and have to help him for all eternity.“

____

Jonas snorted. “You're hooked already, Is, sorry to break that to you.“

____

Isak threw a pillow at him.

____

“He literally said 'I need more time'? And then walked away?“ Mahdi leaned forward from where he was sitting on Jonas' bed.

____

Isak nodded. “Yes.“

____

“Wow.“ Mahdi nodded, deeply impressed. “He _is_ a movie guy. All dramatic and stuff.“

____

“Shut up.“ Isak had no pillow anymore so he just shot a glare at him.

____

“So.“ Jonas clapped his hands together and looked at Isak. “What do you wanna do?“

____

“I don't _know_ , Jonas.“ Isak let himself fall to the side and buried his head under the sheets.

____

The same sheets Even had been lying in. 

____

Isak growled and threw the sheets from his head. “I don't know what to do“, he whined. “What is his deal, guys?“

____

“I fear you can't do anything“, Jonas said apologetically. “You said you would give him time, right?“

____

Isak said nothing. Even's sad, desperate face showed up in front of his inner eye again. It made him restless.

____

“So you have to do it“, Jonas said, matter of factly. “Giving him time. He apparently needs you to trust him.“

____

“That alone is so ironic“, Isak huffed.

____

Jonas watched him for a moment. Then he grinned and said “you really like him, huh?“

____

Isak's head snapped up. “What?“

____

“You have no idea what's his deal but you choose to believe him and trust him. That's a lot“, Jonas stated. “You are totally gone for this guy.“

____

And there it was, the likely twentieth time that day where he felt himself blushing but Jonas just smiled at that. “I'm happy for you, dude“, he said genuinely. “You deserve this.“

____

Isak smiled back. He loved his friends so much.

____

And then Magnus ruined the mood as usual. “He deserves the probably most complicated lovestory in history of gays? Yeah good choice dude.“

____

Then he had to duck his head to escape the snapback of Isak.

____

It was a lazy hangover round and they stayed in the room until afternoon, sharing different stories about their night and what they still had on their to do list for the trip. Isak felt somehow far away from the trip and the earlier excitement about visiting so much places and having some off time. His priorities had shifted.

____

When Magnus told the guys about how he walked Vilde to her room and she had kissed him, Isak wasn't impressed; she already had kissed his cheek yesterday after the theatre but Magnus insited that it was very special and now he hoped that she wanted actually more.

____

Isak could relate, though.

____

Jonas only grinned and shrugged his shoulder when it was his turn. As the only one with a proper relationship he had nothing thrilling to say and no one wanted to hear his sex marathon with Eva in every detail.

____

Mahdi surprised them all when he revealed his night with a mysterious woman, beautiful and sweet, in her flat somewhere at the beach. The boys catcalled at that and Magnus yelled “proof it, proof it“, which Mahdi wasn't able to but Jonas clapped Magnus on the back of his head and reprimanded him not to take creepy pictures of poor German women.

____

Mahdi just grinned and said he had her number and stuff and that he would hopefully see her again. The guys smiled at that and then they talked about other stuff.

____

Isak shut himself out of the conversation at some time. His thoughts drifted off to the morning and the feeling of Even's fingers in his hair. There had been nothing sexual about this situation, Isak thought, and he hadn't even wanted that. It had been so much more intimate. Isak had felt safe and being taken care of, and it wasn't because Isak was touch starved or something. No. He had never felt something like this before.

____

And that was wonderful and terrifying at the same time.

____

 

____

.

____

 

____

The guys wanted to make a chill day. So they just laid around, shared random stories or slept.

____

But Isak couldn't chill. He was restless and he got more impatient every second.

____

“Dude“, Jonas said exasperated after he had tried without success to get Isak into a discussion about Cristiano Ronaldo again. “Then just go and talk to him.“

____

“I can't, I'm all supportive and give him time, remember?“, Isak snapped back. With every hour his mood shifted. One time he felt great and so happy he could sing, the next he was down and convinced Even had changed his mind. And in between he just missed him.

____

“Well, you don't need to ask straight forward 'ey man, what's your deal'“, Jonas pointed out. “You could just ask him, like 'hey dude, what's up, do you wanna hang' or something.“

____

“'Hey dude, what's up?'“

____

“I don't know.“ Jonas threw his hands in the air. “Just something.“

____

Isak bit his lip. “I don't have his number.“

____

Three heads turned towards him.

____

Then Magnus broke out into laughter. “That's hilarious“, he said. “There's so much going on between you and you didn't even get his number?“

____

Isak shot him a glare. “No, Mags, as Even's original enemy I don't have his number and in between we were a bit... occupied.“ He looked around. “And I don't think some of you guys has his number?“

____

“Thought wrong.“ Jonas smirked at him. “I got it after a party when we talked a bit and it turned out his dealer is much better than my own.“

____

Isak gaped at him. “You have his number?“, he asked, a bit taken aback. Jonas just tossed his phone over to Isak. “Here, save the contact. But don't write him any love letters, it's too soon for that.“

____

Isak was too tired to throw anything at thim.

____

 

____

.

____

 

____

_**to Even:** Hey Even, it's Isak. It was cool seeing you, wanna hang later?_

____

 

____

.

____

 

____

Even didn't reply to his message.

____

Isak tried to stay calm. Surely Even had plans with his friends or something or didn't carry his phone with him or he had it turned off. There were so many reasonable explanations why Even didn't answer, which Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus kept telling Isak, and Isak nodded and said it was cool, Even said he needed time, so all good.

____

But in his mind Isak was freaking out.

____

Was Even avoiding him? Was he too busy to check his phone for once? Had he come to the conclusions that he actually didn't want to spend time with Isak? But he had said he doesn't wanna mess this up. And Isak had reassured him that it was fine, that he trusted him. He had to stick to that promise; he didn't want to put too much pressure on him.

____

By the time around five Isak was getting more and more restless and a bad feeling started to spread in his stomach.

____

Magnus had bailed on them good two hours ago, with a lovstruck expression on his face and the words “see you, Vilde wants to go to the beach, guys“.

____

Isak wished he had the same certainty in his heart.

____

“You okay?“, Jonas asked when Mahdi excused himself to steal some food from the kitchen.

____

Isak shrugged and looked away.

____

“Hey, it's going to be okay.“

____

“Stop saying that.“ Isak's voice was monotonous. “You don't know that, okay, no one knows if it's going to be okay.“ He bit his lip, then forced himself to talk further. “My dad has said this. Every time when my mom was in a bad place.“

____

For a moment there was silence. Isak felt bad for snapping at his best friend who always just wanted the best for him, but he was so nervous and anxious.

____

“Jonas, what if this isn't going to work out?“, he whispered. “I mean... we used to dislike each other a lot. Honestly, I have no idea why I have these strong feelings all of the sudden...“ Okay, maybe that wasn't true. 

____

Jonas just watched him with a small smile. “Isak Valtersen“, he said fondly. “You are the most annoying peace of shit and I love your grumpy ass since we went to school. So if I say you deserve this, then you do. And if Even doesn't see for some reason what he could get than he is the most dumbass on earth.“

____

Isak let out a stiffled laugh.

____

“But please, don't freak out because he didn't answer. He is probably busy. Or he really needs a lot of time. You can ask him later. But first“, Jonas stood up from the bed, letting out a yawn. “Let's go get some food, I'm starving and if I’m dead there's nobody who'll listen to your lovelife and _that's_ a tragedy.“

____

“Haha.“ Isak snoted at that. “How often I need to remind you on yor misery about Eva and...“

____

“That was a whole different situation.“

____

“Mmh sure.“

____

 

____

They picked up Mahdi on their way and the three of them went to a cheap restaurant to eat something.

____

Magnus had sent them a text earlier that he would spent the evening with Vilde.

____

“Probably the night, too“, Mahdi snickered and they all laughed along while Isak tried to shove the scenario away in which cuddling was a thing Even and Isak did on a regular basis.

____

When they had almost finished they saw a bunch of guys pass the restaurant and Isak almost choked on his bread because he recognized at least one of them.

____

“Hey, is that Elias?“ Mahdi had seen them as well.

____

“Yeah and Mikael and Mutta.“ Jonas raised his brow. “Where's the rest?“ He gave Isak a smirk wich was answered with a shove of Isak's elbow.

____

“I know from Eva that Sana and Yousef actually travelled to Hamburg“, Jonas mumbled around his sandwich. “They won't be back until Thursday.“

____

Isak actually forgot his own problems for a second at that. “What?“, he asked, mouth gaping open. “When did that happen?“

____

Jonas shrugged and took a sip from his coke. “Don't know, man, but apparently there are a lot of things going on without everybody noticing it.“

____

Isak rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Jonas.“ He unlocked his phone for the hundredth time and Mahdi and Jonas both groaned in sync.

____

“Dude, come on, you need to relax.“ Jonas clapped him on the back.

____

“There's a bar at the beach at a hidden place, we could go check it out.“

____

“Thanks guys.“ Isak chewed on his burger. The swallowing was a bit difficult. “But I think I'll just go to bed, I'm not in the mood tonight.“

____

“Okay.“ Jonas nodded. “Whatever you want.“

____

They headed back to the hotel after that, and Mahdi and Jonas got ready for the bar after they had asked Isak over and over again if that was okay.

____

“God, guys, just take your things and leave, fuck“, Isak yelled after he had enough. “I'm fine, jesus.“

____

“You sure?“, Jonas, aka his mother, asked _again_.

____

“Yes, I'm sure, and no, I don't need to watch a movie or talk to you guys, as nice as your offer is. I'm fine.“ Isak had said it so often in the last hour that he was almsot convinced it was true. “Just go and have fun.“

____

“You text us. When something happens or..., I don't know.“

____

“Oh my god, Jonas, no, I won't, you're not my mom!“

____

“Do you even have condoms?“

____

“Alright, goodbye, guys!“

____

With that, Isak closed the door in front of them.

____

With sigh he turned around. He was alone.

____

It was almost nine, and he could hear other young people getting ready for some shit they wanted to join. He had never been that kind of guy. Don't take him wrong, he loved good parties and he could have fun and was funny and people liked him when he was drunk. But his body just refused to party every weekend when he had a hard week behind. And okay, he was techinally on vacation, but... he just didn't feel like it and he should definitely stay away from alcohol for a while.

____

Isak sighed, sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands. What a day. What a night. What the fuck.

____

“Even Bech Næsheim, I hate you“, Isak mumbled, knowing it wasn’t true.

____

Eventually, after he had thought about the day again and again he came to the conclusion that he needed to do something else, or he would go crazy.

____

So he took off his clothes and slipped inside his cozy sweatpans and an old shirt with the Simpsons family printed on it. He jumped in his squeaky bed and opened youtube on his phone. But he found nothing what calmed him down. Nothing what would ease his mind and settle his nerves.

____

After he watched _funny cats_ on youtube and all he could focus on how similar the blue color of one cat was to Even's he gave up.

____

With a groan he threw back his backsheets and got up. He needed fresh air.

____

 

____

.

____

 

____

It was around ten when he stepped out the door and breatehd in the cool air. It had been a warm day, but it was September after all and the nights were getting colder. Isak had a blanket with him and he tried not to let some certain memories inside his mind. All he wanted to do was taking a walk near the water and maybe sitting there for a few minutes.

____

The walk to the beach was lonely. Isak always had walked it with the boys or Even and now that he had to do it alone it was scary and strange and different. Some drunk strangers walked past him, saying something to him in German and Isak ducked his head and made his way past them as fast as he could.

____

When he arrived at the proper beach, he let out a relieved sigh. He felt instantly more at ease, with the noise of the ocean and the feeling of the sea.

____

He started to walk, his steps lead him down to the water, but not too far, he didn't want to risk getting wet feet. When he was near enough he stopped, taking in the sight he had in front of him.

____

The sun had set already, but it was still beautiful. The moon was hanging up in the sky, turning everything in silver light and the stars blinked down at him. The water was glistening and somewhere far away on the surface was floating a boat.

____

Isak watched the beauty of the moment for a while. Then he got cold toes and needed to move. He tucked the blanket tighter under his arm and began to walk, a slow, lazy walk without rush or target. There was just him and the waves.

____

He was walking for good ten minutes and was just in the middle of an inner discussion if he could do a walk like this back home every evening without messing up his schedule, when he spotted another lonely figure, sitting on the sand.

____

He was just about to ignore the person and walk past it, a bit closer to the water so he wouldn't get the person near, when he stopped.

____

No way.

____

The universe played tricks on him.

____

For an odd moment Isak wanted to laugh, because of course. Of course of all people he could meet here, it had to be Even.

____

Of course it was Even, sitting there and watching the stars.

____

For a second Isak thought aboout turning back. He was so not prepared for this situation and he had had enough confusing things today, thank you very much.

____

But something inside him made him take one step, and then another and then he was walking directly towards him. He felt a lot of things but first of all he wanted to ask Even why the fuck he hadn't replied on his message. He had a right to know. He had made out with this boy and he had called him sweet and cute and had acted like he cared, so he owned him answers, dammit. And he could have time if he needed, but that was no reason to ignore Isak or pretending he didn't exist. If Even was serious, then Isak deserved something else. And now Even was sitting here, enjoying the moon and the stars like everything was fine.

____

And then he was standing in front of him. Even. The boy who was the reason Isak wanted to scream out of frustration and when Isak looked in Even's face, all questions and possible accusations disappeared from Isak's tongue.

____

Even looked at him expectantly and in his eyes was caught some of the moonshine. His face looked even more beautiful now, when it was dark and the shadows emphasized his features.

____

But that wasn't why Isak stopped dead in his tracks.

____

It was the look in Even's face, the expression of his eyes. He looked almost lost. His eyes seemed to be fixated somewhere beyond the horizon and he looked tired and exhausted. There was nothing left of his excited and happy behavior this morning, let alone his laughing. He looked sad and melancholy and so small.

Isak didn't know if he was allowed to step closer. He felt like entering a private zone. So he stayed where he was, looking at Even.

For a few moments none of them said something. Even seemed surprised to see Isak, and Isak didn't miss his attempt to give him a smile before his face got dark and miserable again.

Isak's heart clenched. _What is it._

Eventually he couldn't bear the silence anymore. “Uhm... hi“, he said with a voice so seeemd to be way too loud for the night.

Even gave him a look which told him so much. And Isak couldn't read one thing. “Hey.“ 

The waves sounded in the background, the night was fresh, but not too fresh and the two boy looked at each other. It was new to see Even like this. It reminded Isak on their night on the ship, but there was still a difference.

Isak thought hectically of something to say. It seemed wrong to throw accusations at Even according to his state, but Isak also didn't want to pretend like everything was fine.

Finally Even's gaze wandered down at Isak to his shoes and he mumbled “you have learned, I see. Not cold tonight?“

Isak blinked, then let out a short laugh. “No. I'm good.“ He dared to comment on Even's clothing: “But you aren't. Where's your blanket?“ He tried to keep his voice light and playfully. He didn't want Even to become even more... whatever his mood was.

Even half-smiled at that. “Didn't think I would need it“, he replied and cuddled closer in his black jacket while he talked.

Isak smiled but his inner alarms began to set off again. This was so different from this morning when Even had laughed and wanted to eat breakfast with him. The fact that they had kissed was suddenly far away.

Isak swallowed but it didn't do anything to help him. Okay. When Even wouldn't say something on his own...

“Are you okay?“ And yeah, that wasn't the question Isak had wanted to ask but his brain had apparently other plans.

Even gave him a look Isak didn't understand. “I'm fine.“ His voice changed at that, like he wanted to defend himself. “I'm just tired.“

Isak knew that kind of voice. He used to use it whenever someone asked too many questions about his parents. He understood that Even seemed to have some kind of problem or whatever. He also understood that he didn't wanna talk about it and he really tried to keep calm, but...

“You know, you don't have to tell me what's up with you. In fact, you don't have to tell me shit but please“, he looked him deep in the eyes to make sure he got it, “don't fucking lie to me. Alright?“

He then stepped a few steps back, surprised by himself.

Even looked at him with wide, scared eyes, his eyebrows raised and his mouth slightly open and Isak immediately regretted his outburst. He wanted nothing more than to hug Even and protect him from his demons. Why did he have to make it so dam hard?

So he just shook his head in resignation. “Sorry“, he mumbled, “I'm sorry I just... I feel a bit frustrated, you know.“ He let out a shaky laugh. “It's just all a bit... complicated, I get that. I don't wanna rush you. But... today was hard.“ He gulped. Suddenly he felt like crying. “Not hearing anything from you was hard.“

Silence spread out after that. The wind caressed their faces with gentle hands and somewhere behind the dunes a group of drunk people sang enthusiastically **never gonna give you up**.

“I'm sorry I made you sad.“ Even's voice was quiet against the singing.

Isak snorted. “I'm not _sad_ , I'm just... frustrated.“ He sighed. “Nervermind, I should go.“ He really should. Even probably came to have some alone-time.

“No, you don't have to-“ Even cut himself off, clearly unhappy about this.

“Please stay.“

Isak barely heard the last two words because of Even's quiet voice but when his brain catched up with it he felt an indescribably thrill going through him.

Even kept looking to the sand, his fingers drawing lines in it. “I would be glad about some company“, he whispered. “Your company.“ He threw him a look before he gave his attention back to the sand.

Isak tried to wrap his head around that. Even wanted hin to keep him company. After he went here all alone to find peace and silence.

It was hopeless. When would he stop doing things that confused Isak?

But he sat down, of course he did, next to Even, his blanket between them. Even gave him the tiniest smile and Isak's heart ached.

Isak was still mad though. He had exact zero answers for his thousands of questions, he didn't even know if he had a chance with Even. He didn't know what Even thought about this, if he just thought he could kiss Isak and eat breakfast before he lost interest.

And still here he was, sitting next to Even at the beach and watching the water.

But there was this sadness above them, the heaviness, which pulled at Isak's heart and made him unsettled and uncomfortable. Isak hated it; he desperately wanted it to disappear. He wanted the easiness back, and the banter. The silly kisses and morning talks.

Even looked a bit like Isak felt, like he wanted something to say but had no idea what, without scratching a topic they both didn't want to talk about yet.

Isak's mind wandered and landed on the breakfast scene. He had been so happy when he learned some new things about the older boy, even the smallest and unuseful things. It had made him feel warm inside.

Maybe he should try this on Even. If he had nearly the effect on Even which Even had on him, it should worked a bit.

So he cleared his throat, tried to ignore the way Even's head turned into his direction at that and said: “I hate coffee.“

For a moment there was silence,then...

“What?“ Even sounded honestly confused. “But this morning... you had...“

“Yeah, I know.“ Isak was glad about the shadows, they hopefully concealed his blush. “Well, since I have trouble to sleep, coffee... helps. Sometimes.“ He shrugged. 

 

Even already knew that he had problems with sleep, since Isak had basically told him on the ship _years_ ago, but he still made a sound of understanding. “That sucks“, he commented. Isak laughed. “Yeah“, he said. “And as you may have noticed, I haven't found the ultimate solution for that.“ Another reference to the ship.

Even hummed. “I hope you'll find something better than coffee“, he whispered. “No, I hope you won't need coffee or whatever some day anymore.“ He shifted a bit, his knee touched Isak's now. “But... didn't you sleep good last nigth? I thought you slept quite well...“

Isak felt himself become even redder. He hadn't slept so good in years but the hell he would say that into Even's face. “I just... it's routine“, he explained. “Otherwise I would probably don't keep it inside me.“

“So, that's your secret? You hate coffee?“

When Isak looked to the side, Even was looking at him, and he was glad finding the lost and desperate expression a bit vanished.

“No“, Isak said quietly. Even raised his brow. “Surprise me, Valtersen“, he challenged and at that he had an actual smile in his voice. It sounded a bit forced but Isak was glad about the try and played along. “Oi“, he said, grinning at him. “What do I get for telling you this?“

Even's mouth opened. He looked unsure. “Uhm... I already payed for your breakfast?“ The response was a bit too late but Isak wouldn't give up on the easy mood. “Okay, deal.“ He cleared his throat. Then something came up in his mind and he scrunched his nose in doubt. “I actually have no idea if you even want to hear this“, he said. “I mean, it's really not that interesting, it's pretty lame actually.“

Even let out a small snore. Why did even that sound beautiful? “There's nothing lame about you, Isak“ and he said it with so much conviction that Isak had nothing to say against it.

“Okay“, he said, slightly pink in his face. “So... I love hot chocolate.“ He heard Even letting out a tiny, real laugh. “What? I do. It's so delicious, I'm telling you. But an earlier friend laughed at me for getting those childish drink and since then I order coffee.“ He cringed at the memory. “He’s not my friend anymore by the way. What else... I find it annoying that you need tons of time to find the thing on the laptop where you can plug in your USB-stick. It's so annoying.“ He had reached what he wanted. Even actually smiled now at that silly comment and it warmed Isak's heart. He even dared to scoot a bit closer until he could feel the bodywarmth of the other boy.

“I like it when I wake up early after a good night and everything is still quiet and at sleep. But usually I'm a longsleeper and appreciate long weekends. I don't know how to cook. I tried to boil an egg once and I set the kitchen on fire. Eskild – my roommate – had to use the extinguisher and yelled at me for good ten minutes. Since then I don't come near stoves. I love beer. I love videos of racoon babies. I like football. I love the sea. I love the Marvel movies. I love science but haven't decided what I wanna be yet.“

The wind was still totally calm so Isak had absolutely no excuse when his shoulder touched Even's, searching for his warmth. Even didn't pull away. Isak even believed to feel him getting closer to him himself. With a small smile on his lips he went on.

“I love getting a kebab with Jonas. He's my friend since we were in primary school. I love N.W.A and Eminem. I used to rap but I'm a hopeless case. I love the rain, too. I don't have a problem with being alone. I like parties but I easily get overwhelmed.“ He stopped. He wasn't sure if he wanted to tell the next things. But Even's comforting squeeze at his shoulder (seriously, when did that happen?) made him speak up. “I was in the closet for a long time. I used to kiss girls at parties so no one would get suspicious. I even had a girlfriend, Sara. It wasn't for long, as you can imagine.“ He let out a harsh laugh. “I live in a shared flat since I'm sixteen. I practically ran away from home and Eskild picked me up.“ He stopped. It was a bit surprising how much the stuff still had an affect on him, even after all these years. It had been a long time since he had talked about this.

Even didn't commend on it, he just listened, his steady breathing next to him calmed Isak down a bit. Suddenly the urge to cuddle to him, to find comfort in these strong big arms was so strong Isak had to close his eyes.

“My relationship with my parents is fucked up. I mean, the last time has gotten better, at least with Mamma...Uhm... but my dad... it’s just... not that easy. We barely talk, it’s... it‘s a lot of stuff...“ His voice cracked a bit and he stopped. He didn't want to talk about this. He just couldn't.

He didn't dare to look at Even. He didn't wanna see how he reacted on the things he heard, but he also didn’t want him to see his moist eyes.

Then he felt one arm of Even pulling at his shoulder and then he was suddenly surrounded by Even's embrace. 

Even held him tightly and it felt so nice and safe. His scent was everywhere and Isak could bury his face into his chest, wanted to stay there, wanted to be in Even's arms forever.

It was different from last night. There was no drunk Isak this time and no other people near them. It was like there was just them and the beach and the sea and the heaven and it felt so _real_. Raw and frightening and healing.

“I'm sorry, Is“, Even mumbled into Isak's hoodie. “I'm so sorry.“

Isak only managed to make a choked noise which caused Even to pull him even closer.

“You're strong“, Even whispered in his hair, gently swaying back and fourth, “you're so strong, Is.“

Was he? Isak had no idea. Sometimes it was like the world was too dark to live in, that there was nobody who was able to listen to him, to understand his problems and feelings. He left his house. He left his Mamma. He wasn't strong. He was weak and sneaky and bitchy and grumpy.

But something prevented him from saying this to Even. So he kept his mouth shut and tightened his grip around Even even more.

After some time Isak pulled begrudgingly away to look at Even. “Thanks“, he mumbled, a bit embarrassed about his little outburst, but Even just smiled it away tiredly. His earlier exhausted expression took over again and he stared into nothing for a moment

_I wanna help you. Even if I should be mad and am confused as fuck. And will probably get hurt._

“Are you... is everything okay?“, Isak whispered, searching for signs of blocking or rejection. He didn’t want to scare him off.

To his surprise Even just let out a sigh and a helpless shrug. “I don’t now.“ He closed his eyes for a second, his voice almost inaudible.

Isak bit his lip. Okay, Even was in a bad place right now and he clearly didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe Isak should walk him home. But he also didn’t look like he wanted to move.

So...

“We can stay for a while, if you like.“ Isak gave Even a grin when he looked up. “I mean, we have to be professionals at watching the stars and shit at this point.“

Even‘s expression lit up a bit. “Yeah“, he said quietly, his eyes somewhere on the surface of the ocean. “I guess that’s pretty much on point.“

.

 

Eventually Even insisted on putting the blanket to good use and they wrapped themselves up in it, ending up being smushed together. Isak didn't mind and when he saw the hesitant face Even made he mustered up all the courage he had and just pulled Even towards him so his head was lying on his shoulder. Even's breath hitched a bit and Isak was worried for a moment. “That okay?“

But then Even nodded frantically, face already hiding in Isak’s shirt and Isak smiled. It felt right, to have Even so close. This position also allowed him to run his fingers through Even's soft hair, just like Even did this morning. It seemed to calm Even a bit, he was completely still and at one point he let out an actual sigh like a weight would be taken off from him. 

 

.

 

“Even?“

“Mmh?“

“Is there anything I can do?“

Even was quiet a long time after that.

“No, not really. When you're here... that's enough. As long as you still want to, at least.“

“What do you mean?“

“Nothing. Forget it. I'm kidding.“

“Okay.“

“Hey, Isak?“

“Mmh?“

“I'm really sorry I kissed you like that. I wanted it to be special, and I thought I ruined it.“

“You ruined nothing. It was perfect. You are a quite good kisser, so-“

“Excuse me? _Quite good_?“

“Yeah well... passable.“

“Oh so you think you're better?“

Isak didn't answer right away. Instead he leaned forward and pushed a strain out of Even's face. Then he gave him a fond look beofore he leaned in to kiss him. Then he leaned back a bit, his nose nudging Even's. “I sort of promised that, you know“, he whispered into Even's skin. “To kiss you when I'm sober.“

There were tears in Even's eyes and an awestruck expression. “You remember?“

“Excuse me, I remember everything from last night“, Isak said offended, leaning back but Even's hand came up to pull him closer again. “Really?“ His eyes went big and he looked so taken aback Isak had to laugh. “Yeah. Everything, baby.“

His voice was soft and when Even actually blushed and looked away at the term of endearing Isak feared to explode of fondness inside him. “What“, he teased. “Did you just say all of this because you thought I wouldn't remember?“ He grinned but Even was serious. “No“, he said, gaze roaming over Isak's face in admiration. “I fear I just can't help it when it comes to you.“

Isak's breathing hitched. Whatever it was that made Even sad Isak needed to know. He wanted to help. He wanted Even to be happy again.

He didn't know if it had to do with the two of them and he didn't dare to ask yet. Jesus, he didn't even ask what they were at the moment. But he somehow didn't feel the urge to ask for that. For now, it was totally enough to be here, at the beach, with the boy leaned against him who meant more to him than he would've ever expected.

.

The night went on and Isak congratulated himself silently for bringing the blanket because even if it was a chill night it would've gotten a bit cold after some time not moving.

They had transferred during the time they just sat there, one boy leaning against the other.

Now Even was practically lying on Isak's chest, his head tucked under Isak's chin. He had his arms slung loosely around his body and every time the wind decided to blow a little squall over their bodies Even snuggled barely noticeable closer to him.

Isak was worried. He knew there was nothing more he could do at the moment and he couldn't force Even to speak up, but his insides screamed at himself to do more.

There was so much going on in Isak's head. So, so fucking much and to be completely out of control – that was the worst. He could just wait, not more.

Wait and hold Even close and hope that it helped him somehow.

After a while he heard his phone ringing and quickly put it out of his jacket to turn it off. He frowned when he saw that it was an unknown number. One minute after the call he got a text.

_Hey, Isak, it's Mikael, is Even with you?_

__Isak read the message a few times, before he cleared his throat a bit. “Even?“, he whispered, not wanting to disturb the silence._ _

__“Mmh?“_ _

__“Mikael asks if you are with me.“_ _

__A few seconds of silence, then..._ _

__“Fuck, I forgot to text him.“_ _

__Isak blinked. “You should text him?“_ _

__“I said I wanted to be alone for some time“, Even murmured in Isak's stomach, “I said I would write him.“ He spoke slow, like it was tiring to spill the words out. “Sorry, I should get my phone.“ He made a weak attempt to straighten up but Isak pushed him back gently. “It's okay, I can text him, I don't mind“, he reassured him before he tiped a quick text back._ _

_Yes he is with me._

_______ _

_____**_Mikael_** _: Okay cool. When are you guys coming back?_ _ _ _ _ _

____Isak looked down at Even. “Even, Mikael asks when you want to go back.“_ _ _ _

____He was glad when he heard him let out a snore and a mumble about something like “he isn't my mother“ or something. But then he asked “what time is it?“_ _ _ _

____Isak looked at his phone. “Half past twelve“, he answered and Even let out a frustrated noise. “We should get back“, he said and did Isak imagine this or did he sound like he would dislike that thought?_ _ _ _

____“Okay“, Isak mumbled, not asking if they could stay for another while and tell Mikael to fuck off. “Should I text him?“_ _ _ _

____Even shook his head while simultaneously shrugging his shoulders. “No. I mean yes, he won't stop asking otherwise... but... can we stay just a bit longer? Five minutes or something.“_ _ _ _

____Isak kept quiet that he would be happy to stay here the whole fucking night if that meant he would be near Even and just nodded. “Okay. That's chill.“_ _ _ _

____He wrote Mikael an answer before he put his phone back in his pocket and allowed himself to snuggle closer to Even's body._ _ _ _

____At some time his right hand had begun to play with the fingers of Even's left and it was the most amazing feeling._ _ _ _

____Isak felt strange. He felt different than when he had woken up to a soft and tender Even. But besides all the worrying and helplessness he felt also a small wave of hope and calm rush over him when he run his fingers through Even's hair, trying to soothe his thoughts. Even trusted him. In a way Isak didn't quite get, but he had asked him to stay. He had opened himself up to him. Not with words, maybe Even was right and it was too soon for that, but in another way. And that felt almost stronger than thousands of words. The knowing Even trusted him enought to let him comfort him filled him with incredible joy._ _ _ _

____Even shifted a bit. His fingers stilled their movement of playing with Isak's._ _ _ _

____“Isak... I'm sorry I didn't answer your message. I'm sorry, I... I just...“_ _ _ _

____Even had his head turned away so he couldn't see his face but his words were so full of sincerity and _sadness_._ _ _ _

____Isak didn't know what to say and he couldn't get rid of the feeling that Even actually meant something completely different than just his unanswered message._ _ _ _

____“I'm so sorry“, Even whispered again and Isak felt fear rising up inside him. “It's okay, Even, really“, he replied but Even shook his head violently. “No it's not“, he whispered and Isak was so taken aback from his voice, his desperate but yet forlorn voice, he first wasn't able to say anything._ _ _ _

____“You don't have to be sorry“, he said after he had finally found his voice again. “It's okay, I'm not mad.“_ _ _ _

____He ran his hands up and down Even's body, trying to give him silent comfort. “It is okay.“_ _ _ _

____He repeated the sentence over and over again, like a mantra, and slowly, very slowly, he felt Even was going to relax again._ _ _ _

____They stayed like that for a while. Isak didn't know how much time had passed but eventually Even said “we really should go.“ He sounded a bit calmer than before but the sadness was still there._ _ _ _

____Isak nodded against his skin before he got up. He had sat down for so long he needed to stretch his limbs again. After that he turned around to help Even up. When Even was standing on his feet he gave him a half smile. “Thanks“, he said quietly. Isak just smiled back, his hand squeezed Even's shoulder before he let go of him to get the blanket._ _ _ _

____They headed back in silence. Like they usually did when they walked, Isak thought, and also tonight it wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't the most cheerful walk they had ever walked, okay, Isak was pretty sad and upset about Even's state, but for now it had to be enough that he was walking beside him, from time to time he would throw a look to the sea or up in the sky and Isak could only guess what was going on behind tht beautiful face._ _ _ _

____When they were finally in front of the hotel doors, Isak didn't hesitated or stopped, he just walked through the doors to walk up the stairs. When he looked behind, Even followed him with a slightly surprised face._ _ _ _

____In front of the stairs Isak stood still. “Uhm“, he started, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “I don't know where your room is, so...“ He gave him a hopeful look and Even's corner of his mouth lifted up a bit. But he just said “This way“ and walked past him and up the stairs, only to turn to his left after he reached the first floor. He walked until they came into a long floor, similar to the floor where Isak's room was in until he stopped in front of a door at the very end of the floor._ _ _ _

____Isak saw the number on the door and tried to memorize it._ _ _ _

____“Okay.“ Even turned around. “That is my room.“_ _ _ _

____Isak nodded. “Yeah.“_ _ _ _

____Even bit his lip, trapping his lower lip between them. “Thanks for walking me here“, he said softly and for the first time he sounded a bit more cheerful. Isak swallowed. “No problem“, he answered hoarsly and something inside him knew that Even wanted to be alone now, that Isak wasn't allowed to go inside this room with him._ _ _ _

____It hurt. It hurt a lot but Isak tried to keep his smile on his lips. “Okay, then... goodnight“, he said. It sounded wrong, too cheerful for the mood between them and Even didn't answer right away. When he opened his mouth to say something, the door behind him opened and then Mikael was standing in the doorframe._ _ _ _

____“Dude, there you are!“, he said, smiling at Even before gaving him a short hug. Then his gaze wandered to Isak. “Hi, Isak,“ Mikael smiled at him warmly. “Thanks for bringing him home, he always forgets to write me.“ He laughed a bit at that and Isak tried to mirror it. “Yeah, well, it's all good so... yeah.“ He couldn't help but stare at Even. “I'll go to my own bed, then, trying to catch some sleep.“_ _ _ _

____Okay, why did he feel like crying all of the sudden? Why was there this horrible feeling inside him? This lump in his throat and that knot in his stomach?_ _ _ _

____Even gave him a look Isak couldn't pinpoint and he wished Mikael would disappear for a moment so he could at least get a hug from Even._ _ _ _

____But Mikael stayed where he was and so Isak had no other choice but saying with a choked voice “okay then, night, guys“, before he waved at them and turned around, barely noticing the “gooodnight“ Mikael said back._ _ _ _

____He didn't turn around. He just kept his very slow walking. Maybe Even would come after him, maybe he would hug him or at least wish him a good night..._ _ _ _

____Then he heard the door closing and he let out a shaky breath._ _ _ _

____Okay. Okay okay, that's okay, no reason to cry Isak, seriously, how old are you, just keep walking. His feet felt tired and heavy at the end of his body and his eyes burned, he actually closed them for a second._ _ _ _

____And then he heard a door opening again and a familiar voice calling his name softly._ _ _ _

____“Isak.“_ _ _ _

____Isak turned around so fast he almost hit the ground. When he had managed to get his waving arms under control again Even had already reached him and pulled him into a crashing hug. Isak let out a choked noise before he wrapped his arms around Even, feeling all the things Even felt, the desperation, the fear, the longing and craving, the sadness and bitterness._ _ _ _

____There were no words that could describe what Isak felt in this moment. He also didn't want to tell Even anything now, he just wanted to hold him as close as possible, as long as he would let him._ _ _ _

____He could feel Even's heart beating in his chest very hard, he could hear his breath going quickly next to his ear and Isak wanted to keep this memory, to keep all of this to him._ _ _ _

____But after what felt like way too soon they seperated from each other. Even's eyes looked shiny and Isak knew he had to look probably even worse._ _ _ _

____“Is...“ Even looked so beautiful and so sad. So, so sad. Isak felt his heart clenching at the nickname. For a moment he thought Even would say something more. But then the expression shifted on Even's face and he gave him a smile. A sad, but genuine smile. “Goodnight, Isak“, he said._ _ _ _

____Isak didn't respond first. But then he stepped forward to cup Even's face with his hands. He didn't quite know why he did that, he usually wasn't so straight forward. Even was the one who started things like this. But well... the situation wasn't quite ordinary._ _ _ _

____Isak wanted to put Even to bed like Even did himself yesterday. He wanted to take care of him, he wanted to do _more_._ _ _ _

____But the distance was there and told him to let it be for today. To let him go._ _ _ _

____So he just looked at him and tried to put everything what he felt in his look before he let go of him and stepped back._ _ _ _

____“Goodnight, Even. Sleep well.“ He hoped for his voice to sound steady._ _ _ _

____Even nodded at that. But before he turned around again he reached out and took Isak's hand in his own, ignoring the way Isak's breathing hitched at that. For a short, precious moment he intertwined their fingers and gave them a gentle squeeze before he let go again. Then he gave Isak a look and an exhausted smile before he turned around and walked back to his door._ _ _ _

____Isak waited until the door had closed and even then he didn't move for a good while._ _ _ _

____Only when he heard some voices and approaching footsteps he began to move his body._ _ _ _

____He went back to his room where nobody was. Of course, Jonas was at the party, with Mahdi. And Magnus was with Vilde. Not even Sana was there._ _ _ _

____Isak slowly sat down on his bed._ _ _ _

____And there he stayed, his hands in his lap, his gaze fixated on them, thinking about how Even had taken his hand and had let his thumb stroke over the back of Isak's hand. About that and about thousands things more._ _ _ _

____._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____When Jonas came back into the room, cursing quietly because he hit his toe at the stupid closet, he didn't notice how quiet the bed over there was and how the breathing coming from there was a bit too unsteady to make one believe the person there was asleep._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason it took me so long this time was because I had to rewrite some of it three times because I wasn't satisfied. I hope you guys are happy with the outcome.
> 
> And I don't know how, but it keeps getting longer:D sorry for that. No, seriously next chapter will be shorter. And then there will be some TALK finally!!
> 
> One more thing: thank you for all the kudos and comments under the last chapter, it honestly blew me away!!!<3 It means a lot to me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk we all have been waiting for.

_Monday, Day 6_

 

“I didn't know there is a casting for _the Walking Dead_ here“, Magnus commented when he sat down next to Isak with his plate with a loud _thump_. Isak, too tired to give a bitchy response, just took another large sip from his coffee and shivered.

Disgusting.

“Shut it, Mags.“ Jonas shook his head. He had always tended to get overprotective sometimes and Isak made a weak gesture with his hand to calm him down. “It's okay, guys“, he said and let out a yawn as soon as his mouth opened. “I just... had a rough night.“

“Uuuuuh.“ Magnus catcalled and was immediately hit on the arm by Jonas. “ _Ouch_ man, there is the monkey bite okay?“

“Did you two fight again?“, Mahdi asked, who hadn't said anything since they had sat down at the table.

Isak shook his head while staring hard into the brown liquid of his mug. “No“, he mumbled, desperately trying to shut the sad face of Even out of his mind, “no, not quite. It's just... complicated. Even more now.“ He let out a heavy sigh and stood up. “Anyone else another roll?“

“Woah, wait, wait!“ Magnus pulled him onto his seat again, then propping his chin up on his hand and giving him one of his _I'm Magnus and I'll sit here until you'll tell us what's wrong_ -look. “What do you mean?“

Isak could see Jonas leaning a bit more in to hear everything. Traitor. He had been so decent this morning, had given him the space he needed.

“Why don't we talk about you and Vilde?“, Isak snapped offeneded, “why does it have to be about me all the time?“

For a moment Magnus looked like he would love to tell them every detail of last night – which had to be pretty amazing, judged by his sparkling eyes and the big grin he constantly wear (the even bigger grin than usual) – but then he shook his head. “No, your case is more important, because it's complicated and you guys are a mess.“

“Agreed“, Mahdi and Jonas said before Isak could argue and Jonas gave him his _we want to help you_ \- eyes.

Ugh.

“There's... nothing to talk about.“ Three pairs of eyes pinned him down on his chair, waiting.

“Okay fine. _Tell. Us_.“ Jonas raised his eyebrows, giving him an encouraging smile.

Isak tapped his knee with his fingers nervously.

He hadn't slept well, to say the least. He didn't know if he had slept at all... he remembered lying there in the dark, trying to find the blisfull numbness which would allow him to shut his mind off for a second, but as usual, his body betrayed him. His thoughts were constantly wandering around and didn't give him the so needed peace.

This morning Jonas had thrown concerned looks at him every other second but Isak didn't want to tell him about last night. When he thought about Even's face, it had been such a private and vulnerable moment. He wasn't sure if he wanted to share that so soon with someone else.

When they came downstairs in the breakfast room Isak's heart had pounded so wildly he was almost angry at himself. His eyes roamed over the room, the students and chairs and tables until they settled on the table Even and his boys usually took. But today there were sitting completely different people. From the technology class, Isak guessed but that wasn't important. Important was that no one of the guys was here. That Even was not here. And that gave him a very bad feeling in his stomach.

The feeling grew stronger as soon as he spotted Elias and Mutta, walking into the room and immediately heading for Maya, who sat in the corner with another supervisor. They exchanged a few words, Maya nodded and smiled at the boys. It was an understanding, caring smile and Isak's heart clenched painfully at that and he knew out of instinct that it had to be something with Even. It had to be.

For a second he had considered standing up and asking Elias what the hell was going on, but in the end he stayed cowardly where he was. He wasn't even sure if he was allowed to ask. He had no idea what to think anymore.

So he just sat there, staring in his mug until Mahdi and Magnus showed up. And suddenly he felt the urge to tell them about last night. He just couldn't stuff it up inside him anymore.

So he told them about how he met Even, how they sat next to each other at the beach, how Isak thought something had been wrong because of Even's look, how they talked a bit, how Isak wanted to help, how they kissed (that was only mentioned very briefly because seriously!), how they eventually headed back. He let out the most parts of their talking because enough was enough, but he didn't spare his doubts and feelings about Even's state.

When he was finished with “and then Mikael came out , he said goodnight and that's it“, the boys looked a bit startled. Jonas rubbed the back of his neck, Mahdi took another sip orange juice and Magnus looked openly offended that the story was over. Isak rolled his eyes.

“So... Even was sad yesterday“, Jonas said, always the analyzing one, and summarized with that words the whole scene pretty well.

“Yeah.“ Isak looked at his spoon and his reflection in it. He truly looked like a dead one. Or like someone who liked to draw purple circles under his eyes and pouder his whole face white. He looked sad as well.

“Do you think it has something to do with you?“ Mahdi watched him with concerned, brown eyes.

That was a question Isak had asked himself so often that night he had almost banged his head against the wall to shut his brain up.

“I don't know“, he said with a small voice, “I have no idea what's going on with him. The one second he wants to eat breakfast with me, the other he tells me he doesn't wanna mess it up, then he doesn't answer my messages and I find him at the beach, alone, and he says he is sorry for something, whatever that is...“ Isak stopped, letting out a frustrated groan. “I hate my life“, he grumbled, hiding his face in his arms. He felt Jonas rubbing his back in silent comfort.

“But maybe he just needs time, like he said?“ Magnus talked way too loud for that topic but Isak was too tired to lift his head up again. “I mean, maybe it's something with his family or he has gotten some other really bad news... doesn't have to be something with you.“

Isak knew that. He knew that and that was what he tried to tell himself over and over again. But it wouldn't stick, for some reason, wouldn't give him the reassuring feeling he craved. The unsettled and worried knot in his stomach only grew bigger. It even managed to push aside the other things ghosting in his head, about him and Even and their kisses, and what they were, actually. It suddenly wasn't Isak's priority. He just needed to make sure Even was okay.

He felt that Jonas was giving him a long look. He seemed to understand what was going on in Isak's head because he said, after some time: “Maybe... maybe you could ask how he is doing?“ His voice was soft. “Or we could do that, if you don't want to.“

That made Isak actually look up from the table, but before he could say anything there was a loud, shrill and very disturbing “Hiiiii“, behind him and in the next second a beaming Vilde was sitting on Magnus' lap.

Isak's eyebrows lifted. Oh. So there had been at least _some_ progress the other day.

Vilde kissed Magnus and then looked around. “Hi, guys“, she cheered and the boys grumbled a good morning back.

Eva, who showed up next to Vilde, let out a laugh beofore she sat next to Jonas and gave him a kiss. Isak let out a groan. “I thought you fucked the other day, could you please be more decent?“

Eva stared first at him, then at her boyfriend in confusion. “Uhm, what...?“, she asked but Jonas shook his head. “Don't ask“, he mumbled. Isak threw a napkin at him.

“Where are Noora and Chris?“, Mahdi asked. Vilde grinned. “Noora is taking the beach-yoga session and Chris is still asleep. We need to wake her up before we go“, she nodded to Eva.

“What do you wanna do?“, Jonas asked while Isak wished himself far, far away. Eva gasped. “Oh, haven't you heard? We can drive to Hamburg today, how cool is that? We can visit Sana and Yousef! But“, her face fell, “you guys are joining us, right?“

Jonas became red and looked to the ground. “Uhm... actually...“

Eva's eyes went big. “You _forgot_?“, she shrieked, standing up abruptly. Jonas held his hands up in defense. “Hey, I bet there are still seats, right, don't panic“, he said. Eva snorted. “Oh, I'm not the one who panics“, she said, elbows on her hips. “I'll be completely fine when I'm in Hamburg, without you, enjoying myself.“ She sighed and ran a hand through her long maroon hair. “Jonas, I told you to sign up for it.“

Jonas made himself very small in his seat. Magnus let out a chuckle and was immediately hit in the shin by Mahdi.

“Yes, baby, I'm sorry.“ Jonas tried to pull her back in but Eva was having none of that. “Fix this“, she snapped before she disappeared out of the room.

Jonas groaned. “I need to become gay“, he mumbled. “That's less drama with guys, right?“ He locked eyes with Isak and they stared at each other for a second before they both broke out in an awkward laughter.

“You're an idiot“, Isak told him.

“I know.“ Jonas was drumming a rhythm on the wooden table. “I really forgot. We wanted to go to Hamburg, the exact day wasn't out. I wanted to ask you guys, shit.“

“Relax, bro, I'm sure there can't be so many students who wanna go today.“ Mahdi bit in his apple. “We need to ask Maya, and everything will be fine.“

 

.

 

“There are no seats? Not _one_?“

“Nope.“ The busdriver shook his head no. “I'm sorry, kid.“

Jonas turned towards Isak, a horrified expression in his face. “She's going to break up with me“, he mumbled, his gaze unfocused.

Isak snorted. “Dude, chill, alright? Look, there's Maya, we can ask her. Maybe someone's ill.“

He walked to a very stressed out looking Maya who held a piece of paper in her hand that looked already crumpled. “Uhm... hi“, he said. Maya lifted her gaze. “Oh. Hi, Isak“, she said, slightly distracted while scribbling down something. “Uhm, listen, it's not a good time, okay? Wait ten minutes then I'll have that chaos under control. Hopefully.“ She let out a sigh.

“Okay.“ Isak scratched his nose. “But, uhm... you don't have a free seat to Hamburg, do you?“

Maya gave him a confused look, but then her expression lit up and she literally beamed at him. “Yes, I have, actually“, she said. “Three guys aren't coming, someone is... well, he's ill and their friends are staying as well.“

“Oh. Nice. I mean, I'm sorry for the student, of course, but... can Jonas come with you?“

Maya nodded. “Sure, but he needs to be here, like, right now because we're already late.“ She looked desperately around. “Where's my other note? God, I hate this job sometimes.“

Isak had already waved Jonas and the guys over to him. “Maya has three seats, some students aren't coming“, he said. Jonas opened his mouth, closed it again, opened it. He looked like a fish. “Really?“

When Isak nodded, he hugged him fiercely. “Nice, that's so cool. But -“ he stopped. “What about you, guys?“

“Oh, I... I don't think I want to go.“ Isak gave him a thin smile and swallowed. “I'll just study for a bit, you guys go.“

“No!“ Mahdi looked at him with a frown. “You're not staying here alone.“

“Yes.“ Magnus nodded. “I can stay with you, dude.“

Mahdi shook his head. “And what about Vilde? No, dude, you go with them, I'l, stay with our grumpy boy.“

“But...“ Isak looked between them. “You don't have to, guys, seriously, I know how badly you wanted to go to Hamburg.“

“We're not letting you alone here, Isak.“ Jonas had a determined expression in his face; not a good sign. “I also can stay, if...“

“Oh my god, no! We did this for you, so go and grab your things, idiot.“ Isak rolled his eyes. “I'm fine, guys, okay, just...“

“Uhm... Isak?“

Isak stopped and turned around, startled. Behind him, with a strange look on his face, stood Mikael. “Hey, dude“, Isak said out of habit. Mikael smiled at him, then waved over to the guys. “Hey guys“, he said. Then he turned his attention back to Isak. “Are you going to Hamburg? Cool.“

Something was off about his behavior. But Isak didn't come up with an idea why. “Uhm, no“, he muttered. “I didn't wanna go, but these three are going.“ He was promply interrupted by offended yells and arguments but Mikael laughed. “Oh, you guys took our seats, then? We cancelled the trip this morning.“

Isak looked up.

“Uhm, Maya said someone's ill“, he said hesitantly and wasn't surprised when Mikael met him with just the same attentive yet careful look like before. “Yeah. Even is...“ He stopped himself, and Isak tried not to react to the name, but he failed hard. Everything inside him clenched at the thought of Even, alone in his room, sick or something worse.

“He needs a day off and we decided to stay with him, me and Elias.“

Isak bit his lip, desperately trying to look like the news didn't affect him so much. “Okay“, he said with a higher voice than usual. “Hope he'll be better soon.“

Mikael gave him a long look. He seemed to have an inner fight with himself but eventually, he opened his mouth and asked: “Hey, do you wanna hang out with us? We have nothing to do since we're not going to Hamburg. And you're alone, or...?“ His gaze wandered to the other three boys, unsure what to read out of the situation.

Isak thought for a moment, before he made his decision. “No, they're all going“, he said. “We can meet in ten minutes?“

Mikael nodded, his dark hair waving around his head. “Cool, dude.“ He smiled again and once more, Isak thought about how nice and warm that smile looked. Not in a way that would attract him (nothing could ever beat Even's eyes-crinkling, all-teeth smile) but in a way that let him understand why Mikael was Even's best friend.

Jonas waited until Mikael had disappeared between a few students who tried to shove a basketball inside a suitcase, then he turned to Isak. “You sure, dude? Mahdi can stay with you.“ He looked seriously concerned. Isak sighed. “Hey, you've hung out with them right? They're okay. I thought you liked Mikael?“

“I do like him, but... I don't know.“ Jonas bit his lip.

“I can still stay, bro“, Mahdi offered.

Isak looked at his friends. He felt strangely emotional today so their constantly worrying left him speechless and very fond. “Look, I appreciate your offer, but I'll be fine. And you'll be back tonight right? So no worries, I'll hang out with Elias and Mikael-“ He didn't say Even's name because he had no idea if he even would get to see him today - “And I'm sure I can eat with them. So _go_ , take your stuff and get inside the damn bus, Maya is about to freak out.“

.

 

Ten minutes later the bus was on its way towards Hamburg and Isak on his way to the beach. Mikael had text him to come to the volleyball net and Isak couldn't shake off the feeling that he was been invited into an interrogation. Also the volleyball net didn't leave any good thoughts but he had to bite the bullet if he wanted to have answers.

Mikael was already there by the time he saw the net, he sat in the sand, typing something on his phone. It was a windy day, the feeling wasn't as nice and cozy as yesterday but still freshing and somehow mind clearing.

Isak zipped up his jacket and stepped to Mikael, who had already become aware of him and stood up.

“Hi“, he said, his dark hair playing around his head with the wind, “Elias is with Even. Wanna take a walk?“

He held up a thermos and two cups. “Tea“, he said and Isak nodded appreciative. “Nice.“

They made their way down the beach until the waves tickled their shoe soles and started to walk. They didn't talk right away and Isak felt more nervous with every step they were doing. But he kept his mouth shut and walked beside Mikael. If this was some weird kind of test of his patience he was not gonna lose.

Eventually Mikael stopped and Isak held back a relieved sigh. “Let's sit?“ Mikael gave him a look and a crooked smile. “I know you're probably bursting with questions but sitting will be good.“

Isak, a bit surprised about the other guy's bluntness, nodded again and they sat down in the sand, Mikael to Isak's right. He poured both of them a bit of the tea and Isak took his cup gratefully.

For a while they just sat there, sipping at the hot tea and staring at the grey sea.

“I know Even since we went to middle school“, Mikael suddenly said out of nowhere. “We used to play football after school but I wasn't really good and the other kids made fun of me. One day Even came to me and asked if I wanted to play something else, showing me a basketball. So we started to play basketball. I wasn't really good at that, either, but Even didn't care.“

Mikael smiled at the memory, taking another sip from his tea before he continued. “Even is my best friend“, he said, “and I love him but sometimes he is the most stubborn piece of shit I know.“ He smiled half-heartly. “In certain topics. And no one can change his opinion.“ Mikael let his gaze wandering around until they landed on Isak. “You are one of those topics.“ He didn't sound mad; rather resigned. Isak felt his heart picking up a faster pace again.

“What...“, he asked, voice a bit husky, “what about me?“

Mikael let out the longest breath. He shifted in the sand like he was uncomfortable and rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay“, he mumbled, “uhm... look, it's not exactly easy to explain-“

“I don't care“, Isak interrupted. He was tired of the whole back and forth, yes and no, why did nobody say what was going on, dammit?

He gave Mikael a quick look but he didn't seem to mind. He just gave him a small smile. “Technically, it's Even's story to tell, not mine“, he said and his voice went soft and sad. “But I talked to him and he allowed me to tell you some things. He would've done it himself but... well, you'll see.“

Isak thought he would explode with anticipation, he practically vibrated with tension, but he managed to give Mikael a small nod and said “I just want to now what's going on“, he mumbled. Mikael nodded. “Yeah, I know.“ He bit his lip, looked at the sand, at Isak, at the horizon, before he let out a tiny breath. “Where do I start... oh yeah. So, the thing is – Even is obsessed with you. The moment he saw you in that cafeteria he was gone.“ He smiled fondly and Isak's mouth went slack. “It was the first orientation day of the uni, you remember? We all came to inspect our new territory.“

Of course he remembered. He had been so nervous, despite Jonas being with him. They had checked out everything and after that Jonas had convinced to grab lunch at the cafeteria. “To feel the real spirit, man!“, he had said and clapped him on the back. But he hadn't seen Even back then, he was sure of it.

“Even wanted to get to know you desperately but we didn't know who you were and if you would go to the uni. So the only chance was to go to every single prestudents party in the surrounding. It was fucking exhausting, I can tell.“ He laughed. “But we couldn't find you.“

No. Isak had never been the social type.

“But then, finally, one night, we found you. It was some guy's friends party and everyone was so fucking drunk... and Even went to talk to you and when he came back he had the most dopey grin in his face. A bit later that night there were shots I guess... and you were pretty drunk as well. And then I don't really know what happened but when Even came back, he looked like he had found out something terrible. He was pale and his lips were trembling and he looked so angry... He went home after that. I didn't hear from him until the next Monday and then he just said he was hangover and didn't feel well.“

Isak sat there, his body too much in shock to move.

He remembered that party. That party where everything had started. He knew they had flirted with eath other, he even remembered the shots. But everything after that was a blurry mess, because he had fallen to the ground and hit his stupid head. Even had become distant after that party.

What had happened there?

But Mikael went on, he didn't force an answer out of him. “Whatever happened, Even ignored you after that and nobody understood that considering his crush about you for weeks. But he wouldn't tell me what's going on until we literally forced him to.“

Mikael stopped talking to take another sip. When he put the cup back between his legs he looked at Isak before he dropped the gaze to the sand again. “He said... well, it didn't came out very clear, but he said something like you had said some things about mentally ill people, something really offensive and that you were better off anyone of 'those people'.“

Isak had no chance to react on that because Mikael went on, and somehow he wasn't even surprised after what he had just heard. “Even's bipolar, Isak.“ Mikael said it very quietly, but the wind carried the words over and buried them under Isak's skin until he felt like his whole body was on fire.

“I'm not judging you, dude, no way...“ But Mikael's voice didn't reach him anymore. He was trapped in a certain memory, a memory he didn't even know he had.

 

...

 

_The party_

_“Wooh, careful, dude“, Isak snickered, making grabby hand for the beer Even was carrying. The answer was just a snore. “Excuse me, I am so good at carrying beer“, he said, giving him a smile that made Isak's knees so fucking weak. “Where's my thank you, hm?“_

_“I don't know, you can go ask where it is“, Isak answered, his whole focus on the liquid in front of him so he didn't have to think about certain legs standing in front of him. So nice legs. Long and lean yet sinewy and strong, like the rest of Even's body. Fuck. Isak needed to drink less._

_Even's laugh brought back the stupid grin on his face. “Okay, see you then.“_

_Isak looked up with wide eyes. “What, no, come back!“ He grabbed Even's arm, not caring that he spilled both his and Even's beer over the floor. “Please?“ He looked at him with hooded eyes. Even blinked a couple of times before he mumbled something like “fuck“ and “this boy“ before he dropped on the couch next to Isak, who instantly grinned at his success._

_“You're dangerous, Valtersen“, Even smiled before carefully handing him the beer. Isak didn't listen, he was too busy with drinking the beer to busy his mouth with something that was socially acceptable. Because the things he wanted to do with that sinful, full lips... and that _hair_ , god. It should be forbidden to look that good._

_“Easy there“, Even said, gently reaching for the beer but Isak pulled away. “Get your own.“_

_Even sighed. “I have my own, you shouldn't drink that much.“_

_Isak blinked at him. “You are not my dad“, he said, instantly laughing at the idea. “Oh god, thank god for you not being my dad.“_

_Even looked confused. “Uhm. What...“_

_“You know, it's not socially acceptable to want to make out with your dad“, Isak told him, not thinking. Then he froze._

_Even seemed to have problems with keeping up, but then it clicked and he had the most beaming smile in his face. “You want to kiss me?“, he asked, far too soft and tender given the circumstances. Isak blushed so hard he could see it in the reflection on his beer bottle. “I didn't say that“, he mumbled. “I was just giving you a lecture about socializallity. Socially? Social... whatever.“_

_Even chuckled quietly. “You're so cute. What the fuck“, he said and the words made Isak shiver all over. “'m not,“ he grumbled, just in time with Even cupping his cheek, forcing him gently to look at him. “The cutest“, he said softly and Isak couldn't help himself, his gaze was drawn in by these lips, and that smile and these _eyes_ and okay, Isak gave up. He clumsily grabbed for Even's chin, stroking over his cheek and Even let out an adorable little gasp._

_But then..._

_“Isaaaaaaak.“_

_No, no no no, Isak tried desperately to ignore the voice._

_“Isak, please!“_

_With a groan Isak withdrew himself from Even, giving him a rueful smile and then Jonas the most angry look for preventing him from making out with an _angel_. “What?“, he snapped._

_“I dumped Emma, dude!“, Jonas shrieked, swaying from side to side with a concerning glimmer in his eyes._

_Isak sighed. “I have to take care of that“, he mumbled to Even, “sorry.“_

_“I'll be waiting for you“, Even responded and somehow Isak believed that he would. He allowed himself a bashful smile before he grabbed Jonas by the hand. “Come on, let's take some fresh air.“_

_They sat outside the house on the stairs, Jonas giving a long rant about how good the break up was, how free he felt, how awsome everything was. Isak let him talk; Jonas would regret this as soon as he would wake up in the morning because drunk break ups were the worst, but in general he was glad about it. He didn't like Emma._

_He was about to interrupt Jonas so he could go back to Even as soon as possible, when his phone rang. He looked at the screen and groaned._

_“What?“, Jonas asked._

_“My dad.“ Isak grimaced and thought of the talk he had before. “Speaking of the devil, I guess.“_

_Jonas looked confused but when Isak picked up the call he hissed. “No, dude, it always ends up ugly if you talk drunk.“_

_Isak ignored him._

_._

_The talk went bad, to say the least. So bad that Isak just stayed outside the house, determinded to stare at the really ugly fence which surrounded the house. He was shaking and everything was spinning. He had drunk too much but suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. He felt sick and bad and he had yelled so his throat hurt._

_Jonas next to him tried to calm him down, but Isak wouldn't listen._

_“I hate him“, he said, voice thick with anger. “Why does he have to act like this every time? It's his fucking job okay, not mine... I'm too young for this shit, Jonas.“_

_“Bro, it's okay“, Jonas tried, “let's go home.“_

_Someone came out of the house. “Is he okay?“_

_“I hate my life, Jonas“, Isak said._

_There were times when he got like this. Then the alcohol in his blood wasn't narcotic but toxic and made everything worse. And sometimes he became hysterical. Like tonight._

_Jonas tried to reassure him but nothing would help. At some point he even started crying and he heard some people mumble “that dude's some problems“. He groaned at them and yelled after them if they ever had to bear the things he had to, if they ever had to deal with those people._

_“Isak“, Jonas tried again, “come on. Let's go home, fuck the people.“_

_“They know nothing, Jonas“, Isak said bitterly. “Why it had to be me? I didn't ask for it, I didn't want it. It's not good for me. I have an advice for you, dude, if you ever meet someone who's fucked up in the head, turn around and run in the opposite direction. I'm better without any mentally ill people._

__

_He didn't mean it, he meant nothing of it, but he was so hurt and he was angry at his dad and he was so powerless, there was nothing he could do about his mom, his beautiful lovely mom, who was now in the emergency department because she had apparently heard voices in the walls of the house so she scratched her nails over it to make them cease until they bleeded, screaming something about the devil and the apocalypse._

_Everything after that happened really fast. Before Jonas actually could drag Isak away, someone yelled “the cops!“ and everyone was running and Isak, who still sat on the stairs outside the house, was practically overrun and then he got someone's shoe in the back of his head and he fell over and then there was nothing but the welcoming darkness._

 

...

 

Wave after wave of shock rolled over him, threatening to drown him, to swallow him down so he would disappear forever. Maybe it would be for the better.

He couldn't focus on anything but the memory and the three little words, dancing in front of his eyes, making him blind and desperate.

_He's bipolar. He's bipolar._

He let out a choked noise. Everything spinned around him.

_He's bipolar._

How much did he hear that night? Had he heard every bitter and ugly thing Isak had said? Had he seen how lost and angry he had been?

Isak had to turn away from Mikael. He was shaking so hard he felt his teeth chatter.

Now it made sense and he hated that it did. Even had thought he was a heartless asshole who wanted every mentally ill person dead or something. That's why he had been so distant and cold and arrogant. And all the time Isak hadn't known, he had wondered why Even was like this... all this time this fucking memory had stuck in his head, without him noticing it and a little talk from Mikael was enough to set it free?

_I'm better without mentally ill people_

“Isak?“

_I didn't ask for it, I didn't want it._

Isak let out a wounded noise and buried his head in his hands.

_It's not good for me._

He was an asshole. A stupid, not thinking piece of shit who didn't deserve anything, let alone Even's affection.

“Isak.“

Slowly, Mikael's calm voice brought him back to the surface but he didn't look up. He couldn't look Mikael in the eye, the best friend of the man he had hurt so much.

“Isak. It's okay.“

No. Nothing was okay. Whatever it was, it was not _okay_. Isak wanted to throw up. He took his hands from his face but couldn't see clear. Everything was blurry.

_You're so cute. Can I kiss you?_

The memories didn't stop, it was like thousands of knifes, forcing themselves inside his chest and turning around, again and again, didn't let him breathe, didn't let him think. And all this time, Even's face was there. His laugh, his beautiful, light laugh, and then the sad and lost look yesterday.

Suddenly he remembered something what Even had told him, only yesterday morning, but it seemed to be years ago.

_I'm a calm person but when I get excited, it can get very annoying with me. When I can't do something I want to, I get very upset._

He didn't even notice there were tears rolling down his cheeks. He wasn't able to do anything.

_I need time. I swear I will explain it, but until then... can you trust me? I don't wanna mess this up._

Why. Why would Even, beautiful, hurt Even would want that? Would put effort in someone like him? It didn't make any sense, it wasn't logical that he wouldn't think Isak was a monster that didn't deserve to live on earth.

When he was able to focus a bit, he stared in Mikael's big brown eyes, roaming all over him, forehead crinkled in concern. “Dude“, he said, voice washing over Isak. “Don't beat yourself up about it.“

Isak didn't have the strength to snort at that.

“Look“, Mikael tried, “it's okay. He's over this shit. And, judging your reaction, you didn't mean it or at least you're sorry. So I'm sure you two can figure this out.“ He gave him a smile, and as hard as Isak tried to find any bitterness in it, he failed. He wasn't sure if that made it worse or better.

“Or am I wrong?“

Isak forced himself to sustain the now guarded expression in Mikael's face. He swallowed hard when he shook his head. Mikael's expression softened again and he reached inside his pocket to hand him a tissue. “Here“, he said. Isak took it. His fingers felt numb when he grabbed it.

A few questions ghosted inside his head but he wasn't sure if he could just ask them. But eventually, his urge to know actual facts about Even's state surpassed the others.

“How... how is he now?“ His voice was thick with emotions. He was too tired to care. He had turned his body away from Mikael a bit, he didn't want to give him even more to judge on.

He heard Mikael clear his throat. “He's... okay, now. We convinced him to sleep.“

“So is he...“ The words felt terrifying familiar on his tongue but he forced himself anyway. “Is he depressed?“

Mikael let out a breath and Isak felt him nod. “A bit. It's not a major episode, there's just some days when he feels a bit down. You know. It's different from person to person and... yeah, Even should be the one to explain it.“

“But he will be fine?“ Isak couldn't bann the worry out of his voice. Even's sad face hovered over him.

“Yes. He will. He just needs one or two days.“

Isak let out a breathe. _He is okay. He will be fine._

Before he could ask another question, Mikael already said with a soft voice: “It's not your fault, Isak.“

And now the damn tears were back. Furiously, Isak wiped them away but new ones followed, and he was still shaking and maybe his teeth were shattering, he wasn't sure because the shrill sound in his ears wouldn't go away. He wasn't able to tell Mikael that of course, it was his fault, that no one like Even should waste any time on him, a broken, sleepless asshole student with the fucked up childhood.

But he couldn't. So he stayed silent. Silent and tried to focus on his breathing and on the waves that came and went with a steady rhythm only the sea knew of, while he felt his heart break a bit. And there was no one else to blame but himself. It shouldn’t be a surprise to him. Maybe he just didn’t deserve good things. 

“Isak.“ He didn’t notice Mikael had shifted to squeeze his arm lightly, the sound of his voice asking him to look at him. When he did, Mikael looked him deep in the eyes. “It is not your fault“, he repeated with a firm voice. “And Even said he isn’t mad or anything. He just wanted you to know what’s up with him.“ He stopped before he let out the heaviest sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, I know it’s a hell of a complicated thing between you, what I noticed but... it will be okay.“ His smile was so warm and genuine Isak almost wanted to believe him. But he had to focus on another question right now, one which was more important than anything else in this moment. 

Isak knew he had technically no right, but his selfish side didn’t catch that. 

“Can I see him?“ 

Why was his voice so shaky and _raspy_? 

He could see the hesitant expression on Mikael‘s face so he added:“ I just want to apologize and... see him. I’ll be out in two seconds I swear! I just...“ He stopped, overwhelmed by the fact how true it actually was. He just wanted to see Even. He wanted to see him and tell him he didn’t mean any of what he said at that fucking party and then he would go and leave Even alone. Because no matter what Even had said to Mikael, Even just couldn’t think he was worth the effort. That was for sure the reason why Even had apologized and said all these things. Isak‘s stomach twisted at that thought and his mouth became dry.

But well. It was his fault. His own damn fault. And talking to Even and tell him how much he was sorry for what he had said was so much more important than his own wishes or feelings.

Mikael eyed him for a moment before his gaze changed and he reached inside his pocket to grab his phone. "I'll ask him", he announced. Isak took a deep breath. "Thanks", he whispered.

While Mikael was texting Even, Isak stared to the ground. He felt the chaos inside his heart pullling and searing and for a moment he asked himself when he got there; when exactly his heart had started beating faster at the mention of Even, for reasons he couldn't describe and didn't want to, at least not yet.

 

.

 

When Mikael finally got a reply, Isak had lost track of time.

They had talked about other things after that, easy topics and mindless smalltalk but it was good, in a way. Mikael's continously chatter prevented his brain from spiraling. Isak was still relieved and also tensed like a rubber band and when he finally heard the _pling_ of Mikael's phone he almost got a heart attack.

"Finally", Mikael mumbled before he wiped his thumb over the screen to read with narrowed eyes what Even had responded. Isak watched him with his tongue between his teeth, his right knee bouncing on and on.

Mikael typed something back, put the phone away and then turned to Isak with a small smile. "He says it's okay", he told him and went on, as if he didn't hear the big stone rolling off Isak's soul. "But... don't expect too much. It could be that he doesn't want to talk or that he's asleep when you arrive. Don't overwhelm him okay?"

Mechanically, Isak nodded.

Then the two boys got up, Mikael collected the cups and the thermos bottle and they headed back to the hotel.

"Uhm..." Isak could feel Mikael's eyes on him, when they had reached the entrance of the hotel and started walking up the stairs. "Don't want to be rude or something, but... do you have experience with bipolar people?"

Isak wasn't surprised by the question and shook his head. "Not exactly", he said. "Magnus' mum is bipolar and she's awesome."

Mikael nodded.

"And my mum is ill." Isak spoke the last sentence quickly as if it would be easier to say it that way. He hadn't wanted to say it, but he felt like he owned it Mikael in a way. He wanted to defend himself even though Mikael had said he didn't judge. And he was going to tell Even anyway, so... a little practise wouldn't hurt.

"She's not bipolar but... it was bad. It still is, sometimes."

Mikael said nothing for a second. "I'm sorry, Isak", he responded then with a genuine expression. Isak just shrugged. "It's okay now." That was a lie and even he could hear the fake steadiness in his voice but because Mikael was nice, he didn't comment on it.

They stayed silent for the rest of the walk until they were standing in front of the bedroom door and suddenly Isak felt nervous all over again. 

"Elias is inside", Mikael said calmly. "I'll talk to him and then we will leave you two alone. Just text us when you leave again, okay?"

Isak nodded and Mikael disappeared inside the room.

Now Isak had a few seconds for truly panicking. His breathing came short and flat and suddenly there were the memories again, making his head spin and his throat dry and his eyes sting.

This was a terrible idea, Even would send him away, he would apologize and say it wasn't Isak's fault, but that it wouldn't work out. Needless to say that Isak felt like shit at that thought. It was ridiculous how much he liked Even after such a short time. What an irony.

The door opened again and Mikael came out, followed by Elias, who greeted Isak with a fistbump. "Hey dude", he said with a smile Isak didn't deserve. "How're you?"

_Awful. terrible._

"I'm fine", he mumbled, his gaze glued to the door. "Can I...?"

Mikael nodded. "Sure." He gave him a nod and a reassuring smile. "It's gonna be okay."

Isak didn't like that phrase. He nodded. "I'll text you guys."

"Great. Come Mikael, let's film a bit more. You need to update on your channel." Eias tugged on Mikael's arm who grinned and rolled his eyes. "I need time", he cried in exaggeration. Elias just shook his head and the two boys disapppeared down the floor, loudly arguing about the importance of video blogging.

Isak didn't know what to think about that easy banter, but it somehow calmed him down a bit. It made everything less heavy and dark and sad, it told him that Even would be okay.

Even.

The urge to see him pulled at him like another gravity.

He took a deep breath like he was about to dive into something and opened the door.

The blue curtains were shut, dimming the room in an almost moonly, silver light. The room looked exactly like Isak's and Jonas', the only exception made the door to the attic in the cealing. There were two big bagpacks next to the wardrobe and a series of expensive looking cameras and objectives were laying on the windowsill. On Mikael's bed - the one next to the door - was a volleyball. Isak had no idea if it was actually _the_ volleyball, but he turned away from it nonetheless.

Even lay in the bed near the window. He had his back to Isak but he could see the tiny lifting and lowering of his body. It wasn't a particular tensed or heavy mood in the room. It was just quiet and peaceful. Isak took that as a good sign. He was more familiar with heavy moods and depressed atmospheres.

When he stepped further into the room Even actually moved and turned around. Isak froze in his movement like one would not to scare an animal away.

The first thing that he noticed was the exhausted expression. It wasn't that bad like yesterday but still, Isak's heart clenched. Even's eyes were big and shiny and his hair was flat and messy around his head, and he looked a bit pale so the bruise on his nose was even more obvious. But otherwise, he looked okay. And even if the look in his eyes seemed a bit distant and lost, it was still better than yesterday night. Isak could have cried.

After a moment, Isak cleared his throat to say a quiet "hi."

Even looked at him, he seemed to be able to stare in his soul and beyond. Then, slowly, the corner of his mouths lifted and he gave him the tiniest smile. "Hi", he repeated, almost inaudible.

Isak pointed at the chair standing next to the bed. "May I?"

Even furrowed his brows and shook his head. "Don't like that", he whispered. "Sit on the bed, please."

Isak needed a moment before he could follow the request. It made all of this harder. How was he supposed to apologize and shit when Even looked so sweet, so small and adorably rumpled from sleep?

But he did. Of course he did.

He stepped around the bed and sat on the edge, careful not to touch Even's body. Even had curled up himself like a kitten, the dark hood of his hoodie pulled over his hair and he looked at Isak with a expression Isak couldn't read. He didn't say anything, just looked at Isak.

Eventually, Isak couldn't bear it any longer.

“How are you?“, he asked.

Even blinked slowly. "I'm fine." His lips looked chapped and he licked them for a second. "Really", he added when he saw Isak's doubtful frown. "I'm just tired but... better than -" He stopped abruptly and bit his lip. "I'm okay", he ended quietly, not looking at the other boy.

Isak tried to figure out what was the deal here. If Even was just tired, or if he was sad, or mad at him. Did he even want him here?

"Good", Isak said because he needed to say something. "That's good." He smiled and usually he was good at fake smiling. He had a lot of practise, first with his parents, later with all the female hookups. He knew how that smile looked. But now it didn't want to work, his muscles tensed and everything felt wrong and after a few seconds of staring at Even he dropped it. "Sorry", Isak mumbled, not sure for what he was apologizing for. "I'm tired too."

Even raised his brows. His gaze scanned over Isak's face. "Yeah." His reply was cautious. "You look tired."

They both fell silent after that and Isak almost exploded. He wanted to say something so badly, but he didn't know where to start. There was so much to say, so much he wanted to explain, but he was afraid. He didn't want to be rejected, he couldn't bear another hateful gaze of Even. He liked him. And it wasn't just some hookup thing or a silly crush. He knew that now. It was more. He had no idea what it was, but last night had shown him how much he cared about this boy.

But where should he start? _Hey Even, I know you're bipolar. I don't care. Even, I like you. Even, don't be mad at me. Even, I have a sick mother and sometimes I get immature and sad and angry when she is in a bad place. It has nothing to do with you._ He stifled a snort. Yeah, Even would believe him for sure. He would...

"I'm sorry."

Isak looked up, confused. He had been so deep in his own thoughts he had forgotten about his surrounding for a minute.

Even looked at him and Isak was surprised to see his eyes full of sincerity, full of pain and a deep sadness but also a determined resignation that scared Isak more than anything else. Even looked like a man who was ready to give up on something ineffable precious.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Even's voice was so quiet and hoarse. His eyes didn't want to meet Isak, he preferred staring at the blue curtains. Isak saw a single tear escaping his eye and falling on the pillow his head was rested on. "I wanted to tell you myself you know", he whispered. "Yesterday. But then... I don't know what happened. I got scared I guess. Scared and insecure and..." For a moment, he stopped, seemed to gather himself together. "I know it's cowardly", he then continued with a shaky laugh. "You deserve to hear it from me, not Mikael, I know that. But I... I was not in a particular good place and I just couldn't stand the thought of you looking at me differently than before, and Isak, that's fine, I don't expect you to stay around, but I also promised you answers and I didn't know if you would just barge in here and demand them or something and-"

"Wait", Isak interrupted, way too loud for the atmosphere in the room but he didn't care. His heart was pounding with double effort and his mouth felt suddenly very dry. "You... we... I have... I don't understand", he ended weakly, fingers clenching the sheets at the end of the bed.

Even closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, unshed tears were glistening in them. "I'm not judging you for what you've said on that party", he whispered and it hit Isak like a punch in the guts, "I'm sure you have your reasons and you don't have to tell me. But I can't... I promised myself once I wouldn't let that happen ever again and..."

"Even, Even _stop_."

Even looked up to meet Isak's wide green eyes.

Isak let out a shaky breath. "You think... you think I'm gonna leave?", he asked, voice completely flat and hollow while he asked himself in the next moment how he could be that stupid. Of course Even would think something like that, he thought exactly what Isak had feared he would. Tears of embarrassment and shame burned in his eyes; rapidly he tried to blink them away.

"Even, you... you think I want to leave?" He said it again, because he had to, because maybe he would snap out of the stupor when he heard it again.

When he loooked at Even again, he thought he saw another tear falling. His throat felt suddenly very tight.

"I'm not mad." Even whispered. "It's okay, I promise. "

Isak stared at Even. He couldn't believe it. "Are you serious?", he asked, a lump big and heavy in his throat, making it hard for him to breathe.

Even shrugged and opened his mouth but Isak interrupted before he even got to say something. "Because it's _not_ true, that's _not_ what I want."

He had raised his voice, he even sounded mad a bit. Good. He needed Even to listen.

"Even, please", he said and shifted a bit so his body was an inch closer to Even's. Even looked at him in confusion, but didn't change his resigned expression.

"You being bipolar, that changes nothing."

Even gave him a bitter smile at that. "Yeah, sure", he replied hoarsly, while he blinked rapidly, looking anywhere but Isak. Isak bit his lip. "I mean it", he said quietly but Even shook his head. "Please stop it, Isak. You don't have to pretend, I understand."

Isak couldn't believe it. Anger joined his desperation. He wouldn't give up on this that easy. "You're not doing me a favor by kicking me out without giving me the chance to tell you what's going on", he snapped, ignoring how how his heart broke at the sight of Even. "If you would just let me explain..."

But suddenly he couldn't say it. It was so hard to swallow and Even looking like that... like he had given up, like he didn't expect Isak to stay around after he knew about his bipolar. He hated it. He hated himself for saying those things he didn't mean, and he hated Even a bit for giving up on them, for not letting him explain. He knew it wasn't fair, but he couldn't help himself. And the anger, mixed up with the desperate wish to do something was what pushed him in the end to say it.

"My mum is schizophrenic." It burst out of him, louder than he had intended to and the words hang out there, between the two boys.

Even stared at him, his expression blank and in shock. They both didn't move, like they waited for the other to explode. Isak's breathing was heavy, like he had run a mile, and his thorat was so dry he didn't know if he could swallow ever again. Even looked at him in disbelief and for a moment Isak closed his eyes, asking himself what the hell he was doing here. But these first words seemed to have opened something inside him and suddenly the words stumbled out of him, uncontrollable.

"The reason why I said those horrible things was that my dad called me to tell me my mum got hospitilized because she had a delusion of the devil and the apocalypse and that we're all doomed to die. After that I drank as much as I could to forget." Isak talked as fast as he could to get it out, chest heaving, cheeks wet. He hadn't realized he was crying again. Whatever. "I know it's stupid to say this", he said, wiping over his face angrily, "do you think I feel proud of that? Do you think it's true what I said? Damn, Even, nothing, _nothing_ is true, please believe me, okay, my mum... my mum is a wonderful person and I love her so much..." The tears didn't want to stop and Isak had to interrupt himself again. Even suddenly made a move, like he wanted to reach out for him but Isak needed him to listen, he needed Even to believe him. "Even, please", he said again. "I don't think like that at all it's just... my mum and then there's my stupid dad who can't do shit and he _left_ us, okay, and I had to take care of her and I...I can't... I know you're mad and you have every right to be, but please, you have to believe me..."

Why was he crying, there was no reason okay, he was a man, he didn't need to, he was fine, like Even said, it was all fine, and...

And then two arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a crashing hug. Isak let out a surprised hiccup before he burrowed his face in Even's neck, breathing him in. He felt Even rubbing his back soothingly, letting out little calming noises while he cried and he wished so badly to stay here. He would give so much if he could just stay in that warm circle forever.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay", Even whispered. "I'm so sorry Isak. I'm sorry."

Isak just burrowed himself further in his arms.

After some time he felt Even moving them both until Even leaned against the headboard with Isak in his arms and half on his lap and it felt nice, so, so nice. Even if Even didn't have his usual strength and Isak could feel his heart racing against his own.

But Isak couldn't stay here. Aside from that, Isak had to talk to him. They had to talk to each other. So he untangled himself carefully out of the embrace and scooted back until he could look properly at Even.

"Thanks", he mumbled and wiped the rest of the tears away, cheeks surely red as hell. Even just stared at him with wide eyes. "I didn‘t know," he croaked, "I thought... I don’t know what I thought. I‘m sorry. I‘m so stupid."

But Isak shook his head. "No. Even, we need to talk. Properly. Without prejudices and judging."

Even sighed and leaned back against the headboard. "Yeah, I know." For a moment he stared into the room before he turned his head at Isak again.

"Just... don't push me away, Even", Isak pleaded. "That's not helpful for anyone."

When Even didn't answer right away, Isak crawled closer again and touched his knee carefully. "Ev."

"I just... you were right in a way, when you said that at the party." When Isak gave him an offended look he added: "No, of course not the whole thing, but... Isak, I could be bad for you, okay."

"You could never be bad for me", Isak whispered. If that was the problem, if that was the fear Even had, Isak would do anything he could to prove him otherwise.

Even swallowed. "You don't know that, Isak", he whispered, his look so vulnerable, his eyes so wide.

"Neither do you."

"But - Isak, your mum... it doesn’t sound like you... I would just add to the stress and if you said you can’t anymore-"

“Dammit, Even, stop saying that!“ Isak glared at him. "I was drunk and hurt and meant none of it okay?"

When Even didn’t answer he sighed. It took him a bit of courage to reach out and take his hand but when he did he smiled at the overwhelming feeling. Even's hand was cold and he gently rubbed his fingers over the back of his hand. He didn't look up but he heard the breathing of Even hitch and smiled even more. Despite all the sad topics that laid in front of them.

„“You’re not my mum, okay? It’s important that you understand that. Me saying these things has to do with my childhood and a lot of things that happened, and my dad who didn’t give a shit and... it’s difficult to explain, but it has nothing to do with you, it wasn't okay to say those things and I didn't mean one thing and I'm not going to leave because of you being bipolar. Okay?“

“But what if you’re right, and I hurt you or it gets too much-“

“You doesn’t know what’s happening in the future. We could be dead tomorrow and then this argument is useless anyway. So I suggest that you just screw talking about the future", he mumbled, carefully linking their fingers together. "And then we can take this completely chill." With that, he brought their linked hands up to press a light kiss on Even's knuckles.

Even looked at him like he couldn't believe him. But then he looked down at their linked hands and gave them a light squeeze that Isak felt everywhere in his body. "Yeah", he said quietly, "that sounds good."

.

 

So they talked. 

They talked about everything that had happened, from the night at the party to where they were now.

Isak was relieved that they could finally, _finally_ talk, even though it wasn't easy.

First Isak had asked if Even was comfortable with this, he was still a bit down, after all. But Even insisted that he was fine, just a bit tired. And if they wouldn't talk about it, he would going to explode, he said with a small smile with caused Isak to let out an eyeroll and a grin.

Isak started. He told Even how he had felt back in uni, how he had thought Even hated him and how he had tried to figure out what's the deal with him. Even made once or twice an attempt to interrupt, but otherwise, he was completely silent, just listening.

They were still sitting on the bed next to each other while Isak talked about the night on the ship and how that had everything changed. How hurt he had felt when Even had stared him down with hate and bitterness and odium.

He told him about his growing confusion about Even's behavior, that he couldn't put it together. When he came to the volleyball incident, he blushed, but Even didn't comment on it. That helped him telling him how confused he had been about the car-thing (now it was Even's turn to blush and seriously, it looked adorable). He even told him about his talk with Jonas, though he kept it very short and he avoided terms like "crushing". He just said that Jonas recommended him to talk to Even again. "Thanks to Jonas, I guess", Even mumbled then and Isak laughed.

Finally he told him about the night at the club, but then he stopped. He didn't know how to put it into words, he wasn't a great talker and talking about his feelings wasn't easy, and talking about how kissing Even had felt was the worst. But he had good practise by now talking about awkward things, so he took a deep breath and talked about that as well. He could litteraly see Even becoming more alive and from now the stupid little smug grin wouldn't leave his lips. It only disappeared when Isak came to last night and he stopped at that.

They were silent for a while. Even seemed to think about all he had said and Isak gave him time.

"Wow", he eventually said, turning to Isak with awe in his eyes. "You thought about me a lot."

"Shut up." Isak shoved him and reveled in the sight of Even smiling properly. When he got serious again, his gaze was full of remorse. "I'm so, so sorry for putting you in such a confusing and frustrating situation", he said quietly, his blue eyes glowing with earnesty. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, for hurting you. I'm sorry for lying to you." His voice was nothing more than a whisper and Isak had to fought the tears again. What was up with him, Jesus?

He was glad when Even cleared his throat and shifted a bit in the bed. "My turn", he said quietly with a half hearted grin. isak just stared at him in anticipation.

"Okay, where do I start?" Even scatched the back of his neck with a frown. "Oh yeah. Okay, I don't know how much Mikael told you but I saw you the day at the cafeteria and well... you were pretty hard to miss." And here we go, Isak could feel the blush creeping its way up his cheeks again. "I didn't see you", he mumbled. Even let out a tiny laugh. "Oh yeah, I happened to literally run away after I stalked you long enough, because I saw Sana saw me staring at you and-"

"Wait." Isak sat up straight, mouth hanging open. " _Sana_?"

Even gave him a confused look. "Yeah. Why?"

"Nothing", Isak mumbled while making a mental note to have a nice long talk when Sana was back.

"So, after that I... uhm... Got pretty obsessed with you? I swear, not in the creepy way!"

"Yeah, Mikael mentioned it." Isak grinned and Even groaned quietly. "Okay, yeah, he was right but Isak, have you seen yourself? I literally got no choice."

Now the blush was defenitely in his ears. Great.

"So I started looking for you, and when I couldn't, I went crazy. I went to like, every party to see if you were there, but you never showed up and I was afraid that you don't even go to the uni there. But then, the last party came and I got lucky. Or, at the beginning, at least." Even grimaced a bit and Isak instantly felt bad. "Even, I didn't remember that night until Mikael told me, actually", he said hesitantly. Even gave him a asking look. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when I said those things... after that the cops showed up, right?" Even nodded. "And I was still sitting on the stairs outside and then someone knocked me out with the shoe or something. And then, nothing. I didn't remember meeting you or saying these things."

Even let out a tiny "huh" at that. "Well, that explains a lot", he said eventually before he shook his head. "Whatever. When I finally met you, I was so happy and you actually wanted to talk to me. I thought _that's it, I died and went to heaven_ -"

"Stop it", Isak mumbled again but Even just gave him a tiny smile. "I mean it. And then you seemed to like me as well and I thought _what can go wrong?_ Well. And then you had to go and when I found you outside you said that all mentally ill people were bad and that you would be better off any of them."

"Even-" Isak started, pleading, but Even said already: "It's okay. But it's important for me that you understand how I felt back then."

When Isak slowly nodded, Even kept going: "It was like a punch in the stomach. Every bad thought I managed to fight over the past years came back to me, whispering how right it was, how fucked up I really am, how I could ever be good for anyone." Even spoke with a flat voice as he said it, like he had to keep all of his emotions out to get himself to speak. It broke Isak's heart.

"I had a boyfriend, two years ago. We had a good relationship at first, but then... it got bad. We fought a lot, about his job, about me being bipolar made everything harder and stuff. I don't want to elaborate on this, I know he didn't mean to hurt me, but he did. Pretty bad. And the end of the song was me, a broken mess, alone in my apartment. From that moment I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone hurt me again like this. That was the reason I backed off as fast as I could when I heard you. I thought this was the same situation, the very same thing."

Isak didn' say a word, he just listened to every word Even was saying, while he felt hot anger boil in his stomach at the thought of someone hurting Even so much while simultaneously the guilt nagged at his insides.

"But staying away from you doesn't work out pretty good", Even said and the small sigh he let out was more fond than annoyed. "I just... I still wanted to know you in a way, even though I couldn't like I wanted to. And I also couldn't be your friend because that would've killed me. So I started teasing you from a safe distance, always keeping a wall of mean words between us. I thought it was the best solution. And then the trip came up, and I knew you would go so I was unsure if I should join. And then Mikael and the boys came to me and forced me to tell them everything." Even's look went soft at that. "And they said I was being stupid for doing that, I should just talk to you and the best opportunity would be the trip."

"You've got yourself smart friends", Isak said and Even huffed at that. "They were right, of course. Ignoring you was not the best way but I was desperate. I didn't know what to do. Mikael said I should just start over with you, which I tried..."

"That's why!", Isak suddenly yelled, "you took my suitcase and everything and you were nice on the ship."

Even smiled. "Yeah, I tried", he replied. "And then there was that night on the ship. I couldn't sleep and went out to catch some fresh air... and then you showed up and I thought this is a sign or something. And you actually sat down next to me and didn't hate me. I was so fascinated. And then you talked about how you couldn’t sleep and all the deep stuff and I began to ask myself what was up with this boy. Was it premature to judge him that fast?  
But then the next day came. And I was so happy and excited and then I heard you talking on the phone. I didn't know who it was, obviously, but I heard something, you spoke pretty loud. And you said something like that again. Not exactly and not that bad, but... it was enough to make me feel like an idiot. I felt like you had played me, even though you had no idea of course." Even bit his lip. "It was like the universe was laughing at me for trying to get near you. And everything I had built up in my head to get confident enough, all the thoughts of _he's got to have a explanation why he said this_ and _he's a good guy, I know it_ went out the winodw. I was so angry at myself."

Isak remembered that day. He remembered calling his dad even if Jonas had said he shouldn't. He remembered talking about his mum again and how he had started yelling about her condition and another few ugly things. He wanted to say something to defend his image, something to reassure Even that he really didn't mean it, but his tongue felt numb.

"That was the reason for, you know, looking at you like that. And when we arrived, all I could think was _What am I doing here?_ But Mikael talked to me again and I thought about it, and eventually I thought that it can't be. I didn't believe that you were like this, I had met the real you on that ship and that wasn't like the guy I heard talking on the phone. There was this vulnerability I knew too well. So I decided to give it a shot, to not give up on you. I wanted to ask you about it so bad, but I didn't know how. And after that volleyball thing I even thought I derserved it in a way, because of course I noticed how confused you were. But I was still careful, I didn't know what you really thought ad I was done with people letting hurt me. And then I said those things in the car..." Even's skin turned slightly pink, "and from then I knew that something's going to happen. And then there was the party and I kissed you and it was like coming home. I felt like flying, like I could do anything. I was so overwhelmed that I was finally there."

Isak listened to him, and he wanted to smile about how Even thought about the kiss, he really wanted, but all he could think of was how much he had hurt this beautiful boy. How little he deserved him. 

"And then... yeah. I put you to bed and when you said yes when I asked you to eat breakfast I was so excited. I ran into my room and Mikael was so confused and when I told him his eyes literally sprang out of his head. But then, after the breakfast, I suddenly had to think about what you've said again. I suddenly started to freak out because I didn't know what to do. So I asked you to be patient and give me time, and you said yes." Even smiled at him so warmly, Isak could cry. "I wanted to tell you everything, I was ready to give you up. But then my thoughts began to spirale, of course. And in addition, I felt a bit depressed. Nothing really bad or for long, but it was enough to knock me out for a day." He looked at the ceiling with a mix of annoyance and resignation. "I hate that", he mumbled. "It makes me feel so _powerless_."

Even was finished, but Isak didn't say anything. He was afraid that his voice would break if he did.

Even, oblivious to that, gently nudged him with his knee. "That was it", he said quietly. "I know it's a lot and you'll have to think about it probably but... yeah."

Isak didn't say anything.

"Isak?" Now Even seemed to notice that something was wrong.

Isak didn't answer him, he just shook his head. Even, now properly worried, shifted closer to put his hands on Isak's knees. "Hey", he asked helpless, "what is-"

"I am a horrible person." The words were out before Isak had time too think about them, but it was all that stuck inside his head. "I'm a horrible person."

"What? Isak, you're not-"

"I am! Look at me, the way I talk about my mum, about all of this... who does that? Oh my god", he yelled, burying his head in his hands. "I am sorry, Even", he whispered, "so so sorry for hurting you so much. I would never have said it if I had known, I shouldn't have said any of it. And I know you probably don't believe me after I said it _twice_ but... please forgive me.

For five terrible seconds Isak thought Even was going to say nothing - but then he heard Even letting out a shaky breath before he gently pulled Isak's hands away. "Isak", he whispered and there were tears in his eyes, too. "I know you had to deal with so much. I don't know the full story but what I can tell is that you're strong and brave. I meant what I said at the beach. I... I feel terrible for judging you and not even know the whole story."

"You were right", Isak hiccupped, "it wasn't okay to say this, no matter what issues I have."

"Well, no, it's not okay, but Isak, I took the whole thing personal even though I had no clue about your situation. And I copied it on my situation with Nils." He still had Isak's hands in his own, refusing to let go. "Of course I forgive you", he whispered. "But Isak, can you forgive me?"

Isak blinked through tears and when he looked at Even, there was only one answer. " 'course I do", he whispered. "I would've been furious if I were you, so..."

Even let out a shaky laugh at that before he pulled Isak into a hug again and even though they both were quite emotional and a mess at the moment, in this moment Isak was sure it was going to be fine. That they were going to make it.

"I love spending time with you", he dared to say into Even's shoulder, his whole body shuddering at how real the spoken words were. The response came imediatelly thereafter; Even let out a cute little gasp and he squeezed him even tighter.

It was funny; there they sat, pouring out their hearts to each other, yet still those simple sentences could make the other going shy and bashful. Isak didn't mind. He would love spending hours just here, making Even blush. Hell, the fact that _he_ was the one that could do that to Even, was ridicilous.

When Even pulled back, Isak instantly missed his warmth around him. For several seconds they just stared at each other, both with dishevelled hair and steamy eyes and suddenly Isak felt a wave of happiness rolling over him. They had talked, they _finally_ had talked and they were still here, together, in _one_ fucking bed and not yelling at each other. Isak felt light and carefree and it was the best fucking feeling.

So when Even looked at him in question, eyebrows raising, he couldn't help himself. He pushed forward, getting Even's stupid strain out of the way and kissed him fiercely.

Even made a surprised sound which was quickly swallowed by Isak's mouth and when Even's body catched up he kissed back with so much force Isak felt dizzy. And it tasted like home, like rain in the summer, like the sun shining on skin, like a crystal-clear polar night. Like love and hope and fondness. And a silent promise. _I'm here. I'm here with you. You are not alone._

When they seperated, they were both panting hard with flushed faces. Even smiled, and it was such a warm smile, _his_ Isak-smile. Isak loved that smile.

But he still looked exhausted and Isak punched himself mentally. "Do you want to lie down?", he asked and Even nodded, though he held onto the sleeve of Isak's hoodie. "Stay?"

And seriously, how could Isak resist to that shy, soft request?

"Let's agree on something", Isak said, when they lay in bed again and his body was tingling at the feeling of Even pressed beside him. He turned to him so they noses were nearly touching. They barely fit in the bed together and Isak was slightly afraid of falling off. Even, seeming to sense his fear, put an arm around him to prevent that disaster. Isak happened to cuddle even closer to Even at that, so he wasn't complaining.

"What?" Even tucked a curl behind Isak's ear. Isak bit his lip.

"That I'm not better without mentally ill people."

It was daring to say that, the talk was so fresh and everything was so vulnerable and new and a bit unsure. They still hadn't talked about... well, _them_ and Isak knew that he had to tell Even about his parents. He didnt have to, of course, but he wanted. He wanted Even to understand him even more than he already did and also, he got the feeling that talking about this to someone who wasn't involved could help.

Isak didn't knew if they were boyfriends now (his whole body seemed to blush at that thought and he had to put a lot of effort in hiding his dopey and probably very dumb looking grin). But he knew, that, whatever this was... it wasn't temporary. Hell, no.

For a moment Even looked at him with a blank expression and Isak just started to worry that he had gone too far. But then Even gave him a genuine smile that made his eyes crinkle. He scooted forward and pulled Isak in for a long sweet kiss Isak didn't want to end ever.

"That sounds fucking amazing", he whispered in his ear and Isak hummed at that in agreement.

 

.

"Guys, I'm sooo exhausted."

"Shut up, Mags and hold my bag, I need to find the keys."

"Why is it shut anyway? Whre's Isak?" Mahdi scratched his head.

Jonas shrugged. "Don't know, he didn't write me."

"Uuuuh, guys, maybe he's fucking Even finally!" Magnus bounced on his feet and was instantly hit by two hands at the back of his head. " _Ouch!"_

"What is wrong with you, Jesus Christ." Jonas rolled his eyes while Mahdi added: "In Mags-language that probably means he hopes they have talked and it went well."

"Exactly!" Magnus beamed. "I'm sure it went well."

"We'll see", Jonas mumbled. "Oh, I got the keys! Ok thanks for holding the bag."

He took the bag from Magnus and opened the door to his and Isak's room. No Isak.

He sighed and threw his bag on the bed before he sat on it.

It had been a nice day. They had had a funny time with Chris, Vilde and Eva, of course. They had visited Sana and Yousef who would be back tomorrow. Hamburg was a beautiful city and they spent hours to walk at the harbour and went into the most different shops.

It was a good day. But where was Isak?

Jonas started to worry a bit. He could have write him, even if he was with Even...

His eye catched something. He frowned before he slowly stood up from the bed to walk over to pick up the note that was laying on the ground near the door. It had to be shoved under the door slot.

Jonas frowned and read with squinted eyes was his best friend had written.

Then he suddenly broke out into laughter. "Mahdi! Magnus, bro, come here!"

They both came running at his yelliing. "What's up, man?"

Jonas just showed them the note with a big grin. "Our boy got his boy", he said. "For real this time, I hope!"

 

**I talked to him. It went well. I'll stay the night, so Jonas, you can bring Eva, but I'll kill you if you have sex in my bed. I'll tell you tomorrow, and Magnus, stop imagine gay sex in your head. It's weird.**

**I owe you guys, thanks for the support, I love you <33**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...anyone still there?
> 
> Yes, I still exist, I'm alive!!!  
> I'm so sorry for updating so fucking late and here comes the explanation why; I have so much exams these days (today was maths^^) and I had to focus on that a bit. Also, I'm not a fast writer as much as I'd like to change that.  
> In like, three weeks will be my final exams, so until then I probably won't be able to write or update anything. That sucks, but after that, I got more time!!! to write and not let you guys (and our boys) wait!  
> If you're still here to read this story, thank you so much for reading and enjoying this story.<3
> 
> To the plot: I wanted to write that talk for so long, and now it is here. At least, most of it^^. I tried to put everything in and I hope you got both sides of the story and understood how especially Even felt<33 He's a strong boy but the story with his ex is pretty dark so I won't go into that very deep. But it was important to mention it.  
> And now I will be able to finally write all the FLUFF:D
> 
> Okay, that was it, thank you guys for supporting and leaving comments, I get so excited about every new comment^^! 
> 
> See ya<3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff. And a bit smut.

_Tuesday, Day 7 ___

__

__When Isak woke up it was dawning outside. He had a nice view to the cherry tree next to the house and for a few seconds he asked himself why everything felt so different than usual. But very soon he remembered everything again and after a long yawn and a few annoyed looks outside to the way too loud, too early birds, he shifted in the small bed and turned to look at Even._ _

__They had decided to just stay in bed yesterday. The talk had drained Even a bit although he had said he was fine. But Isak had insisted on resting and eventually Even gave in and fell asleep after ten minutes._ _

__Isak had spent the day either watching Even sleep, or getting some sleep himself. He was pretty tired after the last night._ _

__They hadn't talked about anything else yet but Isak wasn't in a rush. There was plenty of time._ _

__After two hours or something he had gotten a text from Mikael who was asking if everything was okay. Isak then had sneaked out of the bedroom to talk to Mikael in person, letting him know he and Even would spend the day together. Mikael hadn't looked too surprised and had given him a smile. He hadn't asked questions, which Isak was grateful for again. “Text me if you need anything“, he had said, “we'll still look after him once in a while, okay?“_ _

__Isak had nodded. “Yes of course.“_ _

__“Oh and if you need a break or something, just call us“, Elias chimed in. “Or if you wanna grab food with us or something.“_ _

__“Thanks Elias.“ Isak smiled at them._ _

__After that, he had returned to a sleepy Even who immediately reached for him in his doze and Isak's heart had clenched._ _

__And so they just lay there, holding each other and it might not be the most adventurous day Isak had ever had, but for him, it was exactly what he needed._ _

__And now Isak watched Even sleep again and he looked just as beautiful as two days ago, in Isak's bed._ _

___What are we?_ , he asked himself while his eyes traced the line of his lips. _Are we together? I want us to be together. You make me feel good. Valued. In a way no one had ever before. Are you feeling the same about me?__ _

__When the sun started to rise Isak got up to take a shower and brush his teeth and when he returned, Mikael was standing at his bed on the other side of the room._ _

__“Oh... hi“, Isak said, not sure what to say when he was still in just his boxers. But Mikael just waved at him. “Hey“, he whispered so he wouldn’t wake Even up.“Just need to grab a few things for the video.“ He waved with the bigger objective. That reminded Isak painfully of his own assignment. He hadn't even started to write it. So he only nodded while making his way over to Even's bed._ _

__“Uhm, Isak?“_ _

__Isak turned around._ _

__Mikael looked at him with honest, brown eyes. “Thank you“, he said quietly with a warm smile._ _

__Isak didn't quite know what Mikael meant but he smiled back anyway. Mikael saluted and then made his way out of the room._ _

__Isak walked over to Even's bed and crawled under the deliciously warm sheets. He then curled himself around Even, buried his nose in the crook of his neck and closed his eyes. He didn't sleep anymore, but the feeling was nice. So nice. He could imagine doing this more often. You know. Spooning Even._ _

__After a while he felt Even shifting in his sleep and he let go of him so Even could turn around and was now facing him again. There was a light twitching behind his eyelids which told Isak Even would wake up soon and he tried to suppress the upcoming worries. Slow. They had decided to take this slow and with no pressure._ _

__Even's eylids fluttered and opened a bit, desorientated and dizzy. Out of instinct Isak reached up to tuck a strain behind Even's ear. „Hi“, he whispered softly while caressing Even's cheek._ _

__Even needed a few seconds to become fully aware of his surroundings but when he did, he gave Isak a smile. “Hi“, he answered. “I like you in my bed.“ His voice was hoarse from sleep, but apart from that he looked so much better than yesterday, let alone the day before. And the bruise on his nose looked so much better as well. Isak could burst with happiness. “How're you feeling?“ he asked, deciding to rather not answer on what Even had said. His red ears were answer enough anyway he guessed._ _

__Even closed his eyes for a moment. “Better. Much better.“ He opened them again and his calm look settled on Isak's face. “How're you?“  
“I'm fine.“ And it was true. Isak felt good. He had talked to Even, they had talked it out and, if everything went well, he would have a boyfriend at the end of the day. The thought made him bashful and sly at the same time. “I feel pretty great, actually.“_ _

__Even crooked up an eyebrow. “Is that so, Valtersen?“, he mumbled, his eyes full of fondness. “And what could be the reason for that?“_ _

__“Well...“ Isak bit his lip to hide his smile, “I had a good day. And I slept at least fifteen hours.“_ _

__“Impressive.“ Even nodded. “And what happened yesterday?“_ _

__“A lot.“ Isak's fingers were still resting on Even's cheek. “You know there's this boy... and I was an asshole to him even though he deserved nothing of that. And yesterday I finally talked to him to clear the air.“_ _

__“And... how did that work out?“ Even's gaze dropped to Isak's lips, his eyes sparkling while pulling him closer._ _

__“Good“, Isak whispered against Even's lips before he closed his eyes and kissed him. “So good.“ Even grinned against his mouth, his hands gently pulling Isak over until he was on top of Even. His hands then came up to caress Isak's face and finally settle in his curls. “I think that too“, he said softly, his fingers twirling Isak's hair behind his ears. Isak felt something warm and thrilling searing through his chest and he brought their lips together again. He would never get tired of that feeling for sure. There was nothing, nothing he could compare to that._ _

__They made out for a while, lazily and slowly, just enjoying the feeling of each other. When they eventually broke apart, Isak's hair looked pretty ruffled and both of their eyes were shining._ _

__“So“, Isak said, his head resting on Even's chest. “You wanna get up today?“_ _

__Even nodded. “Yeah, I think that's a good idea.“ He bit his lip for a moment. “Isak“, he said, “I appreciate that you stayed with me all day but... you didn't have to.“_ _

__“I know.“ Isak didn't look up but gave Even's fingers a short squeeze. “I wanted to.“_ _

__For a few moments it was quiet in the room._ _

__“Thanks“, Even whispered and Isak smiled and lifted his head to meet his gaze. “Anytime“, he replied. “Besides“, he added when he was settled back again. “I sleep better with you. I mean I sleep better when there's body contact... I mean not in _that_ way... just, when there's someone next to me.“_ _

__He tried desperately to sound calm while sharing this private information about himself and making a fool out of himself doing it._ _

__To his surprise Even let out a little chuckle._ _

__“What?“, Isak asked with a frown. Even shook his head. “Nothing. You're a cuddle person.“_ _

__Isak felt himself blushing again. “'m not“, he mumbled in Even's shirt. He could feel Even's fond laughter. “You're a cuddler. Don't deny it. But seriously“, he gently lifted Isak's head off his chest to look at him, “I'm glad I can help.“_ _

__“It's easier with you. I feel good when I'm with you.“ Isak had no idea why he said all that _sappy_ stuff, but after all the things he said to Even, it would hardly make a difference. Even just made him... whatever._ _

__And Even's reaction was totally worth it. His eyes lit up and he beamed at him (god, Isak had missed that smile so much). “Really?“_ _

__“Yeah“, Isak laughed. “Really.“ He then moved forward to gave him a short kiss but Even held him in place, dragging the kiss out as long as he could. “I feel good with you too“, he said when they pulled apart._ _

__“Are you gonna repeat everything I say to you?“, Isak mocked and Even laughed again. “Don't worry, sweetheart, I have my own ways to charm you.“_ _

__Isak squinted his eyes. “That would be..?“_ _

__“Three things: Breakfast. World changing playlist. Kitchen counter.“_ _

__Isak felt a hot wave rolling through his body when Even mentioned the last one. He cleared his throat. “Okay, you may have a point.“_ _

__“See? I'm so good at this even when we hated each other.“_ _

__Isak huffed. “I never hated you. I guess I wanted to but somehow it didn't work out.“_ _

__“I never hated you either.“_ _

__“You did it again.“_ _

__“Dammit.“_ _

__Isak laughed and nuzzled into Even's shirt. It would be okay. Whatever they were, they could figure this out. But Lord, did Isak want them to be together._ _

__After a while Even let out a deep sigh. “We should go to breakfast, it's almost nine.“ he made an attempt to move but Isak clinged even more to him. “No“, he groaned. “You can't move yet.“_ _

__Even sighed but sank back into the pillows. “Fine“, he mumbled, his fingers carding through Isak's hair. “We can stay like that for a while.“_ _

__Isak nodded against his chest. “Mmh.“_ _

__The truth was, he wasn't particulary thrilled to get up and face the current situation he was in. It was great that Even felt better and everything, but Isak would give a lot to stay in their little bubble a bit longer. And even though he was sure Even and he could make it, he was still worried. And he _still_ hadn't called his dad which made his throat going dry. And he _still_ had to write that stupid assignment._ _

__“What's going on up there?“_ _

__Surprised, Isak lifted his head. Even looked at him with his head tilted to the side, a questioning smile on his face. His fingertip touched Isak's temple slightly. “You okay?“_ _

__“Yeah.“ Isak had to look away to hide his emotions. He wasn't used to someone asking this with that much care in his voice. Of course, Jonas and Eskild asked and they were great, but it still wasn't the same. Even made Isak feel like he mattered, like it was important what he thought, what he was worried about._ _

___Slow_._ _

__“I'm fine.“ He gave Even a smile. “Just thought about the stupid assignment I still have to do.“_ _

__Even's blue eyes studied his face attentively and Isak knew he didn't believe him. But he didn't comment on it and just started talking about the assignments._ _

___I'll never deserve this boy._ _ _

__

__._ _

__

__When Isak walked into the breakfast room today he felt nervous. Even walked next to him but he kept a little distance. He seemed to sense that Isak needed that right now and he was endlessly grateful for that._ _

__Isak could hear Magnus' excited voice before he saw him but before he turned to his table he stopped to look at Even who seemed as unsure as Isak what to do._ _

__“Uhm“, he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. “I should probably go over to Mikael and the guys.“_ _

__Isak nodded. “Yeah sure, I'll go to the boys.“ He smiled at Even, letting him know it was totally fine. Even returned the smile and stepped a bit closer. “Meet me after breakfast?“, he asked quietly, a tender expression on his face and Isak melted. “Okay“, he said. They stared at each other for a moment and when Even eventually turned to sit with the guys Isak felt an oddly approach of loss._ _

__When he sat down at the table he was met by three equally smug looking expressions._ _

__“One word“, he warned while he sat down._ _

__Sometimes he wished he had actual power in this friendship._ _

__“Oh my god“, Magnus shrieked, waving with his arms excitedly. “You had like, the most lovestruck expression in your face.“_ _

__“Shut up, Mags, I hadn't“, Isak hissed, moving to grab the coffee can._ _

__“Nah, he's right.“ Jonas grinned and nudged him in the side. “I've never seen that stupid look on you. So gone.“_ _

__“I'm _not..._ I'm not looking stupid.“ Isak angrily shoved the can away without pouring anything in his mug. “You look like that every time you text Eva.“ That was probably not the best defense._ _

__“It's okay man“, Mahdi reassured him. “We dig it.“_ _

__“Yeah, finally there's progress. And“, Jonas added, pointing at Isak, “you look better.“_ _

__And okay, even if his friends were a pain in the ass, sometimes they're sweet._ _

__Isak would never tell them that though._ _

__“Yeah I slept better“, he mumbled, ogling with an orange next to Mahdi's elbow. Magnus' eyes went wide. “Tell us everything“, he whispered, “did you guys fuck? Was is good? Even looks like it was good.“_ _

__Isak was glad he hadn't any liquid in his mouth so he just choked on his own spit. “The hell, Mags? I'm not telling you shit, are you listening to yourself?“ He grabbed a roll and the butter._ _

__Mahdi snickered. “Magnus pictured you two the whole night“, he said._ _

__“Ew.“ Isak shook his head._ _

__“Oh come on, I didn't“, Magnus said offended, “I was just worried what you guys were doing, if you were okay.“_ _

__Just in this moment isak remembered that the boys had no idea that Even was bipolar. In fact, they didn't know anything about the whole situation yet._ _

__Like he had read his mind, Jonas leaned a bit in and asked: “So Issy. Spill.“_ _

__Mahdi and Magnus mimicked his movement and Isak felt very uncomfortable. “Uhm... what exactly?“, he played dumb._ _

__Jonas rolled his eyes. “How did it go? Did you guys talk it out? How's Even?“_ _

__Isak's gaze wandered to Even's table where Elias, Mikael and the others were crowded around Even who seemed to explain something to them._ _

__Isak bit his lip. He couldn't just tell them about Even. Even had taken long enough to tell him himself, he wouldn't do this. But their whole misunderstanding based on that. Isak had to come ip with something. He let out a long sigh. “Okay guys“, he said after he had taken a sip from Magnus' orange juice. “But I can't tell everything it's kinda a thing between Even and me and it's not my place to tell so... be satisfied with what you get. And somebody please peel that orange for me, thank you.“_ _

__

__The guys listened to him while he tried to explain the whole thing roughly but applicable._ _

__When he was finished the boys looked at him without saying anything._ _

__Isak frowned. “What?“, he asked suspiciously._ _

__Jonas shook his head. “Nothing“, he said but the evil grin betrayed him. “You just have the sappiest look on your face when you talk about Even.“_ _

__Isak's mouth fell open. “I do not!“_ _

__“But you guys are together now, or what?“ Magnus, clearly not listening to them, grabbing a piece of the orange before Isak could slap him._ _

__Isak blushed and his stomach did funny things all of the sudden. “I don't know“, he mumbled, his gaze fixed on the orange peel._ _

__Mahdi snorted. “Are you serious? After all that _drama_?“_ _

__“Yeah well, there hasn't been a talk about that.“ Isak's frown deepened. “And I have no idea how to start that.“_ _

__“Why not? It's easy“, Magnus nodded which caused Iska to let out a snort. “And how, Mags? Should I just say 'hey Even, will you be my boyfriend?'“_ _

__“Yeah.“ Magnus leaned back in his chair, grinning. “That's what I did with Vilde.“_ _

__For a few seconds Isak and Magnus looked at each other._ _

__“I wanna have your relationship, there's no stress involved“, Isak groaned and the guys broke out into laughter._ _

__“At least you can tell people the longest romance story“, Jonas chuckled._ _

__“That's true“, Isak agreed._ _

__“And Isak, it wasn't exactly easy. Vilde is... a bit complicated but I really like her.“ Magnus smiled and suddenly Isak was overcome with a warm feeling. “I'm happy for you, Mags“, he said. “You deserve it.“_ _

__Magnus looked quite surprised but nodded nontheless. “Thanks bro.“_ _

__After that, Isak cleared his throat. “So guys? Have you finished your assignment?“_ _

__The sheepish expressions on the three faces set off a huge relieved feeling inside him._ _

__“Actually, we wanted to do that today.“ Jonas took a sip from his coffee. “We talked to Maya yesterday and she said that today and tomorrow are the days where we can visit the place we have written on the note.“_ _

__Isak needed to check the wall outside more. He never got the important information. “Nice“, he said. Mahdi nodded. “Yeah, and since there are so many people that want to Berlin, Maya decided to do that tomorrow the whole day. Today are the other trips.“_ _

__Something came to Isak's mind. “Hey, you're going to Braunschweig, right?“ He nudged Mahdi who nodded again. “Yup. I have to leave in“, he looked at his watch, “thirty minutes.“_ _

__“But you don't go alone right?“ Isak frowned but Mahdi waved him off. “Nah, I convinced Adam and Mutta and Magnus to come with me.“_ _

__“And Vilde is also coming, together with Noora. You can also join, Isak.“_ _

__“Nah, I'll stay here I guess.“ Isak couldn't help but look at the other table again. The guys were still sitting there, Elias was telling a story and the other guys were laughing and smiling. Even looked like his old self again, his face wasn't pale and tired and he smiled most of the time, once in a while letting out a laugh. Maybe it wasn't that bright or loud yet, but to Isak it was everything._ _

__“Thought so.“ Jonas smirked. “That's why we're having a beach day!“_ _

__That catched Isak's attention. “Huh?“_ _

__“A beach day. You, me, the girls, the other boys, it's warm outside and the sun is shining, it's the perfect day. They say it should rain tomorrow.“_ _

__“Oh. Okay.“ Isak had trouble to keep a chill face while his mind pictured a wet Even in nothing but swim trunks. He had seen Even shirtless, but never shirtless _and_ wet before._ _

__It would be a little harder to take it slow than he thought._ _

__

__._ _

__

__“Isak!“_ _

__Isak turned around to see Even coming up to him. He had just walked out of the door and was now standing in the main floor (the guys seemed to have dissolved themselves in air)._ _

__“Hey.“ He gave him a shy smile. “Where are your friends?“_ _

__“Getting the beach stuff.“ Even stuck his thumbs in his pockets. He wore dark blue sweatpants today and a plain grey shirt under a blue hoodie that made his eyes shine even more. “Do you wanna come?“, Even asked him. He still kept the distance and Isak could sense that he didn't know how to treat Isak in public. He didn't blame him. He had no idea himself how to act around Even, even though he knew how he _wanted to._ _ _

__

__“Yeah.“ the answer was a bit late but Even looked delighted. “Good. Your guys are also coming right?“_ _

__

__“Only Jonas, the others are on a trip to Braunschweig.“_ _

__

__Even nodded. “Yeah right. Hey guess what, Sana and Yousef are back in a few hours.“_ _

__

__“Cool“, Isak said, making a mental note to squeeze Sana out about what she knew about the whole situation. “I'll get my stuff okay?“_ _

__

__“Sure.“ Even hesitated. His gaze roamed over Isak's face and he bit his lip but in the end he leaned in to peck Isak's lips. “See you at the beach“, he said softly before pulling back and walking away, leaving Isak to himself and the butterflies in his stomach._ _

__

__

__

__._ _

__

__

__

__The weather was great. They spread out a huge blanket from Elias on the sand and dropped their stuff there._ _

__

__“Who's first in the water!“, Mikael yelled and stormed off to the waves. Elias, Mikael, Chris, Eva and Jonas followed soon, screaming and laughing at the cold water._ _

__

__“You coming?“ Isak stood there looking at Even expectantly. Even gave him a smirk. “Bet I'm faster than you“, he challenged before he ran. Isak rolled his eyes but ran after him._ _

__

__The water was cold but wonderful refreshing. When Isak came up from under the surface he laughed and shook his head like a dog and felt as happy and relaxed as he hadn't in a long time. Then Jonas tapped his shoulder, yelling “Isak's catcher“ and then everybody was playing and swimming as fast as they could. At some point Eva brought a ball and they played water ball._ _

__

__“Time out“, Eva breathed at some point. “I'll go get some sun.“_ _

__

__“Yeah let's take a break, I'm hungry“, Mikael agreed._ _

__

__While the others slowly made their way back to their blanket Isak approached Even. “Hi“, he said, moving his arms under water. Even grinned. “Hi.“ He looked beautiful. Waterdroplets glistened on his toned body that moved so naturally in the water. His wet hair sticked to his head and once more Isak thought how much younger he looked when his hair wasn't styled up._ _

__

__“Bet I can hold my breath longer than you?“_ _

__

__Isak snorted, trying to stare a little less. “Unfortunately, Bech Næsheim, you'll lose because I happen to be the master of holding my breath.“_ _

__

__Even looked playfully impressed. “Well then, show me.“ He splashed a bit of water in Isak's direction who backed away a few steps before he gave Even a pointed look and dived under the water._ _

__

__Approximately two seconds later he popped up again to a loud laughing Even. “Wow. You never cease to impress“, he said, a mischivious grin on his lips. “So impressive, _master_ of holding your breath.“_ _

__

__“Shut up.“ Isak tried to argue while he coughed and wiped the water out of his eyes. “I got water in my lungs.“_ _

__

__“Mmh sure.“ Blue teasing eyes judged him._ _

__

__“As if you could do better.“ Isak's body was slowly cooling down but he wanted to prove Even that he could do better, dammit._ _

__

__Even came closer. “Okay then“, he said, the sly smile never leaving his lips. “Together? On one?“_ _

__

__Nodding, Isak stepped a bit closer to the other boy._ _

__

__“Ready? Three, two, one...“_ _

__

__The two boys dived under the water together._ _

__

__The afternoon sun was breaking through the water, making everything looking bright in a green-grey light. Or maybe it wasn't the sun, Isak thought while he watched, maybe it was just Even._ _

__

__Even's hair was floating around his head like a halo and his skin stood out even more against the water. He kept eyecontact with Isak, first he still grinned at him in amusement but then his smile faded, made room for a more fond and tender expression and before Isak knew what was happening Even swam closer and kissed him._ _

__

__Isak was so surprised that he accidently swallowed some water and came to the surface once more coughing and panting for air._ _

__

__Even followed him, head shaking and a pitying look on his face. “Look, I don't want to hurt you, but I think you have to give up your title, _master_.“_ _

__

__“Fuck off!“, Isak hissed, shoving a giggling Even. “You cheated.“_ _

__

__“Excuse me?“ Even placed a hand over his heart dramatically. “I did not, you think there are any rules here?“_ _

__

__“Uhm, _yah_?“_ _

__

__“Okay then.“ Even came dangerously close, speaking directly in Isak's ear. “Let's do it again.“_ _

__

__“Fine.“ Isak chose to ignore the shivers running down his spine and concentrated on the task. “Okay? Three, two, one...“_ _

__

__Under the water Isak opened his eyes again. The water wasn't particular salty so hi eyes didn’t burn and he had a good view on the boy in front of him. That boy who looked at him with honesty and devotion and so much care Isak couldn't bear it. In one move he grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him closer while his lips met Evens. This time they didn't seperate and for a few seconds Isak revelled in the feeling of it. Kissing Even was so fucking _good_._ _

__

__Unfortunately they were humans that needed air to live so eventually they had to come up for the oxygen. Even didn't stop kissing him though, he took tiny breaths between kissing Isak senseless, making Isak's head spin and his limbs weak._ _

__

__When they finally seperated they remained staring at each other with heavy breaths and shiny eyes and swollen lips. Even looked at him in awe, licking his lips before letting out a long breath. “Fuck“, he breathed. “You're going to be the death of me.“_ _

__

__Isak just stared at him back, taking in his wet hair and broad shoulders against the sun, his swollen lips that were _Isak's_ work._ _

__

__“Likewise“, he whispered._ _

__

__They would've stood there forever probably but a loud voice brought them back to reality. “Booysss, aren't you hungry?“_ _

__

__They turned their head to see Chris waving at them. Isak turned back to Even, raising his eyebrows. “You hungry?“, he asked. Even grinned. “Yeah, but I'm also really cold so it's a good idea if we move out of the water.“_ _

__

__Only then Isak became aware of Even's purple lips._ _

__

__“Yeah sure“, he hurried to say, cursing himself for not noticing earlier. He probably had blue lips as well and he felt his body shivering a bit. Without thinking, he grabbed Even's hand to walk with him though the shallow water but almost instantly dropped it with guilt._ _

__

__They weren't together, Isak was not Even's boyfriend, he had no right to do such a … _boyfriend_ thing._ _

__

__“Sorry“, he mumbled and stepped away, cheeks flushing. To avoid eyecontact he kept his gaze to the surface. A few seagulls were floating on the waves, blinking tiredly in the sun._ _

__

__“Isak.“_ _

__

__Isak slowly lifted his gaze. Even hadn't stopped smiling and his eyes looked at him softly and then, with a step in his direction, he moved his own hand towards Isak, reaching for his fingers but slow enough for him to draw back if he wanted to._ _

__

__Isak stood perfectly still._ _

__

__When Even's fingers gently curled around his he couldn't help but let out a tiny gasp. This was something different than holding hands in the safe space of a bedroom. Here they were open and vulnerable and for Isak it was even bigger than kissing. It was a sign of affection and belonging, it wasn't something what you just did if you felt like it and for a moment he felt kind of overwhelmed. But the gentle squeeze of Even's hand, the calming thumb running over the back of his hand and Even's reassuring smile grounded him._ _

__

__“Okay?“ Even gave him an asking look._ _

__

__It felt nice. Like everything that involved Even and Isak nodded sheepishly. Even beamed at him. “Okay, let's go.“_ _

__

__They walked back in peace, they intertwined fingers swinging back and forth and Isak was thinking how weird it was that it felt so normal. Walking next to Even, holding his hand and smiling at him... it felt like the easiest thing._ _

__

__And maybe Even felt the same._ _

__

__When they approached the others, only Chris was there. “Hola, boys!“, she said, smirking at them. “You are too late.“_ _

__

__“Too late for what?“, Isak asked while he tried to ignore the blush creeping on his cheeks _again_. He was holding hands with a hot, nice boy, so what?_ _

__

__“Food. But don't worry, Jonas and Mikael went to get some more.“_ _

__

__Isak turned to Even and found the same asking expression mirrored in his face. Their two best friends, after all that happened... Isak would have to ask Jonas later._ _

__

__“Interesting“, Even mumbled and proved that he was thinking the same. “And the others?“_ _

__

__“Oh, Eva got a sunburn and Elias has some special cream for it, they'll be back in a minute.“_ _

__

__“Alright.“ Isak reluctantly let go of Even for a minute to get his towel. When they had dried themselves they spread out the towels next to the blanket and lay down, facing each other._ _

__

__Isak felt a welcoming sleepiness waving over him; the swimming had tired out his body. In addition the sun, the seagulls screaming obove them and the shallow breeze were inviting him to sleep but he fought against it. He wanted to look at Even for another minute, wanted to get lost in the blue eyes._ _

__

__Even had stretched out himself, his long legs reaching above the towel. In the moment he had closed his eyes but Isak could hear him mumbling “I don't want to get suncream.“_ _

__

__And yeah. Now Isak was wide awake, no single sign of tiredness. He tried desperately to put on a calm expression when Even opened his eyes to blink at him. “Mmh.“ He didn't trust himself to speak._ _

__

__Even grimaced and got up again. While he rumoured through his bag which was placed next to him Isak hectically thought of all the possibilities to get away from this. But Even was already done, fishing the lotion out of his bag and began to rub the creme in his skin._ _

__

__Isak didn't want to look. He really didn't. But seriously, was he given a choice when the hottest boy on earth sat next to him, creaming his body with suncreme?_ _

__

__At one point Even looked up and his eyes locked with Isak's before he managed to look away and the sly grin on his lips was no help either. Isak swallowed and turned demonstratively away to start a conversation with Chris over her book she was reading. He ignored Even's tiny laugh in the background._ _

__

__After a few minutes he found the situation safe enough to turn around again. Even was sitting on his towel, practically glowing from the creme. The smirk on his face was a bit disturbing and Isak frowned at that._ _

__

__“I'm mostly done, but there's a part left I can't reach.“_ _

__

__Isak withdraw every fond thing he had ever thought of Even, this person was evil. He remained silent._ _

__

__“It's my back“, Even went on and yup. The devil himself. “I think I missed something.“_ _

__

__And that's how Isak found himself kneeing next to Even, covering his back with suncreme. (Even had suggested that Isak could also sit on him to do that but Isak had smacked him hard on the arm blushing and that was it.)_ _

__

__“You're doing great“, Even said. Isak snorted and focused on his two tasks of creaming Even and breathing normally._ _

__

__It was odd how much he liked touching Even. His fingers explored the alabastern skin, feeling the muscles beneath it. Now and then he would meet a mole decorating it._ _

__

__“Are you done?“ Even wanted to get up but Isak pushed him back. “Not yet“, he demanded. “There's still some skin left.“_ _

__

__Even obeyed and Isak continued stroking and massaging his skin. That was all what he did since five minutes if he was being honest. There wasn't a place he hadn't covered in creme and Isak knew Even knew it. But he patiently let him explore his body, his cheek resting on his towel and Isak was grateful that he didn't point it out._ _

__

__After a while he became braver and, after he had peeked over to find Chris sleeping soundly on her book, he grabbed the suncreme and began to massage it into Even's lower back._ _

__

__Even let out a tiny gasp but remained silent. Isak smirked. He then let his hands wander a bit in that area and he could feel Even tensing up under his fingers. “Isak...“_ _

__

__“Shh.“ Isak gently rubbed the creme into Even's skin. “Let me take care of you.“_ _

__

__He had no idea where the courage came from but didn't want to stop now. With a grin he gently lifted the waistband of Even's trunks a bit, feeling Even shiver under him. “You okay there?“, he laughed, earning a quiet “fuck you“. Isak chuckled and began to rub the no longer existant suncreme in the pale skin. Thereby he slowly, very slowly let his fingers go deeper under the waistband._ _

__

__Even lay completely still, his breathing came out a bit erratic._ _

__

__“Hey, relax.“ Isak put his hands on Even's upper body for a moment, gently stroking over his shoulders and the back of his arms. He felt Even relaxing a bit under the soothing gesture and smiled._ _

__

__“I can stop if you want“, Isak whispered and bit his lip to hide his laugh when he saw Even shaking his head violently. “No, just... go slow.“_ _

__

__Isak nodded. “Okay.“_ _

__

__He let his hands roaming up and down Even's back a few times before he slowly but surely dived under the trunks again. This time Even stayed calm. With a small smile Isak went on. He hadn't arrived at Even's proper buttocks yet, he still treated his lower body, but it was very close. And it itched in Isak's fingers to go lower, to explore more, to -_ _

__

__“Hey guys!“_ _

__

__Isak startled and withdraw his hand so fast that Even's waistband did a loud _smack_._ _

__

__Isak turned around, not daring to face Even yet and tried to sound calm and carefree. “Hey Eva.“_ _

__

__Eva either hadn't seen what Isak was about to do or she decided kindly to ignore it. “How's your sunburn?“, he asked and Eva grimaced. “It fucking hurts“, she complained, dropping next to Isak and exposed her shoulder to show them the angry red skin. “Elias has some cream for that, he is asking Maya for a parasol. Hi Even.“_ _

__

__“Nice“, Isak said._ _

__

__“Chris, what are you reading?“_ _

__

__With that Eva turned away for a moment and Isak dared to look at his other side._ _

__

__“You're an evil person, Valtersen. Evil and dangerous“, Even said in a low voice. His gaze pierced into Isak's._ _

__

__“I did nothing“, Isak joked but Even just snorted. “I hate you“, he grumbled._ _

__

__Isak laughed. “Come on, don't say you didn't enjoy it.“ he lay next to Even again who actually pouted a bit. Even just shook his head. “I wanted to do _you_ “, he groaned and okay._ _

__

__“Oh.“ Isak didn't know if he was glad Even didn't get to do it or sad. “Well, you still can.“_ _

__

__But Even shook his head. “The others will be back“, he mumbled. “And I don't want an audience for that.“_ _

__

__Isak chocked on his spit. “Even“, he said out of breath, “you can't say shit like that.“_ _

__

__“Why not?“ Now Even's eyes were full of mischievousness. “Are you feeling uncomfortable?“_ _

__

__Isak was spared a smart answer thanks to the loud arriving of Mikael, Jonas and Elias with a big parasol._ _

__

__“I could've helped you Elias“, Eva said but Elias waved it off. “It's not heavy.“ He carefully sticked the parasol into the sand and opened it. “Perfect. Oh hi guys.“_ _

__

__Isak waved at them and Even said “nice, thanks, Elias.“_ _

__

__“We brought food“, Mikael crowed and tossed a plastic bag over to Even and Isak. “Be grateful.“_ _

__

__“What is it?“ Even peeked inside the bag. “Kebab. Thanks guys!“_ _

__

__Jonas nodded but he looked at Isak, a silent “everything okay?“ in his eyes. Isak smiled at him and gave him a reassuring nod. “Yeah thank you guys“, he echoed._ _

__

__Jonas seemed satisfied and sat next to Eva to put an arm around her shoulder only to be rejected a second later. “Ouch! Jonas, there's the sunburn!“_ _

__

__The following hours went by fast and were full of fun. Isak laughed so much his stomach hurt._ _

__

__They ate their kebab and afterwards they all played frisbee where they all were terribly bad at and Even had to jump into the sea twice to save it, thanks to Isak and Eva._ _

__

__Even didn't get to cream Isak but he stared at him the whole time while Isak did it himself and he had to reassure Chris that he didn't have a sunburn in his face when he blushed once more._ _

__

__“This is a good day“, Even observed when they took a break from frisbee and lay on the huge blanket._ _

__

__Isak smiled at him sleepily. The earlier doziness stared to kick in again and he would kill for a good nap._ _

__

__“Yesterday was also a good day“, he argued, reaching out to stroke Even's chin. Even looked at him doubtly. “But we were just inside, sleeping“, he said._ _

__

__Isak laughed. “I don't have a problem with sleeping“, he chuckled. Then he became serious again. “I loved spending time with you, in a bed. Oh wow that came out wrong“, he hurried to say, rolling his eyes at himself while Even let out a small chuckle. “I mean, I don't have a problem with you sleeping as long as I can be with you.“ He swallowed when he felt how genuine his words were. He hoped Even saw that._ _

__

__“Isak“, Even whispered, his eyes wide. Isak gave him a warm smile, his gaze roaming over Even's beautiful face. “I mean it“, he said softly. “A good day.“ He then slided closer to Even's body and looked him deep in the eyes before he kissed him._ _

__

__It may sound silly but it was important to Isak that Even understood how much he wanted to be with him and be there for him no matter what. He was so important to him, in a way he couldn't describe. He had never felt anything like that before._ _

__

__When they seperated and Isak looked at him he could see that the older boy clearly was touched by his words. He let put a shaky breath and then pulled Isak closer to him to place a kiss in his hair. “Thank you“, he whispered. Isak answered him by taking Even's hand and then, after he hesitated a moment, he rolled fully over to snuggle against his body._ _

__

__That was something he had wanted to do the whole time but didn't know if he should, given the circumstances and the unspoken question what they were for each other._ _

__

__But now, lying there next to Even with his arms coming around him naturally, it felt so right and warm and safe that Isak closed his eyes and burrowed his face in Even's chest. His one hand was still holding Even's, the other began to run over the skin of Even's shoulder with gentle fingers. Even's free hand found its place one second later in Isak's hair and Isak had to pull himself together not letting out a moan when his fingers began to massage his scalp._ _

__

__“That okay?“, Even mumbled into his hair and Isak let out a sigh. “Mmmh.“_ _

__

__With closed eyes he heard the waves and the wind even louder but it was a pleasant sound which blurred together with the laughing and excited voices of their friends with the frisbee. And, under him, in a steady rhythm, he could feel Even's heartbeat, sending him to sleep._ _

__

__

__

__._ _

__

__

__

__He woke up to Even trying to get up. Sleepily he let out a small whine and held onto him. “Stay“, he mumled._ _

__

__Even let out a fond laugh. “Baby, I need to get up“, he said. “I'll be back in a second.“_ _

__

__Isak growled._ _

__

__Even sighed. “One minute, alright?“ With that, he freed his arm out of Isak's grip and got up. Isak instantly curled himself together, trying to replace the warmth of Even's body._ _

__

__He tried to get back to sleep but without Even it was useless. With a groan he lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. He then looked around only to realize that it was only him and Eva left. He sat up and looked with narrowed eyes the beach up and down but couldn't find anyone but when his gaze drifted to the sea he was able to locate Elias', Chris' and Mikael's head above the waves and Jonas was coming up to him out of the water. Isak waited until he stood in front of the blanket. “Don't you dare making the blanket wet“, he said. Jonas let out a laugh. “Don't worry, I just need the ball. Could you..?“_ _

__

__Isak looked around and spotted the red ball near Eva. With a sigh he got up to get it._ _

__

__“Thanks“, Jonas said when he tossed him the ball, but he didn't move. Instead he looked at Isak with a mix of mischievousness and fondness. “So you and Even are really a thing now, huh.“_ _

__

__Isak raised his eyebrows. “Did you listen to me this morning?“_ _

__

__“Yes of course“, Jonas rolled his eyes. “But it's different when you see it with your own eyes.“ He gave him a long look before he broke out into a grin. “I'm happy for you. You deserve it.“_ _

__

__Isak felt a sudden wave of emotionf for his best friend. “Thanks“, he mumbled. “I... I really like him.“_ _

__

__“Well, he likes you too, that's for sure“, Jonas smiled. Isak snorted. “Yeah I know but, I still don't know what we are, you know?“_ _

__

__“Isak.“ Jonas rolled his eyes again. “Are you serious? The way you two treat each other, that's nothing temporary, dude.“_ _

__

__Isak bit his lip. “Are you sure?“_ _

__

__Jonas gave him a serious nod, before he sat next to Eva who was still asleep. “Very sure.“ He gave her a kiss and tucked a strain of her maroon hair behind her ear. When he got up, he winked at Isak. “Also, I spoke to Mikael. Jonas aprroves.“ He gave him a big grin and then sprinted down to the water before Isak could grill him about what exactly Mikael and Jonas had talked about._ _

__

__He remained in that position until Even returned._ _

__

__“Were have you been?“, Isak asked when Even sat down next to him._ _

__

__“Pee.“ Even laughed at Isak's expression. “You still tired?“_ _

__

__Isak shook his head but still leaned his head on Even's shoulder. Even wrapped his arm around him and Isak thought that nothing could ever beat this safe and warm feeling of bein in Even's arms._ _

__

__“Tomorrow is the trip to Berlin“, he heard Even mumble after a while._ _

__

__“Mmh.“ Isak watched Jonas trying to catch Mikael in the water. For a second he wanted to talk with him about his worries but he didn't want to disturb the peaceful atmosphere so he said, “I want to go to the university of technology.“_ _

__

__“What's your topic?“_ _

__

__“Black holes.“_ _

__

__Even let out a whistle. “Wow. A genius.“_ _

__

__Isak half-hearted shoved him away. “Stop it.“_ _

__

__“Why? It's true.“ Even pulled Isak back in confidently._ _

__

__“What do you wanna do?“ Isak didn't know what Even's project was and he was eager to find out._ _

__

__Even laced their fingers together. “I want to go to the Spreepark“, he said quietly. “It's a beautiful place for filming.“_ _

__

__“What's there?“, Isak asked interested but Even shook his head. “Surprise“, he grinned. “And no googling.“_ _

__

__“But...“ Isak pouted. “At least say what your topic is.“_ _

__

__Even said nothing for a moment. “Not yet“, he said and when Isak opened his mouth in protest, he added, “I will, okay? I promise.“_ _

__

__And that was all Isak could get out of him no matter how hard he tried. Eventually he gave up and cuddled closer to him. “Are all of your guys are coming to Berlin?“, he asked as subtle as possible. Judging by Even's amused chuckle, he failed. “Yeah“, he sighed, absently playing with Isak's fingers. “But I don't think we'll all be together all the time.“ He cleared his throat. “What about your guys?“_ _

__

__“I don't know, but I guess“, Isak answerd. “I mean it's Berlin.“_ _

__

__“Yeah.“_ _

__

__For a second they both watched their friends splashing around in the water. Elias made a desperate attempt to save the ball which was slowly but surely floating away._ _

__

__“I want to do something with you“, Even said. His voice was a bit insecure, he almost sounded... shy?_ _

__

__“I mean, only you. I mean, not the whole time, obviously, but...“_ _

__

__He was interrupted by Isak's lips pressing on his. “I'd love to“, he said a bit out of breath when he pulled back again. Even's eyes lit up. “Yeah? Oh my god, awesome.“_ _

__

__Isak laughed at Even's enthusiasm. “But be warned, I am not walking for ten hours through the city like a dumb tourist“, he said._ _

__

__“Grumpy Isak is almost my favorite“, Even grinned, effectively trapping Isak between his legs when he tried to get away from him._ _

__

__“I'm not grumpy!“_ _

__

__“Mmh.“ Even just kissed him again and soon Isak was humming into his mouth, all soft and pliant and Even's hands buried in his hair did the rest._ _

__

__Unfortunately they weren't alone at the beach and they got reminded of that a few minutes later when Eva said, with a slightly interested voice, “you guys could shoot a soft porno I swear. I'd watch it.“_ _

__

__Even and Isak pulled back to look at her. “ _The hell_?“, Isak squieked. “Are you watching us, Eva?“_ _

__

__“Is it my fault that you guys are eating your faces in front of me?“, she said with an evil smirk. “but I just wanted to warn you, the others are coming back.“ She pointed at the water where in fact, the others came out of the water._ _

__

__Even let out a long sigh. “Is it too hard to ask for some peace?“, he mumbled and Isak agreed from the bottom of his heart._ _

__

__The rest of the afternoon flew by where nothing special happened except for Mikael who was convinced he had found a rare shell and wanted to sell it to every person he met, and the arrival of Sana and Yousef from Hamburg. They all cheered at them and Isak was surprised but happy when he saw their intertwined fingers. But then he remembered what he wanted to do and, after he had greeted her with a hug he asked if they could take a little walk. Sana raised her eyebrows but agreed and so they started walking at the beach._ _

__

__“So... how was Hamburg?“, Isak asked but got interrupted by Sana's snort. “Come on, Isabell, you don't want to ask about Hamburg.“_ _

__

__Isak bit his lip. He didn't like how often Sana was right. “Fine, I don't want to do that“, he confessed, “but I'm really happy about you and Yousef.“ He grinned at her and she actually blushed. “There's no... me and Yousef“, she said but she couldn't hide her smile. “And it's none of your business“, she continued strictly._ _

__

__“Yeah sure.“ Isak grinned at her._ _

__

__“Fine.“ Sana adjusted her hijab. “If you wanna go down that road... you and Even, huh?“_ _

__

__Isak should be prepared for this, but it was still so... new to hear that. _Him and Even. Isak and Even._ He liked it. It sounded good._ _

__

__“I guess“, he said. Sana laughed at that. “It doesn't look like guessing“, she smirked and now Isak was the one who hid his grin. “Yeah well, things are quite good now“, he admitted. “We talked and... yeah.“_ _

__

__“That's great to hear, Isak.“ Sana smiled her beautiful smile that showed her dimples. “He's a good guy.“_ _

__

__Isak nodded. “Mmh. He is.“ He hesitated but then decided to just bite the bullet. “So, you know Even right?“_ _

__

__Sana gave him a look. “I do“, she said. “Why?“_ _

__

__Isak bit his lip. “Uhm, do you know about him?“ It was daring to ask but he wanted to know and he hadn't wanted to ask Even. He was relieved when she slowly nodded. “Okay. I just wanted to know.“_ _

__

__“He told me a year ago“, she said and Isak felt a sting in his chest. Sana knew Even better than him. But he tried to shake that feeling off a second later. It was stupid and Isak knew Even in a way Sana didn't._ _

__

__“He told me you saw him the day we had our orientation day.“_ _

__

__Sana looked over the beach. “Yes I remember that. He looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Then he saw me and ran away.“_ _

__

__“So you... aren't surprised? About us?“ Isak felt silly for asking, but he wanted to know. Sana frowned at him. “I was waiting when this would happen, to be honest“, she said._ _

__

__“But... I didn't even like him back then!“, Isak exclaimed but Sana just waved him off. “You were staring at him too, Isak. Every time when he crossed the main yard or in the cafeteria.“ She gave him a sly smile. “That was bound to happen.“_ _

__

__“But... why didn't you say anything?“_ _

__

__Sana raised her eyebrows. “Because it's none of my business? Besides, I knew something was up with Even and it's not my place to tell other people what they should do. And in the end“, she nudged his foot, “it all had a happy end, right?“_ _

__

__They had stopped walking and Isak looked back to their group. Even sat a bit away from the others in a deep conversation with Mikael. His hands were waving around like he would explain something to Mikael, a second later both of them were breakiing out into laughter._ _

__

__The coners of his mouth lifted. “Yeah“, he said. “At least I hope so.“_ _

__

__

__

__._ _

__

__

__

__“I hate this so much“, Isak complained while he tried to write on his essay and had to delete the same sentence for the fifth time._ _

__

__“Shut up, Issy.“ Jonas was lying in his bed on his stomach, writing wildly on his own laptop. “I'm in a flow.“_ _

__

__“Well, I'm not.“ Isak shut his laptop in frustration._ _

__

__Jonas didn't answer, he continued writing until he finally stopped and looked up. “I know what you need“, he said, a grin playing around the coners of his mouth._ _

__

__“And what would that be?“ Isak was annoyed with everything. It had been such a nice day. They were at the beach all the time but eventually Eva had announced she would start doing some work and thereupon suddenly everybody had started to do some work, including Even and Mikael. They just vanished somewhere in the city and now Isak was left behind to write a stupid essay about a fucking complicated topic. Without Even._ _

__

__“Sex“, Jonas stated, making Isak look at him with his mouth gaping open. “What?“_ _

__

__“You heard me.“ Jonas started laughing at Isak's shocked face. “You know what that is right? When two people come together and-“_ _

__

__“Shut it, Jonas!“_ _

__

__“Why are you so upset? It's a great stress reliever.“ A second later he had to duck his head and Isak's pen missed him. “Woah, what's up with you?“_ _

__

__“I thought you wouldn't go all... _Magnus_ on me“, Isak grumbled but Jonas just laughed at him and went back to work._ _

__

__If Isak had trouble concentrating on his assignment before, now it was a lost cause. Everytime he tried to focus on his work, Even would appear in front of his inner eye, all long limbs and defined abs, his beautiful pale skin and dishevelled hair and those piercing blue eyes pinning him down. If he closed his eyes he could still feel Even's smooth skin under his fingertips with hard musles beneath and yeah, work could fucking wait._ _

__

__With another sigh he pushed the laptop away from him and turned to Jonas. “What are the plans for tonight?“, he asked._ _

__

__“Wait a second.“ Jonas typed a last sentence, then closed his laptop and looked up. “Uhm, I don't know yet. But Mahdi wants to go to the club we were the other time.“_ _

__

__Isak didn't know if he wanted to go back there. On the one hand he had kissed Even there for the first time and it had been great and stuff, but he had to think about Marcus as well, that stupid fucker and he didn't want to meet him again._ _

__

__Jonas must've sensed his discomfort because he asked, “what do you wanna do? Even?“ He laughed and this time the pen hit his knee. “Calm down, Issy, I'm just messing around with you.“_ _

__

__Isak shook his head. “We could go to that bar Eva told me about._ _

__

__“Oh yeah, the one with the fancy light stuff.“ Jonas nodded. “Yeah why not.“_ _

__

__“Cool.“ Isak swallowed. There was something else he wanted to say but had no idea how. “Oh uhm, Jonas...“_ _

__

__Jonas looked up._ _

__

__Isak rubbed the back of his head. _Why am I so bad at this?_ , he asked himself. _Just do it.__ _

__

__“So if you and Eva want to be together, uhm... you can have the room?“_ _

__

___So subtle, Isak, congrats._ _ _

__

__Jonas needed approximately two seconds to connect the dots but once he had he started laughing so loud Isak hissed at him to shut it._ _

__

__“Oh my god“, he breathed, still laughing and curled himself on the bed, “you _do_ wanna do Even tonight!“_ _

__

__“Shut up, Jonas!“ Isak tried desperately to keep the blush out of his face. “I don't want to do that.“_ _

__

___Yes I do._ _ _

__

__Jonas just snorted through his laughter. “Oh come on, I've seen your looks you're giving him. I'm not stupid.“ He sat up straight again to look him in the eye. “Hey it's cool, Issy“, he said, smiling at his best friend. “As I said, you deserve it. And thanks for the room, Eva will be excited.“_ _

__

__“Urgh, no details, please.“ Isak felt relieved and a bit anxious at the same time. Not that he had committed himself by giving the room to Jonas but now it felt like he would have to prove something. Which was dumb and irrational thinking, but well._ _

__

__And it was just sex, for god's sake. With Even. Beautiful complicated Even._ _

__

__Fuck._ _

__

__Trying to organize his thoughts Isak took a deep calming breath. “Okay then, let's tell the others about clubbing?“, he said while fishing his phone from his nightstand._ _

__

__Jonas gave him a thumbs up and Isak opened the boy's chat while he tried to calm his racing heart. There was absolutely no reason to freak out._ _

__

__

__

__._ _

__

__

__

__It was almost time to go and Isak was freaking out._ _

__

__He put on his third shirt and felt very reminded of a couple nights before when he wanted to impress Even by his looking. God, that seemed to be years ago._ _

__

__“Isak, hurry up, dude!“, Magnus’ voice came from the other side of the door._ _

__

__“I'm coming“, Isak shouted back and pulled his shirt hastily over his head. He then looked at his pathetic pile of clothes surrounding him. Damn why was it so _hard_?_ _

__

__Jonas had abandoned him an hour ago to meet up with Eva, and Magnus and Mahdi had come back half an hour ago, ready to party. And since then Isak was standing in front of his closet whil his despair grew stronger with every shirt he tried, with only Magnus left to wait for him._ _

__

__“Isak, what are you doing? Come on!“_ _

__

__“One minute!“, he shouted and then, with a muttered “fuck it“, he grabbed a green long sleeved shirt on which Jonas had commented once it highlighted his eyes and put it on. He didn't even try to get his messy hair done and went with his red snapback. He looked himself critically in the mirror but in the end decided that it wouldn't go any better so he just shrugged and opened the door._ _

__

__“Finally!“ Magnus rolled his eyes. “You took forever.“_ _

__

__“I had to... do... stuff“, Isak mumbled but Magnus wasn't listening. “Come on, we're the last.“_ _

__

__“Oh, the others are already gone?“ Isak tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. Magnus nodded. “Yeah, Elias texted. We'll meet them there.“_ _

__

__Isak nodded along while he asked himself how desperate it would look if he would text Even, just to know if he was already there or not._ _

__

__They walked down the stairs silent while Magnus' mindless chatter about his day in Braunschweig oddly managed to calm his nerves a bit._ _

__

__He didn't even know why he was so nervous. It wasn't like they hadn't kissed before and the action at the beach had been rather fun and hot. But suddenly Isak felt insecure all over again. He didn't know if it was okay, if Even even wanted to do it, if it was appropriate. He knew most guys would have said fuck it and go for it but he just... he was nervous. He didn't want to screw this up. And also, he didn't know if Even would be up for it after his few depressive days. He didn't know how the protocol worked there._ _

__

__In the back of his head, a tiny voice whispered he should get it together for fucks sake and just ask Even about it, but he just couldn't. They weren't even together officially._ _

__

__His thoughts got interrupted by Magnus who let out a sudden cheer. Isak startled and looked at what Magnus pointed at and his stomach did a few somersaults._ _

__

__Near the entrance, next to a few trees, was standing Vilde in a deep discussion with Even. Vilde looked cute in her white dress with blue and pink flowers all over it but Isak couldn't quite acknoledge this in favor of staring at Even._ _

__

__It had only been a few hours but now that he saw him again, Isak realized how much he had missed him and his eyes took in greedily the way he moved and leaned in a bit to hear Vilde better or how his whole body shook with laughter._ _

__

__At Magnus' cheer they both looked up and turned around and Isak's legs turned into jelly at Even's beaming smile._ _

__

__Magnus walked towards them confidently, Isak followed a bit tentatively._ _

__

__“Hey guys!“ Magnus clapped Even's back enthusiastically and kissed Vilde._ _

__

__“Hi“, Isak mumbled and smiled at them shily. Vilde gave him a high pitched “hii“, and a warm smile._ _

__

__Even didn't say anything, he just looked at Isak with his Isak- smile and Isak wanted him never to stop smiling at him like that._ _

__

__When Isak looked around for a second, Magnus and Vilde had already started walking to give them some space. Sometimes Isak loved Magnus._ _

__

__Even seemed to be happy as well and pulled Isak into a hug. “I missed you“, he mumbled in his ear and Isak felt another wave of affection rolling over him. “You saw me a few hours ago“, he murmured into Even's shirt._ _

__

__“I don't care.“ Even tightened his hug and Isak wanted to stay like this forever. “I missed you, too“, he whispered, hands gripping tightly onto his jacket._ _

__

__After a while they pulled away but Even didn't let go of him, instead he gently grabbed Isak's chin and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “You look hot, Valtersen“, he mumbled and Isak felt hot and cold shivers running down his spine. “You think?“_ _

__

__“Mmmh.“ Another kiss. “Whoever gets to dance with you tonight is a lucky bastard.“_ _

__

__Isak let out a short laugh at that. “Even, I can't dance for shit.“_ _

__

__“So? I'll teach you“, Even said confidently. “It's not that hard.“_ _

__

__“No.“ Isak pulled away. “I mean, I don't do dancing.“_ _

__

__That wasn't true. Back in Oslo he quite liked to show off his body a bit. But that was different, because he didn't care about the boys. With Even, he didn't think it would end well with their bodies this close together, in a crowd full of drunk people dancing to some music that raced their pulses. No thanks._ _

__

__Even didn't seem to be impressed. “I'll make you“, he said. “But come on, we're going to be late.“_ _

__

__“You will make me?“ Isak raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me Mister, no one can _make_ me.“_ _

__

__Even just smirked. “We'll see“, he said, his arm coming around Isak's waist, ignoring Isak's grumbled “we'll see nothing“._ _

__

__The walk to the club was so similar and yet so different from the one to the cocktail bar because now Isak felt the constant presence of Even when he put an arm around him or took his hand. He told him about his filming with Mikael and Isak listened and laughed at his story of Mikael falling into the water after Even had told him to take a few steps back for a better angle._ _

__

__It felt like they did that all the time, there was a closeness in their behavior that wasn't from a few days. But at the same time everything felt so new and exciting and full of feelings and Isak was a bit confused because normally he wouldn't get along with people so quickly. He wasn't used to feel so safe around people. But Even... he made everything seem so easy, he excited and calmed him down at the same time, he grounded him and made him feel like he could fly. It was marvellous and frightening and Isak couldn't get enough._ _

__

__So when they had almost reached the doors of the club he stopped and pulled Even in for a violent kiss. Even made a surprised sound which was swallowed by Isak's mouth but quickly followed, backing Isak against a wall next to the club. There were a few people outside smoking but they didn't care, needing to touch each other. A whimper escaped Isak when Even's tongue licked Isak's lip, gently demanding entrance and when he did and his tongue explored Isak's mouth his brain stopped working altogether and there was nothing left but Even and his hands romaing all over his body and his _tongue_ licking into his mouth making him writhe under him and wishing there weren't any clothes to spereate them._ _

__

__Isak had no idea how long they made out against the wall but when Even pulled back eventually his head felt dizzy and his breath came out short and heavy._ _

__

__Even's pupils were blown and his lips swollen, just like this afternoon in the water and looked at him with such a hungry look Isak had to close his eyes._ _

__

__When he opened them again a silent conversation passed between them and when Isak looked into the blue eyes he finally felt like he was where he belonged to be._ _

__

__

__

__“Guyyys, you're finally here!“ Eva yelled into Isak's ear and hugged him fiercly. She smelled like beer and smoke and in her hand was carefully swaying a drink._ _

__

__Behind him, Even laughed amused._ _

__

__“Even, you're also here! We need to play a drink game, Isak, you promised!“_ _

__

__“I didn't promise“, Isak tried to argue which was a lost case with Eva. Besides, he had promised himself he wouldn't drink so much tonight. He needed to be sober to some extent._ _

__

__Luckily, he was saved by a drunk Jonas who crowed happily at them. “Hey, guys“, he said, pulling both of them into a hug. “So good to see you.“ He gave them a blurry grin._ _

__

__“Did you smoke without me?“, Isak asked offended and Jonas looked guilty. “I wanted to wait but you didn't show up so“, he shrugged his shoulders. “but I bet the guy has some more, come with me, we'll meet him!“_ _

__

__He turned around but was stopped by a pouting Eva. “You promised me a dance“, she said._ _

__

__Isak turned around to Even, mouthing a “hurry up“, before he sneaked away, Even following._ _

__

__They made their way throught the crowd, looking for a seat. On their way they met Elias, Mutta and Adam, busy in some sort of dance battle so thhey didn't have time to come over but just waved at them._ _

__

__A few metres away from them Isak spotted Yousef and Sana and he gave Sana a knowing smirk when she looked up. She just shook her head majestically and turned back to her conversation with Yousef. Behind her ear stuck a little flower._ _

__

__“Hey“, Even murmured into his ear. “Over there.“ He pointed at a couch and a few armchairs in the corner. On the couch were sitting two couples, making out heavily but the chairs were free. Isak winced but gave in in the end and they made a beeline for the corner._ _

__

__The armchair was pretty big and Even took advantage of that when he sat on it and just pulled Isak on his lap. Isak let out a surprised yelp but didn't try to get away. “What are you doing?“, he asked. Even smirked at him. “I make sure nobody steals you away from me.“ He nuzzled his face against Isak's neck and okay, if that wasn't endearing. “Even, who would want that?“, he asked bemusedly. “Come on, let's get beer.“_ _

__

__But Even didn't let go. Instead, he tightened his grip and pulled Isak in so he could whisper in his ear. “Are you serious? Have you seen yourself Isak?“ And then he _bit_ Isak's earlobe. “So fucking hot“, he mumbled._ _

__

__Isak was worried he would faint. All of his blood rushed to lower zones and his head was spinning. And that _without_ alcohol in his blood. He probably let out a weak sound but he barely was able to hear it over noise in his own ears._ _

__

__“ _Now_ you can go.“ Even leaned back, looking completely fine, only the glimmer in his eyes betraying him._ _

__

__“You...“ Isak couldn't find the words to describe this boy, so he just shook his head and climbed out of his lap. “Are you staying there?“, he asked. Even made himself comfortable. “Yeah I mean, I have to make sure the seat is not taken.“ He winked at him._ _

__

__“Pff.“ Isak smacked his knee but turned around anyway to get them some beer._ _

__

__

__

__Two hours later Isak was drunk. Not as drunk as in the cocktail bar but it was enough to make him stumble a bit. It wasn't his fault, alright, Eva and Vilde practically dragged him to play beer pong with them and then Adam wanted to prove how much shots he could do in one minute. Luckily Even came to save Isak from that before he could chug more than two shots and dragged him back to the armchair among Isak's loud complaining._ _

__

__“I could totally do it!“ Isak glared at Even who wordlessly handed him a bottle of water.__

____

____

__“You can do that as well“, he said unimpressed, pointing at the bottle._ _

__

__Isak gave him a pitying look. “It's a shame you don't drink“, he said. “But maybe one day. I can't wait to beat you at beer pong.“ He took a sip from the water._ _

__

__Before Even could answer Adam yelled from somewhere, “Isak, I did more than you, you lose!“_ _

__

__Isak's mouth opened in protest. “I'll show him who the loser is“, he mumbled and turned around, only to be pulled back by Even. “Do I need to get a leash for you?“, he asked._ _

__

__“You don't need to do that, I don't need a babysitter.“_ _

__

__“You literally said like an hour ago: _Even, please make sure I'm not drunk as fuck._ “_ _

__

__“Ugh.“ Isak stopped his pathetic attempts to wriggle out of Even's grip and turned towards him. “Fine“, he grumbled, “if you insist.“_ _

__

__Even just laughed at him fondly. “You're so cute when you're drunk.“ He sat back on the armchair and opened his arms to let a happy Isak cuddle into him._ _

__

__“I'm not cute“, he mumbled against his chest while something ringed in the back of his head at that choice of the words. When it came to mind he pulled back a little. “Hey, you said that before“, he exclaimed, looking at Even with wide eyes. Even gave him a small smile. “I did“, he confirmed, his finger coming up to run over Isak's right eyebrow. “Back in the summer, before uni started.“_ _

__

__Isak's face fell. “I'm sorry for that night“, he said. He knew he had said it before, he had apologized more than once and Even had said it was okay, but his drunk brain always got a little emotional. “You're so sweet. It's just me. I'm fucked up when it comes to my family.“_ _

__

__Even's expression turned from endeared to worried. “Don't say that“, he pleaded. “It's not true.“_ _

__

__Isak huffed at that. “Yes it is“, he said and looked away. “You don't even know everything.“_ _

__

__It was nothing new that alcohol loosened Isak's tongue and right now he cursed himself for ruining the mood but he couldn't help himself._ _

__

__But Even was having none of that. “Hey.“ He forced Isak to look at him. “I don't believe that“, he said firmly. “You're strong and you're brave and you have your problems like everybody else. And if you want to tell me someday, I'd be honored.“ He leaned his forehead against Isak's. “I'm here“, he whispered._ _

__

__It was strange how much influence a few simple words could have from the right person. A few days ago Isak would've told everybody, including Even, to fuck off. But he had changed. Everything had changed._ _

__

__Isak slowly learned to deal with his feelings. And that was overwhelming and scary because he was used to bottle up his feelings and only open himself to Jonas or Eskild when he was in extremis. But Even had managed to tickle it out of him, he had cracked open the hard shell around his heart._ _

__

__Wow. What a sappy thought. Isak needed to drink less, apart from that this liquid caused his eyes to water, what the fuck?_ _

__

__Even could feel the tears soaking through the fabric of his thin shirt but it didn't bother him, he just let out a cooing noise before he wrapped his arms around Isak, allowed him to hide his face in the crook of his neck while he gently cradled him back and fourth._ _

__

__“I-I'm not crying or something“, Isak said muffled, voice, thick and a bit unsteady. “It's just this... this German drinks aren't good for Norwegians, I think I have an allergic reaction.“ He hiccuped. “They-they make my eyes w-water.“_ _

__

__“I know,“ Even said quietly, rubbing his back soothingly. He then turned his head and kissed his temple. “I know.“_ _

__

__Isak slowly managed to calm down and when he eventually pulled back he ran his sleeve over his face ashamed. “Sorry“, he said, looking at Even's shoes. “I'm usually... more fun.“ he let out a broken laugh and Even half-smiled at that. “It's okay“, he said with tenderness in his voice and fuck. What did Isak do to deserve someone like Even?_ _

__

__“Guys!“_ _

__

__They both looked up. They had been so wrapped up in each other, they didn't notice how Magnus had approached them. He had a glassy look in his eyes and he looked at them with a weird excitement._ _

__

___Oh no._ _ _

__

__“You guys look so damn good together“, he crowed, “and you know, I helped a bit with that.“ He patted his own chest, looking around for appreciation._ _

__

__Even raised his eyebrows at Isak. “What does that m-“_ _

__

__“Where's Vilde, Mags?“, Isak interrupted hectically. Magnus' gaze became hazy and endlessly endeared. “She's outside, she said she needs to hold back Eva's hair while she's vomiting. Isn't she lovely? And so helpful.“ He let out a long sigh._ _

__

__“Ookay.“ Time to go. Isak cleared his throat while he searched for eyecontact with Even. “Why don't you go looking for her?“_ _

__

___Help me_ , he mouthed towards Even, who seemed way too amused to do something. Fucker._ _

__

__“You think?“ Magnus frowned. “You think maybe she needs help?“_ _

__

__“Yes, Mags, that is a good idea, go help her with... uhm, Eva.“_ _

__

__“Okay.“ Magnus turned around to Isak's relief but turned around one last time. “You guys are cute together“, he stated a bit slurry. “And Isak, you have to tell me about the fucking already, Vilde said she's up for some anal and I-“_ _

__

__“Okay, bye, Mags!“, Isak shrieked and Magnus disappeared in the crowd after a last waving at them._ _

__

__“Please don't judge me, we're trying to get better at training him“, Isak groaned, clapping his hands in front of his eyes. Even just broke out into laughter. “What was that?“, he asked, his voice vibrating with amusement. “Do you give him tips about-“_ _

__

__“No! God, no! Ew!“_ _

__

__Isak was so embarrassed he couldn't find the words. “It's Mags, okay, he is always like this. No sense of tactfulness in most situations.“_ _

__

__Even held up his hands in defense. “Okay okay“, he laughed. “But he's a nice guy, right?“_ _

__

__“Yes, of course he is. He's my friend. He's just... very _open_.“ Isak shivered a bit. Then he looked up and let out a wounded noise. “Oh no, no no no, he's coming back.“ He hopped off Even's lap and pulled at his arm. “Come on“, he begged._ _

__

__“Where?“ Even seemed to have all the time in the world. He had no idea what would hit him if Magnus started, and Isak couldn't let that happen. So he said the only thing that came to his mind that was convincing enough to make him move._ _

__

__“Dancing“, he said through gritted teeth._ _

__

__Even's eyes lit up. He didn't say anything but literally jumped out of his armchair and grabbed Isak's hand. Well then. Anything but Magnus' inappropriate talking._ _

__

__“Woah there, someone's eager“, Isak mumbled but Even didn't seem to hear. He led Isak through the crowd and stopped right in the middle of the sweating moving bodies._ _

__

__When he turned around he laughed at Isak's face. “Come on, Is, this is fun“, he said, starting to move his body to the music. From the corner of his eyes Isak could see Sana and Noora standing at the edge of the crowd, smirking and waving at him and he realized he would've actually had to do this._ _

__

__“Yes“, Even cheered when Isak tentively began to move his hips. Technically, he knew which moves worked on boys. The thing was, it was a long time ago when he he had been in a club for dancing. And it was _Even_ , for god's sake, he was _nervous_ , okay?_ _

__

__But the reassuring smile of Even, the music, which wasn't too bad either, the people around them to give them enough anonymity, all that helped Isak to realx a bit and slowly he began to move more and carefree and he had to admit it was actual fun to do it together with Even. And they were good together. They moved around each other effortlessly, arms occasionally touching but that wasn't enough for Isak and with the next song, which was a bit slower, he bravely brought his hands around Even's neck. Even blinked at him in surprise but then he broke out into the most beaming smile, his own hands curling around Isak's waist._ _

__

__It felt ineffably good and the occasionally squeeze of Even's big hands made him feel hot all over. In the sparkling light of the room Even seemed to glow. His styled hair was moving every time he bobbed his head and his eyes somehow seemed darker than usual. Isak wanted to _touch_._ _

__

__

__

__In this exact moment Even leaned a bit closer to speak into Isak's ear. His warm breath tickled Isak's skin. “You're so fucking hot, Isak.“_ _

__

__It wasn't the first time Even said that to him, but the first time he did it with that low, deep voice that had Isak's knee go weak and when Even began to kiss along his jaw, and cheek, Isak feared to combust._ _

__

__Even didn't kiss his mouth though. He just hovered over his lips without touching, an evil grin on his face before he gave Isak's other side of the face the same attention._ _

__

__“Even“, Isak said in a weak voice. Even hummed at him and then started to attack his neck and it was so hot and Isak felt like on fire and he had to do something, _now_ or otherwise he would die and now Even had reached his collarbones and okay, he needed that lips on his right now._ _

__

__He managed to yank Even's head back a bit and Even gave him one look before Isak closed the distance, desperately pressed his lips on Even's. Even groaned, his hands pulling Isak impossibly closer before he took his face between his hands and kissed back with so much passion Isak literally stumbled a bit. He forgot about the people aroud them, forgot that probably half of his friends were watching them, all what mattered was to satisfy the fire in his chest._ _

__

__Even's hand wandered from his face to his hair and he pulled _hard_ , earning a yelp from the younger boy and he was glad that the music was so loud. Even's other hand traveled lower and lower, brushing his hips and carressed his hipbone before it settled on his ass and oh yes, that was good, that was so fucking good and Isak now moaned shamelessly into Even's mouth as his hand squeezed his ass, his own hands burying in Even's hair, pulling, determined to destroy it. He wasn't able to breathe properly with Even's tongue in his mouth but who cared, all that mattered was that he kept kissing Even, kept trying to find hold in his hair, his silky soft hair and he could feel Even's heart beating as fast as his own, which mesmerized Isak and for some reason turned him on even more, and then Even put his thigh between his legs to grind down and Isak was gone._ _

__

__“Oh god“, he moaned, desperately holding onto Even and trying not to hump his leg. “Even...“_ _

__

__Even groaned as an answer, his mouth leaving Isak's for a short moment. “Fuck“, he breathed before he went back to kissing Isak and his body was on fire, electricity running through his veins._ _

__

__Okay, okay okay, they needed to get out of here, Isak's brain managed to think and he mouthed the word “bathroom“, against Even's lips who gave him a frantic nod and, after a last kiss, took his hand to lead him through the crowd._ _

__

__Isak's whole body vibrated with anticipation and he was glad he wasn't sober enough to freak out completely._ _

__

__Even walked past a girl who gave Even pretty eyes but Even ignored her completely, causing Isak to grinned wildly._ _

__

__And then they were finally there, Even shut the bathroom door with a loud pang, locked the door (thank god for that) and turned around. Isak' knee almost gave out here and then at the look Even gave him, but he had no time for that because in the next second Even crowded him against the ugly tile wall whilst his mouth found Isak's again._ _

__

__“Isak“, Even said and it sounded almost desperate. The sound went through Isak's whole body, it lit him up and made him want to jump Even._ _

__

__“Even“, he answered, his voice wrecked, “I need...“_ _

__

__“What, baby? What do you need?“ Even's lips left Isak's to suck a bruise into the skin at his neck. Isak closed his eyes, it was so much and not enough at once._ _

__

__“You“, he managed to pant, “need you, please...“_ _

__

__Even moaned at that. “Fuck, baby, it's so hot when you beg.“_ _

__

__Isak couldn't answer, he just pulled Even in for another kiss before Even let go of him and dropped to his knees._ _

__

___Oh my god oh my god oh my god_ , Isak's brain chanted while Even opened his pants and hooked his thumbs into his underwear. He then looked up at Isak. “That okay?“ The same question like this evening, the same soft voice making sure that Isak was content._ _

__

__Isak nodded. “Yes“, he whispered. “Fuck yes.“_ _

__

__Even gave him a loving smile, such a contrast to the dirty white ground he was kneeing on, before he dropped his gaze again and his eyes became dark all over and Isak saw him swallow before he finally pushed his boxers down, letting out a groan at the sight of Isak's hard dick._ _

__

__“So beautiful“, Even mumbled but he seemed to say it more to himself. Isak's dick twitched and Even looked up, smirking at him. “Impatient, are we?“_ _

__

__Before Isak could answer Even wrapped a hand around him and Isak was gone. He couldn't focus on anything, everything vanished around him until it was just him and Even but that was nothing in comparison when Even swallowed him down. Isak moaned so loud he had to press his own hand over his mouth and Even hummed around his dick, his other hand came up to fondle his balls and Isak was in heaven, he was sure._ _

__

__He looked down. How beautiful Even looked with his sinful lips around him, breathing heavily through his nose and his eyes closed. Even's tongue swirled around his head and he gave it a sharp suck that had Isak yelping before he could stop himself before he went back to swallow him. Isak buried his hands in Even's hair and that had Even opening his eyes to stare at him obscenely and Isak was shaking all over from the force not to thrust up into his mouth. Even sucked and licked over the shaft and Isak knew he wasn't going to last._ _

__

__“Even, I... I'm gonna“, he panted, “gonna come.“_ _

__

__Even just hummed again but didn't let go, rather sucked even harder, his teeth scratching slightly over his head and then Isak was coming hard into his mouth._ _

__

__Even worked him through it, swallowing down completely, not letting escape a single drop._ _

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__“Holy fuck“, Isak panted, his head dropping against the tiles. “Fuck.“ He still felt dizzy and his vision was a bit blurry but he needed Even's mouth on his now._ _

__

__So when Even stood up again he reached for him and smashed their mouths together, moaning when he tasted himself on Even's tongue. Even kissed back instantly, his fingers coming up to caress his cheek but he squirmed a bit under Isak's grip like he wasn't fully concentrated on the kiss and when they bodies touched Isak could feel how hard he was._ _

__

__He broke the kiss. “Shit, sorry“, he panted, reaching for Even's belt. “Let me help you.“_ _

__

__With slightly shaking fingers he opened his belt and undid his pants. He felt Even watching him, he could feel his unsteady breathing under his fingers and it gave him a real ego boost to know how much Even was affected by him just like he was affected by Even._ _

__

__With a smirk at Even he slipped his hand inside his boxers, his fingers curling around his impressive length and Evn let out a broken moan, his one hand propped up against the wall for support, the fingers of his other digged into Isak's shoulder. “Oh fuck Isak“, he breathed when Isak began to move his hand up and down and his voice was so shaky and _wrecked_ , Isak had to kiss him. Even groaned into the kiss, he pulled at Isak's lower lip, the grip around his shoulder almost hurt but Isak liked it, knowing it would leave marks on him that wouldn't let him forget about this and damn, he didn't want to._ _

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__Isak increased his pace while he swallowed every sweet moan form Even, and soon he could feel his dick twitching in his hand and then Even moaned Isak's name, very quiet and between their lips but Isak had heard it and holy shit it almost gave him another boner and then Even was coming all over Isak's hand and it was warm and gross and _filthy_ and Isak loved it._ _

__

__For several seconds they just stood there, facing each other and trying to catch their breathes._ _

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__“God“, Even panted, his gaze a bit unfocused, and Isak let out a tiny laugh. “It's Isak“, he pointed out. Even rolled his eyes with a snort, pushing himself up. “That was so fucking hot“, he said before he kissed Isak again and it was slower this time, they took their time, bathing in the afterglow and not caring about the bunch of people outside who were apparently very eager to use the toilet._ _

__

__“Damn“, Isak said and pulled away, “were that hammering against the door there all the time?“_ _

__

__Even shrugged his shoulders and they both broke out into laughter._ _

__

__“Okay, come on cowboy, we need to clean you up.“ Even went down and picked up the snapback which had fallen to the ground before he placed it carefully back on Isak’s head and turned towards the hand dryer to get some paper towels. Isak watched him, feeling suddenly strangely emotional for someone who just gave a boy a handjob in a filthy little bathroom._ _

__

__When they had cleaned up Even gave him a last look. “Ready to face the mob?“, he joked but Isak didn't answer. He just stepped forward to pull him into a long, sweet kiss. He couldn't say what he felt so he he put everything he had into the kiss, and when he pulled back, Even's eyes were shiny and he looked at the younger boy with tenderness. And in this moment everything was perfect and Isak knew he didn't want to let this boy go ever again._ _

__

__Even reached for his hand, a silent question if he was ready and a quiet offer for comfort. Isak took it and once more he thought how much he liked the feeling of their intertwined fingers._ _

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__“You think everyone heard us?“, Isak asked silently so that he wouldn't accidently spill one of his sappy thoughts._ _

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__Even laughed. “We're about to find out.“ He gave Isak's hand a gentle squeeze and unlocked the door to step outside._ _

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__Isak followed him._ _

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__In the end, it was all Eva's fault. If it wasn't for her the key to Even's and Mikael's room wouldn't lay in the Baltic sea. But of course she had to prove Jonas how far she could throw something and so she took the key out of Isak's jacket which was around her shoulders because she was cold and Isak had tried to be nice. The key was in Isak's jacket because Even had given it to him at some point to take care of it while he needed to show Elias that he could still do a handstand._ _

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__That all wouldn't have been a problem at all, if Mikael hadn't forgotten his own key inside of his and Even's room. And everybody agreed that they couldn't wake Maya up at this time. So they basically were locked out of their room._ _

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__Isak couldn't find it funny at all whilst Even curled himself on the ground. The whole thing maybe could've solved itself when Even suggested they could just spend the night in Isak's room and Jonas could snuggle in Eva's bed but then Jonas gave him a rueful look and with a guilty voice he confessed that they had dragged Mahdi into Jonas' bed because he had passed out._ _

__

__Isak stared at him in disbelief. “His own room is literally next to mine“, he said. Jonas shrugged. “Sorry, bro“, he said._ _

__

__Isak turned towards the sky. “That's not fair!“, he howled to the moon._ _

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__And so it happened that Even and Isak were lying together in Isak's way too small bed with a passed out Mahdi in Jonas' bed._ _

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__“Thank god Mahdi isn't a snorer“, Even whispered, causing Isak to let out a giggle. “Yeah, Magnus is much worse.“_ _

__

__“Or Mutta. It's so bad I swear.“_ _

__

__Isak laughed and snuggled closer to Even. “What a day“, he mumbled sleepily from where he was tucked under Even's chin. Even hummed at that, his hand carding through his curls. “Sleep baby“, he whispered into his hair before pressing a kiss to his temple._ _

__

__And Isak did._ _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m so sorry for the late update, I’ll try to update the next chapter sooner!  
> Hope you liked it, the next chapter is Berlin!  
> See ya<3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mini trip to Berlin. Ferris wheels, a lot of glitter and a lot of feelings. Also there’s a sex scene so if you’re bothered by it read the end notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy<3
> 
> Update: I had to change one talk between them in the bus, thanks to a reader.<3 But it’s a minor thing don’t worry and doesn’t infect the plot.<3

_Wednesday, Day 8 ___

__

__Today Isak felt very warm and content when he woke up. The long body spooning him from behind made him feel safe and the long, regular breathing of Even tickled his neck. He had approximately one and a half second to appreciate all of these things before his brain noticed he was about to fall out of the bed. Something his body wasn't fully conscious about to react on yet._ _

__Isak managed to let out a short shriek before his body subordinated itself to the gravity and the next second he was lying on the hard wooden ground._ _

___“Ouch! ___Dammit stupid bed!“

__Isak rubbed the back of his head furiously. He was sure at least one bone was cracked while his heart was racing in his chest._ _

__“Isak?“ A disheveled mop of hair peeked through the sheets down at him. “What are you doing?“, Even mumbled, still half asleep. “It's too early for gymnastics.“_ _

__“Gymnastics?“, Isak snapped. “I fell off the stupid bed!“_ _

__Slowly, he tested to prop up first on his elbows, then properly on his buttocks. Nothing broken at least._ _

__Meanwhile Even had sat up properly to gaze down at him. “I don't think the ground is that comfortable“, he yawned and stretched his long arms._ _

__“Ha ha“, Isak deadpanned and glared at Even whose face twitched suspiciously as if he tried to hide a laugh._ _

__Isak blinked. “Are you making fun of me right now?“, he asked offended, still sitting on the ground._ _

__“I would never“, Even declared with his voice trembling in suppressed laughter. “But you have to admit, it is a bit of a funny situation.“_ _

__Isak glared at him. “I'll give you a funny situation!“, he yelled and, in a knee-jerk reaction, jumped on his feet and on the bed, catching Even off guard who fell back into the pillows._ _

__“The war has started!“, Isak croaked and then Even's head was hit by a pillow._ _

__Even let out a surprised groan but reacted immediately. He grabbed the pillow behind him and smashed it into Isak's face. “The defense will never be broken“, he yelled enthusiastically and grabbed both of Isak's wrists to trap him but Isak escaped with a well-aimed kick against Even's crook of the arm. Not so hard that it would hurt him, obviously, but enough to make him bend his arm so Isak could free his hand out of the now loosened grip. Grinning in success, Isak quickly pushed Even's back down before he could grab his arm again and crawled onto his body and pinned Even's wrists to either side of his head to hold him in place._ _

__Only then Isak became aware of the fact that he was basically sitting on Even's lap with his upper body hovering over him and that he maybe didn't think this through._ _

__Even let out a laugh. “You know I would say I'm defeated but I don't think that would fit the current situation.“_ _

__“Shut up“, Isak breahed. And then he didn't say anything more because he forgot why he wanted to do this in the first place. “I don't really have a plan now“, he admitted, looking down at a bemused looking boy. “Oh I'm sure you can came up with something“, he replied with a smirk before his gaze dropped to Isak's lips._ _

__Isak, happy with the idea, pretended to think about that while he lowered his head more and more. “Hmmm... I don't know... It's kinda cozy up here...“_ _

__Then his lips brushed over Even's, swallowing Even's chuckle. It was slow and sweet, they weren't in any rush and enjoyed the feeling of each other._ _

__“You know, my butt still hurts“, Isak mumbled in between kisses. Even hummed at that. “That's too bad“, he grinned, his arms roaming over Isak's upper body lovingly before his hands traveled lower._ _

__Isak let out a small satisfied groan when Even's hands settled on his ass. “That better?“, Even asked, gently pulling at Isak's lip. It was a bit unfair because Isak had trouble thinking properly. “Mmh...“ His fingers buried themselves in Even's hair. “Much.“ Then he let out a yelp when Even's fingers began kneading his ass. “And now?“, he said in a dark voice._ _

__“Uh huh“, Isak breathed with closed eyes, overwhelmed and revelling in the feeling, his mind snapping to their activities last night. He just started to really getting into it when an annoyed voice started to speak._ _

__“I really support you guys and it's nice to see you are getting along, but could you please wait until I leave?“_ _

__Isak withdrew himself so quickly from Even that he lost his hold and fell off the bed_ __again ___.

__

__Ashamed, he looked up at Mahdi who sat in his bed to glare at them both. “Sorry, bro“, he sighed. “We sort of forgot you were here, too.“ He then turned around to give Even a death glare. “Stop_ __laughing ___“, he hissed. Even shook his head. “Sorry, I can't“, he cackled, “it looked too funny.“

__

__“He's right.“ Mahdi's lips quirked up into a smile as well._ _

__

__Isak closed his eyes and groaned in frustration. “I hate you both“, he hissed while getting up again (his butt seriously ached now) and walking to the door. “You two have fun with each other.“_ _

__

__“Isak, come on“, Even tried, still laughing, but Isak had already slammed the door shut._ _

__

__When he came back fifteen minutes later, Mahdi was gone and Even sat on the bed waiting for him. His big grin had no hint of mischievousness anymore._ _

__

__“Are you done?“, Isak asked while he walked over to his closet to get some fresh clothes._ _

__

__Even sighed. “Come on, Is, it was funny.“_ _

__

__With a new shirt and shorts, Isak turned around. “Yeah I know.“ He rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. “It's easy to laugh at me.“_ _

__

__“Indeed.“ Even grinned and patted on the space next to him. “Come here.“_ _

__

__Isak sat down and was pulled into Even's arms immediately. “To your defense, there has never been someone who fell off the bed more elegantly“, he whispered in his ear and Isak pushed him off even though he had to hide his grin. “Next time you're the one sleeping on the dangerous side“, he huffed._ _

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__“Okay, everybody with a red card please over to the other bus, the rest get in here.“ Maya's loud voice sounded through the street._ _

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__“I'm cold“, Isak whined. Even next to him rolled his eyes. “Stop complaining“, he said. “You're standing here since five minutes.“_ _

__

__“So? It's cold. And it's raining.“_ _

__

__Even sighed and just turned to Mikael to discuss something about their video project, leaving Isak pouting._ _

__

__After breakfast they had tried to explain the situation to Maya when she asked why their room was locked and in the end she had just said they would have to pay for the lost key and had given them a spare key._ _

__

__“Isak, I'm still sorry.“ Eva looked at him with big apologetic eyes from where she was standing under a big umbrella with Sana and Chris. Isak waved her off. “It's okay“, he said._ _

__

__Elias, who was standing by the group, groaned. “What's taking so long? I wanna get in there.“_ _

__

__“That's what he said.“ Magnus wrapped an arm around Vilde. “Guys, I'm so excited.“_ _

__

__Isak rolled his eyes. “You're excited about everything, dude“, he said, standing on his tiptoes to see when the line would start to move finally._ _

__

__“Yeah but imagine, I always wanted to go there, there're amazing culinary schools“, Magnus said._ _

__

__“That's true, I read about this cook show“, Jonas said and then both boys were wrapped up in a deep discussion about Ralf Zacherl._ _

__

__Isak had no idea who that guy was and turned his attention back to Even who still talked to Mikael. “I don't know, Ev, shooting in the blue hour is always so difficult“, Mikael pointed out._ _

__

__“Come on, Mik, you know how awesome it looks when we get a nice shot“, Even tried. “Let's try it.“_ _

__

__“What are you talking about?“, Isak asked, stepping closer._ _

__

__Mikael sighed. “Even here absolutely doesn't want to see the difficulty of a shot made in the blue hour, especially“, he gave him a look, “when it's unnecessary.“_ _

__

__Even opened his mouth to argue further but in this moment, the line finally moved and they all stormed into the bus._ _

__

__Isak didn't know if he would sit with Even. Sure, he had no problem sitting with one of the guys but it was way more comfortable if he could snuggle up to Even during the three hours ride. So he was glad when he saw Jonas and Magnus sitting with Eva and Vilde and Mahdi sat with Mutta and he was delighted when he saw Even picking two seats in the back of the bus near their friends and putting his backpack on the free seat._ _

__

__But then he recognized that Mikael was a few heads in front of him and that Even could of course have saved the seat for his best friend. If he thought about it now, it was most likely the case. An uneasy feeling came upon him; he couldn't even turn around to sit somewhere near Jonas or Mahdi because other people were blocking the way._ _

__

__Mikael was now at the same level as Even and Isak tried to ignore the sting when Mikael really stopped at Even's seat and sat half onto the free one._ _

__

__Well, okay. He would just take some seat, maybe next to Elias or something, he thought bitterly._ _

__

__Mikael exchanged a few words with Even, who nodded and smiled and then Mikael got up again and squashed himself back into the line, only to fall into the seat next to Elias a few rows behind Even._ _

__

__Isak had no time to process before he was standing in front of Even's seat and took in the beaming smile he gave him. “Hey“, Even said, putting his backpack down, “have a seat?“_ _

__

__Isak tried to suppress the strangely emotional feeling that took over him and nodded. “Thanks“, he said while he sat down and put his backpack between his feet._ _

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__“Hey, look, they have mini displays“, Even cheered and pointed at the back of the seat in front of him._ _

__

__Isak hummed but wasn't fully concentrated. Maybe it was the seat- situation, but he felt a nervousness he couldn't explain. He always overthought everything and in this moment, he hated his brain for it. And his face because apparently every thought was written all over it._ _

__

__“You okay?“ Even gently nudged him with his knee, startling him out of his worries._ _

__

__“Yeah“, Isak replied quickly. “I'm fine.“ He then quickly took his phone out of his pocket to pretend to read something important while his thoughts were racing._ _

__

__What was he doing? This didn't start well and Even, who hadn't answered but just shrugged, had turned towards his own phone._ _

__

__Maybe, Isak thought and wiped over his dark screen, maybe it was because he was so used to say everything was fine. It had become second nature to him to cover his feelings up because he didn't want to let people in. Couldn't let people in. But this was Even. He could trust Even, right. But trust didn't build itself in one day. But still. It was Even._ _

__

__Isak got interrupted by his dark thoughts when his phone pinged. He looked down to read what it said._ _

__

__**Even**_ __: I brought chocolate <3 ___

__

__Isak stared at the message for a while before he turned around. Even smiled at him in a sweet but also reassuring way and waved with two bars of milk chololate._ _

__

__Isak let out a shaky laugh. This boy._ _

__

__“Okay, we're finally about to leave, so please be seated and enjoy your three hour tour through Germany.“ Maya sounded a bit exhausted but everybody cheered at her words and a second later the bus pulled away._ _

__

__Even threw the chocolate bar in Isak's lap who shook his head. “When did you buy these?“, he asked, watching Even with shiny eyes._ _

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___It's chocolate Isak. Calm down. Jesus christ! ___

__

__Even shrugged. “I had a supply“, he grinned and then touched his own bar aginst Isak's. “To a damn nice trip.“_ _

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__Isak laughed. He felt a bit better. “Yeah, to a damn nice trip“, he agreed._ _

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__“Have you been to Berlin before?“, Isak asked one hour later, with Even's head on his shoulder._ _

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__“No. I was in Hamburg for a few days with my dad, that’s all.“_ _

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__“Sounds cool.“_ _

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__“Did you travel here before?“_ _

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__“No. We always stayed in Norway and later wasn’t really the family spirit to do that. My grandma took me to Spain once, when I was eleven or something, that was cool.“_ _

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__“So this is only your second trip to another country?“_ _

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____“Mmh.“ ____

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__“Wow. I feel honored!“_ _

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__“Shut up.“_ _

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__“I‘ll take you more countries, don’t worry. “_ _

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__“Even!“_ _

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__“What? I mean it.“_ _

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__“I think I need another chocolate bar.“_ _

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__Even chuckled. “Emotional comfort bar? ECB?“, he joked and Isak nodded and chuckled, stroking Even's hair out of his face._ _

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__One and a half hour later they were both staring out the window, watching the landscape rushing by._ _

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__“Even?“_ _

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__“Mmh.“_ _

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__“Sorry for earlier.“_ _

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__“It's okay.“_ _

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__“I just... I'm not used to do this. Real talk about my feelings.“_ _

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__Even said nothing for a moment but he held onto Isak's hand a little tighter._ _

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__Isak rubbed his thumb over the back of Even's hand.“ECB?“_ _

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__“Yes please.“_ _

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__“Isak?“_ _

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__“Yes?“_ _

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__“I like you next to me.“_ _

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__“I like you next to me, too.“_ _

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__Two hours later they both listened to music from Even's phone, with Even's headphones while both boys pretended not to think about that night on the ship._ _

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__“Even?“_ _

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__“Mmh?“_ _

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__“Can I tell the boys about you being biploar? You can say no.“_ _

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__Even didn't say anything for a few minutes, his chin resting on Isak's head. Isak knew this kind of silence by now, with a few sighs and heavy deep breaths in it it told him Even was thinking about it._ _

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__“You can tell them“, he whispered. “But please tell them to be decent.“_ _

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__“Okay. Thank you for your trust.“_ _

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__Silence._ _

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__“Even? You know it's not a shame.“_ _

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__“I know. I just... nevermind. I know. It's just hard to accept that sometimes.“_ _

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__There was still so much Isak didn't know. There was so much to find out about Even. But Isak wasn't afraid what to find. He was more excited to get to know this boy better, so much better than now._ _

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__Isak decided to tell him about his parents. Not now, probably not today and not tomorrow, but he would._ _

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__For now it had to be enough that Isak kissed their intertwined fingers and cuddled closer to him. “It's okay“, he whispered into his shirt. “I'm here.“_ _

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__“Yeah“, Even answered and the way he pulled him closer just a little and buried his nose in Isak's curls a bit deeper made Isak feel like Even understood. “I know.“_ _

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__“Guys, welcome to Berlin.“_ _

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__Isak gently nudged Even who had fallen asleep on his shoulder. “Even, wake up“, he whispered, “We arrived.“_ _

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__Even let out a yawn, stretched himself before he looked out the window and commented, “that's very grey.“_ _

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__He was right. It was still raining and the building they could see behind the windows weren't exactly heartwarming._ _

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__“I'm sure it'll get better“, Even said after one look on Isak's face. “You'll see.“_ _

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__They still had to drive almost half an hour to get to their place. It was a cheap hotel with shared rooms and the guys had already agreed to share two together._ _

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__“Damn, I don't even know where we are“, Mahdi mumbled when he climbed out of the bus._ _

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__“Berlin Mitte“, Jonas informed him and shook his curls. “Guys, it stopped raining!“_ _

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__“See?“, Even mumbled in Isak's ear, making him snort._ _

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__Even was proven right. The sun came out and all of the sudden everybody's mood improved even though they were all tired from the early arriving. And they weren't getting any rest time any soon because Maya came up to them with a big smile and a rushed look to her watch to ask which attractions and sights they wanted to see first._ _

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__“Oh my god, please kill me“, Isak groaned as soon as Maya was out of sight. “I can't do this shit, I want to crawl in my bed and do nothing.“_ _

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__“Come on, Issy, we're only here for two days, pull yourself together man“, Magnus sighed._ _

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__“I have to agree, I don't want a tour guide either“, Jonas helped Isak. “I say let's make our own indipendent tour day!“_ _

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__Mutta laughed. “That's actually a good idea.“_ _

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__And that's how Isak found himself one hour later in the “Viktoriapark“ next to Even on the grass. He had to admit, it was really beautiful, especially the waterfall looked very cool and he had already been forced to take pictures with and of Magnus._ _

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__It was nice and Isak actually dozed off for twenty minutes._ _

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__After that, they took the subway to the RAW area with an actual temple in it and very cool flea market around. Many different stalls offered any kinds of clothes and jewelry._ _

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__“Hey Isak!“ Jonas' grin was barely recognizable under the huge hat he was wearing. The guys quickly dissipated in all directions to explore. Isak remained to inspect a few shirts with Eminem's face on it._ _

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__“You wanna buy one?“_ _

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__Isak turned around to answer Even but the ridiculous blinking, heart shaped sunglasses made him laugh. “What_ __is ___this?“, he laughed. “Take it off!“

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__“Why?“ Even grinned from ear to ear, his white teeth shining in the sun. “I think I look great.“_ _

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__“Ugh.“_ _

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__“I think I'll buy these.“_ _

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__“_ Even!“ ___

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__Even didn't buy the sunglasses but he encouraged Isak to buy one of the Eminem shirts._ _

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__After that, the group splitted up because everybody wanted something different. The girls wanted to see the Olympic Stadion but the others argued it was too far away. Jonas suggested the Television tower but Even chimed in with the comment they would pass that tomorrow anyway. So they argued back and fourth until they finally settled into two groups: Even, Isak, Mikael, Jonas, Eva, Sana, Yousef, Mahdi and Elias visited the Olympia area and Mutta, Adam, Magnus, Noora, Chris and Vilde would go watching the remains of the Berlin Wall. They all agreed to meet later at the Spreepark since Even and Mikael wanted to film there and needed a few hands. Even still refused to tell Isak more about the project when he asked him on their way to the stadion in the tram and, the brat he was, Isak got up from his seat to sit next to Noora and Chris so he could glare at Even for the rest of the ride. (It didn't work out as he planned because Even just laughed at him for half of the time and spent the other staring at him with a wolfish glare in his eyes that left Isak very hot and uncomfortable in his jeans so he preoccupied himself with debating with Chris about NWA._ _

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__“Isak!“_ _

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__Isak didn't turn around but hid his grin in his jacket and_ __maybe ___slowed down a little. Just a little.

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___When Even reached him he gently grabbed his arm and turned him towards him. “Hey“, he said softly, looking into his eyes. They were on their way back to meet the others to grab some food and then go to the Spreepark and Isak was already tired. His feet hurt and he was hungry and he didn't spend as much time with Even as he wanted to. But he tried hard to cover that up, I mean come on. He wasn't some needy fourteen years old girl that couldn't survive five minutes without her boyfriend. Nope._ _ _

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___But Even seemed to look right through him because he gave him a knowing smile and then leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I have a surprise for you.“_ _ _

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___Isak tried to chill at the feeling of Even's breath tickling his neck and asked, “what surprise?“_ _ _

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__“Obviously“, Even declared and rolled his eyes, “I won't tell because it's called a_ __surprise ___, Valtersen. You and me. After we're done at the park.“ He wiggled his eyebrows and Isak snorted at that. “So... like a date?“, he asked, playing along and gave Even a seductive smile. Even beamed at him. “Exactly like a date.“ He then leaned in to give Isak a quick kiss on the mouth before he started jogging backwards, toward the others who were a bit ahead of them. “Come on Valtersen, use your legs!“

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___Isak shook his head. This guy. But he also started running._ _ _

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___“Wow.“_ _ _

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___“I know.“_ _ _

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___“It's...awesome.“_ _ _

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___“Imagine we would come here at night. Scary right?“_ _ _

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___“Awesome!“_ _ _

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___“Mags, you're repeating yourself.“_ _ _

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___But Isak had to agree with Magnus. It really was awesome._ _ _

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___In the Spreepark was an abandoned amusement park, in the middle of the woods. It was closed in 2002 because of economic problems and since then the nature was recapturing its territory. Isak had to admit, there was something spooky about it._ _ _

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___Oh, and they weren't supposed to be here, by the way._ _ _

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___Mikael had casually mentioned that it was forbidden to just walk in here and Isak watched over his shoulder every other minute._ _ _

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___While Mikael, Even and Yousef organized the first setting – the big locomotive, half covered by ivy – the boys dared a look around._ _ _

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___There were empty houses and abandoned streets. Now and then they could see rails for a roller coaster peeking out of the leaves and grass and Mahdi was almost scared to death when he accidently walked into a plastic clown, half hidden next to a big bush. And of course, there was the big ferris wheel towering over all, acutally moving because of the wind._ _ _

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___A nice place to film, Isak thought and then Mikael called for their help so they went back to them._ _ _

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___“Scary“, Eva mumbled while she peered around. Vilde nodded. “What if we get caught?“, she squieked._ _ _

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___“You speak Norwegian and pretend to be a tourist“, Even said without looking up from his camera. “Okay, ready, Mik?“_ _ _

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___The actual shooting was pretty boring since Isak still had no idea what the project was about and he couldn't look over Even's shoulder all the time. But he didn't complain since he was here with his friends and, well, __Even ___, so he still had fun and by the end of the shooting Isak felt content and happy. Before the two boys packed their stuff together they were forced to take a few pictures of the rest of the group._ _

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___“Seriously, guys?“, Mikael groaned after Magnus complains for the third time that the lighting was wrong._ _ _

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___“What? We want professional cameras, dude.“_ _ _

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___But then also that was over and Isak was eager to get out of here now._ _ _

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___“Ooh, wait, we need to take a group picture!“, Eva exclaimed, which was followed by enthusiastic cheers from the girls and groans from the boys. But they did it anyway in the end, with a lot of laughter and at least fifty tries after the camera fell off the stupid tree trunk and Mikael threatened them all to pay for a new one._ _ _

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___And then they were finally done._ _ _

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___“Even, I'm so tired“, Isak whined into his jacket when they were sat in the subway back._ _ _

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___Even let out a chuckle. “Sorry, Issy“, he mumbled into his hair. “Sorry if it wasn't like you imagined.“_ _ _

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___At that, Isak lifted his head from Even's shoulder. “Are you kidding? It was awesome“, he mumbled with a small private smile. “I spent time with you, right? Are you satisfied with the shooting?“_ _ _

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___Even nodded, his eyes shining. “Yeah“, he said and he sounded happy, “I think they're pretty good.“_ _ _

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__Isak grinned and nudged his foot.“It better is. I held this stupid blanket for __years ___.“_

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___“It's all about the perfect lighting“, Even sighed, nudging him back._ _ _

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___“I bet real directors don't use blankets“, Isak teased._ _ _

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___“They have access to a bit more money than we do“, Even defended, “also, don't judge before you haven't seen the outcome. It'll blow your mind.“_ _ _

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___“You got a lot of self-esteem, did you know that?“_ _ _

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___They contiuned their friendly bickering over the time in the subway and Isak felt stupidly happy inside. It was like back in uni, only with the small difference that now they teased each other to see the other smile or groan or roll their eyes. If Isak had known what he had missed out... well. But better now than never._ _ _

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___“How're you feeling?“, Isak asked quietly when they stepped out of the subway and breathed in the cold air._ _ _

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___They sepereated now. A few wanted to head back to the hotel to rest a bit, others wanted to explore the city more._ _ _

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___Even gave him a look with his blue eyes before he looked around. “I'm feeling okay“, he said after a minute. “A bit tired, but nothing I couldn't handle.“_ _ _

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___Isak smiled at that and before he had time to be bashful about it he slung his arms around him, pulling Even into a hug and breathed him in. He heard Even make a cute surprised sound but he quickly wrapped his arms around Isak as well._ _ _

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___“I'm glad we're here together“, Isak mumbled. “I'm glad you're feeling okay.“_ _ _

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__He didn't know where this emotional side was coming from. Maybe Even made him soft. Maybe he just wanted to say it. Maybe he just needed to feel Even close. Whatever it was, he had to make sure Even felt it, too, how much Isak felt. For him, for_ __them ___, for everything that happened and hopefully will happen.

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__And Even understood, because of course he did, that ridiculous, beautiful, warm, loving and understanding person that he was. Because he tightened his grip around Isak's waist to hold him impossibly closer, burying his nose in his curls. “Isak“, he whispered and it was full of wonder and trust and_ __love ___and Isak couldn't bear it.

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___Before he could say what he felt, Mikael's voice cut through the cold air, making them both jump._ _ _

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___“Hey, lovebirds, we're going back grabbing some food, you with us?“_ _ _

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___Even looked between Mikael and Isak, a frown on his face. “Dou you wanna...?“, he began but Isak's face must have been speaking volumes because Even stopped himself before he turned again to Mikael. “We're going in town, I guess.“_ _ _

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___Mikael just nodded. “Alright. But we'll see you in the club later? You promised.“_ _ _

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___Even rolled his eyes but nodded anyways. “Sure. See yah.“_ _ _

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___Mikael gave thumbs up before he turned around, sprinting to Adam and Elias who had been waiting for him._ _ _

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___Isak turned to Even. “You promised?“, he said alarmed. Even waved him off. “Chill out, Valtersen. We don't have to stay long. Also“, his grin became unbelievably smug, “we happen to be... fun when it comes to clubbing, don't you think?“_ _ _

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___“Pfff.“ Isak looked away but didn't manage to hide the blush creeping into his cheeks. “So?“, he asked instead, giving the older boy a challenging look. “What's the surprise?“_ _ _

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___Even gave him his smile. “I'll show you“, he promised with a kiss to his hair._ _ _

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___They took the tram in the city and Isak felt a bit lost between all the strangers and held onto Even the whole time._ _ _

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___Even took him to the very middle of the city, at least Isak felt like it. When they got out of the tram, there were people everywhere and loud music was blasting. Isak's mouth fell open. “Even, what...?“_ _ _

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___“It's a funfair“, Even yelled over the noise. “I forgot the occasion but who cares.“ He turned back to look at Isak with worried eyes. “Is that okay?“_ _ _

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___And seriously, how could he resist this pleading eyes?_ _ _

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___“We'll see“, Isak mumbled into Even's ear and felt warm all over when Even let out a happy laugh. “But“, he added when Even pulled away from Isak's mouth. “Don't you dare losing me in this crowd, I'll kill you I swear.“_ _ _

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___Even's eyes sparkled but with all sincerity he was capable of he promised to not let that happen. Then he kissed Isak again and dragged him in the hurly-burly._ _ _

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___And so Isak ended up in front of a shooting range wasting his money on this stupid thing while Even cheered him on._ _ _

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___“Come on, Isak, we'll win a teddybear if you shoot this bunny.“_ _ _

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___“Shut up, Even, I need to focus!“_ _ _

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___Isak didn't manage to shoot the main bunny but he got a consolation prize, a little turtle with a heart on its back and Even was all over the place when Isak handed it to him with the words “don't lose it, it's yours now.“ Only later Isak realized what he had said and how true it actually was._ _ _

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___Even made him drink mulled wine, a liquid Isak realized wasn't that disgusting as he thought all along._ _ _

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___They met Vilde and Magnus on the carrousel, Vilde on a unicorn, Magnus on a dragon and together they tried their luck on the wheel for fortune where Even managed to win a red balloon. They passed a poolparty in the middle of the street and Magnus wanted to join. They ditched him and Vilde, leaving them to their argument because Vilde wouldn't go._ _ _

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___“Mags“, Isak snorted._ _ _

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___“At least he's adventurous“, Even fired back, causing Isak to gape at him in offense. “Excuse me? I'm so _damn_ adventurous“, he pouted._ _ _

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___Even just laughed at that. “Yeah sure, then...“ Even suddenly stopped before he turned around and gave Isak an evil grin which promised nothing good. “Prove it to me.“_ _ _

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___Before Isak had time to ask what he meant, Even grabbed his hand and dragged him over to a booth and befor Isak could say something, Even shoved a hand full of glitter in his face._ _ _

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___Isak screamed in disgust and turned away from him. “What the hell, Even!“, he screeched, wiping the glitter out of his eye just to see Even leaning laughing against the booth to prevent him from falling over. “What“, he said, mischievousness in his eyes. “You look cute.“_ _ _

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___Angrily, Isak shook his curls to loose some glitter particles. “You're... unbelievable“, he growled._ _ _

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___“Oh thanks, I've been told.“ Even remained unimpressed while he approached Isak who was shying away. “Hey, come one, no more glitter, I promise.“ He held up his hands in appeasement before he carefully wiped over Isak's eyebrow and then his chin, probably to keep the damage limited._ _ _

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___Isak let him, half disapproving, half amused by the action – and determined to take revenge._ _ _

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___Even, unaware of what Isak was planning, wiped around his face some more before he stepped back with a smile to say “see? You look –“ before Isak grabbed Even by the hips and spun them around so Isak's back was hitting the counter of the booth. Even had no time to react before a hand full of glitter hit his chest and neck._ _ _

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___“What the...“, he laughed surprised, jumping away. “Asshole!“_ _ _

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__“Oh,_ __I ___am the asshole now?“ Isak gave him a smug smile. “Watch it, Næsheim.“

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___“It's on my neck! And now under my shirt.“_ _ _

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___“That's just karma, man. As you sow, so you reap.“_ _ _

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___Even's brows raised, “is that so?“ he asked, slowly pacing around Isak before he grabbed another hand full of glitter, “then here, reap it!“_ _ _

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___Twenty minutes later Jonas and Eva who were sauntering around the place found a very much glittering couple making out against the wall. Jonas just shook his head chuckling while Eva cried “don't swallow too much glitter tonight, boys“ on which Isak flipped her off and hid his red face in Even's – from laughing vibrating – shoulder._ _ _

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__When they had cleaned up themselves as good as they could – it was_ __glitter ___. Isak was sure he would still found a particle in two months – Isak wanted to eat something and so they bought kebab with halloumi, a mild cheese which was surprisingly delicious. After that Even insisted on buying them baked bananas with chocolate, because 'it's romantic, Isak, come on. And you love chocolate!' 'I'm full, Even, seriously, I'm just gonna throw up all of your romantic stuff again.'

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___Even bought them anyway and Isak rolled his eyes only twice before Even kissed it away. But before Isak could do the first bite, he held the two bananasticks out of Isak's reach. “Not yet“, he announced, making Isak groan in frustration. “Even, come on, I've suffered enough today.“_ _ _

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___But Even just gave him a smile and grabbed his hand. “Trust me“, he said softly and Isak sighed but followed him until they stopped in front of –_ _ _

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___“Even, no way!“_ _ _

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___“Why not? It's romantic!“_ _ _

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___“Exactly. It's the cheesiest thing!“, Isak laughed, trying to get away from Even's grip which was a hopeless case. Even looked seriously hurt. “Baby, please. Please?“, he said with big puppy eyes. Isak growled again but of course he couldn't resist that face._ _ _

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___“You're the worst. And I'm not kissing you on the top!“, he exclaimed when they got into the gently swaying gondola of the ferris wheel._ _ _

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___“We'll see about that“, he heard Even mumble behind him._ _ _

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___Even if Isak was fine with the height of this thing, he didn't like it that much. Sitting in a rusty metal gondola, 160 feet above the safe ground? Yeah, Isak could think of better activities._ _ _

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__But now, with Even, it felt a bit different. Sure, the damn ground was swaying and the wheel was fucking_ __creaking ___, but there was something nice about it, sitting here, above the world, just the wind in his hair and the cold creeping into his fingertips, under him the people becoming as small as beetles.

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___Even and Isak talked while the ferris wheel slowly moved and brought them higher and higher. Isak loved the fact that he could ask Even anything and he would always answer. He felt like there was nothing he wouldn't want to know about the other boy and he felt incredible honoured that Even had chosen him._ _ _

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___Thinking about it, he noticed his eyes getting a bit moist and he was grateful that he could blame the wind for that._ _ _

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___Even didn't notice or at least he didn't say anything, he just pulled Isak closer and rubbed his fingertips between his palms to warm them up while he talked about a certain drone he would love to buy._ _ _

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___“You really wouldn't kiss me up here? No one is watching, I swear“, Even mumbled into his hair and Isak chuckled. “Only if it stops right when we're at the top.“_ _ _

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___Of course it stopped at the top and Isak had to grin at the excited face Even made. “I would've kissed you anyways, idiot“, Isak said and rolled his eyes fondly._ _ _

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___“I know.“ Even tenderly caressed his face, his gaze suddenly so earnest and vulnerable that Isak felt a pang in his chest. A good kind though. That kind that left him shaking and speechless of all the emotions inside him and god, Isak didn't know one could feel so much for a person._ _ _

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___Even smiled at him, his eyes full of affection. “Your nose is red“, he stated and before Isak could roll his eyes he continued, “it's cute. No, seriously; when I first talked to you your nose was also red, from alcohol. It was the cutest thing.“_ _ _

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___Isak reached out to gently cup Even' cheek. “How's your nose?“, he asked and carefully stroked his index finder over the bruise which was almost gone. He wiped away a few remains of green glitter._ _ _

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___Even shrugged. “Fine“, he said. “I almost look fabulous again.“_ _ _

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___“Almost.“ Isak laughed a little and then Even pulled him into a long, sweet kiss that made Isak's knees go weak. Well, already weaker, considering the shaky ground._ _ _

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___When they pulled away, Isak took a long breath of the fresh night air. For a moment he looked away from Even and over the busy bustle under them. Then he looked over the brightly lit buildings and, further behind, the glittering surface of the river. And above all that, the endless heaven with stars and a half moon, almost looking like randomly pinned on. He would've felt lonely under the big sky and all the people under them, insignificant almost. He used to feel like that. But now... when he looked at Even, he felt calm. Safe. Like someone noticed him. Cared about him._ _ _

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___He had never felt like this with someone before._ _ _

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___He returned his look to Even who was already watching him._ _ _

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____Fuck it._ _ _ _

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___“Even“, Isak started and immediately stopped._ _ _

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___Even just raised his brows in anticipation. “Isak?“, he replied, a small smile on his lips. There was a single glitter particle on his right cheekbone, glistening golden in the dark._ _ _

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___Isak bit his lip. Fuck it. Just fuck it. When not now, then when?_ _ _

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___“I like you“, he blurted out and okay, here we go._ _ _

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___Even opened his mouth in confusion. “Uhm... thanks? I like you too, I thought this was obvious?“, he said slowly with a laugh._ _ _

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__“Yeah I mean, I... I really like you.“_ __Just spill it, idiot! ___“And that's why I wanted to... like, could you imagine, that...“

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___Great, he sounded like he wanted to propse to Even._ _ _

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___But Even stayed calm, he just smiled at him and that was what did it._ _ _

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___“...that we're boyfriends, maybe?“_ _ _

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___The last part was very quiet but judging the wide eyes of Even Isak guessed he heard it and Isak winced. “I know we agreed to take it slow, and you can say no, if it's too soon, I just wanted –“_ _ _

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___“Are you fucking kidding me?“, Even interrupted, his fingers squeezing Isaks so hard it almost hurt. “Of course I want us to be boyfriends.“_ _ _

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___Isak blinked dumbly at him. “Yeah?“_ _ _

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_____“Yeah ___, stupid“, Even laughed before he took his face between his hands and kissed him so passionately that Isak forgot about everything for a second.

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___When Even pulled back Isak chased his mouth for a second and with a chuckle Even pecked his lips once, twice and then again properly again, but eventually he leaned back. Isak watched a bit proud that blown pupils and the disheveled hair and how Even seemed to need a minute to become aware of his surrondings again. When he did, he leaned in until their foreheads were touching. He said nothing, except for a quiet “damn“._ _ _

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___Isak ducked his head in a shy grin. He felt so blissful it should be forbidden and stupid all of the sudden for his worries before. “Okay“, he said playfully calm, “that's chill.“_ _ _

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___Even broke out into a laugh that had Isak's heart filling with adoration. “Yeah“, he agreed, hands running gently over Isak's skin, so carefully like he was afraid he was going to break it and once more Isak became suspicous that he was addicted to Even's touch._ _ _

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___“You know, that's not what I had expected when the trip started“, Isak sighed, safely tugged under Even's chin and with his jacket warming them both while they watched the lights and people slowly becoming bigger again._ _ _

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___Even's quiet laugh rumbled under him. “Mmh. Me neither.“ He pressed a kiss in Isak's hair. “I'm so fucking happy right now, Isak, you have no idea“, he whispered into his skin._ _ _

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___Isak let out a fond laugh but snuggled even closer to Even. “I think I have an idea“, he mumbled in Even's hoodie._ _ _

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___._ _ _

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___“Hey Even?“_ _ _

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___“Yeah?“_ _ _

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___“When am I allowed to eat my baked banana?“_ _ _

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_“_ __Shit __!“

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___They spent the rest of the evening sauntering around, laughing and talking and kissing and Isak felt like a stupid teenager. His muscles hurt from all the smiling and now and then he had to shake his head and pinch himself in the back of his hand to believe this was all real and when it was time to go home, Isak felt sad. Theoretically he knew it was stupid. He would get to spend the night next to Even – in a shared room but okay – and tomorrow they would spend all the time togehter as well, but still. He couldn't help but pout a little when Even looked for a tram that would bring them home. (They had abandoned the red balloon before. Even had given it to a clown and teased Isak endlessly when he didn’t get the reference to the horror movie.)_ _ _

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___“Do you think we can convince Mikael and Jonas to become best friends? I'm tired of sharing your room with others.“_ _ _

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___Even snorted and took a seat, pulling Isak next to him. “Brat“, he whispered with a cheeky smile. “You can't have me all the time.“_ _ _

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__“Yes, I can“, Isak said stubbornly, snuggling even closer to Even, not caring about other people in the tram and whispering in his ear. “_ __Boyfriend ___.“

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__It came out way more fond and sweeter and he felt Even shiver under his fingertips. A second later Even placed a tender kiss behind his ear. “Boyfriend“, he whispered back, his heart on his sleeve and right here, in this moment Isak felt sure of it, sure of_ __them ___and his heart felt like it was going to burst. He didn't say anything though. He just leaned his head against Even's chest to be near him.

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___ _

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__

__

___“You still have glitter in your nose.“_ _ _

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___“Shut up!“_ _ _

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___With a desperate noise Isak tried to rub the stupid glitter off his skin. With little success._ _ _

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___“Just leave it, I'm sure Even thinks it is hot“, Jonas commented and went back to cutting his fingernails. Isak let out a growl from where he was bend over the sink, washing his upper body with a washcloth. “I hate him. And what the hell was that earlier?“_ _ _

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___“Mmh, looked like you hate him.“ Unimpressed, Jonas flicked a piece of his nail in the sink. “Tell me again what he said.“_ _ _

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___“He gave me this stupid mysterious look and said I should bring my things out in...“ Isak glanced at his watch next to the sink and let out a curse. “Shit. Like ten minutes ago.“ Hastily, he dried himself, threw the washcloth in the sink and pulled a fresh white shirt over his head. “Okay, see you later.“_ _ _

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___Jonas shook his head with a exasperated laugh. “See you, bro.“_ _ _

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___When Isak stepped out of the bathroom Even was nowhere to be seen so he leaned against the wall to wait for him._ _ _

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___Even hadn't revealed his plans yet but Isak thought he had an idea of what was coming and he thanked all gods up there for his wisdom to shave this morning. His skin tingled for which was probably the washcloth to blame but Isak felt also a wave of anticipation rushing through him. He was also nervous as fuck. His left foot nudged the wall in a steady thythm and his fingertips were drumming against each other._ _ _

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___He was on the edge of freaking out when a door to his left opened and Even stepped out. He had his backpack slung over one shoulder and he looked incredibly soft in sweatpants and his grey hoodie with the red strings. When he locked eyes with Isak his lips quirked into a crooked smile and Isak had to strongly hold back not letting out a lovesick sigh._ _ _

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___“Hey“, Even said quietly when he approached him. “You ready?“_ _ _

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___Isak nodded. “Where are we going, Even?“_ _ _

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___But Even just winked at him. “You'll see.“ And with that he just started walking past him. Only when he approached the stairs to the next floor he stopped, reaching out for Isak's hand. “You coming?“_ _ _

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___Isak rolled his eyes but followed. “I swear if you are going to keep everything a secret I swear to god...“, he murmured while taking Even's hand but Even just laughed. “Last surprise, I promise“, he said, kissing Isak's temple and then started walking up the stairs._ _ _

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___Even didn't lead him to a hotelroom. Even led him to the rooftop terrace._ _ _

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___It was a beautiful place. There were standing a lot of chairs around little tables with a lamp on it and a few moths were fluttering around the light. Pots with green plants were placed around the area, even a little tree with lightstrings in the crown was placed in the middle of the terrace. There was no glass, like a conservatory, just a small wall drawn around the edges of the roof._ _ _

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___A few people were here, sitting in the chairs and drinking cocktails but apart from that it was surprisingly quiet._ _ _

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___“Wow“, Isak said quietly. “You have a faible for beautiful views. In high altitudes“, he added with a smirk before he looked over the wall to see thousands of lights blinking up at him._ _ _

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___“I have indeed“, he heard Even say and when he turend to see him, Even was already looking at him. Isak felt himself blush and he looked away. “You're such a sap“, he mumbled. “And to think of you as cool and mysterious. How could I?“_ _ _

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___Even watched him in astonishment. “You did? Aww baby, sorry to disappoint“, he chuckled, stepping closer to wrap his arms around him. Isak sank back into his weight and closed his eyes for a minute. “I like it“, he admitted quietly after a few seconds. “When you call me that.“_ _ _

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___He felt Even hum at that, his fingers stroking his arms. “You are though“, he whispered, his voice full of affection. “My baby.“_ _ _

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___“You're mine too“, Isak whispered back, not caring how cheesy it sounded._ _ _

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___They climbed onto the wall and shared a beer Isak had sneaked out of Mahdi's bag before he left. “When do you have to be at the university tomorrow?“_ _ _

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___Isak groaned at that. “Ten“, he winced. “And I need about fourty five minutes to get there.“_ _ _

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___“And what are you gonna do, talk to professors about black holes?“ Even rearranged his long legs so he could tangle them up with Isaks, who was sitting in front of him, facing him._ _ _

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___Isak nodded. “I called and if he's free, professor Murk will give me ten minutes or something for questions.“ He rubbed his nose. “And there is a great observatory.“_ _ _

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___Even hummed at that and began to stroke Isak's skin at the ankle, which wasn't covered by shoe or clothes. “Do you wanna go alone?“_ _ _

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___Isak shrugged. “I don't know“, he said. “I guess? Or do you wanna join me?“_ _ _

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___Even gave him a smile. The shine of the lamps was flickering in his eyes. “If I'm allowed to, I would love to join.“_ _ _

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___“Oh. Uhm. Sure.“ Isak was surprised, he had meant his question to be sarcastic. “But I have to warn you, it could be boring for you.“_ _ _

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___Even scoffed. “Excuse me, just because I'm a film student, doesn't mean-“_ _ _

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___“ __Nerd ___“, Isak corrected and jumped when Even pinched him in the side. “Watch your tongue, Valtersen“, Even threatened.

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___Isak raised his brows. “Or what?“, he asked._ _ _

__

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__“Or I'm going to kiss you“, Even said bluntly, reveling in the sight of Isak_ __still ___blushing.

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___“Well...“ Isak murmured und shrugged, pretending to be unaffected and missing it by a mile, “if you dare.“_ _ _

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___Even let out a small chuckle and leaned in, but just in that moment someone yelled at them in German from the entrance and Isak who had been completely wrapped up in the boy in front of him almost lost his balance._ _ _

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___They were sent away, because apparently it was forbidden to sit on a wall on the roof. Even complained over the stupid German rules._ _ _

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___“Even, I'm almost sure there are plenty of other countries where this is forbidden“, Isak laughed when they stood in the staircase. Even grumbled something incomprehensible and rolled his eyes. Isak just snorted. “Come on, I'm cold.“_ _ _

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___But Even held him back when he tried to pass him. “Where do you wanna go?“, he asked, mischievousness back in his eyes._ _ _

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___Isak frowned. “Going back to our room?“, he tried and suppressed his thoughts of a private hotel room. With Even. Alone. All night._ _ _

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___Then Even said “but our room is on this floor, baby“ and he gave up. “You...“ he started, his mouth a bit dry, “you booked us a hotel room?“_ _ _

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___He stared at Even in disbelief._ _ _

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___Even's smile dropped and it was the worst sight. “Oh“, he said, “uhm... I just thought, I mean...“ He rubbed the back of his head furiously. “You said you wanted some alone time? And I thought this would be a great opportunity to finally be alone with you. But maybe it's... it's not a good idea, I-“_ _ _

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___Even was interrupted in his rambling by Isak pushing him into a wall. “I can't believe you“, he whispered, and it was true. Every time Isak thought he knew what was coming, Even surprised him all over again. Isak didn't think there were enough words to describe what he felt for him. Or maybe not the right words._ _ _

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__Even looked at him quite surprised and it looked so endearing Isak_ __had ___to kiss him. “So... you're up for it?“, Even asked out of breath when Isak pulled away. Isak bit his lip to stop the huge grin spreading out over his face. Lost case again. “I am“, he said, fingers tightening in Even's shirt before he kissed him again.

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___“I think we should continue this inside the room, what do you think?“, Isak breathed when they finally pulled away and Even started right away leaving kisses all over Isak's neck, giving him shivers. Even made a displeased noise like the thought of letting go of Isak physically hurt him but in the end he gave in, standing up straight. He was so close, Isak could count all of his eyelashes. In fact, he knew the number since he had looked at Even's beautiful sleeping face two days ago when he was still feeling down and Isak needed something to do. And his eyes... Isak would never get over his eyes, he was sure of that. They seemed to pin him down, looking right into his soul and leaving him no place to hide. Not that Isak wanted. He was tired of hiding._ _ _

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___“Okay“, Even replied to his question, startling Isak out of his trance. Even's head was tilted and he gave him a questioning look, a small smile in the corner of his lips._ _ _

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__Isak shook his head and closed his eyes for a minute._ __Calm down, Isak. Seriously, where is yor chill? Sweet Jesus! ___

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___“Uhm... yeah. Let's go. Lead the way.“_ _ _

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___Even did. He grabbed Isak's hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze before he turned around and walked away, Isak behind him._ _ _

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__Isak had had a lot of sex in his life. Okay, maybe not a_ __lot ___, but he also wasn't a hermit. And he had always laughed at the description of sex in the movies (have you ever seen them lose their socks or their pants, hopping around like idiots?). Eskild had called him out on that, reproving him that once he would find his soulmate, he would watch his tongue. Back then Isak had rolled his eyes and closed his bedroom door and busied himself with FiFa to prevend his brain from thinking about the words. He didn't want to be reminded of the fact that apparently he wasn't able to have a healthy, reliable relationship, just like his stupid father. And sometimes, when the night was particulary dark and Isak's thoughts particulary loud and sleep wouldn't find him, he would allow himself to think about it. To cry, yeah. That too.

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___After his last relationship which lasted two months or something, Isak had given up. Love just wasn't for him._ _ _

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_So maybe that's why the thing with Even was so... different. He was so different._ __Isak __felt different with him. With Even, everything seemed new and exciting like Isak would do it for the first time. Isak couldn't say what it was. He just knew he felt good with him, so good.

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___“We don't have to“, Even had whispered when they finally arrived in the room. It was small, barely bigger than their room in Warnemünde and Even explained with an apologetic smile that Maya had arranged it and they didn't even have to pay for this. Isak didn't care. He found it perfect._ _ _

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___“I want to“, Isak whispered back, his words sinking in Even's skin. Green eyes met blue ones._ _ _

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___“I want to be near you“, Isak said and it was the most honest, vulnerable thing he had said._ _ _

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___“Me too“, Even whispered, awe in his eyes before he started kissing him. He smiled into the kiss and gently grabbed Isak's chin and Isak was grateful for that, it grounded him a little in the bath of feelings. He kissed back with all he had. If he sucked at talking about his feelings and stuff, he at least could show Even what he meant to him._ _ _

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___Slowly, their kiss got more intensive and heated. Isak feared to combust when Even's tongue ran over the inside of his lip, his hands buried in Even's silky hair, messing up his hairdo. Even squeezed his hips in return, constantly pulling Isak closer like he feared he would suddenly vanish if he let go for a single second._ _ _

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___“Clothes“, Even mumbled between kisses, his voice dark with lust. “Off.“_ _ _

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___He helped Isak getting out of his hoodie and shirt and it shouldn't be a thing really. They had already had a blowjob and handjob situation and Even had seen him shirtless before, so technically Even had seen him totally naked. Not every part at the same time but still. But even though Isak wasn't ashamed of his body, he couldn't help but blush a litte when he reached for his belt, thinking about how often he had done this gesture before and how much more weight it had now._ _ _

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__When he looked up again, Even traced his gaze up and down his body. In his eyes was nothing but adoration and awe, mixed with a desperate longing he could feel in his own body as well. “So beautiful“, Even whispered. With careful hands, like Isak was made of glass, he ran his thumb over his cheekbone, his other hand caressing his neck, his collarbones, his ribs. Isak shivered under the touch, his own hands clutching desperately onto Even's shirt, which was_ __still ___on him and with a whine Isak tugged at it.

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___“Impatient“, Even smirked but stepped back so Isak could pull the fabric over his head. Isak let out a snort. “Excuse me, if I have to get naked then you have to do it, too.“_ _ _

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___Even, who stepped out of his pants, looked up at him to let out a tiny laugh. “Is that the rule?“, he mused, standing up straight and grabbing Isak's shoulders to pull him back to him, his clothes abandoned on the ground._ _ _

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___“I hope so“, Isak murmured against Even's lips, swallowing down his chuckle._ _ _

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___It felt good to banter around, it assured Isak that this was still Even, his Even, who laughed and smiled and cared so much. It was exactly what he needed._ _ _

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___So when they finally sank down on the bed – more like Even pushing Isak until he stumbled and fell on the matress and following right after – Isak didn't hesitate to pull Even on top of him, kissing him desperately. Their hips were grinding together and they both let out a moan at the feeling._ _ _

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___“You have no idea how long I wanted to do that“, Even whispered, gaze a bit hazed and Isak let out a breathless laugh. He quickly got up on his elbows, gently bumping his nose against Even's. “Do it now“, he challenged and it was supposed to sound dirty but came out way too tender and soft. Even gave him a look with dark, longing eyes, pupils blown and cheeks a bit flushed already and it tingled through Isak's whole body. “I will“, he murmured, lost in the sight of Isak's naked body sprawled out for him, only for him, before he dived in again, lips brushing over Isak's cupid bows in a silent promise._ _ _

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__It was perfect. In every way that was possible, perfect in its imperfections, because Isak felt safe and warm and hot and fucking_ __loved ___alright. They took their time and Isak loved it. He was used to quickies, guys who were lost in the heat of the moment. But Even was determined to worship every centimeter of Isak's body.

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___Even though he was a fucking tease._ _ _

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__“Come on, baby_ __please ___“, Isak panted, head thrown back in pleasure. He swore Even spent just hours opening him up until his legs were shaking and his heart stuttering and he felt like he had to combust every second.

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___“Patience, love“, Even said and maybe it was because of the name he used but Isak suddenly felt an all consuming burning desire flaming through his chest, he couldn't bear it._ _ _

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___“ __Even ___“, he whimpered and Even must have heard him because one second later he pulled his fingers out which caused Isak to let out another whine before he leaned over to kiss him, murmuring soothing words and Isak grabbed his face and kissed him back hungily and impatient, eager to feel his tongue to taste himself.

__

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___“'m ready“, he said out of breath and let out a moan when Even pulled back to suck a bruise into his skin at his neck. “'m ready, please.“_ _ _

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___Even growled and kissed him again, short and hard, before he pulled back to get a condom and line himself up and then Isak burst out laughing._ _ _

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__“It's always really encouraging for a naked person when people start laughing at them“, Even pointed out. Isak just shook his head and pointed at the glittering,_ __golden ___condom. “You can't be serious“, he said. Even shrugged but grinned. “Better than nothing, right? Blame Adam.“

__

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__Isak raised his brows. “_ __Adam ___gave you those?“

__

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__

___„Yup. Sort of emergency- despair act. I didn't think of it until we arrived here.“_ _ _

__

__

__

___“...where you decided to ignore the thousands of stores that sell normal condoms.“_ _ _

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___“Hey, what's your problem, we have wonderful sparkling condoms to protect us.“_ _ _

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___“Oh my god, I can't believe you.“ Isak threw an arm over his face to hide his wide grin. Even let out a playful snort and started to withdraw from Isak. “Okay then, me and my sparkling condom will find someone else then.“_ _ _

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___He began to climb off Isak but Isak immediately followed and pulled him back in. “No, stay!“, he said, “I'm sorry, I love your silly condom.“_ _ _

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___Even let out a laugh but let himself willingly be pulled in for a sweet kiss. “Tomorrow we're going to buy new ones, though“, Isak mumbled against Even's lips._ _ _

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___“Deal“, Even mumbled back, hands sliding into Isak's curls._ _ _

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___Despite the banter they were both still worked up and it didn't take long for them to became fully hard and impatient again, all jokes gone._ _ _

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___“Fuck, Even“, Isak breathed when Even pushed in. “Fuck.“_ _ _

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___“You're perfect, Issy, so fucking perfect.“_ _ _

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___It was overwhelming, too much and never enough at the same time. Isak wailed at Even's words and brought his hand up behind Even's neck to pull him back to him. Their lips barely brushed, both too lost in the sensation that flooded over them, Even sinking deep into him in the process, biting Isak's lower lip and making him groan._ _ _

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___It was like a dance, like a silent talk, just with their bodies and souls and they understood each other, knew so well what the other one craved._ _ _

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___Isak didn't believe in soulmates, he had always thought this was a romanticized thought, a nice one, sure, but without making any sense. But right now, with Even moving inside of him like the ocean, making him moan and writhe under him, coaxing the sweetest sounds out of him, he couldn't find another word in his mind. What else could it be that made his body shake with lust and his soul glow with bliss and his heart fill with fire and something that felt suspiciously like love?_ _ _

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___Isak looked at the other boy, his sweating, beautiful long and lean but muscular body fitting perfectly into his own. He took in everything. Even's pale skin. His chest covered in bruises that were Isak's work. His two moles on the right shoulder. His dark blond hair falling into his eyes. His strong arms wrapped around Isak, shielding him from the rest of the world, long fingers digging into his skin, protecting him from all bad. His brows, slightly furrowed in concentration._ _ _

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___Isak blinked. Then he slided his hand from Even's neck to his cheek. A silent question to look at him._ _ _

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___Even did, his blue eyes found his and once more Isak was taken aback by this eyes. He almost couldn't see any blue, pupils blown from desire and lust._ _ _

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___Isak reached out to stroke the frown with one finger, smoothing the skin out there._ _ _

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___For a few seconds, they just stared into each other's eyes, telling each other everything they didn't dare to say out loud yet._ _ _

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___I love you. I don't know what you do to me but I do. I do. ___

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___Isak reached the peak first, moaning Even's name as he tumbled over the edge and Even talked him through it, soothed him with his words and his hands, helping him._ _ _

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___When Even wanted to pull out, Isak stopped him and when the older boy gave him a questioning look he whispered, “don't. Please, I...“_ _ _

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__He wasn't able to say what he wanted, what he_ __needed ___, he didn't even know what he wanted, except that at the thought of Even pulling out and being gone his heart ached in his chest.

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___Even knew anyway. “You sure?“, he asked in a raspy voice, stroking Isak's lips, his eyebrows, his temple. Isak nodded, too weak to say something._ _ _

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___It stung at first, when Even moved again, using his already spent body, but Isak didn't want him to stop. He wanted to be good for him, to be near him, to give him exactly what he had received from him._ _ _

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___Even whispered praises the whole time, kissing away the tears that managed to slip out. Isak just moaned and gasped and held on for dear life, body quivering in excasy._ _ _

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___It didn't take long, Even as well too far gone to last long. His thrusts became harder and erratic, hitting his prostate every time, making Isak sob in pleasure, and when he came Isak wished there was nothing that seperated them._ _ _

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___When Even came down he looked lost and disorientated._ _ _

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___“Baby“, Isak said softly, cupping Even's cheeks. “Look at me, it's okay, I'm here. I 've got you.“_ _ _

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___Even blinked at him. Isak watched how Even's gaze slowly calmed again and his breathing getting slower as well._ _ _

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__“Fuck“, Even said and his hoarse and completely_ __spent ___voice did things to Isak. “Fuck, Isak.“ Even stared at him so intensively Isak felt like he was burning through his body. Not that he minded.

__

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__“C'mere“, Isak pleaded and Even followed, still a bit dizzy. He kissed Isak with fervor, tongue pushing in, making him groan. Isak wanted to make a joke about how he tried to work them up again, but he couldn't, because he was spent and blissed out and too exhausted to speak. So he kissed back, tasting Even's mouth, getting lost in his perfect lips. When they pulled back, Even collapsed on top of Isak, causing him to let out an_ __ooof ___at the weight but also a fond laugh. He ran his fingers through Even's hair, massaging his scalp, which let Even make this cute little humming sounds, almost like purring. He was like putty in his hands and Isak felt this stupid glowing __thing __pulling at his heart again.

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___At some point they had to move. They had to get cleaned up and in addition Isak began to feel uncomfortable, though he pouted and winced when Even pulled out carefully, tossing the condom into the bin._ _ _

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___“Noo“, Isak groaned when Even made an attempt to get up and pressed his body against him. “Stay.“_ _ _

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___Even rolled his eyes. “Is, we really need to get cleaned up.“_ _ _

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___Isak grumbled but didn't let go._ _ _

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___Even sighed. “Come one, cuddle bug, I'll be back in a second.“_ _ _

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___Isak gave him a considering look. “Promise?“, he asked. He knew he was being silly, but he was too sex drunk and blissed out to care._ _ _

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___Even kissed the tip of his nose. “Promise“, he assured him before he untangled himself from the sheets to get up. Isak watched him leave to the bathroom and coming back to him._ _ _

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___“Even?“, Isak mumbled when Even climed back next to him._ _ _

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___“Hmm?“ Even began to wipe Isak's stomach off with gentle movements. He did it carefully and with effort, and Isak asked himself how gone one had to be to find cleaning someone's cum off their stomach beautiful._ _ _

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___“Let's stay like this.“_ _ _

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___Even gave him a lopsided smile. “Like here?“_ _ _

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___Isak made a weak gesture with his hands. “Like you and me and a bed.“_ _ _

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___“Ooh.“ Even smirked. “You're a sex addict. But I need some recover time, I'm older than you.“_ _ _

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___Isak rolled his eyes and immediately reached for Even when he finally dropped the washcloth and joined him under the sheets. “I mean like this, idiot“, he murmured, shuffling forward until his nose was buried in Even's neck and his body pressed to the older's._ _ _

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___He heard Even's breathing hitch for a moment and it didn't take long for him to wrap his arms around Isak, pulling him as close as possible. “I was right“, he mumbled after a few seconds of silence. “You _are_ a cuddle bug.“_ _ _

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___“Shut up“, Isak mumbled into Even's skin._ _ _

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___“And here I was, thinking of you as cool and unapproachable“, he joked._ _ _

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___“I am. I'm the master of being unapproachable.“_ _ _

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___“Nah“, Even replied, pressing a kiss to Isak's hair. “You're soft. And cute.“_ _ _

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___Despite their intimate activities Isak blushed at that. “I'm not cute“, he stated, adding a “and no cuddle bug“, which maybe didn't come out too convincing given the fact that he took this moment to snuggle even closer to Even._ _ _

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___“Please not this again. We already talked about that.“_ _ _

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___“Yeah.“ Isak was silent for a moment. “I really liked you back then, at this party“, he admitted quietly. He still felt weird talking about this vulnerable topic, but Even didn't stiff under his touch. He kept drawing soothing circles on Isak's back and listened._ _ _

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___“Never thought I would end up here.“_ _ _

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___Even didn't reply at first and when he did, his voice was thick with emotions. “Yeah, neither have I.“ He cleared his throat. “And? Does it live up to the expectations?“, he joked._ _ _

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___Isak let his fingers travel over Even's skin before he pressed a kiss to Even's collarbone. “It's better“, he whispered like a secret. Even let out a humming sound that vibrated through his whole body and let Isak's skin tingle. “So much better.“_ _ _

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___After that, they fell silent and Isak felt so content and cozy he had trouble keeping his eyes open. Even's scent calmed him and his body protected him and his hands caressed him and yeah, Isak woud stay here forever._ _ _

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___“Baby“, Isak whispered for no reason, just because he could and Even answered with a kiss to his forehead and burying himself further in Isak's neck and Isak felt the three words dancing dangerously close around his tongue, he felt them everywhere and he had to close his eyes and take a deep breath to not blurt them out._ _ _

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___I love you. ___

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___Maybe it didn't matter anyway. Isak was sure he had told Even with everything except his words what he felt for him._ _ _

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___But he had to wait. He didn't want to mess this up and to say I love you after only a few days together was a bit early right. Even though he wanted, he wanted to so badly._ _ _

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___They held each other when they drifted off to sleep, lost in the feelings and new sensations and wrapped up in each other. Legs tangled under the sheets, Isak's arms slung over Even's stomach and Even's fingers in Isak's curls, his other arm draped over Isak's waist, keeping him close, not letting him go. Isak didn't want to. He never wanted to be seperated from this human again._ _ _

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___His mother was wrong. Heaven wasn't up there in the sky, hidden behind clouds and stars. Heaven was here on earth. Heaven was right here, in Isak's arms, with a steady beating heart and a slow even breathing that told Isak from a dream full of peace and tenderness._ _ _

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The sex scene isn’t very graphic and rather sweet than rough.*
> 
> Soo here we go again: are you still here?^^  
> I’m so sorry for the late update. Life happened and recently I wasn’t feeling too well which is not an excuse but explanation. Hope you’re not mad.
> 
> The chapter was sweet and I threw all the Evak fluff in it because they deserve all the love. Hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> I’m finally done with all my exams!! But I still have so much to do so I don’t know when the next update will be. But I‘ll do it, don’t worry!
> 
> Thank you for your lovely comments and kudos, I smile like an idiot every time I read them.<3
> 
> See yah!<33


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He didn't dare to think about the future, and it was probably way too early for that, considering the fact that they officially got together only yesterday and still had to learn so much about each other. But when he looked at Even, at the boy who was so complicated and funny and ridicilous, he wouldn't mind trying it out with him.“

_Thursday, Day 9_

 

When Even woke up, he found empty and crumpled sheets on his right side. For a moment he frowned, his hands searching for any left bodywarmth which would told him Isak was just in the bathroom and would come back to him any second. But no, there was no warmth in the sheets. His frown deepened while he slowly began to wake up properly. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up against the headboard to take in his surroundings.

Isak's shoes and jacket were gone as well as his clothes from last night. But Even had no time to panick about it because his bag with his other stuff was still leaning against the closet by the door so the possibility of him coming back wasn't that bad.

Even rubbed his nose absendmindly. It still hurt, from time to time, and he smeared something from this disgusting smelling salve on it. But apart from that, the bruise itself was barely visible anymore.

To distract himself from his worrying thoughts if Isak would come back at all - _don't be silly, he has asked first if you want to be his boyfriend_ \- he counted back to the day when Isak had hit him with the volleyball and his mouth opened in surprise when he realized it had been six days.

Six days. Not even a week. And look how much had changed since that. Even felt himself grinning against his will and he knew he was probably still sex dumb, but he didn't care. He felt light and content and where the fuck was Isak?

It was silly but he already missed him. He missed his smile and his cute nose and his big eyes every time he didn't understand something. He missed his sparkling green eyes staring at him in question, in mischievouness, in wonder. He missed his scent and his arms around him and his lips on his own and his curkls between his fingertips and okay Even, _chill_.

With a loud sigh he threw himself dramtically over the bed. Only then he thought of his phone and with a frustrated groan he sat up to get it from the nightstand.

Nothing. At least, nothing from Isak. Only a bunch of passive agressive messages from Mikael because he didn't show up in the club ( Even had completely forgotten about that), a few messages from the group chat where all of them where in, his boys, Isak's boys and the girls, and then there was the groupchat with his boys. Even rolled his eyes when he scrolled through the encouraging and slightly disturbing messages and emojis. The boys were way too invested in his love life. But on th eother hand it was also cute, and he stifled a smile when he saw the tons of hearts and thumbs up and _eggplants?_ Oh boy.

With a snort he placed the phone on the nightstand and went back to sulking in the sheets over Isak's absense.

It still felt not real though. He still caught himself thinking of it as a weird dream or particulary lively manic episode. He had told himself for so long that Isak was off the table, that the thought of him and Even together was useless, pathetic, far away. He had persudaded himself that Isak simply wouldn't accept him, that he wouldn't approve what he got. That was easier than the attempt to talk to him and got himself even more hurt. He had known it was dumb and cowardly but he couldn't help himself. He just wanted peace. He didn't want to get to know Isak if he couldn't have him. If Isak meant what he had said on the phone.

But this boy. Oh, this boy. Even smiled and shook his head about his earlier self trying to stay away. It was not possible to stay away. Even had only made it for like six or seven weeks before he talked to the boys and the trip started and everything changed.

Lost in his thoughts, Even stared out of the window which showed him nothing but a pretty dirty backyard. An old man in a blue jacket wiped away a few leaves.

And in the end, he had forced himself to start over, to try again. Despite his fear and worries and all the 'what if's.

He didn't want to sound whiny or self pitying. He liked himself. He had come a long and hard way, but he was proud where he was now. He had accepted himself, he tried to make the best out of it. He tried so hard. But sometimes, he was still unsure of himself and his bipolar. His relationship with Nils had left him raw and bitter and he had taken a long time to build himself together after that. So he was not secured against mean and cruel words or looks full of pity when they found out about him. He hated that look. He got that look a lot as a teenager. Either pitying or afraid. Afraid that he would do something crazy the next second, that he would start a mess again. Sometime he had noticed how people gave his mum and dad the same look of pity, plus a handshake or a shouldersqueeze and a murmured “you're doing so great with him“ and “isn't it hard?“

It had gotten to him, earlier. But he had learned that, if he believed this people and listened to them, he would break eventually. He didn't want to break. He wouldn't break.

It wasn't easy. Especially on days when getting up seemed an impossible act. When the world was too loud and his thoughts too fast. When nobody seemed to get what he needed, how he felt. When he wanted to become nothing. When even breathing seemed too hard. Then he felt worthless and like a burden and every day went by like a black waterfall, fast but also neverending, dark and with so much force he feared he would choke.

Somewhere a car honked and Even startled slightly.

Yeah, these days – weeks, sometimes – were hard. But there were also the good days. Days when Mikael forgot his keys again and called Even so he would let him in, when they all grabbed food and chilled in a park, when they filmed silly stuff for Mikael's channel and great stuff for their film projects. When Even had an hour or two for himself and could sit in a corner and draw. When he laughed so hard about a stupid joke Elias had made he actually teared up. When Mikael came to wait for him that his appointment would be over so they could talk about it or just sit there in silence. When the boys all were there for him when he felt lost and dull inside because of his meds and couldn't do something about it. When he visited his parents.

He felt valued on these days. He felt good. He felt important and loved and like he could actually do something in this world and wasn't just a burden and a useless and hopeless case.

Isak recently added to the good ones a lot. Even hadn't known what he had been missing out and he was glad they talked it out.

But still... he wasn't sure what to do when they were back in real life as boyfriends and he would get an episode. Sure; Isak had said he didn't care and that Even had no idea what would be. But Even had been there before, he had had people at his side who turned away after an episode. And he couldn't blame them. And despite all of Isak's great and sweet chracteristics, what if he realized that he didn't want this, that it was too much?

He tried to shove the thought away. It wasn't fair and no one would know what the future brought. Who knows; maybe Isak would get tired of his face before he developed an episode.

Even let out another deep sigh.

_Enjoy what you have now._

He had Isak. Well, not in this particular second, but in general. Somehow, he had managed to land here, in a hotel bed, together with the most beautiful boy on earth.

And if that wasn't fucking awesome.

 

When he urge to pee forced him to leave his delicious warm sheets he stepped on a note. It had probably fallen to the ground because of the wind or something. Curious, Even picked it up to read what was on it. Then he frowned and read it again because seriously, this handwriting was very... challenging.

**I'm out, getting breakfast, don't you dare eat without me. Isak**

Even let out a disbelieving laugh at that. This boy.

Carefully he placed the note on the nightstand next to his phone before he finally gave in his primal urge.

 

.

 

When Isak carefully opened the door, packed with different bags and in one hand a holder with two dangerously swaying cups in it, Even had already showered and pulled the curtains up. When Isak noticed that he let out a frustrated groan. “No!“, he exclaimed, unceremoniously dumping his shoes in the corner before placing the cups on the small table in the room, hanging the bags at the only chair at the table and slipping out of his jacket. “You're supposed to be still asleep and completely unaware of what I'm doing“, he complained and glared at the older boy who gave him a questionining look. “And how am I suppost to do that without you warming me, hmm?“

Isak snorted to cover up the blush he felt creeping its way to his cheeks. It was funny how easily it still was to make him blush, even after... well, last night.

But, Isak thought and looked at the other boy who made a dramatic hurt and pouty face, it was Even. He would always find a way to make him blush.

“You're late“, Even stated with a saucy expression when Isak peeled off his pants and shirt and pointedly turned away when Isak climbed next to him.

“Excuse me, I had to wait in a long, looong line“, Isak snapped, stressing the 'o'. “To get strawberries.“

At that, Even tilted his head a little bit. “Strawberries?“

“Mmh. And hot chocolate. I hope you like it as well, but since you're a chocolate fanatic...“

“Uhm, I'm not a _fanatic_ “, Even corrected him, now turning back to him so Isak could see his offended expression, “I'm an appreciater.“

“Oooh“, Isak nodded along, smirking, “of course. So sorry.“

“You're so mean.“

“But you know, since I'm the one who brought all of this stuff the long way here and all the fucking stairs up since the elevator is broken, I think you should appreciate _me_.“

“I think I do that all the time?“, Even said but Isak could hear the fondness in his voice and when he finally reached out to pull Isak towards him Isak gave in with a small chuckle.

“Thank you“, Even said into his hair while he burrowed his nose into Isak's curls, trying to recreate the sleepy softness of this morning and Isak happily went with him, going all pliant and soft under his touch and when Even gently tugged at his arm he lay down with him, still wrapped up in their hug. Isak snuggled even closer, eagerly breathing in the scent that was pure Even.

“Missed you“, he could hear Even mumble and he let out a soft laugh. “I was gone for like, an hour.“

“Still missed you. And I can’t believe you did that. Oh my god.“

Isak pressed his smile in Even's shirt while his heart did that _thing_ again.

He had woken up early this morning and for a moment he had asked himself why he felt so happy. Why there was this slight ache in his bones, this feeling in his chest, the pure bliss still lingering on him. It hadn't taken long to find out, but surprisingly Isak hadn't freaked out. Instead he felt a deep and calm happiness inside him, like everything was finally where it belonged.

That didn't mean he didn't grin like the biggest idiot on earth when he sat up and looked behind him, where Even was sound asleep, his hair a mess, his neck covered in bruises, his skin soft and his face so beautiful that Isak had to hold back hard not to attack him with a thousand kisses. Instead he had just brushed a few strains out of his face, his fingers maybe lingering a bit longer on his cheek than probably necessary, and carefully untangled the sheets and his limbs from Even's.

It was similar in a way to the morning four nights ago and yet so different. Back then, he had wanted to run away, to hide from Even and all the questions. But he had stayed. And now he knew he would come back.

So he had slowly put on some clothes and grabbed the keys and his wallet, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy. Then he had scribbled a note for Even on a piece of paper in case he woke up and started to worry and sneaked out of the room.

The cool morning air had woken him up a bit. _Wow_ , he had thought to himself while he waited for his hot chocolate in the line, _I'm getting breakfast for a boy I know since a few days._ How cheesy. Even rubbed off on him.

But his reputation was gone, anyway (seriously, what reputation, softie?, he heard a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Jonas and Eskild at the same time) and after last night at the funfair it was his turn to be sappy and cheesy as well, right? Also, he wanted to do it, even if it was cheesy and sappy and ridiculous.

 

“Even, we need to drink the hot chocolate, it's getting cold.“

“Mmh.“ Even didn't move an inch.

“Even.“

No answer. Just a grunt and then the grip around his waist tightened.

“Even, seriously“, Isak laughed. “Come on, I'm hungry.“

With a dramatic sigh Even finally let go even though he still was half on top of Isak. “Fine“, he grumbled. “Choose hot chocolate over my cuddling skills.“

“I choose _breakfast_ over everything“, Isak corrected and got up to get the bags and the two cups.

“Way to break a heart.“

“Well then, do you want me to starve to death? You can cuddle a corpse then.“

“You're being dramatic, Issy.“

“Oh, _I'm_ the dramatic one now?“ Isak looked at him with sparkling eyes.

“You won't starve to death“, Even began patiently but Isak interrupted him, “how would you know, hm?“

“Well, considering the amount of food you managed to eat last night I would say you're safe.“

“I have a fast metabolism.“

Even broke out into laughter. “Issy...“

“And“, Isak added with a pointed look, “your heart is not broken, so _you_ are the dramatic one.“

Even smirked at him. “How would you know?“, he asked, scooting closer to grab one of the plastic bags but Isak quickly pulled it away. “No! You didn't earn this“, he said, hiding the bags behind his back.

With a sigh Even leaned away from Isak. “See?“, he pointed his finger at the younger boy in accusing, “heartbreaker.“ And then he added with a tiny adorable pout, “I didn't even get a good morning kiss.“

Isak really, really tried not to melt at that but it was useless to fight it and with a fond eyeroll he scooted closer until he hovered over Even who looked at the ceiling, wiping away a fake tear. “You're such a sap“, he mumbled, reaching out to run a hand through Even's soft hair. “And a dramatic idiot.“

He got a fond smile in return. “You love it.“

Isak wanted to argue further (even though there wasn't really something to argue about, because Isak did love it) but Even pulled him in for a long sweet kiss and suddenly talking wasn't the most interesting thing to do right now.

Isak still felt a bit giddy and mushy inside, and he had tried to avoid thinking about last night, because he feared he would just start to scream out of happiness, but when Even's lips moved against his own he couldn't help himself but let he memories happen and he was quite surprised that his heart didn't burst with all the bliss and love and _feelings_. 

“Hei“, Even murmured after pulling away. His fingers caressed Isak's cheek while his other hand draw patterns on the skin on his back.

“Hi“, Isak said back, just as quiet and lovingly. He wanted to say something, to show Even how much this all meant to him, but he didn't know how. He only knew this boy for a few weeks and still he felt so incredible close to him. In every way. And every time he looked at Even, he couldn't believe his luck. That this boy, this stupidly hot cute boy wanted him just as much as Isak wanted him. He would never get used to this.

So instead of rambling all of this into Even's face Isak settled with just looking at Even. His fingers were still touching his face and for a second Isak got lost in Even's face. His beautiful, beautiful face. He let his gaze wander over his sharp jaw, the moles on his skin led the way up to his cheeks which were a bit flushed, his eyebrows smoothed and not raised like usual. Then his eyes catched Even's warm look and it was like a sting every time he looked into those blue eyes. A good kind of sting, though and every time he looked at them he felt lost and grounded at the same time, felt like falling into a deep ocean and being at the exact right place to be.

Isak tried to convey all of this with his eyes so Even could see it, could understand what he meant, how he felt, how stupidly happy he was just because of him.

Even didn't say anything, but judging by the way his fingers stilled in their task of drawing tiny circles into Isak's skin and the awestruck expression taking over his face Isak thought he had suceeded.

And then Even mumbled “damn“ again and Isak let out a giggle that grew into a full body laughter and then Even was laughing too and Isak didn't know what to with all the love in his heart and then Even was tickling him and Isak laughed even harder because he was the most ticklish boy in the universe and he desperately tried to defend himself but just ended up with his hair dishevelled and Even on top of him.

And then Even was kissing him again and that was all Isak asked for.

 

.

 

They had breakfast in bed, just like in these cheesy rom coms Isak pretended to hate. Even didn't stop grinning the whole time because Isak did something so cheesy and he didn't stop it, even when Isak started to throw strawberries at him. To be honest, Isak was practically glowing inside because Even liked what he had done. 

The hot chocolate had become cold but neither of the boys minded.

.

“I wish this trip would never end“, Isak mumbled.

Even didn't move from where he was lying on Isak's chest, his arms hugging Isak's waist. “Yeah. It's freaking nice“, he sighed into Isak's skin. “But hey, Oslo isn't too bad either.“

Isak didn't say anything. Suddenly he felt fear at the thought of coming home. There he had to be at uni, at home, deal with his parents. Routine. And Even had one as well. What if they didn't fit in their usual lives? What if _Even_ didn't want him any more after a few weeks of normal life?

Before he could start to panic, Even raised his head a bit and looked at Isak with a small frown. “Your heart is beating like crazy“, he said, “what's wrong?“

Isak was spared an answer when his look landed on Even's watch on the nightstand. “Oh my _god_ , is that the accurate time?“, he shrieked and moved in a sitting position so suddenly that he kicked Even from his body in the process. Grumbling, Even rolled over to his side of the bed. “Uhm, yeah?“, he answered to Isak's question and oh no.

“My appointment!“, Isak yelled and with a jump he was on his feet. Even blinked at him before he became aware of what the younger boy had said. “Oh shit“, he said.

“Damn right.“ Isak hopped out of the bed, fishing his clothes from the ground which he had abandoned earlier to crawl to Even into bed and hectically beginning to pull them over. The whole time he cursed and mumbled to himself. “Isak, calm down“, Even tried to soothe, following out of the bed, “we’ll be there on time.“ “You don’t know that.“ Where was his sock, for fuck’s sake? He began hectically to look for it, spinning on his heels until Even stopped him. “Isak“, he said. “Calm. Down.“ Isak‘s green eyes looked at him in despair. “I’ll miss the appointment, Even.“ Even looked at his watch, at Isak’s left bare foot and then in his face, a determined expression in his eyes. “Not if we run.“ 

 

.

 

“Okay, I'll wait here I guess.“

They were standing in front of the huge building where Isak had his appointment in five minutes. Thanks to Even's good orientation and his navigation app they actually made it in time. Isak could kiss him. Which he did already by the way. He was a bit nervous, but he had questions prepared and if the professor wasn't a complete asshole, it would go well.

“Nervous?“

Isak looked up. “Huh?“, he said, trying to cover his expression. “No, I'm fine?“

Even let out a small chuckle. He then stepped closer so he could pull Isak in for a hug.

“Ugh, Even, I'm okay“, Isak said into his shoulder. He tried to sound annoyed but Even saw right through it. “Mmh“, he replied, running his hands over Isak's back and Isak surrendered, closed his eyes and breathed the other boy in, who always seeemed to know what he needed. Even's arms always gave him comfort and made him feel safe. His embrace felt warm and secure and his scent soothed him right away.

Scary.

While they were standing there and probably blocking the way into the university, Isak mumbled, “sorry for ruining the morning.“

Even let out a snort. “What?“

“I mean, we could lie in bed now“, Isak said. _Cuddling_.

Even's laugh vibrated through Isak's body. “That's true“, he agreed, voice ghosting over Isak's skin and Isak had a feeling that he knew what he didn't say out loud anyway. “But I got a wonderful breakfast so I can't really complain.“

“Hmm, you're right. You should be thanking me.“ Isak smirked into Even's jacket but was sure the older boy could feel it.

“I thought I did?“

“I'm not fully convinced yet.“

“Oh, so I should change my strategy then?“ Even poked him in the side with one arm and Isak withdrew himself out of Even's arms with a squeak, barking out an offended “no tickling!“ which caused Even to laugh even more.

Before Isak could take revenge a loud and annoyed voice sounded through the yard. “Isak Valtersen? Professor Murk is ready for you now.“

A man in a green jacket and leather jeans had appeared in front of the door. He looked incredible bored.

Isak opened his mouth to say something, but Even beat him to it. “He will be there in just a second, Sir“, he said politely to the man, giving him his most charming smile.

The man just sighed the most annoyed sigh, turning around and disappearing inside the building again, mumbling something in German they didn't understand but without any doubt had to do with the today’s rude youth.

Isak shook his head grinning. “ _Sir_? Who are you, James the butler?“

“Hey, he's a cool character.“ Even gave him an offended look.

“You're missing the obvious fact.“

“Which is?“

“He's the _butler_ , Even.“

Isak could see Even's arguing strategy building up in his mind and with a sigh and a fond eyeroll he approached him quickly to give him a kiss. “We can argue later“, he said. “I have an appointment.“

“Yeah, leave me, it's okay, I can take it.“

Isak tried to ignore Even's cute little pout and kissed him again. “It will take like, half an hour, you'll survive it.“

“How would you know?“, Even mumbled in agony, bringing up their earlier conversation and making Isak smile. Then he pulled away from Isak and gave him a smack on his ass. “Move that gorgeous thing, Isak, your professor won't wait all day.“

Isak just flipped him off, but he couldn't hide that stupid big grin on his lips when he hurried towards the big doors.

 

.

 

Professor Murk was a little man with short white hair and a pleasent smile that caused his face to break out into thousand laugh lines. Golden glasses sat on his nose. He answered Isak's questions in surprisingly good english, considering the rather complicated topic. He even allowed him to visit the famous observatory and Isak was blown away. It was beautiful; the handmade little models of the planets, looking so real in the dim light of the room and other models, of the evening star, the constellation of the milky way...

If Isak lingered there a little longer, no one had to know.

When he looked at his watch after some time he startled; he was here almost one and a half hour! In a hurry he grabbed his scribbled notebooks and his pen and rushed down the thousands of stairs until he was in the main hall and then out of the building again.

Even was nowhere to be seen. It was noon now and the sun was shining. It wasn't particular warm (it was still september), and Isak arranged his snapback and black jacket with the orange lining before he lifted his head to look around.

When he didn't catch a sight of a big blond breathtaking person he started walking around the building. Maybe Even was sitting in the back yard.

He found him at the second bench next to a tree. He had his feet propped up against the backrest so that on his knees fitted his notebook out of plain black paper in which he drew something. He had hunched his upper body forward and his tongue peeked out a bit in concentration. He had a slightly concentrated expression on his face, his brows furrowed just a tiny bit, his lips curling in the slightest pout. Isak stopped in his tracks, for a moment just taking in the sight of Even, oblivious to the world. A few strains of his blonde hair were falling into his face and with an absent minded move he stroke it back behind his ear. He had used his hairproducts again, Isak hadn't had the time to tease him about it this morning, too much in a hectic to get to the tram in time.

Isak took his time to just watch. He was positive he could watch for a good while and not getting bored.

After a while though his curiousity forced him to move towards the bench. He wanted to see what Even was drawing, but before he could make a step, Even suddenly stopped drawing. He didn't look up, otherwise he would have found Isak straight away. His gaze kept on his paper, he just stared into nothing, a sad and resigned expression taking over his face.

Isak was so surprised that he almost tripped and announced his appearence. Even's eyes looked wide and helpless, his brows furrowed not in concentration but worry and he bit on his lower lip so hard Isak was sure it could draw blood.

Isak stood there in shock, not being able to do something. His heart was clenching painfully in his chest.

Was he feeling down again? Isak hadn't noticed anything, but he knew of Even being bipolar only three days ago, so of course there could be signs he had missed. He cursed himself for not being more attentive, maybe all the activites had worn Even out and he, Isak, had been too stupid in love to notice.

Behind the tree Isak was now currently hiding, he took a deep breath. Calm down. Maybe it's nothing. Just ask him. Maybe his cat died. Oh my god, he didn't evn knew if Even had a cat.

Now even more frustrated with himself, he peeked around the tree. Even remained in the same position, feet on the bench, book in his lap, miserable look on his face.

Isak stared at him for good ten seconds. Then he rearranged his snapback, grabbed his backpack and started walking towards him. He walked as loudly as he could, bumping his backpack against the tree and coughing a few times.

Even looked up when he heard him. Isak felt a sting when he saw how quickly he put on a happy face.

“Hey“, Even said when he finally stood in front of the bench. He was smiling at him but Isak couldn't lose the feeling that it was forced.

“Hi“, he answered slowly. “Uhm, sorry that you had to wait so long, I completely forgot the time.“

“Ah, you got lost in all the fascinating _nerd_ stuff“, Even joked. Isak managed a weak smile.

“You okay?“ Even tilted his head and furrowed his brows. Again. Isak didn't like that look.

 _I'm the one who should be asking this_.

“Yeah sure“, he lied. “Just tired.“ He faked a yawn and sat next to Even on the bench. “What are you drawing? Can I see?“

“Oh.“ Even shrugged. “Nothing. Just doodling a bit.“ He closed the notebook and shoved it to the side.

Isak frowned. “Even, you're okay?“. He asked as gently as he could, trying not to sound controlling or demanding, while an unseasy feeling took over him.

“Yeah sure“, Even repeated the words Isak had said earlier. “Why?“

Isak looked into his blue eyes where he still could see some of the hidden sadness.

He looked away. “Nothing. Just... forget it.“

If Even noticed something, he didn't show it. “So, tell me, Valtersen“, Even slung an arm over Isak's shoulder. “How are the black holes doing?“

He obviously didn't want to talk and he also didn't want to show Isak what he was drawing so Isak let it be for the moment. He trusted Even and if Even didn't want to talk... well, he couldn't force him.

He would ask him later.

Isak swallowed down his thoughts and leaned against Even a bit more while he started to talk.

 

.

 

They would meet the others after the checkout and Isak and Even spent most of the time until then in the hotelbed. Isak knew that theoretically, it was dumb because they were in Berlin and so on, but he just couldn't bring himself to get up and explore the city when he had a smiling, teasing and very much naked Even in his bed.

“I swear, I could kiss you all day“, Even murmured against his lips, effectively preventing him from getting up properly.

“Even“, Isak whined weakly but that only spured him on on his mission to turn Isak into mush. They had come back from the university and immediately went back to bed, silently agreeing on more cuddling before facing the real world. Isak didn't want to leave their bubble of just _them_ and Even seemed to feel the same. And then cuddling had magically turned into kissing and well. _More_.

Of course he hadn't forgotten about the scene at the uni, but he had told himself that it was stupid to force a conversation about it. Even would tell him or maybe the problem would dissolve itself. Or maybe it was nothing, Even had just looked melancholy and Isak was acting like an overprotecting mum. So yes, he would wait. And look out for other signs in case Even _had_ something on his mind.

But right now he made it extremely hard for Isak to worry.

“Baby“, Even whispered and Isak was was gone for it. He wanted him to say just this one word forever, over and over again.

“Say it again“, Isak breathed. 

Even pulled back foor a second, admiring the way Isak was lying under him, with flushed cheeks and parted, swollen lips, his hair a mess because Even was addicted to it and couldn't keep his fingers off of it.

“Baby“, Even mumbled. “My baby.“

He kissed him again, long and deep, tongue licking inside his mouth and teeth pulling at Isak lower lip. Isak could barely hold in the small moan, lost in the delicious feeling of kissing and touching. Even buried his hands in Isak's curls again, scratching slightly at his scalp and this time Isak couldn't help the moan that escaped his throat and was immediately swallowed by Even's lips. In a possessive move Isak ran his hands all over Even's back, needing to feel him, wanting to memorize every part of his body.

He was just about to reach Even's lower back and then his goregous, delicious ass, when his phone started to ring.

At first they both ignored it, too riled up to do something about it. With a smirk Isak started sliding his hands over Even's asscheeks before he firmly grasped at it, kneading the flesh and causing Even to let out a groan that went straight to Isak's dick.

In one surprisingly smooth movemet he had rolled them both over so that Even was now the one lying under Isak. He was watching the younger with a hunger in his eyes that had Isak shivering in anticipation. But first it was Even's turn.

“You are beautiful“, Isak whispered because it was true, starting kissing every inch of Even's body. He wanted to make Even feel good, wanted to give him anything he needed. It still seemed like a wonder Isak was allowed to do that to him.

“Isak...“ Even said it like he had last night, like he was drowning and Isak was his only lifebelt. And Isak stroked his skin soothingly, dropping kisses everywhere.

“Isak...“

“Shhh. I've got you.“ Slowly, Isak started to kiss lower, pausing to suck a bruise into the side of his hip. “Let me take care of you.“

Isak smirked at him and for some reason Even closed his eyes at that as if the sight of Isak between his legs was too much.

Isak smiled at that and a wave of affection rolled over him. It was still new to see how much he could affect Even, still made him glowing and ridicilously proud.

“You okay there?“, he joked.

“I swear if you don't start sucking my dick...“

“Always the romantic.“

“You know what you smartass, you could-“

But the rest of Even's sentence was cut off by a broken moan.

Isak smirked around his cock. His hands drew soothing circles in Even's hips as he began swirling his tongue over the head.

He could feel Even practically vibrating under him, his hand found its way in Isak's hair, pulling slightly which made it even better and Isak ignored his own painfully hard dick and started bobbing his head and the whole time he listened to Even's mindless praises and moans and it was the fucking most beautiful sound in the world and okay, now he was really hard, he had to touch himself, he needed some releave.

With one hand he started stroking himself in time with bobbing his head. When Even realized what he was doing he let out a curse, his grip in his hair only tightened.

“Fuck, baby that's so hot.“

Isak moaned around his cock, his fingers digging into Even's skin. He was close already, he could feel it, but he needed Even to come first, needed him to...

He gave the tip a few harsh sucks before he swallowed him down completely until he felt it hit the back of his throat and there were tears in his eyes and he gagged a bit. He heard Even letting out an almost desperate sound as he pulled at his hair so hard it actually stung a little and then he was coming down Isak's throat. Isak swallowed all of it, not letting escape anything until Even whined and tried to squirm away. He popped off Even's dick, licking his lips and coughing a bit.

Even stared at him a bit dazed, his lips parted and he was breathing heavily. Then his gaze wandered down and only then Isak remembered his own poor neglected cock.

Before he could do something about it, Even had reached out and pulled him on top of him again. Their naked sweaty bodies fit together effortlessly. Isak moaned at the feeling of skin touching his dick and when Even whispered in his ear “come on, baby, make yourself feel good“, he lost it. With a desperate noise he started rutting against him, his dick smearing precum all over Even's stomach. It was filthy and hot and Isak couldn't think straight, Even was holding him upright, whispering praises in his skin, his hot breath on his neck, his lips on his chest, his neck, his cheek, his lips...

With a moan that sounded suspiciously like Even's name, Isak came all over Even's stomach and chest, painting it with white strapes.

For a moment the two boys stared at each other, both breathing hard like they just had run a marathon, pupils blown and faces flushed. Isak felt completely spent and with a groan his arms gave out and he fell on top of Even.

For a while neither of them spoke a word. Isak's body seemed to shake from the inside and he was sure he could never move again. Even seeemed to have lost his ability to move as well. Only his chest was moving, causing Isak to move a bit with it, since he was laying on top of it.

“Isak“, Even mumbled after a while.

“Mh.“

“You need to move.“

“Mh.“

“Seriously, you're lying in come.“

“ 'nt care.“

Even's laughter vibrated through his body. “Isak. Come on.“

“Only if you pay for my food.“

“Nice try.“

“Okay, pay for my coke?“

“Isak.“

“Ugh fine.“

 

.

 

“Mikael has posted another video.“

Even's thumb wiped lazily over the screen. “I'm afraid you're in it.“

From Isak, who was curled up next to him, head on Even's chest and his hand on his stomach, let out an indefinable grunt. “You think the volleyball thing is already in it?“ His voice betrayed him and showed his embarrassment and of course Even noticed.

“Hey, even if it is, it's not a drama.“ His hand came up to carress Isak's eyebrow. “I thought we agreed that I deserved it.“

“Mmh.“ Isak nuzzled closer until his voice was muffled by Even's chest. “I'm still not fond that there's proof of what I did. Out there. In the internet.“

Mikael had asked Isak a few days ago if it was okay when he took the volleyball game in his video. Back then Isak hadn't cared, his mind filled to the brim with thought about Even's behavior, but now he got a very uneasy feeling.

“Everybody will hate me after this“, he added in a small voice. Even immediately shushed him. “No one will do that, come on.“

“You don't know that.“

“No, but I'm strongly convinced nobody cares. Elias and Adam laughed at me for an hour straight for it.“

At that, Isak relaxed a little. He was about to say something when suddenly there was a knock at the door and a voice in German asked “Hallo? Sind Sie fertig? Sie müssen auschecken.“

Isak frowned, lifting his head off Even's chest a bit to look at him. Even just raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

“Yes?“, he asked in English.

A few seconds of silence, then –

“You have to check out. In five minutes. I need to clean the room.“

Isak saw how Even's mouth parted in surprise. “But...“, he mumbled, frowing a bit and then getting his phone to look something up at it. He had said that they had time until two, and now it was just turning one.

“Uhm, Isak?“

Isak rolled his eyes. “No!“ He let out a groan and looked up from Even's chest. “We have to checkout at one?“, Isak asked, looking at his boyfriend with squinted eyes.

He was met by a remorseful look. “Sorry?“

“Ugh.“ Isak dropped his head back on Even's skin. He wanted to stay like this, he wanted to doze off again with Even under his fingertips. He still recovered from their earlier round okay.

“We're coming. Just a second okay?“, Even said, louder in English, and the women replied an “okay“ before they heard her going away.

Realizing that they barely had time to get ready, Isak slowly rolled off of Even's body. “I can't believe we always get interrupted in our cuddling“, he grumbled. “When we're back home I will establish strict cuddle times and no one is allowed to disturb them.“

Something lit up in Even's expression, something Isak didn't really know how to read. Maybe hope?

But barely a second later the expression was gone and Even chuckled at his words. “I can imagine that“, he smiled. And Isak couldn't help it, but Even looked so young and beautiful and sweet lying there naked and soft and pliant, smiling his smile that only Isak got to see, he _had to_ get up on his elbows and lean over to place a kiss on those perfect round lips. “Thank you“, he whispered, so quietly he wasn't sure if Even was able to hear it.

He did, and with a quirk of his eyebrow and a crooked smile he asked “what for?“

Isak swallowed. _Everything. Being there for me. Caring about me. Taking care of me. Making me feel so good I wanna scream._

He shook his head, unable to find the right words.

“You“, he finally said, forcing himself to look into these blue eyes that looked at him in fond anticipation. “Make everything better.“

Something in Isak's heart twisted at the sight of Even's eyes widen and his mouth open a bit. Isak hadn't meant the words to sound so soft but still raw, but maybe it was good like this. He wanted Even to know what he did to him, that he wanted to be with him, that he didn't ask him to be together for fun. Isak knew that he had practically told and showed Even with everything but words what he meant to him, so maybe it was maybe good to say some things out loud as well.

Even blinked rapidly a few times and then looked away, on the sheets, the celing, the curtains, anywhere but him. His fingers twisted in the sheets.

“Even?“

Even didn't look up when Isak climbed over to him again. Only when he carefully touched his knee and put a hand on his cheek to make him look at him, he did.

The green eyes found the blue ones again. For a while neither of the boys spoke a word. They just breathed and stared at each other.

“You mean it?“ Even's voice was thick with emotions and instantly Isak cursed everyone who had made him like this, who had turned this beautiful laughing sunshine into this insecure looking boy.

 _Well, you did_ , a mean voice in his head spoke and he had to bite his lips hard and forced it to vanish. He hadn't meant it. He had been unaware and stupid and had never done it if he had known. He shouldn't have done it in the first place. But all the people who had known and still treated Even like shit... 

Isak knew there had to be more. Even hadn't told him but Isak had seen the look on his face when he talked about his ex, Nils, or when he mentioned to never let people treat him like that again. Deep inside, it broke Isak's heart and he felt an anger at those who dared to hurt this boy, but he hid it. He knew it made no sense to force him to speak about it. And he also didn't wanna rush him. There was time. There was time for everything.

Of course it could go wrong. Of course they could break up in two weeks or something. Isak had, like he thought earlier, no idea if they would fit in their real busy life full of chaos, uni and problems.

But somehow he didn't believe it. He didn't dare to think about the future, and it was probably way too early for that, considering the fact that they officially got together only yesterday (not offically a few days earlier but still) and still had to learn so much about each other. But when he looked at Even, at the boy who was so complicated and funny and ridicilous, he wouldn't mind trying it out with him. 

“Yeah “, he said, leaning forward to gently bump his nose against older, closing his eyes. His hand found Even's, and carefully he laced their fingers together. “I mean it.“

 

.

 

They managed to chekout ten minutes after one, since both of them had to take a shower first. Luckily, the receptionist was kind enough to ignore that and after enother ten minutes they were sitting at the couch next to the reception, waiting for the others.

“I don't even know where they are, they had to chek out at the same time, right?“

Even shrugged and added, after a quick look on his phone “Mikael said they're heading out to get some food already.“

“Are they getting us some as well?“

“Wait, I'm asking.“

While Even typed, Isak let out a yawn and put his head in Even's lap. Earlier he wouldn't have done this just like that but since last night (and he _still_ felt a blush creep up his cheeks, dammit) he felt such a strong trust and an indescribable pull towards him, he had given up. Because fuck it, he wanted to put his head in Even's lap okay.

Even didn't react apart from moving a bit on the couch and sliding one hand into his hair. His fingers started to scratch his scalp slightly and Isak escaped a small satisfied sound.

Even let out a small chuckle and stopped his movements. “You enjoying yourself, Valtersen?“

“Mmh.“ Isak nuzzled Even's leg to bring him into action again and with a laugh Even did. For a while it was just them, on the couch, enjoying the few moments they had in private. Isak was close to dozing off and had to really hold himself back to not start purring.

“Mikael answered, by the way“, Even informed him. Isak let hear a grunt.

“He says even if we don't deserve it because we didn't join the party last night, he'll bring us some food.“

Isak let out a hum at that. “Ok, nice“, he mumbled, turning his head so that he could burrow his face in Even's stomach. He felt lips on his temple and the fingers still moved in his hair and Isak was so relaxed he could fall asleep again.

“Hey Is?“

With effort, he forced himself to let out a quiet “hmmm?“

A few second sof silence, then –

“I wish we had started this earlier.“

Isak slowly opened his eyes. Blue oceans looked down at him. “This?“

The lips of the older boy quirked up in a regretful smile. “This“, he repeated, adding a bit pressure on his hand in Isak's hair. “This“, he said, lacing their fingers together and squeezing it slightly, making Isak smile. Even then leaned in, his lips brushing over Isak's. “This“, he whispered, the words burying into Isak's skin, making him feel blissfull and sad at the same time.

Isak chased his mouth, wanting to feel Even's lips on his for a bit longer.

“Yeah“, he said just as quietly when they finally seperated. “We were both quite stupid, weren't we.“

Even's laugh vibrated through Isak's soul. “We were“, he confirmed with a smile before his gaze turned into something softer and he added with the _sappiest_ look “I'm just glad we managed to get our shit together.“ Their eyes locked for a another few moments before Even added playfully “you know, otherwise I would've needed to look in Germany for a hottie to hook up with.“

“Oh, is that so, Mr“, Isak mumbled, a lazy grin in his face, “well, luck you then, I guess.“

Even nodded. “Yeah“, he said. “Lucky me.“

Isak swallowed at the earnest and genuine look in his eyes.

“Even, I –“

“Oh my god, you guys are soooo whipped.“ Both Isak and Even startled, looking up at the intruder. Mikael was standing there, in one hand his phone, in the other a plastic bag with (hopefully) food in it. He shook his curls and gave them a pointed look. “I support you and everything, but please“, he said in desperation, “keep it down a bit.“

“This room was totally empty before you showed up“, Even replied, not impressed in the slightest. “And we didn't do anything, alright, we were just –“

“Making out?“, Mikael shot back. “Confessing your feelings?“

“You're just jealous“, Even grinned. “And what did you do, creep up and listening to what we said?“

“Oh, so you _did_ confess your feelings.“ Mikael gave them a shit-eating grin and Even groaned before he flipped him off.

Isak sort of wanted to help his boyfriend but then he would have to get into a more dignified position and he was just fine here, thank you very much. He was still a bit shy around other people, but cuddling was something he would not give up on easily, and it was just Mikael for now, not his teasing friends.

With a sigh of a long suffering soul Mikael dropped into the chair at the opposite of them. “You guys are late“, he pointed out.

Even, who had gone back to craessing Isak's curls and face, raised his eyebrows. “Only a few minutes. And where's the rest, by the way?“

“Eating.“ Mikael yawned. “I got up way too early“, he mumbled, before getting up and passing Even the plastic back. “Okay, so the plan is basically eating, then visiting the Televisoion Tower, then going to the Tempelhofer Field, then going home.“

He felt Even nod. “Nice.“

“So.“ Mikael nudged Even's foot. “Come on, guys. Let's eat with the others.“

Even let out a tiny sigh only Isak could hear and he knew he wanted to stay like this a bit longer. For a short moment his finger carressed his lips, then he felt Even dropping a kiss right behind his ear. “Come on, Isak, let's go.“

When they got up and had their stuff ready, Mikael watched them with that look _again_. Even also noticed. “ _What_?“, he asked his best friend.

“Nothing.“ Mikael shrugged, walking casually to the door. At the entrance he turned around. “Just that everybody will know that you two were banging, that's all.“

“Mik!“

Mikael started to laugh at the bright red face of Isak. Even glared at him which had no effect because “come on guys, you were gone for a whole night, we're not stupid.“

Isak hid his flushed face behind Even's back.

“We're all supporting you, you know? We're all realeaved you two stopped whining about each other.“

“Not helping.“

“Well, okay then“, Mikael said, still grinning. “At least you guys are prepared now.“ With that, he turned to walk out of the door.

Even turned to Isak to say something, but Isak already leaned against him, burying his face in his blue shirt. “This is horrible“, he mumbled. “Jonas is gonna tease me to death. And Magnus is gonna die of excitment.“

“That's actually a lot of dying.“ Even patted his hair in sympathy. “But we'll have to face the danger sooner or later.“

“Ugh.“ Isak wasn't sure if he wanted. “Can't we just leave the country?“

He felt Even chuckle. “Are you ashamed of me, Valtersen?“, he teased. Isak immediately shook his head and then pulled back a little. “I'm not sure if I could have it any better“, he said, giving him a soft smile. Isak knew that he was _so_ sappy, but he didn't care. Life was too short for not being all sappy and disgustingly happy.

Even returned the smile, then leaning in to peck Isak's lips, once, twice. Yup. Still giving Isak wobbly knees and a tingle in his stomach. Damn, he was really whipped.

“Come on“, Even whispered a second time, kissing his temple. “They are our friends. Also, I'm starving.“

Isak had to laugh at that. “Yeah“, he sighed. “You're right.“

 

.

 

The guys were eating by the river, all leaning or sitting at the edge of a bridge, legs hanging above the water.

As soon as Elias spotted the two boys coming, he started singing the wedding theme from Mendelssohn. Even let out a quiet “why, god, why“ and Isak prayed to all gods and devils he knew that Magnus would just shut up.

“Oh you guys decided to leave the lovenest to join us?“ Mahdi winked at them. Isak started to get annoyed with himself for blushing all the damn time. He flipped Mahdi off but one second later Jonas chimed in. “Yeah, Isak, did you manage to get rid of all the... glitter?“

Traitor.

Isak glared at his so called best friend, but had to turn his attention to Magnus right after that, because...

“Dude, did you finally get laid?“

Isak groaned quietly.

“I can book us a flight to Marocco?“

Despite his agony, Isak had to smile at Even's whisper in his neck. He didn't answer but let his fingers stroke along the back of Even's hand before he moved, sitting next to Mutta who had the same smirk on his lips as everyone but who, thank god, was quiet and just ate his burger. Even sat next to him.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Jonas grinning at him and he pointedly turned away. He knew, that of course, they were just messing with him and deep, deep inside he maybe liked it a little bit, because it meant that they cared and were really happy for them. He knew how deeply his idiots of friends cared, and when it came to Even's friends, he could see the same amount of care and good will and the way they had looked after Even was just amazing.

But idiots they were nevertheless and the next ten minutes Isak and Even had to sit through the whole spectrum of comments and Even had to put his hand more than once on Isak's knee to stop him from pushing Magnus into the river.

“So“, Adam said finally, “does anybody know where to find the tower?“ And then the conversation finally took a turn.

While Adam discussed with Elias, Even and Jonas which was the best way, Isak blinked into the sun. Yes, it was actually sunny outside and a mild temperature, so he sat there in just his green sweater, chewing on his burger and didn't think of his problems for a while. That happened a lot, recently. When he was with Even. That he started to feel better and not let his thoughts spiral too much about his mum or dad. It wasn't like he forgot about them. It was just that he felt so good with Even, it started to leak into other parts of his thinking as well so he didn't feel cold and helpless when he thought about his dad's phonecalls. It still wasn't nice, but it was managable. Still frustrating, though. Isak had checked his missed call from earlier when they were fooling around in bed, and his throat had still tightened when he saw it was from his dad. He still needed to talk to him.

But he didn't want to. Not even Even could make that better. Talking to his dad would always be awkward, leaching and leave him with a shitty, empty feeling. 

“Isak?“

He shrieked ouf of his thoughts. “Hmh?“

Even gave him a look. “We wanna leave in a few minutes, you fine with that?“

“Oh“, Isak blinked. “Sure.“ He cleared his throat a few times. He could feel Even's gaze linger on him, so he tried to act as normal as he could, but after a few minutes he gave up. “It's nothing“, he promised the older one, who was sitting there with crossed arms and raised brows.

He sighed. “Really“, he said and, after Even still looked not convinced, “I'll tell you if there's something to talk, alright?“

Even looked at him for another second and suddenly Isak was reminded of earlier, when Even had been the one looking lost and sad. Something clenched inside his stomach at that. “I'll tell you“, he repeated, and he would, he swore. He didn't wanna have secrets from him, he just... he needed time.

Even, god bless him, seemed to understand. So he just nodded and ruffled his hair before he turned away again to answer Yousef's question.

 

.

 

The TV Tower was so boring that Isak and the boys decided to sneak out after ten minutes. Even couldn't make it because Elias had dragged him somewhere, probably to suffocate him in facts about the structure of this building, so it was just the four of them. It wasn't that bad, Isak had left him a message and hoped for both of them that the tour wouldn't take long.

The afternoon was nice. The four boys strolled around, cracking jokes and talking about their different adventures so far. They would meet Maya in front of the bus in five hours, so there was enough time.

Isak wouldn't lie, he liked being back with his squad. And he liked that they had the afternoon for themselves.

“To us“, he said, raising his glass with cherry juice in, because it was too early for beer.

“To us“, the three boys repeated and they all drank.

“So“, Jonas said, after the cake and the waffles for Mahdi arrived. “Isak, you're officially together now?“

He had put on his Jonas-voice and Isak knew he wouldn't get away. “Uhm“, he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah.“ Against his will, a smile curled up his lips.

“Aw, look at him.“ Magnus cooed.

“What the hell, Mags.“

“What? You're in love. That's so cool, now we can go on triple dates. Or all together, we just have to find Mahdi a nice chick.“

“Magnus“, Isak dedpanned while Mahdi and Jonas both smacked the back of Magnus's head.

“But seriously“, Jonas said, turning back to him and looking at him with earnest eyes. “I'm happy for you. You deserve it.“ He smiled at him and Isak felt a lump rising hin his throat. Goddamit, what was up with him.

“Thank you“, he replied, managing a wobbly smile. “I'm happy as well.“

Jonas barked out a laugh. “Yeah, I bet“, he snickered, drinking more of his coke. “You know, this trip is magical. First you Mags, with Vilde, then Sana and Yousef, and now you idiots.“

Magnus nodded. “Yeah. Like a really shitty rom-com.“

“Or a super lame novel about a few students and their love adventures.“ Mahdi downed his sprite, sat the glass on the table and said, “also, you don't have to find me a chick.“

For two seconds there was dead silence at their table in the mini restaurant, then all three boys started attacking Mahdi with questions. But the boy just shrugged and grinned, not answering any of their questions. But the sly grin told Isak that there was defnitely more behind that. He would save that for later.

After their cake break, they headed back to meet the others halfway. Then they all would got to the Tempelhofer Field, a large area which used to be an airport and was now covered in grass.

“I still don't know why we need to go there“, Isak said again, “it's a _field_.“

“It's famous, Issy. People have the weird habit of making a fuss about certain stuff and then other people want to see that stuff and bam!“, Mahdi slapped his hands together. “It's famous.“

“It's also because of the capitalism“, Jonas added and was instantly met by three union groans. “please, spare us“, Isak begged.

“It's important Isak, that people understand...“

Jonas started ranting about the capitalistic system and how the big companies got money and influence whilst the eastern countries were stuck in their misery, but Isak wasn't listening anymore. Part of him just turned Jonas on mute when he did that – not because he was rude or didn't care, but because he had heard it so. Fucking. Many. Times. - and part of him decided to get distracted by a long pair of legs a few hundred metres ahead of them. To said legs was attatched a long body and finally a damn breathtaking face. Right now black sunglasses were blocking the way a bit but that was fine because Even looked damn fucking hot in those, hair all tousled deliciously from the wind. 

_Boyfriend._

Isak was still getting used to this. He just couldn't believe that Even was his, after all that discussing and fighting and ignoring and teasing back in university. In just a couple of days.

Isak closed his eyes. _His_. It sounded good. Safe. Warm.

“Loook, Issy-K is drooling over his boyfriend.“

“Yeah, and to say me and Vilde are worse.“

“Fuck off, Mags!“

 

.

 

“I don't wanna go.“

Even's whisper went directly into Isak's skin. Isak blinked, then he looked down at him. Even had wrapped himself around him, his arms hugging his stomach and his face hidden in the fabric of his shirt. Isak started to think that he liked this positon a lot.

They had arrived at the field three hours ago and Isak had to admit, it was a nice place. Kilometres of just grass in front of them, a kiosk at the entrance and to the right side there was a big area where people could create their own gardens, so this place was particulary interesting, with mirrors in little trees and benches everywhere and a bookshelf in the middle of it.

Now, there were all sprawled out on the huge blanket Vilde brought, watching other people or chatting. They had a few minutes left before they would meet Maya and the bus again and Isak felt a strange feeling of sadness. Not that he liked Berlin _that_ much – it was okay, it had nice places, but wasn't that thrilling for him – it was more about the things that happened here.

So when he pressed his nose in Even's hair, breathing him in, and let out a mumbled “me too“, it was more honest than he liked to admit to himself.

 

.

 

They were all tired in the bus. Maya, who had to yawn in the bordmicrofone a few times, said they would have to expect traffic jam, so it would take even longer.

Isak wasn't happy but at least he could snuggle closer to Even and let his head be patted.

“Isak?“

“Mmh?“

“Did you tell the guys already about... me?“

“No.“

“Okay.“

“Why?“

“Just wondering.“

“EBC?“

“Don't think we still have one.“

“I stole some from Jonas.“

 

.

“Hey, Even?“

“What?“

“You okay?“

“Yeah.“

“Okay.“

Silence.

“...you sure?“

“What?“

“Are you sure you're okay?“

“Isak, I don't know what you –“

“Nothing, just... forget it. Sorry, I don't wanna controll you or –“

“You saw me.“

Isak gulped. “What?“

“At the bench. This morning. You saw me.“

“... yeah, I did.“

Another silence.

“I'm sorry, I just... I didn't want to upset you, you don't have to tell me shit.“

Even didn't answer for so long that Isak was sure he had made him angry or disappointed. But when he did, his voice came out slow and a bit stiff. “I... I don't know how to explain.“

“You don't have to, Ev. I was just worried.“

“But I want to. I just can't now, okay? But I will.“ Even's voice wasn't sharp, rather quiet and steady, but Isak could hear the worry out of it and he could barely restrain himself. He so, so desperately wanted to take Even's demons and destroy them forever.

But in the end he just searched for Even's hand in the now night dark bus and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “That's okay“, He whispered and Even put his head back on his shoulder.

 

.

 

“Isak.“

“Yeah?“

“The call today, was it from your dad?“

One shaky breath.

“Yes.“

A few seconds of silence.

“Okay.“

And Isak was glad that Even understand that he needed time as well until he was ready to share his messed up family life with him. He also was glad that the darkness swallowed all of his facial expressions.

He still buried his face in Even's chest a bit more, just to make sure.

 

.

 

Isak was tired as fuck when they finally arrived in front of their hotel. He stumbled over his own feet, gratefully appreciating Even's weight against his own to steady him. Even exchanged a few words with Mikael but Isak was too tired to listen to them.

They all headed inside and up the stairs, where they seperated. The girls had their rooms on the second floor, their way was a bit longer – although Eva and Vilde didn't join the others but stayed next to Mags and Jonas so obviously they would spend the night with them.

The boy's where on the right side, so Mahdi, Magnus and Jonas waved goodnight at the others and shambled away, Eva and Vilde in tow.

The others turned to the left side where gradually two boys disappeared in a room, first Adam and Mutta, then Elias, who didn't seem too surprised that Yousef suddenly had dissolved himself into thin air, and then finally, at the end of the hallway, was Even's room.

“Mik is gonna sleep in his own bed tonight, that okay?“ Even's voice, quiet and a bit hoarse, told Isak he was just as tired as he was. He nodded, leaning a bit more against the other boy.

“Hey, don't fall asleep on me.“ With a small chuckle, Even lead them to his bed at the window, Isak clinging to him like a monkey.

“But..“ Isak sat down on the bed, squinting up to Even. “You're comfortable.“

He heard Mikael snorting and then muttering something like “gross couples“ but he didn't care.

Even just laughed at Isak's words and gave him a quick kiss.

To be honest, Isak was quite impressed with himself that he managed to put his pyjama on and brushed his teeth properly, even in the state of a zombie.

(Maybe he had used Even's body to keep him upright, but nevermind.)

And now he was finally in Even's way too tiny bed and snuggling up to him, hiding his nose in the crook of Even's neck.

“What a day“, Even said sleepily, arms tightening around Isak and cuddling a bit closer. Mikael was already sound asleep.

“Mmh.“ Isak had his eyes already closed. He felt so warm and soft and sleepy, Even's scent calming him and sending him to sleep.

He wanted to say something, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth and so he just placed a kiss to Even's neck.

“Night, Even.“

He could feel Even breathing. He could feel his heartbeat, slow and steady, pounding under him. Then lips were touching his temple. Carefully and lovingly.

“Good night, baby.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave up on trying to update fast. I'm so sorry:c In my defense, so much stuff happened in the last weeks and I barely have time to write, I did it in every minute I could.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> And I am honestly overwhelmed with all the positive feedback on the last chapter. So much kudos, omg!!! You guys are the best, thank you so much! It means a lot, really. And I'm always so happy about comments.<33
> 
> I hope you have a great day!
> 
> See ya<3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the last time, I'm so sorry that it's so late:((

_Friday, last day_

 

 

.

_Never gonna give you up_  
_Never gonna let you down  
_ _Never gonna run around and desert you._

__._ _

____

__

__

“We're not doing this!“

“Why not?“

“What do you mean 'why not', it's stupid, that's why.“

“Oh come on, Even, please.“

“No.“

“But-“

“Mikael!“

“Ugh. You're boring. Go cuddle your stupid boyfriend, I'll do it anyway.“

“He's not stu-“

“Oh my god, I'm kidding! Fine, I'm leaving, see you never again.“

“You're so annoying. Why are we friends again?“

“I have no idea. See ya.“

“Bye.“

 

Slowly, Isak's body came back to its senses even though he remained silent, eyes closed and enjoying the feeling of a delicious warm bed. His limbs weren't tangled with Even's, so he probably sat in the bed and not laying so he could talk to Mikael properly.

He wasn't in the mood for talking yet, so he kept his eyes shut until the noise of the shutting door told him Mikael had gone to breakfast already.

Seconds later there was a hand in his hair, combing back his for sure tousled curls.

“He's gone, you can open your eyes now.“

Isak opened one eye. Even smirked down at him, looking all scandalous with his hair down and dishevelled and his bare chest.

Isak didn't even question the fact that he knew that he wasn't sleeping and asked “what was this about?“

“Oh, you didn't hear the whole thing?“ Even shrugged, then rolled his eyes and moved his body under the blankets again, then rolling over to face Isak. “Mikael had the stupid idea – though his own words were _super douper amazing_ \- that we should throw a big party – a 'goodbye party', actually.“

“So?“ Isak propped his head on his hand. “That doesn't sound too bad?“

Judging the expression on Even's face it was more than _too bad_.

“Remember a month ago when the library was flooded?“

“Mmh.“

“That was Mikael.“

“But how –“

“Two words: _Poolparty_ and _enthusiasm_.“

“...Alright, how do we stop him?“

Even let out a small chuckle. “We can't, I'm afraid so“, he said. “But we can do damage limitation and suggest we just celebrate at the beach and not inside the hotel.“

Scratching his nose, Isak nodded. “Yeah, good idea.“ He thought for a moment before he became aware of Even's gaze on him.

“What?“

“Nothing. You're just cute when you do that with your nose.“

Isak blinked. “I look cute _scratching_ my nose?“

“Yeah.“ Even remained unimpressed. That boy.

“You're officially a dork.“

“I thought I already was.“

“You just upgraded. Leader of the dorks.“

“That actually sounds cool, like a movie title or something.“

“No, Ev, it doesn't.“

“Yes it does.“

Isak rolled his eyes at Even's grin. “Whatever“, he mumbled. “You're annoying.“

“Mmh. You love it.“

_I love you._

“No, I don't.“

“Not what you said in Berlin's hotel though.“

“Oh my god.“

“Yeah, that might have been said.“

“I hate you right now.“

Even just laughed while he tugged at Isak's wrist to pull him over to him and Isak happily went with it until he was snuggling against his warm chest. He felt Even burrowing his nose in the crook of his neck and stifled a grin at the deep inhale he did. If his own scent had just the tenth of affect on Even like Even's had on Isak... well that was a lot already.

For minutes, neither of them spoke a word. Just getting lost in each other with lazy caressings and soft kisses.

“I can't believe it's the last day“, Isak whispered at some point into Even's skin and suddenly he was reminded of yesterday, when Even had said similar words to him, on the field.

Even didn't reply right away, just kept drawing circles into Isak's skin while he breathed slowly.

“Yeah, time's flying“, he eventually settled with. “Are you sad?“

“No. I mean... yes, of course, it was... well, a hell of a ride.“

Even laughed at that.

“But I mean, it was really, _really_ intense and... I don't know... amazing? Overwhelming? Beautiful?“

Isak didn't quite know what word could describe what he had felt on this trip. Maybe there weren't enough words for it to describe. Maybe there was no word at all.

Honestly, he had thought about so many things here, he felt a bit like a new person.

He had found many answers on this trip and he felt so, so much better than before and sure, Even had everything to do with it, that stupid beautiful annoying little piece of sunshine, but he also felt... more at ease. Like he wouldn't drown any second in his own spiraling thoughts. Like everything would be okay eventually.

(Okay, it's official. You're a sap.)

“Yeah, I know what you mean“, Even said and startled Isak out of his thoughts. “It's a lot that happened.“

Isak nodded against his chest. “Yeah.“

“You got drunk a lot, for example.“

“I hate you again.“

“And somebody knocked me out with a volleyball, that's such a crazy story to tell –“

“Excuse you, I didn't knock you out!“

“I got the suncream-massage of my lifetime...“

“Even. Please.“

“And the glitter-battle of course.“

“Stop.“

“Never.“

It was useless to fight the smile on Isak's face even though he tried to hide it in Even's chest and cover it with a groan. “You're unbelievable.“

A hand was carding through his hair. “Yeah, I know.“

Silence took over again, and it was this kind of silence Isak loved because he didn't feel pressured to say anything. This kind of silence where you can just _be_ with the other person. It was just so easy. But on the other hand, everything with Even seemed easy. Familiar. Safe.

“What should we do today?“

Even's voice was calm and quiet. It fitted the atmosphere in the room in which the curtains hid the early sunbeams from this morning.

Isak pressed his cheek against Even's chest. For a few seconds he got lost in the feeling of the other boy's heartbeat and he had to remind himself to answer the question properly.

“Mmh...“ He didn't know. He hadn't made any plans, like always. “I don't know. Another volleyball match, huh?“, he joked and earned a gentle nudge in the ribs.

“Maybe we can just relax“, Even mumbled after a few seconds of silence. “The last two days have been kinda exhausting.“

Isak immediately raised his head to look at him but Even gave him a reassuring smile. “I'm fine, Isak, I'm just not on my full level of energy.“

That didn't help to settle the unsteady feeling in Isak's chest. “You could've said something-“

Was that the reason for Even's sad face, yesterday, behind the university?

And he was right, though, the last two days had been quite intense. In every sense. Isak cursed himself for not being more attentive. He had been selfish and carefree and Even probably hadn't wanted to worry him and –

A long sigh from Even brought him back to reality. The other boy watched him with a resigned but also soft expression. “Isak“, he said. “I can hear your train of thoughts loud and clear. Stop it, it's all fine. Actually, more than fine.“

Isak bit his lip. “But“, he started and really, really tried not to sound like a worried mum, but before he could continue, Even beat him to it by simply pulling him into his chest again and wrapping his arms around him. “Hey hey, it's okay“, he whispered in his ear. “I'm just a bit tired, but that is normal. Give it a few days, yeah?“

“But if the last days have been too much...“

“They weren't. Please, trust me on this.“

Isak swallowed. He didn't want to sound like a control freak but he just couldn't shake off the feeling that he had somehow worn Even out.

“And for the record: I really enjoyed the days in Berlin.“ Even if he couldn't see him, Isak still felt the smile Even pressed into his hair.

“Yeah?“ He knew it sounded pathetic, but he just needed Even to confirm that he had done the right thing. That _they_ had done the right thing.

Gently, Even turned him around so they could face each other. For a second, he just studied Isak's face with a fond expression.“You have no idea,“ he then said and leaned in to press the softest kiss to his lips and okay, Isak was fucking weak to this alright? What else should he do than just melt into the other boy's embrace to meet his lips and let out a quiet hum, the unsteady feeling finally making room for the all too familiar tingling in his chest.

“I would've told you if it was too much, I promise“, Even said.

“Okay.“ With a deep sigh, Isak gave in. He needed to trust Even on this. He knew his own body and what he could do. So Isak just kissed him again before laying his head onto his chest again. “We could go to the harbour“, he murmured. He remembered that he wanted to go there again. It had been beautiful the last time he was there.

He felt Even nodding. “Good idea“, he agreed, then suddenly letting out a groan. “Dammit, I promised Mikael to help editing today.“

Shit.

“Ugh, don't remind me, please, I'm so behind with my own assignment.“

Over all the emotional chaos, all the talking and thinking and, well, _Even_ , Isak hadn't really started with the assignment. Like, at all. The only thing he had done was the research in the university and maybe a rough mindmap of the concept.

“How far are you with yours?“

Isak snorted. “What do you think? I got a bit distracted over the last few days.“

Even gave him a sly smile. “Really? What a coincidence, I got, too.“

“You know what, when the professor asks where my assignment is, I will just blame your stupid pretty ass. Like, literally.“

At that, Even let out a full body laugh that vibrated through Isak's soul. “Oh, please do that. My ass feels very flattered right now. By the way, I can blame yours as well. I got literally nothing done.“

Even though it was stupid, Isak felt a bit releaved that he wasn't the only one. And maybe he was also a tiny, tiny bit flattered that Even just ditched his passion of filmmaking in favor of spending time with him.

“So... working today?“

Isak's voice was doubtful and more like a question than a statement. Half of him hoped Even would contradict to that.

“You want to contradict.“

“Was I that obvious?“

“Barely.“ Even let out a long sigh which seemed to hold a lot of suffering. “I'm afraid we have to get some work done today.“

“Yeah.“ Isak joined the sigh. “I know. But not too much though“, he mumbled into Even's chest. “Wanna enjoy the last day here with you.“

Maybe Isak had decided that it was useless not to be a complete whipped, in love and _sappy_ person around Even. He just couldn't contain himself when it came to him and honestly, he didn't want to. 

Even didn't answer but he pressed Isak a bit closer to him and dropped a kiss to his hair.

 

.

 

When Even and Isak entered the breakfast room, Isak felt just a little bit embarrassed for pouting when Even left him to sit with his guys. That was a burden he would have to bear, though. With a small frown he turned to his table where the boys already started eating.

“I have an inner debate if I should take a picture of this lovesick face or not“, Jonas started as soon as Isak had sat down.

“And then I would've turned it into a meme. Imagine“, Jonas stared in the air, dreamy expression on his face. “ _When your boyfriend only went to take a shit and you already miss him like crazy _. Perfect.“__

__“Sounds more like tumblr“, Magnus interjected._ _

__“No, it doesn't Mags, have you ever been on tumblr?“_ _

__“Guys.“ Isak let out a groan. “Could you not?“_ _

__Jonas just gave him a shit-eating grin. “And why would we do that when it's so much more fun to do it?“_ _

__“Shut up, Jonas, you look like a lovesick puppy every time Eva looks at you. And like a kicked one every time she looks mad at you.“_ _

__Jonas rolled his eyes while Mahdi and Magnus snickered at that. “So not the point right now.“_ _

__He took a sip from his orange juice before he leaned in a bit more. “So. Party tonight? Mikael talked to us already.“_ _

__Isak winced at that. “Ugh. What did he say?“_ _

__“That it was going to be a big fucking awesome party but Even forbade him so we're just having a nice little cozy beach party.“_ _

__Isak's lps curled up in a smile. He looked in the direction of Even and the other guys where apparently a desperate Mikael tried to persuade Elias to something but the other boy just shook his head. Even catched Isak's glance and grinned at him before he lifted his cup as if to Isak's health and downed it in one go._ _

__Isak just shook his head and turned to his own food._ _

__“Aww, look at that fond smile.“_ _

__“Would you shut up, Mags. Jesus Christ!“_ _

__“So guys“, Mahdi swallowed a piece of bacon and propped his elbow on the table. “What's the plan today?“_ _

__“The last day“, Magnus interjected._ _

__“Yeah.“ Jonas sighed. “I have to say, I'm a bit sad. It was a really nice trip.“_ _

__Yeah, it really was. Suddenly Isak's life home seemed to be far away._ _

__“Hey, hey, we still got one day, right?“ Mahdi smiled his big warm smile. “That's a lot of time. Even if I may have to sacrifice one or two hours in studying.“_ _

__Isak almost choked on his bread. “Oh my god, you're also behind?“, he asked. “Thank god.“_ _

__“Wait.“ Jonas dropped his apple. “You as well, Issy?“_ _

__“Wha – guys, I thought I was the only one!“ Magnus looked at them offendedly._ _

__For a moment there was silence on their table before they all burst out into loud laughter. Isak laughed until his stomach hurt and tears were in his eyes. Not because it was particular funny. Just because he could._ _

__

__._ _

__

__They actually did study a bit. Eskild would've been proud. Not very much and maybe not the most productive, but at one point, everybody was sitting in front of their laptops or notebooks in their rooms and doing some work._ _

__Isak actually managed to work out a detailed concept and notes to most of his points he wanted to put in his work. It also was a nice atmosphere in the room and Jonas, typing his essay on his laptop was the only noise in the room. Even and Mikael had vanished in their own room because, according to Even, they would “argue like stubborn old men and just annoy everybody else“._ _

__When Isak shut his laptop in satisfaction, it was half past twelve._ _

__“Jonas.“_ _

__A grunt in response._ _

__“Jonas, it's half past twelve. Don't you think we should finish?“_ _

__“Wait a second.“_ _

__Isak did, patiently tapping his knee with the tips of his fingers until Jonas finally put his laptop to the side with a satisfied little hum. “I'm a genius“, he said, more to himself than Isak, then turned to the other boy. “Yeah, you're right“, he said after he looked at the time._ _

__At breakfast, they had considered what to do with this last day and decided to go to town, which they had only visited twice for some reason._ _

__So they packed their stuff to go downstairs; they would meet the others there at quarter to one._ _

__“Isak?“_ _

__Hearing his name being called, Isak lifted his head from his phone. Jonas was still standing in the room, fidgeting with his bag._ _

__Isak crooked an eyebrow. “What's up?“_ _

__Jonas seemed to consider what to say for a few seconds and Isak waited, curious what his best friend had to say._ _

__“I just... I wanted to say I'm... happy for you.“ He cleared his throat. “Like, really damn happy, bro.“_ _

__It wasn't knew; Jonas had said already that he was happy for him and that he deserved it, but something in his tone made Isak's stomach warm. He opened his mouth to thank him but Jonas waved him off. “No no, I'm not done yet.“_ _

__He gave him a small smile. “So, for the record: I approve, but if Even should ever hurt you, I'm gonna kill him and so on.“_ _

__Isak stared at him. “Are you... giving me the best friend/ big brother speech right now?“, he asked in disbelief._ _

__Jonas gave him a stern nod, ignoring Isak's small giggle._ _

__“Damn right I do, so sush and listen up, douchebag. I know you for so long now and I know you've been through some shit. You still are. And... I don't know, since we're here, you've changed. You seem so much calmer now and that's so fucking awesome and you smile so much more.“ Jonas stopped and Isak had a hard time blinking away some annoying tears out of his eye._ _

__“You're my best friend and I love your stupid ass, and you're gonna achieve anything you want, and you deserve everything. So if I say you deserve Even, then you know that it means something.“ Jonas gave him a big warm smile at the end and wow, Isak really had a hard time controlling his emotions. “And yeah. I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you, how far you've come, and that I'm here and I'll always be there for you.“_ _

__“Wow, Jonas, seriously?“, he mumbled sheepishly but already coming up to pull his best friend in a crushing hug. Jonas just laughed. “Sorry, I had to“, he said into his ear, and Isak let out a breathless laugh._ _

__He was so, so grateful to have a friend like Jonas. He never ever would be able to pay back what he gave him._ _

__“Thank you“, he whispered, voice a bit choked but he didn't care. He wanted to say that Jonas also deserved everything, that he was so happy for him and Eva, that he adored their friendship so much, that he would also be there any time, if Jonas needed him. But nothing came out._ _

__Maybe it was better that way. Jonas had already said everything and all Isak could do was to hug his best friend a bit harder and hope he would understand._ _

__Judging the way Jonas tried to stifle a sniff and tightened his grip around Isak, he did._ _

__

__._ _

__

__Isak felt weird that day._ _

__Not bad weird. More like, emotionally weird. Maybe it was Jonas‘ fault with his stupid best-friends-speech or maybe just nostalgia because of the last day. Isak didn't know and he didn't really care. He just didn't feel like being in a big group today. Luckily, Even seemed to feel the same._ _

__Jonas and Eva wanted to explore the churches and maybe do some shopping. Magnus and Vilde had actually rented a boat to do a tour on the river Warnow. (Isak had a bet with Mutta who would fall into the water. Isak had said Magnus. Mutta had said both.) Sana and Yousef hadn't been seen since breakfast so they had no idea what they were up to. Noora and Chris just wanted to explore the city and Mutta, Adam, Elias and Mikael decided to join them. Mahdi disappeared inexplicably but when Isak called him, he said he just went to the beach on a walk and they shouldn't worry. Isak felt very strange about this but decided to think about it later._ _

__And Isak and Even? They went to town as well, where they seperated from the others, strolling through the streets and watching old buildings and parks. They had a look at two different churches, the Marienchurch and Petrichurch and Isak learned that Even liked them as much as he did. For Isak, it was simply because his mum used to go with him to the church for Sundays. Not every, but it was enough for him to feel strangely safe between the huge, smooth stonewalls and colorful windows._ _

__When he asked Even, he just shrugged. “It's peaceful and quiet“, he answered in a hushed voice. “And I always feel like I can have a little rest here, you know what I mean? And even if I don't believe, it gives me something that so many people find answers and hope in this.“ He pointed at the altar and the crucified Jesus, who was hanging above it. A lonely candle was sitting there as well._ _

__Isak nodded absentmindly. He understood what Even was saying, but suddenly there were plenty of childhood memories in his mind. His mum, in her best dress and braided hair, one arm around her husband, the other ruffling his blonde curls with a smile. The big Christmas tree in the church, and at home as well. Isak always had insisted on decorating the tree all by himself._ _

__He had to smile at his younger self, eager to prove himself and beaming with pride when his dad praised his work on the tree._ _

__“It's been a long time since I've been in a church“, he admitted._ _

__They were almost on their way out and Even had stopped to look at a few bruning candles on a small table next to the door._ _

__The older boy turned around to look at him. The shine of the fire flickered in his eyes. “Are you okay?“, he asked._ _

__Slowly, Isak stepped closer until he stood right beside Even. He looked at the candles. He knew what it meant; his mum used to lit one every time they visited church. It was a wish, a prayer or sometimes just a silent thank you. When he had asked his mum about it, she had always said “to bless the ones I love“. He hadn't understood, back then._ _

__A bit hesitantly, he reached out to grab one little candle. Then, with a big inhale, he dipped the wick in the yellow flame of another candle until it catched fire. For a second he closed his eyes. When he opened them again he carefully placed the candle next to the others and stepped back again._ _

__“My mum loves to go to the church“, he said. He didn't look at Even, he kept his gaze on the flickering light in front of him. “She always did this when she was there with us.“ He didn't say more, he felt like Even would understand anyway._ _

__A hand curled around his shoulder to squeeze it, gently and warm and suddenly there was a lump in his throat. He had to think of so many happy memories he had shared with his mum and his dad, before everything had fallen apart, and these memories mixed up with the ugly ones, where his mum cried and yelled and didn't recognize her own son, and his dad just _wasn't there_ , and then the fights, the tears, and the panic._ _

__A single tear managed to escape his eye. Isak closed his eyes again and allowed himself to lean against the other boy. Silent support. A gentle kiss to his eyebrow._ _

__“Come on“, Even whispered in his ear after a while, “let's go?“_ _

__Isak let Even lead them out ot the church and into the sun again._ _

__

__._ _

__

__Even didn't ask questions. He just kissed him and then suggested to grab lunch and sit at the harbour._ _

__This boy. He really didn't deserve him._ _

__And that's where they were right now, sitting at the edge of the harbour, Isak's back pressed against Even's chest and both of them eating a kebab and enjoying the sun and the view._ _

__“You know“, Even said between two bites, “when we're back I have to cook for you. And then you'll ask yourself what you have been doing all your life without the blessing of tomatoes.“_ _

__Isak almost choked on his kebab when he started to laugh._ _

__“Never“, he finally replied when he felt his air streaming back into his lungs. “Tomatoes are a disgrace.“_ _

__“You like ketchup!“_ _

__“... Okay, they're useful when smashed and destroyed but otherwise...“_ _

__“Oh my god.“ Even let out a breathless laugh, “smashed and destroyed? We really have to work on that.“_ _

__“Mmh, good luck with that.“ Isak blinked in the sun. He leaned his weight a bit more against Even's body. For a while they were just eating in peace and silence. Isak felt so comfortable, he was almost positive he could fall alseep like this._ _

__“Hey, Isak?“_ _

__“Mmh?“_ _

__He heard Even clearing his throat. “Uhm... about that, about... when we're back at home...“_ _

__Isak waited but Even didn't continue. He forced himself not to look at him. “What about it?“_ _

__Even let out a deep breath. “I just wanted to say that, you know, about the thing in the bus, when I said I want to explain what was wrong?“_ _

__Isak's body stiffened. “Yeah?“, he said, trying to remain calm._ _

__Ten seconds of silence. When Even spoke again it seemed like he wanted to say it as quickly as possible._ _

__“I just thought about it and... I don't know but I think I'm kinda scared?“ He let out a short shaky laugh. “I mean, I know that I'm in love with you and that we're boyfriends and that the time here was so fucking awesome I can't even begin to describe it – but I just... I don't know what will happen when we're back in our normal lives.“_ _

__Isak opened his mouth but Even continued before he could say something. “I don't mean it like that, I mean... dammit.“_ _

__He sounded sad and frustrated and now Isakk turned around to look at him. “Even“, he said, his hand grabbing his shoulder. “Hey, what...?“_ _

__“I'm just scared of what could happen when... you know. I have an episode again. A bad one.“_ _

__Even's voice was so quiet Isak's ear almost didn't catch it. He didn't look at him, he kept his gaze on the leftovers of his kebab._ _

__For a moment Isak didn't know what to say. Part of him was releaved that Even hadn't been depressed or anything like that, but at the same time he was confused and worried. “Even –“_ _

__“I know we talked about this“, Even interrupted. “We don't know about the future. And it is stupid and unfair to you. But I just can't stop thinking about what if I hold you back somehow. Or what if it is too much and you are too goodhearted to say anything or... I don't know.“ Even stopped. Even if he avoided his eyes, Isak could see the sadness in it. The insecurity and fear._ _

__Abrubtly, he stood up. He tossed the rest of his kebab aside before he turned around to straddle Even's lap._ _

__“Even“, he said, for the third time. It was soft and he tried to put all the love in it he had. Slowly, he reached out and let his thumb stroking Even's cheek, the other one coming around the base of his neck. Even's arms automatically came around his waist to hold him in place. Finally, he looked at him, eyes full of doubt._ _How could he even think of things like that?_ _

__“I know I can't promise anything as long as I haven't witnessed an episode.“ Isak made sure to hold eyecontact. He wanted Even to see how much he meant to him, how honest he was here. “But I can promise I'll tell if it's too much. Which I don't think will ever happen. Baby,“ he added when Even opened his mouth, “do you have any idea what you do to me? You are my boyfriend. And I certainly won't give up on us, no matter what. And I think I can handle your episodes. After my mum... well, mybe it's not the best example, but at least I know it is not all sugar and rainbows. Okay?“_ _

__“But you deserve so much more than this. Than my fucked up brain.“_ _

__“Your brain isn't fucked up and you know it“, Isak whispered. His fingers started to wander, exploring Even's skin. “Your brain is beautiful and I love all the creative things you do with it. Your projects, for example.“_ _

__Even frowned. Then his eyes went wide. “What... you watched my video projects?“_ _

__Isak nodded, beaming at him. “Every single one. I'm a good supportive boyfriend now, you know?“_ _

__Even shook his head, smiling, before he turned earnest again. “I just don't want to hurt you“, he whispered, and Isak had to swallow at the look in his eyes at that._ _

__“You won't“, Isak whispered back and then leaned back to place a kiss on his forehead. “You never could. And I'm the one who doesn't deserve you, Ev.“_ _

__Even wanted to say something more, but Isak silenced him with a kiss. And then another, and then another until Even forgot what he wanted to say and just pressed the boy in his lap impossibly closer, like he wanted their bodies to melt._ _

__“Isak“, he mumbled between kisses and Isak responded every time with kiss._ _

__

__._ _

__

__Even didn't mention it again, but Isak knew it had been important to him to say. He just wished so desperately that Even could see what he saw, that he could see the amazing kind and warm man that he was and that he never could hurt him._ _

__He would make sure to remind him every day._ _

__They stayed a long time at the harbour. Isak didn't want to go back yet and Even was happy to stay as well. So they remained on their spot, watching the seagulls flying around their heads, trying to get a piece of the kebab, and watched ships coming and going. And they talked; about everything and nothing, and in between they shared kisses and Even whispered compliments in Isak's ear that made him blush like crazy._ _

__Talking with Even was almost too easy; they just never ran out of things to say._ _

__By the time it was time to go back, Isak pouted._ _

__“Isak, come on.“ Even had talked to Elias on the phone before and now he put it back into his pocket but when he tried to get up, Isak just hugged him to prevent that._ _

__“Noo“, he whined, effectively holding Even to the ground._ _

__Even let out a breathless laugh. “Is, they'll start without us.“_ _

__“Let them.“ Isak buried his face in the crook of Even's neck, breathing him in. “The coolest guest show up late. Or something.“_ _

__Even snorted. “Then we're the coolest persons on earth.“_ _

__“See? We have to defend our reputation.“_ _

__Even laughed at that, short and bright. “I think we're doing a good job.“_ _

__“Please?“ Isak lifted his head a bit to look at the older boy with pleading eyes. “Five more minutes?“_ _

__“You're like a petulant child. Needy and annoying.“ With a long sigh that clearly spoke of long suffering, Even gave in, shifting a bit. “But you need to move, I can't feel my legs.“_ _

__When Isak gave him an offended look, he just shrugged. “What?“_ _

__“Are you saying I'm fat?“_ _

__“Oh my god.“_ _

__Isak was even more offended when Even started to laugh. “Wow, okay Even, bye.“ In a fake hurt expression, Isak half heartedly tried to stand up but Even's arms quickly snugged around him, pulling him back in. “You just want me to compliment you, you sneaky boy“, Even whispered in his ear. Isak hummed at that. “Maybe?“ He grinned down at the boy, allowing himself to get lost in the blue eyes for a moment._ _

__“Now I know.“ Slender fingers fondled his chin. “You're just using me as your personal charmer.“_ _

__“I've been caught.“ With a fond smile, Isak catched his fingers, intertwining his own with them._ _

__Even let him play with his fingers for a while. His gaze wandered to the sea and Isak had a few minutes to admire his effortless beauty. The wind blew through his hair and messed up the strains. The cool breeze painted a light pink on his cheeks and made his eyes look a bit shiny._ _

__Suddenly, Even let out a small gasp. His eyes lit up like he had gotten an idea._ _

__“Waht?“, Isak asked, a bemused smile playing in the corner of his mouth._ _

__Even gave him a look and then a tiny adorable smirk. “I'm not telling. Another surprise.“_ _

__“Wha- noo, I hate surprises“, Isak whined._ _

__“Nah, you don't. You loved the funfair. And“, he added with a horrible wink. “The golden condoms.“_ _

__“Why are you like this“, Isak groaned, clutching his stomach while he started to laugh against his will._ _

__Satisfied of his reaction, Even leaned back, blinking in the sun. “I still don't get why you don't like them.“_ _

__“They're _sparkling_. End of discussion.“_ _

__“They're fancy.“_ _

__“Even!“_ _

__“Yes? Oh, by the way...“ Even made an attempt to grab his bag which was sitting next to them on the ground, “I have a few more, do you want to have a look, admire their beauty in daylight maybe.“_ _

__“I hate you. You're literally the worst - _Even, put those fucking condoms away before they arrest us!_ “ 

__

__._ _

__

__The train was late. They would be even later to the party, but Isak didn't mind. And “party“ actually meant at this time of the day (half past five) picnic at the beach, with music and food and beer. They all had agreed on that– Mikael after a very long and accusing look into Even's direction – and decided that they would decide spontaneously if they would go clubbing afterwards or not._ _

__Isak already knew he didn't want to. He was happy with his friends and the sand between his toes and a beer bottle in his hand._ _

__“When did you watch my projects, by the way?“, Even asked while they were sitting on the platform 1, waiting for the train to arrive._ _

__Isak smirked at the excitment in his voice. “When you were asleep“, he replied. “After our talk.“_ _

__That seemed to be years ago. Jesus._ _

__“Actually, I have wanted to do it but there was always something.“_ _

__Even hummed at that. He kicked a pebble down into the railway track before he turned around. “Do you like them?“, he asked, voice almost sheepish._ _

__“Ev, I already said that I love them!“ Isak rolled his eyes fondly. “They're great.“ He bit his lip. “I really liked the one about loneliness.“_ _

__He saw Even's face twitch in a small smile. “Yeah?“_ _

__“Yeah.“ Isak returned the smile and then grabbed the older boy's hands. “Even though it was heartbreaking. But I guess that made it even better.“ His smile dropped. “You – you have represented your depressive episode there, right?“_ _

__Even nodded. “Yeah, it was part of it“, he said quietly. “But I also wanted to show how alone one can feel, with nobody to see how lonely he really is. With no help.“_ _

__Isak's heart clenched painfully in his chest. “It was really beautiful“, he whispered. “Beautiful and really sad.“_ _

__Even's gaze softened. “I didn't mean to make you said.“_ _

__“No, that's good, it means you have done it right“, Isak joked and Even went along, laughing a bit._ _

__“I was coming out of a depressed episode when I did that project“, he said then, gaze stern and a bit shy, like he din't know how much he could reveal about this. “I felt like shit, it wasn't sure if I woud pass my first year in university, everybody else was busy studying, my parents... well, I'm tired of asking for their help, so they couldn't do anything... it wasn't a good time. I felt like everything was too much. I had to channel all of this stuff.“ He stopped for a second, gaze fixed on something Isak couldn't see._ _

__“Ironically, it saved my ass, in the end“, he finished then, looking at Isak again. “My teachers thought it was good enough to let me pass despite of the two missed out exams I had.“_ _

__He gave Isak a small smile and Isak could just stare and let out a tiny “wow“. One more proof how strong Even was and with how much shit he had to deal. He wished he would possess half of that strength._ _

__“Well, I'm glad you made it in your second year“, he finally managed to say and Even laughed at that. “Me too“, he said. “Me too.“_ _

__They watched how another train stopped at the platform next to theirs. People were getting out, a few running, in a hurry to get their next connection, but most of them made their way in a quick walk down the stairs until their were out fo sight._ _

__“You're good. At filming stuff.“ Isak rubbed his nose; he wasn't good at complimenting. _Really, Isak, wow, nobody had noticed_._ _

__“You're... very attentive. You... see things.“ Isak moved his hands a bit while trying to explain what he thought. Even watched him in silence, already a blush on his cheeks. “Thank you“, he said quietly. “That means a lot, Isak.“_ _

__Isak shrugged it off. “It's just the truth.“_ _

__But Even shook his head. “No, I mean... your opinion means very much and... I don't know. I spent so much time thinking about if you would like my style of filming and editing at all.“_ _

__“Wait, for real?“_ _

__When Even just nodded Isak let out a disbelieving laugh. “Your stuff is so good that your teachers let you pass even without an exam and you were worried about my opinion?“_ _

__“Well, it's you. So of course I did.“_ _

__If Isak's heart would be able to melt, it would have done it a thousand times earlier, but especially now. Even's blushing cheeks looked too damn cute and his shy glance in his direction made it ten times worse. But it was his words that had Isak biting his lip bashfully. To think that Even thought that Isak's opinion meant more than the one of his lecturers who had a lot of experience and skills while he was barely able to name ten different directors or camera angles or something like that... That was fucking stunning._ _

__“Why are you always saying stuff like this“, Isak said pathetically. “How am I supposed to keep up with you if you're saying cute shit all the time?“_ _

__“Well, I could stop doing that...“_ _

__“I didn't say that.“_ _

__Even grinned at him. His hands came up to pull at his strings on his jacket. “Then I guess you'll have to suffer through this.“ He clicked his tongue. “You think you can do that?“_ _

__“I can try.“ Even was suddenly too far away so Isak stepped into the circle of his arms that came around his waist in second nature. “But seriously“, Isak said because he wanted Even to hear it. “It's amazing.“_ _

__He couldn't see Even's face because his chin was currently tucked in the crook of his neck, but he the swallowing sound and the whisper in his ear. “Thanks, baby.“_ _

__And yep, Isak _stilly_ blushed at the nickname and there was _still_ that little shiver going down his spine whenever Even called him that._ _

__

__._ _

__

__“You're late.“_ _

__“I'm always late, pass me the bacon.“_ _

__“I'm not giving bacon to you, you're late. Late persons have to apologize before they get bacon.“_ _

__“For fuck's sake, Mags, give me the damn bacon.“_ _

__“Aww, Mags, come on.“ Jonas appeared out of nowhere, in one hand a plate with saussages, in the other a bottle of beer. “You're just mad you fell into the water.“ It was a bit windy tonight. It pulled at Jonas' hair and made Isak shiver a little._ _

__Magnus opened his mouth in offense. “I'm not mad, and it wasn't my fault!“_ _

__“But it totally was your fault.“ Mahdi gave him an unimpressed look from where he was standing behind the grill. “According to Vilde, at least.“_ _

__“It was her fault as well!“ Magnus pointed at Mahdi with a saussage in accusion. “We both leaned over too much so the boat capsized!“_ _

__Isak held his plate in front of Mahdi. “Two steaks and a few of those vegetable skewers please.“_ _

__Mahdi saluted and went to work._ _

__“And Jonas, where's the beer?“_ _

__Jonas pointed over to Adam. He was sitting together with Noora in the sand and Isak recognized a few crates behind them._ _

__“Alright, thanks.“ He took his plate that Mahdi held out to him and then stopped. “Wait.“ He turned to Magnus. “It capsized?“_ _

__Magnus, delighted someone finally paid attention, sprang to his feet. “Yeah! And I tell you, Vilde was the one who swear she saw a whole drumset in the water, so...“_ _

__“Dammit“, Isak mumbled and scrunched his nose. He owned Mutta five euro._ _

__He waved at Mahdi and Jonas and let Magnus babbling about his story while he made his way back to their spot._ _

__They hadn't missed much, just the first round of beer. Isak was pleased to find out it really was just his circle of friends and maybe five or six other guys from art or science class that he didn't know that much._ _

__Trying to avoid Mutta and be confronted about their bet, he walked a big circle around the group. He passed Mikael and Elias, beerbottles in their hands and discussing hands moving around. A bit behind them he could see Vilde. She was sitting cross-legged on her blanket, eyes closed and a relaxed smile on her lips while Chris braided her hair. Next to them sat Eva, strains waving around her face. She looked beautiful with her maroon hair and the big smile that spread out on her face when she waved at him._ _

__He waved back and she got up and walked over to him._ _

__“Hey.“ She hugged him and he laughed at her enthusiasm. “Hey, how is it going?“_ _

__“Very good.“ She tucked a strain behind her ear. Jonas, who was still talking to the other two boys, looked over, waved at her with his bottle and her gaze softened. “Pretty awesome, actually.“_ _

__“That's nice.“ Isak grinned. He was so happy for Jonas to have Eva. They were good for each other._ _

__“So.“ Eva gave him a look. “Last day, huh.“_ _

__Isak nodded. It really was the last day. Suddenly, the weird feeling from this morning came back and he realized it was sadness. Maybe mixed a bit with nostalgia._ _

__“It's sad“, Eva stated and underlined his thoughts. “It was really cool. But hey, I'm looking forward to go home.“_ _

__The tone of her voice was so smug that he was startled out of his melancholic thoughts. “What, why?“, he asked, not liking the look in her eyes._ _

__“Well.“ She made a pause to annoy him before she announced with a beaming face, “we can go on double dates, Isak!“_ _

__He knew it. A grimace started to spread out in his face. “You're worse than Mags“, he told her, shaking his head._ _

__“Maybe.“ Eva nudged his side. “But with the difference, I'll be able to drag you to a double date. You, Jonas, me and your handsome catch.“_ _

__“My handsome... oh my god.“ Isak actually laughed at that. “No way.“_ _

__“Hmm.“ Eva's little smirk didn't feel good. Not at all. “We'll see, Isak. We'll see.“_ _

__With that, she patted his arm, gave him a last smile and walked back to her blanket where she gracefully sat down only to grab the huge wine bottle that was placed next to Chris._ _

__Shaking his head, he smiled after her. Then he remembered his plates and continued walking until he was back at Even's and his spot._ _

__Even was already there. He was sitting on a blanket he brought – yes, it was _the_ blanket – and held his upper body upright with his elbows propped up on the blanket. Next to him two bottles of beer._ _

__Isak sighed in relief. “Oh thank god, you brought beer already.“_ _

__“Actually I'm starving, what took you so long? It's been forever since you went to get the food.“_ _

__Even made grabby hands for his plate. Shaking his head, Isak handed it over before he sat next to the other boy._ _

__“Oh, and Mutta showed up, he says you owe him five euro?“_ _

__Mouth full of steak, Isak couldn't do anything but roll his eyes angrily and let out a groan._ _

__

__The evening was pretty nice. The weather played along, and at one point a few of them went swimming in the cold Baltic sea._ _

__“Oh Mik“, Even mumbled and watched his best friend hopping around in the ocean and splashing water. “He'll catch a cold and I'm the one who has to listen to his complains.“_ _

__“Mmh.“ Magnus was also out there. “I feel you.“_ _

__He felt tired. A good kind of tired. One, that leaves you completely satisfied with the day. With a smile, he finished his second beer and placed the bottle next to the others before he sank back into Even's arms. The older wrapped his arms around him so Isak could lean his head against his shoulder._ _

__“You tired?“, Even mumbled. His breath was warm against his ear._ _

__He shook his head. “Nah. Just a bit exhausted.“_ _

__“Me too.“_ _

__The seagulls screamed above them and the ocean murmured. In some distance, Isak recognized Sana in a bright yellow hijab. She was standing near the shore, obviously telling a wild and funny story to Yousef, judging her laughing face and his smile._ _

__“You know“, Even said, tangling his fingers up with a few of Isak's curls, “as soon as we're back home I'm gonna show you Romeo and Juliet.“_ _

__“I know the story, Even.“_ _

__“You don't know the Baz Luhrmann version. Which is a shame and I can't have a boyfriend who isn’t educated in that.“_ _

__Stifling a smile, Isak faked a gasp. “Excuse you, so you would only stay with me if I watched the movie?“_ _

__“Absolutely, yes.“_ _

__“And if I refuse?“_ _

__Even let out a pained noise. “Then, I'm afraid, I can't bear being around someone with so little understanding for artsy advises.“_ _

__Isak grinned; he knew Even was referring to their trip to the theatre._ _

__“Well, lucky for you I can stay with you, then.“_ _

__A few seconds of silence._ _

__“You watched it?“_ _

__“Yup. I knew the director already.“_ _

__Even's breathing out was long and resigned. “You little...“_ _

__“Was worth your reaction.“_ _

__“I'm breaking up with you.“_ _

__Isak gasped. “What, why? That's unfair, I know Baz Luhrmann!“_ _

__“I can't be with a traitor.“_ _

__“I'm not a –“_ _

__“Traitor. Of Baz Luhrmann. You denied him.“_ _

__“Oh my god.“ Isak broke out into laughter._ _

__“And now you're laughing at my pain.“ Even sniffed._ _

__“Life's tough.“_ _

__“Yeah, I've been told.“_ _

__Isak turned in his very comfortable position to look at Even. His smirk turned into something softer._ _

__He leaned in to capture Even's lips in a kiss._ _

_Kissing you is as easy as breathing_. 

__“Damn, Isak“, Even whined as soon as they parted. “I wanna be mad at you.“_ _

__Isak laughed a little. “You can't.“ He ran his fingers over the curve of his brow and stilled at his temple to tuck a few strains behind his ear._ _

__“A shame.“ Even's whisper was tender and soft so Isak found it safe to kiss him again._ _

__

__As the time went by, the sun set, their group became louder and funnier, beerbottles were downed and someone had lit up a bonfire. Isak didn't remember who it was, but it was for sure nice to sit around it, laughing at Mahdi's bad jokes and snuggling closer to Even when it became colder. At one point, Eva made them all play truth or dare, a game Isak hated, but he was forced into it anyway. So he watched Noora kissing Vilde, Magnus trying to do a split, Chris confessing her first celebrity crush (Johnny Depp), Jonas yodeling, and Even saying “you are unbelievable hot and sexy“ in a French accent that had him on the ground laughing so hard he was tearing up. Then it was his turn to carry Vilde around the group in a big circle while singing “who let the dogs out“ as loud as he could and then he really needed a break._ _

__

__In the end, he did get more drunk than he originally intended to be, but it was alright. He was still able to walk properly without help, didn't slur (at least he asked three different people and they all denied it) and all in all past tipsy, but far away from being wasted._ _

__The 'past tipsy' part was entirely Jonas' fault. He suddenly had shown up with a bottle of wine, yelling something about “quick, I stole it from Eva“ and “to our friendship, bro!“_ _

__So when Even approached him from behind, wrapping his arms around him, he happily melted into his embrace, turning his head in a weird angle to kiss him._ _

__That was great for about ten seconds before Magnus shouted “Isak, stop dry humping your boyfriend in public“ so loud that probably everybody in Warnemünde had woken up and Isak saw no other possibilliy than chasing the stupid boy three times around the remains of the bonfire before he finally catched him and tackled him to the ground._ _

__But apart from that, it was pretty chill. Mikael even got a guitar out of nowhere and he and Jonas played alternately._ _

__And now, when Isak looked into the faces of his friends sitting in a circle, laughing and drinking and talking, he felt a pull in his heart and a warm feeling spread out in his chest. And it wasn't just Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus. Also the girl's group and Even's friends had become important to him over the last days, a thing he wouldn't have thought it would happen someday._ _

__His gaze fell on Even, sitting there and drinking with Mikael the last beerbottle and he couldn't help but smile._ _

__Even._ _

__Also a thing he wouldn't have thought it would happen someday. And look where he was now._ _

__He knew it was stupid, that technically it shouldn't be possible to feel so much for someone in such a short time. That he should wait and see, how things would go._ _

__But he couldn't help it, he couldn't ignore the safe and warm feeling in his chest, and that weird _ache_ in his chest that hurt so good whenever he saw Even laugh or smile at him or the fact that he felt so much _better_ when the older boy was around._ _

__“You look like a lovestruck Jane Austen character.“_ _

__He looked up. Sana was standing in front of him, a huge glass of water in her hand._ _

__“You look really beautiful, Sana“, he told her because he felt like it and because it was true. Her yellow hijab almost made her glow like an angel._ _

__Maybe he was more drunk than he thought, after all._ _

__The answer was a fond laugh. “Thank you. And I think“, she added, coming closer and practially shoved the water into his hands. “You will thank me tomorrow.“_ _

__He glanced in the glass suspiciously. “It's not seawater, right?“_ _

__Sana's bright laughter sounded through he night. “No, douchebag. Just normal tap water.“_ _

__“Oh. Good.“_ _

__While he downed the glass in one go, she looked at him with these weird sparkle in her eyes. As soon as he was done drinking, she grabbed the glass again. “There you go.“_ _

__“Thank you.“ He licked his lips and gave her a smile. “You're a sunshine, Sanasoul.“_ _

__She laughed again. “And you're cute when you're drunk.“_ _

__“I'm not cute.“_ _

__She ignored that. Instead she suddenly stepped closer and hugged him._ _

__Quite surprised by the action, Isak didn't manage to hug best at first but when he did, he squeezed her tight._ _

__They didn't speak. Isak felt like there was no need to. And when they seperated, he smiled at her which she returned before she squeezed his shoulder and then went to sit with Noora._ _

__

__._ _

__

__“You ready?“_ _

__It was almost three in the morning. They had to leave the hotel in five hours to get to their ferry. The ferry would bring them to Gedser in approximately two hours. And then the whole fun started again; almost a whole day on the ferry back to Oslo._ _

__So Isak wasn't really looking forward to that. Even though, if he thought about it... he now had a pretty good distraction to cuddle into during the journey._ _

__“Yep“, he replied to Even's question and got to his feet._ _

__Their round had become a bit smaller. Jonas and Eva had ditched them a long time ago (probably to have sex in their room, dammit Jonas, Isak thought), and Mahdi had vanished _again_ , same with Sana and Yousef._ _

__The others were spread out in the sand, or playing another game._ _

__Even took his hand. “Follow me“, he said with a smirk and a raise of his brow that made Isak roll his eyes. Even wasn't as drunk as him (as usual) but also at least tipsy, Isak would say._ _

__“Have fun, guys“, Chris yelled at them. Isak flipped her off._ _

__“Be safe.“ That was Magnus._ _

__“Tomorrow, I'm gonna kill him.“_ _

__“I'll help you.“ Even made his way through the sand, back to the road and then down the street. After a while, Isak realized they were taking the way back to the hotel._ _

__“Even, is that the surprise? We're going to bed?“_ _

__“Patience, love“, Even grinned, swaying their intertwined hands back and fourth._ _

__“Ugh.“ Isak leaned against him. “Fine.“_ _

__He really wasn't the most patient person and therefore he usually despised surprises, but Even did a damn good job at distracting him from asking questions by simply kissing him every time he wanted to ask something._ _

__When they reached the hotel, Isak was almost positive they would just go to bed. He opened his mouth to ask that, when he became aware of two dark shapes, next to the hotel, in the shadow of a big tree._ _

__“Down!“, Isak hissed and almost caused Even to fall in his hectic to drag him behind the wall._ _

__“What?“_ _

__“Shh! Over there.“_ _

__Carefully, both boys looked around the corner._ _

__After a few seconds, Even said “I think that's just two people making out, Isak. No danger.“_ _

__“Can you see who is it?“ Isak squinted his eyes, but it was difficult to recognize anything._ _

__“Isak, I don't think... holy shit!“_ _

“What? _What_?“ Isak hopped up and down in excitement. 

__“It's...“ Even looked slightly startled. He kept looking over to the couple like he didn't believe his eyes._ _

__“It's Mahdi and... Maya.“_ _

“ _What?_ “ 

__Even in his drunk state he managed a quite impressive shocked face. “ _Maya?_ “_ _

__He peeked around the corner again._ _

__Even was right. If he focused his dizzy brain a little bit, he could see the orange snapback of Mahdi which he had bought in Berlin and the blond hair of Maya glowed in the dark._ _

__And yeah, they were making out. Like, pretty violently._ _

__“Damn“, Isak mumbled. “That's a whole soft porno over there.“_ _

__Even stifled a laugh and pulled at his elbow. “Come“, he whispered. “We have to go.“_ _

__“Gimme a moment.“_ _

__“Okay.“_ _

__They waited in silence._ _

“ _Mahdi_? With _Maya_?“ 

__“Isak.“_ _

__“No, seriously, how could we not notice?“_ _

__“Alright, I think we need to go inside now.“_ _

__Even determinedly snug an arm around Isak and practially shoved him to the entrance of the hotel, making sure he wouldn't try to turn his head to stare at his friend kissing one of their leaders of the trip._ _

__“That sneaky bastard!“_ _

__Isak was so caught up in the information, he didn't even notice where they were going until Even cleared his throat. He looked around._ _

__“Even, that's your room.“_ _

__“No“, Even said, a mysterious smile on his face._ _

__Isak looked around again. “Uhm, yeah it is. Pretty sure that's my sweater over there and your shoes and...“_ _

__“Yeah, it is my room“, Even interrupted, “but it's not the surprise. The surprise“, and he finally pointed up to the ceiling, “is there.“_ _

__Isak followed his gaze._ _

__“There's a hatch.“_ _

__“There's a hatch.“_ _

__“To the roof?“_ _

__“Damn right the roof.“_ _

__“If I would go up there, would there be a whole Disney meal with candles and shit?“_ _

__Even laughed. “I only had time for a few blankets and pillows and sleeping bags, so I'm afraid no“, he replied but Isak had already crossed the room to place a wild messy kiss to his lips. “You're unbelievable“, he murmured against his lips that were streched out in a smile._ _

__“You say that every time.“ Even stroked the trail of his cheekbones lovingly. “And, what do you say, Valtersen. Should we go?“_ _

__

__They did go and it was amazing._ _

__The roof, which was a flat and not pitched one, was covered in leaves and old moss, but Even had cleaned up a little space for the blankets and sleeping bags and Isak could only stare for a while before he launched himself at the older boy to hug him so violently he almost fell over. Then they made themselves comfortable and ended up only using one sleeping bag, because Isak whined about being too cold. (He just wanted to snuggle up to Even, but nevermind.)_ _

__“This is amazing“, Isak mumbled, eyes getting heavier with sleep._ _

__“Mmh, yeah, I thought it would be nice.“_ _

__“You and your thing for high things.“_ _

__“Only for you, babe.“ Even started carding his hands through Isak's hair. “The only thing I miss are the stars though.“_ _

__Isak stared into the cloudy sky and hummed. “I'm not“, he decided._ _

__Even crooked an eyebrow. “No?“_ _

__Isak shook his head. “Nah.“ He cuddled closer, one hand sneaked under Even's shirt, not to explore but to just rest there and enjoy the warmth and the feeling of a breathing body under his fingertips and nosed at Even's neck. “We can watch the stars tomorrow on the ship.“_ _

__He felt Even taking a deep breath. When he let go, it sounded like Isak felt. Stunned. Giddy. Overwhelmed. So happy he feared he would burst into thousand pieces._ _

__“Yeah. We can do that.“_ _

__

__._ _

__

_Saturday, Departure_

__

__Isak and Even slept on the roof. It was cold, the ground was hard and a stone dug into Isak's hipbone and still he had never slept better._ _

__They forgot to set up an alarm, but luckily Mikael decided to call Even to ask where the hell they were and so they had enough time to pack their stuff._ _

__Well. 'Pack'._ _

__“Come on, Isak, press harder.“_ _

__“I can't!“_ _

__“Do it, I believe in you.“_ _

__“You have no idea how hard this is!“_ _

__“Come one, just a little more... a little more... there you go.“_ _

__Finally able to close the zipper, Isak let out an exhausted huff and sat on his filled to the brim suitcase._ _

__“To be honest, it looks like iit would burst any second.“_ _

__“Shut up, Jonas!“_ _

__Breakfast was a hurried matter, everybody was busy packing stuff for lunch. Then a short but bloody war followed in which everyone tried to get the hoover to clean their rooms before eight and then it was time to bring their luggage downstairs and into the bus._ _

__Just like this._ _

__“I'm not ready“, Isak mumbled, staring at the building. “Crap, I wanted to go to the beach!“_ _

__He didn't feel bad today; not even a headache. He got lucky. Magnus couldn't say the same; he whined continually about his cold and headache and how he woud throw up again on the ship._ _

__“The beach?“_ _

__Even came down the stairs, casually dressed in a pair of red sweatpants and a white shirt. His backpack hung over his one shoulder, his smaller one over the other. His hair was all tousled up and adorable._ _

__“Yeah.“ Isak made pouty lips. Even kissed him nevertheless. “We can say goodby when we're at the harbour“, he suggested because he knew how sappy Isak had become that he wanted to say goodbye to an ocean._ _

__“Mmh.“ Isak nodded. “Not the same, but okay.“_ _

__Gripping the belt of his bag tighter, Even gave him a smile. “Alright. See you inside?“_ _

__Isak smiled back. “Yup.“_ _

__He let Even pass him, his fingers lingering on his shoulder for the shortest moment before he was gone._ _

__With a sigh, he turned around again._ _

__“Well“, he murmured. “Goodbye.“_ _

__For a moment he just stood there, letting the noise of busy people washing over him. He could see the breakfast room, looking like a battlefield and he even was able to recognize which window was the one to his room._ _

__Behind him was ringing a bell. Time to get into the bus._ _

__Isak bend over to grab his own bag that was sitting next to his feet. He then straightened up, adjusting his red snapback and, without turning back, he followed the other students to the bus that would bring him home._ _

__

__._ _

__

__It was evening. The ocean was powerful, the swell a bit rough and Magnus and Jonas were puking their souls out._ _

__Isak stood at the reiling, looking into the angry grey waves and thought about life._ _

__To be more specific, he thought about what to have for dinner because food was included in the term 'life' right, thank you very much._ _

__“Hey.“_ _

__A smile curled up his lips. “Hey.“_ _

__He turned around, just in time with Even to lean next to him. “We could eat out here“, Even said, roufling his hair even more than it already was thanks to the wind._ _

__“Yeah. Let's ask the others?“_ _

__Even nodded._ _

__Together they made their way back inside to grab some food. There weren't many people out there they passed, just a few lonely looking men and women and a group of asian tourists or something with multicolored hair._ _

__They managed to find Mahdi, Elias, Mikael, Noora and Eva, the rest was nowhere to be seen, probably chilling or seasick. They bought food and went back outside to sit next to the reiling._ _

__“So. Mahdi.“ Isak chewed his last piece of bread and leaned forward. “When were you going to spill the truth, huh?“_ _

__Mahdi almost choked on his orange. “I-what?“, he asked, caughing hard while Elias patted his back responsibly._ _

__Even rolled his eyes. “Isak, drop it.“_ _

__“No.“ Stubborn as he was, Isak pointed with a finger at him. “So, I have to ask, since when –“_ _

__“Ahm. Sorry... could you make picture of us?“_ _

__All of the guys looked up._ _

__In front of them was one of the asian tourists, holding out an expensive looking camera. He showed them a bright, hopeful smile with flawless white teeth and Isak had to look twice because holy fuck, that guy's face was so pretty it looked almost fake. Not Isak's type, his type had blue eyes and a dorky behaviour and a soul made out of gold. But damn, was that guy pretty._ _

__All of them stared at the poor boy for a few seconds, then someone saved the guy by yelling “Tae, what are you doing?“ and they snapped out of it._ _

__“Sure“, Isak said, getting up and followed Pretty guy._ _

__As soon as they reached Pretty guy's six friends Isak thought that the name wasn't fitting anymore because _what the heck why is everybody so pretty_. _ _

__

__They talked in a language Isak didn't understand. Japanese? Korean?_ _

__“Thank you“, one of the boy's, a guy with purple hair, said in English. “That's so kind of you.“_ _

__“No problem.“ Isak stifled a grin. He took a few pictures with the camera (he had to do it a few more times because one of the boys wasn't satisfied with the outcome, because “my face has to look more the handsome“. Okay, what the hell.), the boys thanked him and he actually did a bit smalltalk with Purple hair guy, whose English was perfect and another guy with mint hair and heavy eyelids. Another one, a boy with dyed blond hair, looked too shy to speak to him but he stayed next to Mint hair guy the whole time._ _

__After that they all thanked him again and he made his way back._ _

__There was only Even sitting on the bench when he reached it._ _

__“Mahdi fled“, he informed him. “And you're making new friends, I see?“_ _

__Isak grinned. “Jealous?“_ _

__“Of seven ridiculously attractive people? Uhm... _yeah_?“_ _

__Isak laughed. “Don't be“, he assured him and sat next to him on the bench. “Not my type. I'm more into blond and blue eyes yah know.“_ _

__Even gave him a smug smile, reached out and pulled him closer. “I don't, actually. I'm afraid you have to convince me.“_ _

__Isak smiled, lips hovering over Even's. “If you insist.“_ _

__Even did instist._ _

__

__._ _

__

__It was around two in the morning when two boys sneaked out of the way too small room, hurrying on board and the long way to the bow of the ship, making sure not to be captured by a camera._ _

__The night was milder than earlier and Isak breathed in the salty air greedily._ _

__It was strange as hell, if you thought about it. Just a couple of days earlier he had been on this ship (well, not _this_ ship, but close enough), running and crying and feeling so miserable he thought he would combust. Isak remembered the pain in his chest and his anger and... just overwhelming feelings._ _

__It wasn't like he didn't got angry anymore or didn't feel the awful twist in his chest whenever he received a message form his dad. That would take a long time._ _

__But it was more at bay. He didn't feel like drowning anymore. He felt like swimming. And he could even see the shore. In a far distance, but hey. It was a start._ _

__“What do you think about?“, Even asked. He had already sat down, on the blanket, that stupid blanket. This ship sadly didn't have any hemispheres, just benches, but Even had sat on the ground, his back against one of those metal barriers._ _

__Isak shrugged. A helpless smile appeared on his face. “You know“, he said quietly, looking into the other's eyes._ _

__Even's gaze softened. He then reached gently out for Isak who was happy to follow. Even wrapped his arms around the younger boy and Isak curled around him, wanting to feel as much of him as he could._ _

__“Yeah, I know“, Even whispered into his ear._ _

__

__There was so much. So much to come. Isak could feel it, everywhere. In the breeze of the night, the sound of the sea, the beating of their hearts._ _

__There was so much more to come._ _

__It would've scared him, the thought, it seemed to be too big for one person alone._ _

__But he wasn't afraid. Not anymore._ _

__He felt Even fidgeting in his pocket and one second later a hand shoved one of his headphones into his ear._ _

__He huffed out a laugh. “Seriously?“_ _

__“Shut up and let me do this.“_ _

__Isak did. He leaned his head against Even's chest and looked up into the sky that was full of stars and constellations and deep secrets while the ship was bringing them home again and the music filled his ear._ _

.

_Never gonna make you cry_  
_Never gonna say goodbye_  
_Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bam, double update!
> 
> To make up for all the delayed updates, uuugh.


	14. Chapter 14

_One year later_

 

As soon as the bell rang, announcing the end of his chemistry afternoon class he jumped to his feet and out of the door. 

He powerwalked through the hallway, bumping into a few students on his way out but didn't bother to stay and apologize.

Finally, he was out of the door. It was a beautiful autumn day. The leaves were starting to become brown and red, and the air smelled different.

Usually, Isak liked autumn, even though he wasn't a fan of the chill weather.

But today all he got were dark looks to the bright as ice sky and an annoyed groan at the sight of a certain someone that waited in a corner of the yard.

“Please go away“, Isak mumbled while he tried to look into a different direction, “please...“

“Isak!“

_Dammit._

With an attempt to smile, Isak stifled his sigh and turned towards the other boy. “Oh, hey Julian... sorry I didn't see you.“

“Ah, don't sweat it!“ The brown haired boy just grinned at him. “I'm sure you have a ton of work to think about, so no worries.“

“Yeah.“ Grateful, Isak picked up on this. “Listen, Julian, I –“

“Oh, you're busy, I understand.“ He was still smiling.

“Ugh, yeah, I have this pretty hard assignment for my chemistry lecture, and my boyfriend is waiting right now, so...“

“Wow, you're so smart, I'm sure it's gonna be amazing.“

Here we go again. That cringe worthy rain of compliments and the complete ignorance of the fact that Isak was in a healthy and established relationship.

Isak tried not to flinch too hard. “Yes, ah, thank you. And, actually...“

“Oh, do you have time right now? I mean, of course not, your assignment and all, but if you need help, my big brother also did chemistry classes, I can bring you notes and we can maybe sit together in a café or something, I mean, just to study together of course, and –“

The ringing of Isak's phone saved him.

“Sorry, Julian, I have to get that“, he interrupted the other boy. “It's important.“

Julian's face fell a bit. “Oh“, he said and for a second Isak felt guilty.

“But I'll just text you about the study thing, okay?“

Scratch that. He was annoyed again.

“Actually, Julian, no. I don't need help on this, I took enough notes. But thanks. See yah!“

Before Julian could stop him, he had turned around and walked away as fast as he could without starting to run while he finally answered the call.

“I love you“, he said, a little out of breath and was awarded with a laugh on the other side.

“Oh wow, that's a way to start a conversation. I love you too.“

“You just saved me from Julian.“

The laugh stopped. Isak now had to grin; he could practically see the annoyed eyeroll. He had rubbed off on him well.

“Seriously?“ Yup. Annoyed. “Again?“

“He apparently won't get the note that you are a thing in my life that exists.“

He heard Even breathe out loud. “Maybe I have to talk with him“, he said and Isak felt a slight shiver of thrill going down his spine. He couldn't help it; he loved when Even got a little possessive.

“Whatever, let's not talk about Julian anymore“, Even said, whilst Isak was walking out of the uni's area and on the main street, heading for the tram's station. “How was your day?“

“Awful.“

“Oh dear.“ another laugh.

“Dreadful, bad, horrible, hideous.“

“That teacher again?“

“He picked me eleven times today. _Eleven_. I mean, hello?“ He walked around the corner and stood at the traffic light. “He's so _mean_ , Even“, he whined into the speaker and gave the baby next to him in it's stroller a gloomy look.

“Oh baby, I know.“

Even indeed did know. The last three weeks Isak had complained about the new chemistry lecturer non stop. But listen, he really was such a douchebag, and an asshole as well and he had a down on him, alright? Isak had any right to complain.

“And I have tons of work to do“, he added, almost running an old lady over when he crossed the street. “I have no idea how to finish that until next Friday.“

“Can't Sana help you?“

“She says she's busy but I know she just wants to spend time with Yousef.“

“You can talk ot her. She'll bail on him for you.“

Now Isak let out a laugh. “Just because _you_ do that doesn't mean everybody does.“

Even made a confident sound. “Pfff. We'll see. I'll sweet talk her. Or blackmail Yousef.“

Okay, that was a thing Even was terribly good at.

“That's actually a good idea.“ Isak ran a hand through his hair. “Thank you.“

“It's gonna be alright, Is. And that teacher will be gone in two months.“

“Yeah.“ Isak sighed. He was tired and he fet a headache coming up. With slow steps he made his way to the tram station and leaned his body against the metal barrier. “How was the appointment?“

There was a beat of silence on the other side. “Good.“ Isak heard the smile in his voice. “It was really good.“

“Nice.“ Isak felt his own lips curl up in a smile. “I'm glad it went well, baby. Sorry I couldn't be there.“

“Isak, you don't have to be at every single appointment that I have.“

“I know. But I wanted to.“

“It's alright. I promise.“

For a few moment neither of the boys spoke. Isak listened to the older boy's breathing while he thought about the last weeks.

“When do you think the result will be here?“, he asked.

“A few more days I guess. Those film schools are pretty lazy, I've been told.“

Isak hummed at that. “They're gonna take you anyway.“

“Isak.“ The sheepish call made him smile. “Stop encouraging me.“

“I'm just being a good boyfriend here.“

“There are _thousands_ of applies, Isak.“

“Yeah and they will be picking you out of a thousand.“

“You're impossible.“

Isak grinned. “I know.“

Finally, the tram came. Isak stepped into it together with a few people. The tram wasn't as packed as usal, he even got a seat for himself. Smiling in success, he focused on the call again.

“My dad called me“, he said. “He asked if Saturday is still okay for lunch.“

“Of course. I'll be a bit late, Mikael and I have to film again.“

“Yup, I told him that. He was quite impressed.“

Even snorted. “He forgets every time what I'm doing.“

“Hmm.“ Isak bit his lip. Three more stations to go. “He likes you.“

“Mh.“

Even always held himself back with comments when it came to Isak's father, but Isak knew he wasn't that fond of him.

He couldn't blame him.

“Oh and Even? My mom will be there, so you have to make your chocolate cake.“

“I didn't know she was already back from her holidays.“ 

“She will be on Thursday.“ His mom had texted him, excited about their lunch together.

“Oh okay. I'll make the cake.“ A pause. “It's impossible how much your mom can eat of it. But I guess there have to be someone who gave you that.“

“Ey!“

“Seriously, Isak, how can one eat so much cake in one night?“

“I was hungry!“, Isak defended himself, “and your chocolate cake is just divine. And...“ He lowered his voice a bit. “I worked very hard that night, so I deserved it, shut up!“

Even's laughter rang through the phone. “Oh, I know you did“, he said and Isak could picture the smug smile in his face. “Twice, if I remember correctly.“

Sometimes, just sometimes, Isak hated how much Even still had an affect on him, even after a year together.

“Shut up“, he repated weakly, blush rising to his cheeks.

“You started it.“

“I'm hanging up.“

“Kay, bye.“

Isak didn't hang up.

“Eskild texted me“, Even told him. “He said and I'll recite, that _we should move our sweet and delicious asses to him and Linn the next week for dinner and a movie night, they would be delighted, otherwise he will disinherit us both._ “

“A classic. Anything else?“

“He says that we got no choice.“

“Yeah, of course we don’t.“

One stop to go.

“I'm cooking pasta by the way, so no stop at Subway or something.“

“You did?“ Isak let out a sigh. “Thank god, I'm starving.“

He could heaer the faint rustling of pots. “Well, then move your _divine_ ass here, Valtersen.“

Isak laughed at that. “I'll be there in... five minutes.“

His stop was announced and he got up to wait at the door until they would open. When they did, he hopped out ouf the tram, greedily taking in the fresh air.

His bad mood was gone. Now he was just tired, and hungry. And excited for his bed and mybe a few cuddle sessions.

A noise let him know that there was another caller.

“Ev, hold on, yeah?“

He quickly answered the next caller. “'s up, Jonas?“

“Dude, I'm booking our festival tickets right now.“

Isak waited but Jonas was apparently done with the information.

“Uhm, yeah, I know, we talked about this about two hours ago?“

“Jeez, don't get too excited. I just wanted to let you know that I pressed the button and now we're all going to the festival.“

“Nice, thanks, man.“ Another thing to look forward to. “And do you know if Mags has the big tent?“

“He said he would look for it, but otherwise we can just use small tents. Oh, and Even should bring his pavillon.“

“If you tell him that one more time he will probably _won't_ bring it, just to mess with you.“

A short laughter. “Fair enough. Okay, Issy-K, I have to go, eva's waiting. Tonight Fifa?“

“Nah, don't think so, I'm too tired.“

“Dammt. Okay, I'll ask Mahdi and Mutta.“

“You do that.“

“See yah.“

“Bye.“

Isak hung him up and switched back to Even's call. “Sorry, Jonas just told me he booked the tickets.“

“Awesome.“

“He says you should bring the pavillon.“

The little groan made him snicker. “I swear to god, if he asks me one more time...“

“That's what I told him.“

Isak increased his speed, hunger and excitment to see Even made him impatient. Call him whipped and all but he had barely seen him in the last days, both too busy with school and projects. So he was glad for a few quiet hours with just Even, and a plate of plasta.

“Hey, Isak?“

“Mmh?“

Isak was almost there. It was a little flat, just a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room slash bedroom with a balkon attatched to it, but for them it was perfect.

“I need to hang up now, otherwise the pasta will burn to death.“

“There's a thing called speaker, honey.“

“Oh really smartass? But really, I got to go, and you'll be there in approximately thirty seconds.“

“Yeah, you're right. I'm almost at the stairs.“

“See? We'll be reunited in no time.“ Isak could hear water splashing into a pot.

“And here we go again with the sappy stuff.“ Isak had arrived. He pressed the phone between his ear and shoulder, his hands busy unlocking the door and pushing it open.

A dramatic gasp reached his ear. “Fine. I won't give you a kiss then.“

Isak grinned, grabbing his phone again and closing the door with his foot.“Good luck restisting me, Mister.“

“Woah, someone's confident today.“

“Just for you.“

“I know. I can hear the stairs, this is ridiculous.“

“Why?“ Isak took the steps slowly, no rush.

“By the time you arrived there's nothing left to say.“

Isak laughed. “Nah“, he replied. “Pretty sure you're going to tell me about your new project.“

“Not anymore. I'm sulking.“

“I'll kiss it better.“

“You can kiss my ass.“

“Well, I can, if you want.“

That was low, even for him and Even let him know that by breaking out into snorting laughter. “Alright“, he said. “The water's boiling. See you in a second.“

There it was. The plain wooden door to their home.

“See yah in a second.“

Even hung up and Isak put the phone into his pocket.

It smelled like tomatoe sauce and parsley. The trash was still outside of their door, rotting. He would have to play Rock Paper Scissors again with Even to see who's going to bring it out.

He could hear music coming through their door. **Imagine** by John Lennon.

With a smile, he fished in his pockets again for his keys to unlock the door and then stepped inside to meet his boyfriend and a big, steaming plate of pasta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> That’s it. No more chapters. Aaah.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, first of all, a huge thank you to all of you who were patient with me through freakin 11 months, what the heck?!  
> It feels weird to end it now, but I’m also so happy that I finally finished it. I don’t know when I’ll update something again but don’t worry, I’ll be around.:)
> 
> Thanks to all the kudos and comments, it makes my day!! You guys find so nice and kind words, I’m always emotional when I read it. And thanks to everyone who simply stayed to read this silly story. It is an amazing feeling. And it’s also my first big story that I finished. You guys rock<3
> 
> Alright. Time to say goodbye. Please take care and have a great time!
> 
> See yah!❤️


End file.
